Philotic Web

I initially told/asked Ali, Janelle and Michael the very basics -and I mean very basics- of what happened and asked that in the event that the worst case scenario happened, they inform my friends here so they weren't left to wonder what happened to me.

That was last night.

Today, things are much, much worse in ways even I can't fully comprehend or imagine.

I know this is cryptic.

But it has to stay that way for the time being.

Things I can tell you. I was arrested. I'll be getting a lawyer today. I was asked to resign at work.

If things turn out even slightly okay, or even if they don't, I could end up back in Tucson at some point in my life...to start over. (How optimistic of me, looking to the end before it's even begun, really.)

I feel like people will judge without giving me a fair chance; scratch that, I know people will and have judged. I do deserve some of it.

But I think I should leave it at that.

I swear, guys, I'm not an entirely bad person. Those of you who know me, please keep in mind all that I've been through (not that it's an excuse) and try to remember that maybe, just maybe I'm not the horrible person they're going to make me out to be. Just confused and stupid.

If you're the praying type, please, I beg you, pray for me.

If you're not, well wishes if you're so inclined.

If you think you've pieced things together and you think I deserve what's coming to me, then I ask that you keep the judgments to a minimum. We're all only human, right?

I'd like to say that I'll be lurking, something that as of last night was a possibility. But I'll be contacted again by the police, so that may change. If I don't get the chance to say it, I love you guys. Well, most of you guys...I could live without a few of you. And thank you for trying to help out a messed up person. I swear on it, I've not been false with you guys on anything, so please don't chalk this up to another case of someone you don't know proving the internet is a bad place.

You're in my thoughts.

Thoughts and prayers, 'Lea, always.

Everyone f****** up. Even big f***-ups. But we love you and care about you anyway. We know you're not a monster or a bad person. Within the bounds of legality, keep us posted if you can? It's not a possibility right now, but my door's always open for you, both online and in real life.

Please get a good lawyer and I hope everything turns out for the best. Put as little as possible in writing and say as little as possible to as few people as necessary, to protect yourself. Which isn't to say you can't get support from friends and family. But be very careful what you talk about, as you never know what might become evidence or testimony in a possible case.

(((Hugs)))

*hugs*

I'm here for ya. : )

*What they said*

In my thoughts twinny.

*Same as above*

Even though I don't really know you, I wish for you to be well. (Or is that a bad thing to say right now? I can be pretty tactless sometimes..)

There will be no judgments from me. Just hugs and support. I hope things go as well as possible. We're all here for you.

I'm not judgemental. We all do stupid things.

I'm praying for you.

I said it earlier on the phone and I mean it, I love you and i'm here for you Twinny.

*hugs*

*Hugs Alea*

Alea,

I read your post and then I scrolled back to the top to see the date hoping, HOPING, that it was some sort of April fools joke.

Even though I don't know what's going on, and I only know you online, nothing can make me believe that you are a bad person. At worst, you're a good person who has made a bad mistake.

I will pray for you. And I hope that this isn't the last we hear from you.

Oi... I'll definitely keep you in my prayers. And just like others have said, I'm also here if ever you need someone and I might be able to help. Everyone makes mistakes and neither I nor many others here will judge you for that.

*hugs*

Definitely in my thoughts and prayers.

I've made my own fair share of f*** ups too, I think everyone does, as others have said, we won't be judging. you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Just wanted to add, that I'm praying.
Appreciate you.

I think I was in a similar (but more minor) situation earlier this year... All I can suggest is to stay calm, and keep quiet.

My insatiable curiosity won't let me off unless I beg for more information, but I understand that you probably don't want to share, even if you could.

Anyway, I don't mean to sound callous, but I'm not gonna pass judgement until I hear more.

Eriador: I'm sorry, but I've just got to say that there are times when that kind of comment might be appropriate I guess, but this sure to hell isn't one of them. Normally I could just roll my eyes and move on, but honestly, if that's the best you can genuinely do, then I think it would be most compassionate thing possible for you to just shut the f*** up.

Lea... I said it before, and I will say it again. I love you, I respect you, I believe in you, and I'm proud to call you my friend. I'm praying for you, and I'm always, always here.

*points to Jani* I'm with her, Lea. Five years is a long time to suddenly stop believing in you. I'm with you to the end, dear. Like I told you last night, if there is anything I can do to help, let me know.

*Hugs* I pray that things will work out.

Obviously we don't really know each other but that doesn't stop me from wishing you the best of luck... i hope that you haven't hurt or killed anyone...

but if need be my door is always open (in that sort of weird, person from the interweb, sort of way)...

Seriously whoever you are, I love you, and I hope that you stay safe. Do what you need to do and just lead a happy life....

Thatguy1944

Good luck with whatever trials that you face.
(All I could muster while remaining civil.)

Although it sounds like it's unlikely she'll be reading this, unfortunately...

I've known you (not very well, but at least on some level) for years, and in that time you've certainly earned some respect from me. I can think of nothing that would make me judge you so quickly. And I mean that more than you think, as naive as it may sound.

You will be in my thoughts. May you find good fortune throughout all of this.

(And hell, don't worry about us. If leaving us completely in the dark gives you a better chance in this at all, don't even think about doing otherwise.)

I normally try to distance myself from personal matters on P-Web as much as possible, but this is not the time for such, as evidenced by the fact that I've thought about it multiple times today, and said a little prayer each.

So here's more strength to you, Lea. Whatever happens, you know there are many standing blindly here.

Eriador: I'm sorry, but I've just got to say that there are times when that kind of comment might be appropriate I guess, but this sure to hell isn't one of them. Normally I could just roll my eyes and move on, but honestly, if that's the best you can genuinely do, then I think it would be most compassionate thing possible for you to just shut the f*** up.

I'm sorry, but I'd rather get my two cents in, esp. if it turns out I knew the next Ted Bundy.

*hugs Lea*

I really hope you are reading this, and can see how much everyone here cares about you and believes in you. You've always shown yourself to be a good, caring person, and I am not going to stop believing that.

I know we haven't talked in a while, but if you ever are online and want to talk to someone more removed from the situation, send me an IM.

*more hugs and prayers*

-Ozzy

I'd rather get my two cents in

And that's exactly what's wrong with you.

You and everyone else here has been supportive of me when I needed it, and if there's anything I can do to return the favor, please let me know. I'll be pulling for you.

Take care of yourself. Please. *hug*

Eriador, stop being such a prat. I have no idea what your problem is with being civil but I am just a hair away from banning you again. Jan already warned you, so let this be a gentle reminder.

To those of you who like to think the worst (eriador), no I don't have any details at all and I wouldn't tell you if I did (for legal and personal reasons) but the tiny bit I do know means I can reassure you that Alea is not the next Ted Bundy.

But I'm sure most of us already are aware of that.

***

Lea, we still do love you. And I'm praying every time I think of you, which is a lot. I've got first-hand experience about how the papers can twist and smear things, so I always take it with a grain of salt anyway.

Eriador, stop being such a prat. I have no idea what your problem is with being civil but I am just a hair away from banning you again. Jan already warned you, so let this be a gentle reminder.

To those of you who like to think the worst (eriador), no I don't have any details at all and I wouldn't tell you if I did (for legal and personal reasons) but the tiny bit I do know means I can reassure you that Alea is not the next Ted Bundy.

But I'm sure most of us already are aware of that.

Well I wasn't. Anyway, I was being hyperbolic to underscore my point: I don't know what she did, and so I'm not gonna be unquestioningly supportive. I've always thought that a TRUE friend tells somebody who f****** up "you f****** up" instead of:

And I'm praying every time I think of you, which is a lot.

I really hope you are reading this, and can see how much everyone here cares about you and believes in you. You've always shown yourself to be a good, caring person, and I am not going to stop believing that.

You will be in my thoughts. May you find good fortune throughout all of this.

*Hugs* I pray that things will work out.

etc.
etc.

Stating you are praying for someone or that things will work out does not necessarily mean that you are praying, if they murdered someone (hypothetically), that they would get away with it. It can merely mean you hope that they have strength and don't break down through whatever happens, or that they will have the strength to stand up for what they believe in, or to face their consequences.

This is why I don't like getting involved in the personal side of P-Web. Philosophical debates and fights about the line between stating your opinion and starting a war don't entertain me.

I'm sorry, but most people I know don't go around praying for serial killers.

I'd rather get my two cents in

And that's exactly what's wrong with you.

Pot and kettle baby. Pot and kettle.


Anyway... I just want to point out that I can't help but be suspicious of a member who's carefully edited almost all of her posts from more than about a year ago to say "This post could not be found." Kinda spooky if you ask me....

Now, I'm not saying that she IS a bad person, but I wouldn't rule it out like all of you seem to have done.

Fetus, it's not our fault that you're a newbie. Nor is it our fault that you've made such of an ass of yourself that people don't bother letting you know the difference between your ass and a hole in the ground.

All of her posts between the reincarnation and a specific moment in her life are deleted. Most people who were around at that time know exactly why. Others who weren't active, but still present have a general idea and anyone seriously interested in the matter has always had the option of asking. A few people have asked me and I've told them, even when I still hadn't rejoined the new incarnation. It's not our fault that you weren't here for that, nor is it our fault you haven't tried to find out. Bitching that you don't know the reason behind something you haven't tried to discover is more than a little specious.

As far as us ruling out that she's a terrible person: that's what happens when you spend all these years getting to know someone. She's been here for five years. You don't spend so much time investing yourself in a community (and the board and off) without developing some pretty strong relationships.

Janelle and I probably know her better than anyone. In fact, together, we probably know just about as much as she knows about herself. Ali, Fred, and Josh are all really close to her as well. We've spent years developing these relationships. We know her. So, yes, we don't think she's a terrible person, because we know better. Five years have taught us otherwise.

Like Ali said, nobody can (or should) be giving out details, even if we had them. But she's no Ted Bundy. I know the amount of time that she could potentially be facing and I assure you, she's not nearly as horrible as her cryptic message lets on to those unfamiliar with her.