Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

[RandomMaker]

Dear Journal,
I had a spectacularly awesome day today!
Yay!
-RandomMaker

[v-girl]

Dear Bob,

I felt very on top of things today.

It was nice.

[Luet]

Well, that's what happens when you talk to me.

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,
Despite nothing having gone horribly wrong today, not to say nothing happened, I am feeling pretty lousy.

[Darth Petra]

Bob,
I've got snowcamp today, and it will be awesome. I can't wait.
And I love emoticons...

[Wind Swept]

Hey Bob,

In two days, I'll have been here for five years.

It hasn't been quite what I expected.

[Darth Petra]

Dear Bob,

Someone has got to come up with a more creative name for you..

But I got back from snow camp yeterday and it was awesome. The speaker was brilliant, and the music was awesome.

[Young Val]

Dear Bob,

I really don't have the words. I want to fill you in so badly--I hate that apparently I only write to you when my life is all doom and gloom. But you have to understand: things are GOOD.

1. I have an amazing career that I'm passionate about. (And yes, I know some of you are waiting to find out whether or not those holiday cards ever got out. I'll write up the second half of that fiasco soon, I promise).

2. I fell in love. Hard. I know. I didn't think it was possible. Henry and I broke up in September of '06, and still I was thinking about him constantly and crying my heart out. He was the first (and, until recently, the only) person I ever loved romantically. I felt certain I'd mourn the loss of him for the rest of my life. And in a way I will. I do and did genuinely love him. But it hurt. All the time. And I deserve someone who takes joy in loving me--rather than viewing it as an unsolicited but unchangeable inconvenience.

His name is David. I had no intention of meeting him or liking him or dating him or loving him, but all of that happened and then some. It's a long and very lovely story. I couldn't hope to list all of the things about him that amaze me. But suffice it say that every single one of my friends has met him and approves. Not a single one of them ever approved of Henry. God, this sounds so sappy, but it's true. My face actually hurts from smiling all the time.


3. I am taking serious, slow steps to becoming a healthier person with better body image.


So... I haven't been around as much. I'm sure when I get used to the idea of life being great I'll be posting continuously again!

[Rei]

Where is my attention span, Bob? Why can I not focus on anything that needs doing for more than two minutes? I need to get this homework done, but my eyes just won't stay on the page for more than a few minutes at best...

[GodInYourEyes]

dear bob
I lost my puppy. She was only 7 month old
my dumb brothers left the door open and she ran away.
I feel like if I would of came home a few minutes earlyer
I could have stop her. I looked for her all over. I'm going
crazy. I lost my cell like a week ago and it had all her
pictures on it. I wonder what I'll lose next. I hope I don't
lose my collage application I tryed so hard to make it perfect.

[RandomMaker]

Dear Bob/Journal/etc.,
I should be sleeping because I have important things to do tomorrow. Am I sleeping? Nope. Instead I'm wallowing in self-pity and being frustrated and angry at people who don't deserve it (at least I'm only doing that internally, though, and not to them or anyone else, right?).
Anyway, frustration. Also frustration at myself for other stuff.
Ah well,
RandomMaker

[Wil]

Hey Robert,

You know what would be nice? If when I came online/back from away someone gave enough of a s*** to be like:

HAY WIL HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

OH MOVING? THAT SUCKS. HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER.

And then of course I would proceed to ask them how there day went and s***** and giggles would ensue.

I get back today and the first message I get: "WIL GET ON CALL OF DUTY"

I think I need better friends or something... I bet if you were real Robert you'd ask me how my day went...

P.S.: I've been using the ":D" smiley almost excessively. I wonder why...

-- Bitchy Wil

[BonitoDeMadrid]

Bob,

I feel like none of my friends truly care for me; they wouldn't miss anything if I'm gone. Sure, there'll be the usual stuff, but none of them cares how I'm feeling...While, apart from my usual schoolwork, I also work as a part-time psychologist for some of them (not to say that I don't like it, but still..)

I hate this feeling. I want it to go away. I want to go to sleep, so that it'd all go away. But I'm afraid that inside me, I'm right; they don't care for me like they care for other people.

On another note, I have 2 Biology classes straight in the morning tommorow (7:50 am). One Biology classes basically drains my life away completely, so 2? This sucks.

Man, if there ain't gonna be snow on Wednesday I'm going to kill somebody. I just can't take the pressure anymore. I need vacation from it.

[Rei]

Dear Bob,

I am feeling lonely. And, wrongfully, put upon. I know I should do my dishes more frequently and that my one flat mate particularly likes it when they're done frequently. And I do intend to. I just never seem to quite get to it as often as would be good. And right now I just really wish I were in my own place, alone or with a good friend, so that I could at least feel relaxed. I don't feel relaxed in this place. If I have to feel lonely, I'd like to feel lonely in my own place instead of a place that feels like I am renting it. In May... in May I will move out, I think. Get a place of my own. At least if I have to feel sad and alone, I can do so in the comfort of my own home, and if I want to invite someone over whenever, I can do that, and if they wish to sleep in my room, that would be fine.

Everything is so far off, Bob.

~me

[Yebra]

Dear Bob,

My old job saw fit to pay me this month despite having done no work for them in some time. On the plus side I'm temporarily rich until they figure out how I give it back.

[Luet]

I'm so tired of existing.

[Young Val]

Dear Bob,

I threw my back out. I'm only 25, so I have no idea how I managed that, but I haven't been able to walk unassisted since Saturday morning. Work tomorrow should be interesting.

The Pats lost the superbowl in the most ridiculous upset imaginable, and as the only Boston girl in a room full of Giants fans, I've been ridiculed to within an inch of my life. As it should be--after such an appalling loss.

Henry has a girlfriend. I don't know who she is. I don't care in that I'm so glad it's not me. But at the same time it kind of pisses me off that he was so willing to give another girl that title, when for the first YEAR we were together he refused to even consider me his girlfriend. Mostly, though, I pity her. Every single second I spend in a happy, healthy relationship throws into undeniable contrast what a horrible, vastly unhealthy relationship I endured for the many, many years I was with him. I love him, and losing him as a best friend and a partner was and still is extraordinarily traumatizing, but I'm not sorry anymore. I miss him, but I know--unequivocally now--that I am so much better off without him.

Every day with David I fall deeper and deeper in love with him. Which is insane. I haven't had a single nightmare since we met. My goals and my dreams have become more solidified, once again possible. I am beginning to like myself again, and trust myself in a way I never dare to hope I'd regain. Everyday I'm learning more and it's so amazing to me to be with someone who WANTS to be with me. I can't go on about it, really. I feel it in every inch of my body. There's nothing much to say about it. My friends just notice the change in my eyes and in my step. I never thought I'd be whole again, on my own. And I never thought I'd find someone else to fill me up to overflowing. I am the luckiest. I am happy.

Phenomenal.

If only I could sit up....

[Rei]

Bob,

I have some 80 lines of Latin due for Wednesday and 100 lines of Middle Welsh due tomorrow, and I can barely get through one line of any of it. I'm feeling very terrified of it all right now.

[BonitoDeMadrid]

Bob,

Best. Non-Birthday. School-day. EVER.

2300 meters in the 12 minutes run (which is a 70- a pretty good grade for me), 92 in Computer Sciences, and fricking 96 IN HISTORY! =)
Oh, AND my favorite team got to the finals of the state cup!

To conclude, what a day.

[Confessions]

I've found myself crying twice in as many days. I never cry.

[Young Val]

Dear Bob,

I'm sitting at my desk and I just now realized something.


For the first time in five years November 29th has come and gone.


...and I didn't even notice.

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,
The kids are saying I'm the best teacher or their favorite teacher this year.


Pretend you know kids and why that's a bad thing.

I'm kind of bummed.

[zeroguy]

Dear Bob,

I try to see things from others' point of view, and I try to think users are good people most of the time, really I do. They're not idiots, they're not insane, they shouldn't be prohibited from using any technology; they're trying their best.

But some users.... the openly actively belligerent ones.... the ones where it's difficult to fathom any motivation they have, except that they're deliberately trying to make my life harder.... I wonder. I mean, really, do some people just go around looking for edge cases and obscure information that they think I don't know, and then they go try to prove their superiority by asserting that they know more than me? Sometimes I just can't think of any other way.

-me

[Wil]

Best quote I've read in awhile: "Seldom can one hate a person if one understands that person."

It made me realize that when I did hate someone, I focused on that hate. It ate at me, and thinking about it made me hate more. Even now, thinking about it could make me feel a slight twinge of that hate. Thinking about it, though, if I focus on the reasons that the person had that directly resulted in my hating them I don't feel hate towards them. I understand the reasons, and it makes sense -- even if I don't like it -- but I don't hate them. It then made me think that perhaps if this same person could look at it from my point of view then they could come to understand why I did what I did in response to what they did.

This just interested me and I felt like sharing it.

[BonitoDeMadrid]

Bob,
You know how they said after every good, comes something bad? Well, they're more than right.

Today started like a normal day. I ate my cereal, took the dog out for a walk, etc. But when I got to school, during Philosophy class (which is one of my favorites- because I feel superior to everyone in it, and I got only an A in the test! Damn!) I started getting this wierd headache, that was accompanied by a deep feeling of cold during the break.

Now, I were wearing a sweater- though not a thick one- and I felt cold. While some of my friends would consider it normal, considering the weather (12 degrees Celsius, 53.6 Fahrenheit), I NEVER feel cold with a sweater on, until it's at least 6 degrees Celsius. That's when I started noticing something was wierd.

Afterwards came Law, followed by Sports, in which we basically ran for 3 minutes, then stopped and did pushups and other exercises- rinse, latter and repeat for 20 minutes.
The wierd thing was, though I'm good at Sports (considering my body), I had to stop after the second time running. I just couldn't do it anymore.

Then came the worst part: I had a Math test- the most feared of all tests. And the headaches and feeling of cold continued. Eventually I finished the test, but if I fail it, I won't be surprised.

When I finished the test, I went to the nurse's office, and guess what? 37.9 degrees Celsius body heat. Just what I needed. So I went home and slept for 3 hours straight (and if you're jealous of me at this point, know that I woke up a couple of time during my sleep, feeling more and more terrible).

In the end, I'm sick, with 38.2 degrees Celsius (100.76 Fahrenheit) body heat and an awful headache. And even though on every other day I'd love being sick, thursday is the worst time available:
- I have no school for 2 days (Friday, Saturday) which nullifies the purpose of being sick
-The basketball State Cup finals will take place in about 2 and a half hours (from the time of writing this- in about 9 PM). Watching a basketball game is always a treat, even more when it's your favorite team, even more when they're gonna give everything they've got to defeat the opponents- the dominating team of the league which I despise- and even more if we've got really good seats. AND I'M GOING TO MISS IT ALL. This blows.

Comfort me, people. (You too, Bob)

[RandomMaker]

Dear Journal,
I am not feeling inclined to do my homework. Right now, I pretty much want nothing more than to curl up in my boyfriend's arms and sleep for quite a while. I wouldn't be opposed to a nice cup of tea either. Or a hug.
-RandomMaker

[powerfulcheese04]

Dear Bob,

Today I change from being a provisional patent holder to having a patent pending.

That's so cool!!!

[Dr. Mobius]

Yay Kimmie! Your geekdom leveled up.

Does this patent have anything to do with that pediatric thingamajig you used in Africa?

[powerfulcheese04]

Yes, Josh. It's my liquid dosing device that I took to Africa.

[Eaquae Legit]

Bob...

The kind old gent who lived next door to me for 20 years died yesterday.

I used to play in his yard. He was my older sister's Confirmation sponsor. He ran the breakfast club at my elementary school. He used to bring us rhubarb and vegetables from his garden each summer.

The world's a little darker without him.

I wish I could go to the funeral. He deserves to be honoured.

[Luet]

Bob,

I think my subconscious is slowly making progress. I had a dream about him the night before last. Third one in two years. But here is the slightly positive thing. In the previous two, he was accosting me in some way and I was frozen, unable to get away or fight back or do anything. Of course, that is how I felt emotionally in real life when things were happening. But in this third dream, I was able to fight. I fought back and eventually got away. But then of course there was a creepy, gets-under-your-skin ending. As I was running away, he yelled after me "Go ahead and call someone, they won't believe you anyway."

Yeah, just like real life.

[Young Val]

*hugs*


I'm proud of you, Nomi. Stay strong.

[Luet]

Thank you so much.

[daPyr0x]

Bob,

I think I'm broken. I don't neccesarily mean defective; I more mean....that I think there's something distinctively different about me than other people; or at least other men my age.

Back story: I have a friend who I've known for a little over a year now. We've always been quite platonic, until about a month ago we started flirting over texts. I think she initiated, but I don't remember - it's irrelevant. Anyways, we start out talking that it's just a flirty thing; then turned to "if the stars ever aligned it might actually happen," which eventually turned to "next time I see you..." (No, it's not entirely what all you think - but I'm not going into any greater detail here) We're both on the same page that it's nothing serious or romantic, just single friends. Anyways, this past weekend I spent the night with her. We went to bed around 2am, and she fell more or less right to sleep, and I just kinda laid there thinking...

All I think is this isn't right. This isn't what I want. This isn't what spending a night with a girl should feel like. I didn't enjoy it at all. Suddenly it becomes just like I was with Andrea, who I broke up with after waking up one morning and wishing she was Nicole. I don't wish anyone was Nic anymore, it's not like that. I just... I remember how it used to feel. That felt right. This doesn't. I'm not sure why I never got to feeling like that with the last girl I spent the night with, but it was probably because we weren't forced to be quite so close.

It just all felt so fake. Spending the night with someone like that automatically infers some level of romance, caring, closeness....and I just don't have that.

Perhaps I should feel the same way about the things that happened before going to sleep, but I don't. Partially because I have my own set of rules that prevent me from going places I don't want to; but I think even moreso becacuse that is based more upon passion than genuine caring.

Suddenly I can understand why guys can be the assholes who up and disappear through the middle of the night after having a girl take them home; though that's a situation I'll never be in, much less repeat.

I almost feel like the more women I meet that aren't right, or even close to it, the less I feel like I'll ever find one who is.

I convinced myself to pay for a dating site a few weeks ago. I did the free trial thing and immediately had response so my ego wouldn't let me say no (despite not being able to afford it :-p). It's pretty much the exact same as me in real life - women I'm not interested in coming to me, women I am interested in running for the hills.

I decided a while ago I wasn't looking for anyone special at this point in my life. I'm not. I don't want any super serious relationship, don't want to meet my future wife, none of that, right now. I just want to get to know more women. I'm not saying I want to rack up notches on my belt or anything like that; I just want the chance to get to know more people. I want to learn more about people, see more qualities that I do like in a woman, and that I don't. See where things head, and how they burn. You can't find what you're looking for until you know what it is. I Want to figure out what it is.

But I can't; because the type of women that come after me are not the kind of women I want to associate with, much less be involved with, and the type that do intrigue me as being worth knowing run like hell into the arms of my best friend or something similar. Oops, perhaps I'm still a little bitter bout that last one :-p

I'm frustrated, Bob. It just seems like noone else gets it. It seems like I've gotta flail around in the darkness on my own, but everyone else gets a flashlight (and typically, I am that flashlight for many :-p) to help. Where's my flashlight, bob?

--Cam

[Oliver Dale]

Hey Bobby,

Long time no chat. I won't keep you too long. My little cousin (and when I say that, I don't mean one of my cousins, but rather MY little cousin, you know, the one out of the forty or so that I have that is mine) was diagnosed with ALD yesterday. I'm not really looking for sympathy or anything, but I've been walking around work all day screaming in my head and saying nothing and had to finally tell someone something about it. Kind of like blood letting, I guess.

Hope all is well with you.

-Oliver