Philotic Web

Misantropus...

So apparently this is the most exciting s*** going on here right now. Wow.

We're all reliving our past failures through lum, here .

My problem is that as soon as I get drunk I lose all my amazing composure and flood the target with a barrage of clinginess and desperation.

May sound silly but...don't get drunk?

May sound silly but...shut up?

Amusing ^_^

Okay, another question for you guys.

Is it too much/overbearing to do any or all of the following?

-Bring her flowers when I pick her up
-Give her a print of some digital art I do for her (her favorite animal, or an abstract with some of her favorite colors)

And also, at the end of the date, if all goes well, should I ask her on a second date, or is that on her?

Thanks again everyone.

since it sounds like she's a little freaked, the flowers might be too much.

the digital art is definitely too much.



if it goes well, a "wanna hang out again sometime soon" is not out of the question.

With Kimmie on this. Flowers or digital art crosses the border into being too much and too strong too fast. If it goes well, then sure, go ahead and ask if she wants to do it again.

since it sounds like she's a little freaked

How so? Because she didn't call? She didn't sound freaked at all when I talked to her or when I called her.

See it as a buffer zone to make sure that she doesn't get a little too freaked, and then you can hopefully stay a little more relaxed as well, not worrying about how to give them, reading reactions, etc.

May sound silly but...don't get drunk?

If you can make Jeebsy sober, I've got a bar of lead I'd like for you to turn into gold.

since it sounds like she's a little freaked

How so? Because she didn't call? She didn't sound freaked at all when I talked to her or when I called her.

Well you seem to think she's freaked because you think she's avoiding you. It is entirely possible she isn't. But since it seems like there is great freak-her-out potential, you should stay away from the flowers.

My first boyfriend got me flowers on our first date... but we'd been really good friends for several years before we dated... so it was how he distinguished Kim-and-Tommy-dating from Kim-and-Tommy-hanging-out.

but... aren't flowers like awfully expensive?

Depends on the flowers.

since it sounds like she's a little freaked

How so? Because she didn't call? She didn't sound freaked at all when I talked to her or when I called her.

Didn't we agree on you not talking to her or calling her?

I would definitely wait on the flowers. It's a really sweet thought, but I would take this as slowly as possible, and really let this settle before doing anything that could be taken as over the top. I might also casually mention how great of a time you had and how you should do it again some time at the end of the night, but I would refrain from whipping out your calender and planning another one. Again, take this really slowly, and let it flow naturally.

Didn't we agree on you not talking to her or calling her?

Umm..I haven't since I started the topic...

but... aren't flowers like awfully expensive?

Not really. You can get a nice bouquet for like, 10 bucks.

See it as a buffer zone to make sure that she doesn't get a little too freaked, and then you can hopefully stay a little more relaxed as well, not worrying about how to give them, reading reactions, etc.

I also don't want her to not like me because I'm too timid though....I wasn't going to worry about how to give them, I was just going to hand them to her at her door...and there wasn't going to be any issue reading a reaction because the reaction would almost certainly be a sweet smile and a sincere-sounding "thank you!" Not much to read in to that, either she means it or not...

You guys seem to think I "read into" things too much...but the only two things I'm trying to read into seem reasonable to me...she completely ignored the guy who asked her out, weird even if it's just a pity date, and then she didn't call me, which also seems odd since I tried to verify that it was ok to call.

I'm not trying to be argumentative, just trying to make sure all advice is accurate to my situation

Thanks guys

I also don't want her to not like me because I'm too timid though....

Quite the conundrum. It's rather difficult to tell if you're overdoing or underdoing things, because you only have your own perspective to go by. Luckily, you have us to confuse, erm, help you.

Have you every heard of Aristotle's "Doctrine of the Mean"? Basically, recognize your own bad habits and tendencies, and compensate by doing the opposite. If you're too shy, try to be aggressive. If you procrastinate, work on stuff as early as you possibly can. The idea is that by shooting for overcompensation, you hit your target due to your natural tendencies to do otherwise. So, when it seems a bit unreasonable to you, often enough it's still correct.

So, in this situation, you are wondering if you're being too timid or not. By all accounts we have heard thus far, it appears as though you run the risk of being overbearing. So, if you are going to make a mistake here, it is safer to err on the more timid side.

Edit: Of course, we're not there, so use your judgement. That's all you can ever do, really.

I think i have been (still am) in a similar predicament than lumin. And honestly... besides the good advices of not asfixiating her with your presence, or being intently creepy (for example, starting to talk about "us", as if you were a couple already, or similar things)... in the end, for the rest of details, it will all boil down to her liking you or not. If she likes you, she will think those details are sweet, or cute. If she doesn't, she will think they are creepy, or boring.

Sadly, i would also be aware of peer pressure. Her friends, i mean. Even if she likes you, her friends might not, and can talk to her saying mean things about you. Dunno how old you guys are, but depending on the age and the social environment, this can be a problem or not.

Something you should be assured is that, no matter how well people can play it cool. She will be feeling awkward just as much as you.

Just take it easy. And good luck!

I can't believe this is still at the top of the page. Just... wow.

sparrowhawk, if you dislike it so much, why do you keep increasing the post count?
Human problems specially the problems of people we interact with, are far more important than philosophical/political debates which really lead to nothing.

If it wasn't so unbecoming of me, i would reply you in a 4-chan-ish way

Quite the conundrum. It's rather difficult to tell if you're overdoing or underdoing things, because you only have your own perspective to go by. Luckily, you have us to confuse, erm, help you.

Indeed difficult for me, because I have a tendency to be very shy with people I don't know and sometimes a bit too much with people I know. Like, I make really, really dumb jokes that I can't believe I say, when I'm too comfortable...but I hardly talk at all if I don't know the people or person.

Thanks to all for the help to you and everyone.

Okay, sooo I talked to her yesterday at school to find out if this weekend was still good, and she didn't know yet...she said she didn't know for sure but she thought so. She didn't talk to me today. So I gave her a call a while ago because the date's coming close...no one answered; I left a message.

She just called me back a few minutes ago and I acted like a complete retard...like, completely stupid dumbass infatuated teen from the movies. Went something like this:

"Hey, Rhebecca, it's Jt. Well, I guess you know that since you called me back. Heh...sorry. Umm, so did you find out yet if this weekend is cool?"

"No, not for sure yet, I'm sorry."

"Well, okay, maybe I could know tomorrow? Or, that's fine if you don't tell me until later, I mean, I don't mind the short notice or anything..but..so, whenever"

"Oohh...kay..."

"See you, err, talk to you tomorrow. Or whenever."

"Okay."

STUPID!!!!!!!! IDIOTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KAJWE:LKASHJDFG:SKJHVB:KHDF:VKLHS:!!!!!!



Can I fix this?

What's to fix?

What's to fix?

So there's nothing left? Or did I take that wrong?

No, no. I'm just not sure what you did to "break" something.

no kiddin', basically you just embarrassed yourself. she probably feels like a dork too for not knowing. don't think about the conversation, and don't mention it when you talk to her next. basically pretend it was normal, or at least play it off like it didn't happen. cuz chances are, she won't remember anything you said, or how the conversation went.

nothing to fix. just relax. a slightly disjointed conversation is nothing to be worried about. happens all the time. even when you're an adult. you just don't care about it so much then.