Confessions of a 20-something mother
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- Toon Leader
- Posts: 832
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 10:27 pm
- Title: Ganon's Bane
I am making a real effort to stop typing with so many damn ellipses. Pretty much for the last 6 years I have used them when posting or IMing and I'm not sure why. I don't remember why it started or why I still do it. In fact, it got to the point where I would do it without even noticing I was doing it. The funny thing is, it is hard to stop doing. I thought it would be relatively easy, but that's not the case. So, if you see me posting with ellipses, yell at me. Where is the Grammar Nazi when I need him or her (or it)???
P.S. There was many an ellipse I had to go back and delete when writing this post. Ha.
P.S. There was many an ellipse I had to go back and delete when writing this post. Ha.
- Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
God, I love me some ellipses It's the punctuation I'm most frivolous with. I am more frustrated by those who use en and em dashes incorrectly.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
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- Toon Leader
- Posts: 832
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 10:27 pm
- Title: Ganon's Bane
-
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 832
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 10:27 pm
- Title: Ganon's Bane
Confession: I am double posting.
Real Confesion: I feel like I am a junior in high school again. That was when I was the most invovled with Pweb. I would be online all the time and constantly refresh Pweb in the hopes that someone would post to keep me entertained for a little. I am now at work doing the same thing. Somehow Pweb is not blocked by the filters, and is my only entertainment all day.
Real Confesion: I feel like I am a junior in high school again. That was when I was the most invovled with Pweb. I would be online all the time and constantly refresh Pweb in the hopes that someone would post to keep me entertained for a little. I am now at work doing the same thing. Somehow Pweb is not blocked by the filters, and is my only entertainment all day.
- starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
I, starlooker, do solemnly swear that I shall yell at Eddie Pinz (aka Great Saiyaman) should I see improperly used ellipses in any of his posts.
God, I have so much respect for you for admitting that you have a problem and seeking help.
*glowers at frivolously used ellipses*
If I hadn't had the completely negative experience with the professor who could not write more than five words without them -- literally! -- they wouldn't bother me. In fact, I used to use them myself. However, that experience has scarred me. I abhor ellipses used for anything other than to indicate that words have been deleted.
Seriously... his writing... was like this... in one half hour lecture with slides... I once counted... forty two... of the damn... things.
When you're trying to read the notes for the purpose of learning, that makes subvocalizing very difficult.
God, I have so much respect for you for admitting that you have a problem and seeking help.
*glowers at frivolously used ellipses*
If I hadn't had the completely negative experience with the professor who could not write more than five words without them -- literally! -- they wouldn't bother me. In fact, I used to use them myself. However, that experience has scarred me. I abhor ellipses used for anything other than to indicate that words have been deleted.
Seriously... his writing... was like this... in one half hour lecture with slides... I once counted... forty two... of the damn... things.
When you're trying to read the notes for the purpose of learning, that makes subvocalizing very difficult.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
- Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
Technically, placing four dots at the end of a sentence is grammatically correct. If you end a sentence in an elipsis, you must also still punctuate with a full stop--a period. This led to the debate over whether or not ellipses should have spaces between the dots (". . .") or not ("...") which has never been definitively resolved. Either way, if an ellipsis appears at the end of a sentence, four dots is proper.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
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- Launchie
- Posts: 7
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 11:18 pm
I'm not sure if this should go in the personal triumphs thread or not.
Today I made caramel fudge. So I could eat a lot. It was my first try at real, old fashioned fudge and it was very grainy.
Also, I put 2 yr old toddler boy to bed in a garden spider costume, because he fell asleep on the couch after having missed a nap and and then split his lip after he fell off the chair he'd pulled to the counter to get some food he wanted there.
Today I made caramel fudge. So I could eat a lot. It was my first try at real, old fashioned fudge and it was very grainy.
Also, I put 2 yr old toddler boy to bed in a garden spider costume, because he fell asleep on the couch after having missed a nap and and then split his lip after he fell off the chair he'd pulled to the counter to get some food he wanted there.
- BonitoDeMadrid
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 780
- Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:21 am
- Title: Bonzo was Framed
- Location: The exact center of the earth
Confession: Wow, I just realised how beautiful my life are. So great. It could be so much worse.. And to think I wanted to end that.
...but then again, I'm in the hardest time of life, so it's pretty obvious I have those feelings, from time to time.
...but then again, I'm in the hardest time of life, so it's pretty obvious I have those feelings, from time to time.
Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!
Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?
We do! We do!
Who robs cavefish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do, we do!
We do! We do!
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!
Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?
We do! We do!
Who robs cavefish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do, we do!
- Mich
- Commander
- Posts: 2948
- Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2006 10:58 am
- Title: T.U.R.T.L.E. Power
- First Joined: 02 Apr 2002
- Location: Land o' Ports
- Contact:
Confession: I always feel guilty when I post goofy confessions, while other people are confessing, you know, real ones.
Confession: I create elaborate horror/survival stories/scripts in my head if I'm bored at a stop light or checkout lane. I imagine backgrounds of all of the characters around me, why we're representative of the cliched "all walks of life" group, who would die, why we're surviving, etc.
Confession: I create elaborate horror/survival stories/scripts in my head if I'm bored at a stop light or checkout lane. I imagine backgrounds of all of the characters around me, why we're representative of the cliched "all walks of life" group, who would die, why we're surviving, etc.
Shell the unshellable, crawl the uncrawlible.
Row--row.
Row--row.
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- Toon Leader
- Posts: 832
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 10:27 pm
- Title: Ganon's Bane
I am glad that people are willing to help me through the tough times of this addictive problem. I am also glad the Grammar Nazi bellowed at me. It made me giggle.
Confession: I think I may be falling in love. I have never felt this way about anyone before. We have talked about we both feel and the fact that this relationship seems to be moving along so quickly. I think it is because we were friends for a couple years before we were together. Nonetheless, I am utterly scared s*** less.
Confession: I think I may be falling in love. I have never felt this way about anyone before. We have talked about we both feel and the fact that this relationship seems to be moving along so quickly. I think it is because we were friends for a couple years before we were together. Nonetheless, I am utterly scared s*** less.
- Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
Confession: Ever since I started singing again I've been slightly less depressed. The songs I sing are invariably Musicals or early 90's.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
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- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 5185
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:30 pm
- Title: Age quod agis
- First Joined: 04 Feb 2002
- Location: ^ Geez, read the sign.
I really hate the "What are you listening to?" thread. If I could arbitrarily delete just one thread from pweb forever, that would be it.
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII
I'm not sure if I've ever posted here.
Confession: I find myself at times entertaining thoughts of divorcing my wife. I feel especially guilty because we just celebrated our four year anniversary and made a big deal about it. It was very special.
Nobody has cheated or planning to.
Five months ago my wife encouraged her brother and his girlfriend to move into our house. They lost their jobs in Sacramento, CA and couldn't pay rent. They were evicted and needed a place to go. They are both 21 yrs old.
I made the usual ground rules (be employed, stay employed and/or move out). Come to find out, he lost his job because his employer finally did a background check and found that he was a convicted felon and had various warrants out for his arrest. Oh, and he owes roughly a half a million to the city of Sacramento. He refuses to look for work because he's afraid of another background check and she refuses to look for work at all. All they do is play video games ALL DAY.
They say they want to get married, but they can't because if they did, Sacramento could seize her accounts and garnish her wages as well (not that she has a job). Their presence in my home is costing me at least $1,000 more per month.
My wife refuses to evict them because he's family. My wife says that we can't evict the girlfriend because they're just too close and they want to get married. I know that if I went behind her back and obtained a court order of eviction, then she would HATE me FOREVER and NEVER forgive me. I LOVE my wife. I don't want to lose her.
If I made an "anonymous" call to Sac PD she'd of course know it was me. I don't want to be harboring criminals for the rest of my life either.
They have no initiative to do household chores and at times they refuse altogether. I have tried so hard to find positive solutions, but can't. My wife knows my feelings regarding her brother and girlfriend, but she doesn't know I am contemplating divorce. This has been such a strain on our relationship.
This looks more like venting than a confession....random ellipses ....anyone want to play relationship therapist?
Confession: I find myself at times entertaining thoughts of divorcing my wife. I feel especially guilty because we just celebrated our four year anniversary and made a big deal about it. It was very special.
Nobody has cheated or planning to.
Five months ago my wife encouraged her brother and his girlfriend to move into our house. They lost their jobs in Sacramento, CA and couldn't pay rent. They were evicted and needed a place to go. They are both 21 yrs old.
I made the usual ground rules (be employed, stay employed and/or move out). Come to find out, he lost his job because his employer finally did a background check and found that he was a convicted felon and had various warrants out for his arrest. Oh, and he owes roughly a half a million to the city of Sacramento. He refuses to look for work because he's afraid of another background check and she refuses to look for work at all. All they do is play video games ALL DAY.
They say they want to get married, but they can't because if they did, Sacramento could seize her accounts and garnish her wages as well (not that she has a job). Their presence in my home is costing me at least $1,000 more per month.
My wife refuses to evict them because he's family. My wife says that we can't evict the girlfriend because they're just too close and they want to get married. I know that if I went behind her back and obtained a court order of eviction, then she would HATE me FOREVER and NEVER forgive me. I LOVE my wife. I don't want to lose her.
If I made an "anonymous" call to Sac PD she'd of course know it was me. I don't want to be harboring criminals for the rest of my life either.
They have no initiative to do household chores and at times they refuse altogether. I have tried so hard to find positive solutions, but can't. My wife knows my feelings regarding her brother and girlfriend, but she doesn't know I am contemplating divorce. This has been such a strain on our relationship.
This looks more like venting than a confession....random ellipses ....anyone want to play relationship therapist?
...but paranoia is all I have!!
- Luet
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 4511
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 3:49 pm
- Title: Bird Nerd
- First Joined: 01 Jul 2000
- Location: Albany, NY
Since you invited comments, I will, tho usually we refrain from doing so to people's confessions...
Have you considered marriage counseling? Is that something that you have insurance or the finances to cover? Would your wife be willing? It sounds like you both could use help communicating your real feelings and needs with each other to better understand where the other is coming from.
My husband and I will be married 10 years next month but a year ago I wasn't sure if we were going to make it at all. It's amazing how much can change when you are both willing to really work at it.
Feel free to start a thread about this if you want to invite more comments and/or discussion since some people might not wander in here.
Have you considered marriage counseling? Is that something that you have insurance or the finances to cover? Would your wife be willing? It sounds like you both could use help communicating your real feelings and needs with each other to better understand where the other is coming from.
My husband and I will be married 10 years next month but a year ago I wasn't sure if we were going to make it at all. It's amazing how much can change when you are both willing to really work at it.
Feel free to start a thread about this if you want to invite more comments and/or discussion since some people might not wander in here.
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa
- Wind Swept
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 892
- Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2007 2:09 pm
- Title: Just Another Chris
- First Joined: 22 Jan 2003
Confession: It took me much too long to realize where Mich's avatar is from.
"Roland was staring at Tiffany, so nonplussed he was nearly minused."
*Philoticweb.net = Phoebe (Discord)
*Philoticweb.net = Phoebe (Discord)
- BonitoDeMadrid
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 780
- Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:21 am
- Title: Bonzo was Framed
- Location: The exact center of the earth
Where is it from?Confession: It took me much too long to realize where Mich's avatar is from.
Confession: I could be getting addicted to Rock music, which I hate, and it bothers me. I like some good songs- like FFVII's One Winged Angel (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5st0b3l ... ed&search=) and some more- but I hate most of those songs. And yet I sometime can't stop drumming with my fingers (though, I'm not very good at it). I hope this period in my time passes soon.
Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!
Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?
We do! We do!
Who robs cavefish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do, we do!
We do! We do!
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!
Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?
We do! We do!
Who robs cavefish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do, we do!
- starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
In our department, I've gotten so used to eating "s*** sandwiches" that I cannot hear a positive compliment without flinching, waiting for the negative one that is really the point of the conversation.
Which is why having my on-site, non-departmental supervisor tell me today that I am, in fact, "good material" after a week of having several professors in the department completely tear my ego to shreds (always preceded by a general but accurate compliment) may have saved me.
*confession*
It's a sharp, steep downward spiral. I had forgotten that. Amongst other things.
There's an upward spiral, too. But I'm not there yet.
Which is why having my on-site, non-departmental supervisor tell me today that I am, in fact, "good material" after a week of having several professors in the department completely tear my ego to shreds (always preceded by a general but accurate compliment) may have saved me.
*confession*
It's a sharp, steep downward spiral. I had forgotten that. Amongst other things.
There's an upward spiral, too. But I'm not there yet.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
- Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
Confession: I don't remember the graphic in the upper left corner of the page from any other incarnation of pweb. It looks like Voldemort.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
Confession 1: This is the first post I've made anywhere on the internet, unless you count the two or three wall posts I've done on facebook.
Confession 2: I've never downloaded AIM, not even when I was 13 and everyone was doing it. At the time, no one cared enough to ask for my screen name.
Confession 3: I get more emails from yahoo groups that I never contribute to than I get from people I actually know and want to hear about.
Confession 4: I'm 19 years old and have never been kissed or had a significant other.
Confession 5: I like book characters more than real people because they can go away for an indefinite period with no hard feelings.
Confession 6: I don't like talking to more than one person at a time.
Confession 7: I always feel like my mother is negatively comparing me to my younger sisters and their bubbling little social lives. (see #6)
Confession 2: I've never downloaded AIM, not even when I was 13 and everyone was doing it. At the time, no one cared enough to ask for my screen name.
Confession 3: I get more emails from yahoo groups that I never contribute to than I get from people I actually know and want to hear about.
Confession 4: I'm 19 years old and have never been kissed or had a significant other.
Confession 5: I like book characters more than real people because they can go away for an indefinite period with no hard feelings.
Confession 6: I don't like talking to more than one person at a time.
Confession 7: I always feel like my mother is negatively comparing me to my younger sisters and their bubbling little social lives. (see #6)
"The three rules of the Librarians of Time and Space are: 1) Silence; 2) Books must be returned no later than the date last shown; and 3) Do not interfere with the nature of causality." -- (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)
- neo-dragon
- Commander
- Posts: 2516
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 5:26 pm
- Title: Huey Revolutionary
- Location: Canada
-
- Soldier
- Posts: 433
- Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2006 10:00 pm
- Title: Guilty
I've been doing it pretty regularly this week. I'm very ashamed and don't know what to do. I wish I'd never started. I wish I'd stopped. I wish I were stronger. Except that I don't really want to stop. I'm very torn about it.
I can't bring myself to tell my friends. I'm scared. I want to break up with my boyfriend so he won't find out and we won't have to talk about it. I'd rather have my secret than my relationship.
I am a little bit scared of myself these days. I spent the day thinking about what it would be like to kill myself. I'm not going to do it, I promise, no worries, and I wish I weren't thinking about it. It reminds me too much of previous bad times.
I thought I was done with this sort of thing. I wish I had been right.
I can't bring myself to tell my friends. I'm scared. I want to break up with my boyfriend so he won't find out and we won't have to talk about it. I'd rather have my secret than my relationship.
I am a little bit scared of myself these days. I spent the day thinking about what it would be like to kill myself. I'm not going to do it, I promise, no worries, and I wish I weren't thinking about it. It reminds me too much of previous bad times.
I thought I was done with this sort of thing. I wish I had been right.
The password is "guilty"
- starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
Last night, I started brushing my teeth with facial hair remover. The tip of my tongue was actually slightly numb for a little while. Ew. Just... ew. Of course, the second I tasted it I spit it out and rinsed like crazy, but still. Nasty.
I have lost one of my rec letters. It was RIGHT HERE two seconds ago and I can't find it anywhere. I haven't left this room, or this chair even. Oh. My. God.
I have lost one of my rec letters. It was RIGHT HERE two seconds ago and I can't find it anywhere. I haven't left this room, or this chair even. Oh. My. God.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
- starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
I have highlighting and notes all over Chapter 10 of my career counseling book. I read it to prepare for comps. Coincidentally, it is the assigned reading for tomorrow.
I have to read it again. I don't remember a single thing from it.
Drat. That just seems so unutterably unfair.
*EDIT
And, I discovered, had I read this particular chapter right before Orals, it would've been so much easier not to make an idiot of myself.
I have to read it again. I don't remember a single thing from it.
Drat. That just seems so unutterably unfair.
*EDIT
And, I discovered, had I read this particular chapter right before Orals, it would've been so much easier not to make an idiot of myself.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
- Mich
- Commander
- Posts: 2948
- Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2006 10:58 am
- Title: T.U.R.T.L.E. Power
- First Joined: 02 Apr 2002
- Location: Land o' Ports
- Contact:
Confession: This made me unbelievable happy!Confession: It took me much too long to realize where Mich's avatar is from.
It's from Psychonauts, a sweet game by the awesome Tim Schafer. The turtle in question is the pet of one of the henchmen of the main bad guy, I believe. It's been too long... but I kept it because he is one of the more endearing characters, and turtles have become my call-sign.
Maybe I got a little too excited from that.
Shell the unshellable, crawl the uncrawlible.
Row--row.
Row--row.
-
- Soldier
- Posts: 433
- Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2006 10:00 pm
- Title: Guilty
-
- Soldier
- Posts: 433
- Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2006 10:00 pm
- Title: Guilty
- daPyr0x
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 820
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 5:28 pm
- Title: Firebug
- Location: Inside the blackhole that became of my heart
Confession: I wish I would die. No, that's not the emo boy in me crying with my mom's razor blade held perpendicular to my wrist. In some ways, though, I do. I wish some sort of freak accident or health concern would come and pull me into the hell I have earned myself a spot in (cuz there aint no way I'm goin anywhere near heaven). I wish I could trade with my dad.
I feel like such a lump. I do nothing with my life, with my time. I go to work, put in my 8 hours, and come home. That's it. My job isn't going anywhere special. It's a steady 40+ hours a week at less than double minimum wage (which isn't anything bad, don't get me wrong - just not nearly where I'd like to be or like to be heading), and no real chance of going anywhere 'up'. I can't quit because I can't afford to take in less money, so I just go through my work day as I do. I have no real hobbies to fill my spare time, no work on improving myself in any sense of the word, no drive to any career in my future; just a bullshit plan to go back to school which I know I won't end up doing.
I feel like my dad could do so much with another 20 years that I couldn't possibly achieve. And I feel like my little brother would be a better person having him around for that time.
And strange as it may be to say, his welfare is more important to me. Despite the obvious grief losing me in such a manner would give him, I can't begin to think it would affect him remotely near how my dad does, nor could it be nearly as negative.
But really, I'm putting far too much thought into it.
If it could be, would be...
Then I'd be dead already, what the f*** do I care about anything after that? I'm dead...
Confession: I really don't care if this maybe should have gone into bob; if you can't understand why it's here then you can bite my shiny metal ass.
I feel like such a lump. I do nothing with my life, with my time. I go to work, put in my 8 hours, and come home. That's it. My job isn't going anywhere special. It's a steady 40+ hours a week at less than double minimum wage (which isn't anything bad, don't get me wrong - just not nearly where I'd like to be or like to be heading), and no real chance of going anywhere 'up'. I can't quit because I can't afford to take in less money, so I just go through my work day as I do. I have no real hobbies to fill my spare time, no work on improving myself in any sense of the word, no drive to any career in my future; just a bullshit plan to go back to school which I know I won't end up doing.
I feel like my dad could do so much with another 20 years that I couldn't possibly achieve. And I feel like my little brother would be a better person having him around for that time.
And strange as it may be to say, his welfare is more important to me. Despite the obvious grief losing me in such a manner would give him, I can't begin to think it would affect him remotely near how my dad does, nor could it be nearly as negative.
But really, I'm putting far too much thought into it.
If it could be, would be...
Then I'd be dead already, what the f*** do I care about anything after that? I'm dead...
Confession: I really don't care if this maybe should have gone into bob; if you can't understand why it's here then you can bite my shiny metal ass.
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