Dear You 2.0

[Eddie Pinz]

Dear car,

Thank you for deploying the air bags during the most minor of fender benders. I've heard of premature but that was kind of ridiculous.


Dear passenger side air bag,

Thank you for cracking my windshield. Awesome. Just awesome. So a minor accident that should have cost me nothing, is going to cost me a lot.

[NoOneofConsequence]

Dear you,

Gah! How did the words . . . “try a menstrual cup” already come up? That phrase shouldn’t be pranced out before at least the third or fourth conversation. You make it sound like you’re offering candy to an unexpected houseguest. And whatever happened to the good ol’ days of Victorian prudery and euphemisms like feminine napkin? Why menstrual cup? Why not . . . lady guard? Something vague and slightly King-Arthur’s-court-ish that doesn’t impart bloody mental images.

Anyway. I have known you for much longer than a year or two, so my concept of you is much larger than your initial reactions to a very sharp learning curve. I hope that therapy has helped you to realize that you are a wiser, better-prepared human than ever before. Terrible experiences handled badly don’t reduce us. They prepare us for more terrible experiences. Wait. Let me put that more optimistically. They equip us to avoid future terrible experiences or to deal with them in the least damaging, most productive way. Thanks to our personal tragedy, I am better than ever at spotting warning signs, estimating potential risk, and curtailing self destruction.

That said, I don’t know that I would handle the same scenario any better today. Which is why I thought it would be best to post once and disappear again. I don’t want to undermine in any way the hard work you’ve done in distancing yourself from all of this (including me.) I recognize the value of this forum for you and the fact that you can vent here. To be honest, it’s appealing to me right now to post occasionally and to read your posts. If that isn’t a good idea for you, I completely understand and will simply leave. You don’t have to say right now. You can think it over, maybe talk with your therapist. And you are free to change your mind at any time, as I am wont to do.

In the meantime, a cartoon. http://www.cartoonstock.com/blowup_stoc ... ic=mba0620+

With love (the always kind).

[Luet]

Dear you,

Sorry for catching you off guard with talk of such unmentionables. I just don't find them so unmentionable. I thought it might be the first and possibly last time I got to say anything to you; and out of all of the new things I have discovered over the years and wished I could share with you, that was at the top of the list! So, do me a favor and check them out online. I promise you will be glad you did.

I will give your idea some thought and discuss it with my therapist (which won't be for a couple weeks). I really have no idea at this point what I think. But in the meantime, hang around if you'd like.

love,
me

[Dr. Mobius]

Dear you,

The girls around here are obsessed with those damn things. Just nod your head and start edging towards to door.

[Gravity Defier]

Dear (wise) You,

I know you said I could email you, but I'm in one of those moods where I just don't want to be told otherwise and email would give you the opportunity, though I suppose not necessarily the inclination/desire. Oh well, no chances this way.

I am feeling particularly forgettable and replaceable at the moment.

I picked up my phone when I woke up, the way I sometimes do when I think it'd be nicer to hear a voice than read a thought/comment and it struck me that not only did I do a good job of pushing people away but also that some were only too eager to be pushed and in fact were walking away, letting me have the illusion of having done it all on my own.

I keep thinking, someday someone will be able to live without me but won't consider it an option. What a fairy tale, eh? Just such a creature does not exist.

Okay, okay, if you see this and want to say something, be a good friend and tell me to shut the f*** up. Maybe remind me there are people out there who are worse off than I am. And then maybe lie to me a little and joke about what a poor soul that person will be, when they realize how crazy I am and yet can't get enough of it. When that's coming from you, I smirk.

You know why you're one of the better friends I've ever had? You always come back. Also, because you understand how very much like Novinha I can be and you don't hate me for it.

*huges* (Yeah...totally did that on purpose *laughs*)

-Lea

Dear You,
Happy birthday, kiddo.

Love,
Auntie Wea

Dear You(s),
I'm trying, really hard, to do what we all should have done years ago. I was seeing real progress and it was motivating me to keep at it. But you've all been sabotaging those efforts; you've all been undoing in minutes what it takes me hours to do, you don't fix it, and you don't give a s*** that it upsets me...that you're basically making my efforts worthless and pointless. It's frustrating as f*** and I resent the hell out of it.

-Alea

[Mich]

Dear you,

I'm sorry that we have little arguments every once in a while. By nature I'm a pretty argumentative person. I think it's because I like knowing exactly why people think the way that they do, and by arguing with them you either find out what makes them think that, or you show them that they are wrong. It's a win-win situation. So please, do not get upset that we end up talking way more than you originally planned about your hatred of book readers that say "Chapter 1" when the book has no such chapter announcements. Even though, in the end, we were arguing, I found out way more why you thought that way, and even stumbled upon the single reason that, had you said it at the beginning, would have made the entire statement make sense.

And then, at the end, you do exactly what all people do: you say that "you're fine," and then fail to continue to make the usual small talk that people who are fine do. You just hum or click your tongue or something. It's so easy to act upset by not acting upset, it's almost funny. Except for the part where it's torture. I'm already insecure about myself enough, without someone who always seems to be straightforward avoiding me like that. So stop. Because if I actually talked to you in person about this, we would end up, well, arguing. Or you would get angry at me for stating my opinion, like in the one real argument we had.

Love, your roommate.

[locke]

"hey Adam, when you get the chance could you put up a check for the electric bill, it's on the fridge and it was due yesterday (ed. and it's been up there a month). I haven't had the time to work out the math on how much everyone owes."

Dear roommate,
we split the electric bill EVENLY. There are FOUR of us. your CELLPHONE has a CALCULATOR in it.

my question to you is... "How the f*** are you alive? and how on earth are you managing to attend college? I know you got into USC because you're a legacy, but still, I'm more than a little shocked. Good grief. how do you manage to input those funny arabic numerals that comprise people's phone numbers into your address book? oh wait, I bet you don't, I bet you have everyone call you and save their number. lol.

[Luet]

Dear you,

This is the last time I will write to you knowing that you are reading it.

You said that you did the most damage in that last bit of time before walking away. It’s true that that was a devastating time but I understand why you handled it as you did. I understand the emotional stress you were under. Some of the specific ways that you expressed your irrational thoughts and feelings, would be something that, if I were you, I would want to change or get under control for future experiences (maybe you already have). Having irrational and overwhelming thoughts and feelings is fine but acting out in destructive and cruel ways towards other people is not. That is one of the things I hoped therapy might help you with.

But you are wrong about that time period doing the most damage to me. Because as I said, I understand why you did what you did. What I don’t understand is how you could let me believe for over two years that you did not believe me, thought I was a liar and that I had not been abused in any way. Those were the last things that you said to me before ending the friendship. That is what caused me the most damage and devastation. That is what has continued to be incredibly difficult to heal from. That is what crushed my ability to trust people.

I have no desire to have the last word, so feel free to respond in the next week or so if you would like. But don’t worry, I’m not expecting any answers from you. After that I would ask that you let me have pweb as my safe haven. There are many reasons why I decided that would be best but I doubt you want or need to hear them. Obviously, I have no way of keeping you from pweb but you made the offer so I will continue posting with the assumption that you are not here.

Thank you for the gesture of your letter. It meant a lot and did give me a measure of validation and peace.

It is my sincere hope that someday, on the other side of things to come, we will meet up and the only things that will be called to mind are the good times we shared. Maybe then, when we are free from all of the toxic baggage, it will be possible to rebuild something together.

Until then,
Love, me

[locke]

dear roommate,
I glanced at the electric bill you didn't have time to sit down and work out the math on how to split it four ways.

it's for $48.06

really?

[NoOneofConsequence]

I appreciate completely your need for space and will leave.

I do want to apologize for the fact that it seemed I didn’t believe you were abused in any way. I didn’t remember saying that, and I am deeply sorry that the idea has inflicted so much pain. I know the tremendous burden of distinguishing those aspects for which we might accept guilt from those aspects for which we are truly not responsible. And even after we’ve assigned them one label or another, the memories often resurface and demand reconsideration. I am so sorry that I added to your suffering.

In the midst of everything, I realized that you, too, had made some errors in judgment. Prior to that, I had viewed you as a complete innocent, an unsuspecting child, which was unreasonable of me, of course. You had tried to apologize for your part at one point, but things were coming at me so quickly that I simply could not absorb the meaning of that. I also began to realize how strong a desire to control another party can be and the lengths that can be taken to regain control. And I felt at the time that I had been a pawn, a convenient way to obtain information and possibly to inflict damage. Now, I see that the whole thing was a Pandora’s box, a sequence of events that produced an unimagined cascade of secondary events and pain. And I understand that you were under a tremendous degree of emotional distress and really had no idea how to escape or how to salvage the situation.

In case you would appreciate the chance to express a last thought, I will check here for the next day before disappearing. Please know that I will always recall your kindness and your boundless generosity. You deserve to be free of the past and to feel good.

With love (always).

[RoyalMother]

I went sideways for about 2 years.
Why do you assume that no one is/was there for you?
Has it occurred to you that you may push people away?
Why can't we just be close.
I am me, never tried to be otherwise. I will be me. I have my own views, as you do. I accept you and yours.

[Luet]

Dear you,

I also began to realize how strong a desire to control another party can be and the lengths that can be taken to regain control.

I'm sorry to continue this, as I had no plans to do so. I am utterly confused by this statement. I know I shouldn't jump to conclusions about what you mean but it's easy to do so since you said something similar to me during the fiasco (that I used my sexuality to control him and the relationship). I had hoped that you did not still believe that some control issue on my part was a factor in the perverse events that unfolded. If you do, I won't be able to convince you otherwise, but you certainly will not convince me either. I know with absolute certainty that the same thing would have happened with him and ANY female looking for an emotional connection.

Let me say it this way: The same beginning but with me and a normal male (like the friendship you and my brother had), the disaster would not have happened. The same beginning but with him and any other female looking for emotional connection, the disaster would still have happened. It didn't happen because I was flawed. The mistakes I made were getting too emotionally involved with a male other than my husband, and not getting out when warned early on. That is all that I feel guilty for.

Sorry if I read too much, or the wrong thing, from what you said. If however, I understood it exactly as you meant it, there is no need to elaborate. We will just have to disagree.

[NoOneofConsequence]

Dear you,

My purpose in contacting you was to offer a final apology for errors on my part, to acknowledge the extensive suffering you experienced, and to express my appreciation for the positive things we shared. I have long hesitated to contact you, knowing the minefield of pain associated with this experience, but desired to do everything in my power to promote peace, healing and a sense of closure. If my efforts have failed, I apologize again. I wish you only good things and will not return.

With love.

[starlooker]

Dear Stupid Online Verizon Website,

WHY WHY WHY?

I do not understand what is so effing difficult about giving me my user ID and password. Oh, you don't have any records matching that phone number and email address, do you? Yes, actually, you do. MINE.

I hate going through this every effing month.

With great hatred and annoyance,

Me

[daPyr0x]

Dear You,

You seem to trust me. You've made mention many times of how relaxed you are around me, how safe you feel in my arms, so why do I still feel like you're hiding? Why do you fear me? Why is it that every time I see you there's mention of an event I can't know about yet, or a person who's not allowed to know I exist (much less allowed to meet me)? I understand not talking about some things, I really do. And I understand your apprehension for introducing me to anyone in your family. I don't understand why your friends are off limits, why you make a point of never letting our paths cross (despite living with one of them for the past 3 weeks). I don't understand why you bring up a fantasy of yours and then refuse to elaborate - I know what you're saying, you know what you're saying, why not just come out with it? I get all the little things that you do, I get all the little adjustments you make to succumb to your fears, even when you think you're being so sly.

I guess, to be honest, I do get why you fear me. I just don't like it. I want you to be comfortable around me. Completely. I want you to not have a single worry, because until then I'll be worrying just as much.

I can't feel like I can trust you if I feel like you're scared of me.

This is going to bug me, constantly, until something changes; but I won't say a word. Maybe in a month, or a few months, or maybe longer; but at some point I will. At some point this will all come to a head and I'll tell you the way I feel, that I can't do a relationship with a person that's half a secret; but for now I won't. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, give it time, see if that's all you need. I hope thats all you need.

--Cam

[Luet]

Dear you,

You did accomplish your purpose. I appreciate the courage it took to make the gesture. I tried to do the same during the immediate aftermath but you weren't ready for it yet, so I had to wait until you were. I'm glad that you have reached that place now.

I made the mistake of assuming too much from your first post. I thought it meant that you truly understood the dynamics of the relationship. That felt like a huge relief. But then when I read the line about control, I realized that I had understood your feelings correctly all along, and that you still have no idea what the relationship or the abuse was really like. I'm not surprised at that given your relationship with him, just disheartened. All this just means that we are back where we started but at least I know that you cared enough to reach out. This might be as much peace as we can share together in this lifetime.

love,
me

[Gravity Defier]

Dear You,
I agree with this:

He's Just Not That Into You... So good.

In fact, I think I would like to see it again to decide if it's really good or just what I wanted to see/hear at the moment. As it is, it felt long but I was glad for this...I kept hoping it'd just keep going. I will hold off on ranking it in my favorite chick-flicks list but I think it is pretty high up there.

Ben Affleck's character won, for me. Hands down, no doubt about it, Ben Affleck's character was It.

Good talk.

-Alea

[Petra456]

Dear You,
I agree with this:

He's Just Not That Into You... So good.

In fact, I think I would like to see it again to decide if it's really good or just what I wanted to see/hear at the moment. As it is, it felt long but I was glad for this...I kept hoping it'd just keep going. I will hold off on ranking it in my favorite chick-flicks list but I think it is pretty high up there.

Ben Affleck's character won, for me. Hands down, no doubt about it, Ben Affleck's character was It.

Good talk.

-Alea

The only parts I liked in the movie involved Ben Affleck, other then that, It really wasn't what I was expecting. I felt really let down.


Dear you,

Six days : )

- me

[Gravity Defier]

The only parts I liked in the movie involved Ben Affleck, other then that, It really wasn't what I was expecting. I felt really let down.

It was more cynical than I expected; I spent a lot of time thinking, "These are all crashing and burning! Yes...er, no! Wait, yes! No, no, no. Yes? No." The end didn't seem to match, but whatever, the rest of the movie gave me what I wanted and then the end softened me up a bit.

Twinny, this will just have to be another Meg Ryan. <3

[elfprince13]

Dear you,
Please move to VT. I miss you.
love,
~me

[Wise Goat]

Dear You,

I meant to say this a week ago, but I never got around to writing it out. You didn't want a reply, anyway, so I think it's only fair that one comes to you late. So... shut the f*** up.

How could anyone replace you? (Why would anyone want to?!) It's enough that you're you, unique and complex and wonderful. If people think you're replaceable, f*** 'em. (Please don't; that's not how you want to be remembered!)

And so what if you believe in a fairy tale? Half of life is fairy tale, taking place in our minds, the other half in reality. I know it doesn't make you feel better, but there are people out there with worse fates ahead. (Besides, if Puck can convince Titania to love a man with an ass-face, I don't think you'll have a problem.) He's out there, somewhere. Maybe he hasn't been released from the halfway house, yet, but soon, I promise! Trust me: you'll be fine. Everything will work out.

I had more to say, but I've got to get going. So: shut the f*** up.

[Gravity Defier]

Dear nerd,
Here's what you should have thought/said:

[Thought] *eyeroll* Oh dear, Alea is being stupid and Emo again...

[Said] Hey, Alea. Shut the f*** up already. And don't forget to watch Dollhouse on Friday!

You know I'm being dumb, I certainly know it; why are we feeding into it? But thanks for the kind words; minus the fact that I didn't mean to imply anything other than friendship in that post (I won't check, LessEmo-Me doesn't like being reminded of how dumb VeryEmo-Me can be), that was nice of you to humor me.

-Alea

[daPyr0x]

Dear You,

Why must you refer to "relationships and weddings" when describing what you talked with my mom about? Why couldn't you just have said girl stuff? I know you're friends and all. I don't even think I was any part of the topic (which is likely why you uttered those two words so nonchalantly)...but come on. That's just weird. Don't tell me that.

--Cam

[Gravity Defier]

Dear You,
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET OUT OF MY f****** HOUSE!

How do you even get the nerve to convince my mom you have the right to live here? With your pity story? You cheated on your husband, you bitch; you deserved to get kicked out. You're not family and I don't know you from Eve so as far as I'm concerned, your ass needs to look elsewhere to live. LIKE AT YOUR MOM'S HOUSE! Why do I need to change, yet again, the way I live to make life more pleasant for you? Who are you to me that I owe you that courtesy?

I want to be a good, decent, big-hearted person and welcome you into my home...but it ain't going to happen, for the following reasons:

1) My mother cannot afford to take care of another person. Losers that my brother and I are, we're at least her children. Don't bring yours over and paw through our pantries and fridge like you have a right to give that away. Also, that TV that you and your kids are watching, the one I can't ever use to watch movies on anymore, I bought that.
2) There's no goddamn room for you. Period. This house is not that big and felt cramped long before you got here.
3) You are manipulative.
4) Your smoking habit is f****** disgusting. You know that yard, porch, and driveway where you just throw your cigarette butts when you're done? Those are mine, I clean them, I'm not a janitor and I'm not your mom.
5) MY BROTHER DOESN'T EVEN WANT YOU HERE!!! This one is extra important. Yeah, he's a douche and an a****** for sleeping with you. But if I've been able to learn the lesson, why haven't you? Sex != love. The fact that you didn't even talk to him before going to my mom makes it all too clear you knew he wouldn't agree.


Just get the hell out, please. I was having a hard time with just family around, I don't need some stranger, for all intents and purposes, living in my house and making me feel uncomfortable. This is, after all, supposed to be where I feel safe or something.

Please. Leave.

Miserably,
The person who hates it when you call her honey

Dear Anyone Else,
Adopt me. Please. I'm begging, most sincerely.
-Me

[Eaquae Legit]

Dear you,

All I have's a floor, but if you help me buy groceries, it's all yours. I can even throw in a pillow and a duvet.

[Petra456]

You can crash on my couch, it'll be like i'm collecting pwebbers.

[locke]

hmm, a pweb youth hostel system? interesting...

when I get my own place you are certainly always welcome, currently all we have is a crappy couch, and my neatfreak roommate is pissy about live in visitors right now since crazy roommate has had a fifth person living with us 95% of the time since July, but as far as I'm concerned that just means It's my turn to have someone couch surf.

[steph]

You're always welcome here, Alea!

[Gravity Defier]

Thanks, guys.

[Dr. Mobius]

I think my couch is supposed to fold out into a bed or something but I've never actually tried it.

[Mich]

We have a old fashioned couch with springs and stuff covered in velvet. It is extremely comfortable, and I have slept on it many a time. If you, for some God-awful reason, decide to run away to northern Idaho, feel free to ask for the use of our splendid, amazing couch.

Man, if it folded into a bed, it would be the best couch ever. Heck, you could have my bed, I want the couch.

[powerfulcheese04]

Dear Vet School (more specifically, Micro Prof):

Have you not heard that it's impolite to kick while people are down? No? Well, it is. And we are down. Please allow a smidge of recovery time. 3 exams in 1 week is hard enough. 4 chapters of reading due the next Monday, plus 2 8 page journal articles? I cry foul. FOUL FOUL FOUL.

Tiredly,
A 1VM



Dear fun book,

Quit being so tempting.

Love,
A fan



Dear You,

I miss you already. Also, I really need to remember to ask you if you want to/can come to Masquerade. I'd love to have you there. And people outside of my immediate friend group keep asking to meet you.

Lots and lots of love,
Kim

(PS- I love that the nickname for me you seem to have settled on oscillates between "beautiful" and "love". I smile every time.)



Dear Corynebacterium Renale:

I will finish reading about you, then go to bed.

Hating gram + bacteria,
me

[daPyr0x]

Dear You,

I've still not decided if I'm going to even send this to you, though I guess if you're reading this you already know my decision.

I've been trying something new with this relationship. Complete openness and honesty, or, no more masks. I figure it's better to be up front with who I am now than have it become a problem later. I realize that this conflicts with the impression I give when talking about my relationship with my mom, but that relationship is not one I'm going to mirror with anyone I'm seeing.

You said something the other day that really made me think, basically questioning how I can lie to someone I should respect so much. It bothered me to think that I didn't respect my mom enough, or that I gave that impression; and it really made me tune in to other peoples' relationships with their mothers to get an idea of where I do stand. I've come to realize a few things. First, that my interpretations of situations is often blown out of proportion negatively in my mind. More on that later. Second, that it is out of respect for her that I do lie. I know that some of the things I do with my life would upset her, and I know that she appreciates not being exposed to them.

There's a reason for everything, and I'm trying to figure out what the reason is for me blowing things out of proportion. I'm realizing more that though I do hide things, I really don't lie terribly often; yet I feel like I do. I think what it really is is that it hurts to not have the ability to communicate about my life with her because of her conservative nature. It's as though I feel worse about the conversation because I'm thinking (for example)"yes Mom, I'd really love to be able to talk to you about the dates I've been going on but I know at some point I'm going to slip and reveal having spent the night together, and I know you'll have a big problem with that." I know that that doesn't neccesarily apply to everything I hide (ie. drinking); however I know that she's had big problems with those in the past, and thus it's linked in my mind to something bad that I have to hide. I don't like that feeling, hiding things can be just as decietful as lieing, and being decietful doesn't feel good. Like when I refer to myself as a jerk for things I do, I really do feel that badly for lieing, hiding, or doing jerk-like things; regardless of how bad they actually are.

I don't want to be with someone I need to be decietful with. I've been there, done that, and it doesn't feel any better being in a relationship like that than it does with my mom. It's really easy for me to fall in to that trap, especially when I really like someone. And I really like you, but I think you knew that part. Instead of letting myself fall in to that trap again, though, I've decided to just...let it all hang out, as it were, with you. That's why you know anything about things like my relationship with my mom, or my past depression as early as a month in to our relationship. I want you to see the good and the bad early so I can be a complete person when I'm around you. And, to be completely honest, to find out if you'll have a problem with the complete person I am early. That's why I was bothered when you invited my mom out with us, because I couldn't that complete person.

I guess what I'm trying to say is despite what everybody says, don't take my feelings on my relationship with my mom as an accurate precursor to how I'll treat you. Really, don't take my feelings on my relationship with my mom as an accurate picture of how our relationship works.

I really appreciate being able to talk to you about that relationship, though. I've never had any good dialogue with anybody about it, and it's a nice change to have someone I can bounce things off of who actually has a pretty good insight into who my mom is. I appreciate you trying to help, and your standing up to me, even if I'm reluctant to admit it. Really, I appreciate you, even I've not known you long. You've made me think about who I am and how I live my life, and I really appreciate that.

And that's really about all that I have to say. I could so easily springboard off that last sentence into all kinds of mushy stuff, but I'll leave it at that. You know enough of it already, and what you don't know we'll just leave to surprise you with later. And so, as far as awkward and abrupt endings go...

--Cam

[elfprince13]

Dear Lady,
we're all here with you, just be still. you were a good dog.

[Confessions]

Dear You,

Dude. What the hell were you thinking?!

-me