Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Hope you can get help, if you need it, Satya.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Bob,
10 years ago, today. I can let go now, right?
10 years ago, today. I can let go now, right?
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Bob,
Apparently, the trick to getting me to try to eat better is to tell me calories are a lot like money and the amount you should have in a day is a lot like trying to stay within a budget.
Who would have thunk?
Anyway, finally saw a weight in the high 130s again, which means I'm about 8lbs from my weight while in AZ. I've been as high as 151lbs here. Feeling pretty good about things. :)
Apparently, the trick to getting me to try to eat better is to tell me calories are a lot like money and the amount you should have in a day is a lot like trying to stay within a budget.
Who would have thunk?
Anyway, finally saw a weight in the high 130s again, which means I'm about 8lbs from my weight while in AZ. I've been as high as 151lbs here. Feeling pretty good about things. :)
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Bob,
One of my exes was a compulsive liar and another was a body shamer. Both were cowards. Every so often I try to imagine what it would have been like bringing them home to meet my family and I cringe.
zero isn't perfect (neither am I) but he just has it. He knows what works best for the occasion and for my different family members, and me, and he never has to be anything other than who he is and he never wants me to be anything other than who I am.
Trump needs to lose in 2020 so I can marry this man (zero, not Trump).
One of my exes was a compulsive liar and another was a body shamer. Both were cowards. Every so often I try to imagine what it would have been like bringing them home to meet my family and I cringe.
zero isn't perfect (neither am I) but he just has it. He knows what works best for the occasion and for my different family members, and me, and he never has to be anything other than who he is and he never wants me to be anything other than who I am.
Trump needs to lose in 2020 so I can marry this man (zero, not Trump).
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
- Luet
- Speaker for the Dead
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Bob,
I think I must generally suck at being a person or communicating, or come across as always angry/sad/depressed/needy/something. Without fail, whenever I'm looking for sympathy or gentle words of encouragement, I tend to get responses that indicate I'm coming across as much more desperate/sad/angry/whatever than I actually am and/or I'm given advice. All I want is a "That sucks." or "Sorry to hear that." That's it. I'm at least a little smart. I don't need fixes. Especially obvious ones. Just a little acknowledgement that while others have it s*** tons worse, I'm allowed a little exhaustion or annoyance.
With that said, I get one weekend off between now and November because of staffing shortages and work trips (these are never as fun to me as people make them out to be, so why they don't count air travel as the stressful thing it is is beyond me). I'm tired already.
Thanks,
me
I think I must generally suck at being a person or communicating, or come across as always angry/sad/depressed/needy/something. Without fail, whenever I'm looking for sympathy or gentle words of encouragement, I tend to get responses that indicate I'm coming across as much more desperate/sad/angry/whatever than I actually am and/or I'm given advice. All I want is a "That sucks." or "Sorry to hear that." That's it. I'm at least a little smart. I don't need fixes. Especially obvious ones. Just a little acknowledgement that while others have it s*** tons worse, I'm allowed a little exhaustion or annoyance.
With that said, I get one weekend off between now and November because of staffing shortages and work trips (these are never as fun to me as people make them out to be, so why they don't count air travel as the stressful thing it is is beyond me). I'm tired already.
Thanks,
me
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
- thoughtreader
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
That sucks
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
I love you so hard, Teresa.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
- thoughtreader
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Love you too!
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Bob,
First things first: I'm not, to the best of my knowledge, suicidal.
So there's that. A great way to start a conversation.
I am, however, really tired of miscommunications, misinterpretations, slights, etc. that suggest I am not a pleasant person, even when (especially?) I do it to myself and deserve it. I am feeling so easily triggered these days and I just...feel like I can't anymore. Or, I never really could be part of the bigger fabric of the world, not well or naturally, and now, after spending so much time and energy trying to be less of an awful person, I just don't have the energy anymore. And Pweb has never been shielded from the ugly parts of me, and sometimes it was okay and sometimes, not so much. But that sort of short-tempered, highly emotional side of me doesn't fly in the real world. And I'm tired. I want to take my boyfriend, my dogs, my family (the ones I like at the moment) and run off to an island where I can be an awful person but loved anyway.
First things first: I'm not, to the best of my knowledge, suicidal.
So there's that. A great way to start a conversation.
I am, however, really tired of miscommunications, misinterpretations, slights, etc. that suggest I am not a pleasant person, even when (especially?) I do it to myself and deserve it. I am feeling so easily triggered these days and I just...feel like I can't anymore. Or, I never really could be part of the bigger fabric of the world, not well or naturally, and now, after spending so much time and energy trying to be less of an awful person, I just don't have the energy anymore. And Pweb has never been shielded from the ugly parts of me, and sometimes it was okay and sometimes, not so much. But that sort of short-tempered, highly emotional side of me doesn't fly in the real world. And I'm tired. I want to take my boyfriend, my dogs, my family (the ones I like at the moment) and run off to an island where I can be an awful person but loved anyway.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
- Luet
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Hugs and love to the furthest thing from an awful person that I know.
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa
- Satya
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
I can't decide on whether to apply to grad school or not. Stress levels are off the charts.
Discord ID: AJ#0001
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Can you apply and defer for a year if accepted but you determine you need a break?
Good luck with the decision.
Good luck with the decision.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
- Satya
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Thank you~Can you apply and defer for a year if accepted but you determine you need a break?
Good luck with the decision.
I'll have the summer off regardless, when I've been working through them up to now. But that's kind of why I can apply; I plowed through so many credits and requirements in the first 2 years that I'll be finishing my undergrad early, and I'll have a year of my GI Bill left over. It was a no-brainer, having half the master's program covered financially, when I can cover the second half easily with what I've saved and with a part-time TA spot. But I'm still nervous about the application, and if I don't get in I don't really have concrete plans. If I do, will I be ready? I mean I'll be graduating with ~3.6 but this is a different animal.
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- Satya
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Yesterday I got a message that my pregnant sister wasn't feeling well and went to the hospital. They found she was going into labor at only about 5 months. They couldn't stop it and so she delivered, and it was a foregone conclusion the baby would not survive. She and her husband had been trying for awhile to get pregnant, but her health was not good enough it seemed. She worked very hard to be healthy enough to have a baby. She is devastated and her husband is numb, and the family is out of sorts. He was 21 weeks, about a month shy of the possibility of extraordinary measures saving him. I can't imagine what's she's going through and I'm just... There's nothing I can do.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
There are no words for how tragic that is. My thoughts to your sister and family.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
<<<hugs>>>
I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you all.
I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you all.
- Satya
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
She spent a few weeks in the hospital afterwards, complications and blood clots.. Somehow she is doing ok now. Thank you for your thoughts, friends.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Good. I'm glad she is doing okay, at least physically. Hope that applies to emotionally, too.
With all my heart, I hope that when she's ready to try again, she gets the baby she's been hoping for.
With all my heart, I hope that when she's ready to try again, she gets the baby she's been hoping for.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
- Satya
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Semester is fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinally over. Sheeeeeesh what a mess.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
I'm so tired. 11 days off from work but 3 were travel days (the longest was 19 hours between the two stops) and 6 were split between two families.
Just 2 to be at home and relax.
I'm going to burn out from life.
Also, just had zero help me move our bed and while it opened up the room, it also made it more likely we'll both bump heads on our slanted ceiling. If we had a different bed frame, this would be less of an issue but those are pretty expensive. Cheaper to just move it back. I'll give it 'til the weekend, though, to be sure.
Just 2 to be at home and relax.
I'm going to burn out from life.
Also, just had zero help me move our bed and while it opened up the room, it also made it more likely we'll both bump heads on our slanted ceiling. If we had a different bed frame, this would be less of an issue but those are pretty expensive. Cheaper to just move it back. I'll give it 'til the weekend, though, to be sure.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
- Young Val
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Dear Bob,
I was talking about this place last the other day, and thought I'd take a stroll around the old neighborhood.
Sending out love to everyone. Hoping you are all happy and well.
love,
me
I was talking about this place last the other day, and thought I'd take a stroll around the old neighborhood.
Sending out love to everyone. Hoping you are all happy and well.
love,
me
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Bob,
I haven't seen my parents since January 2020, and just barely at that. zero gets his first shot this Saturday, should be fully vaccinated by mid-May. I get my second on the 16th.
I'm thinking I'll fly to go see them next month. Is that a bad idea? Not "Would people who've obviously stopped or never gave a s*** do it?" but is it, being socially responsible, a bad idea?
I haven't seen my parents since January 2020, and just barely at that. zero gets his first shot this Saturday, should be fully vaccinated by mid-May. I get my second on the 16th.
I'm thinking I'll fly to go see them next month. Is that a bad idea? Not "Would people who've obviously stopped or never gave a s*** do it?" but is it, being socially responsible, a bad idea?
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Feel free to ignore if you wanted that to be rhetorical.
If you’re fully vaccinated and they are fully vaccinated, I don’t think it’s socially irresponsible at all. You’re not going partially vaccinated or getting together with lots of people and calling it “close enough.”
Is the risk higher now than it will be in the fall? Probably. But between vaccinated parties, only marginally so.
If you’re fully vaccinated and they are fully vaccinated, I don’t think it’s socially irresponsible at all. You’re not going partially vaccinated or getting together with lots of people and calling it “close enough.”
Is the risk higher now than it will be in the fall? Probably. But between vaccinated parties, only marginally so.
I used to hate gravity because it would not let me fly. Now I realize it is gravity that lets me stand.
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Ha, I've gotten quite skilled at ignoring unsolicited advice, but even better at not putting rhetorical stuff out in the first place. It was a genuine question.
My parents are both vaccinated but I'm uncertain about some other family members who live with my mom.
zero will not be two weeks past his second shot by the weekend that would work best for my travel but he will be at least one week past.
I'm also concerned about the airline, airport, passengers, and other folks who may need to travel or work but who haven't been able to get vaccinated yet, but want to. I know they should be eligible and appointments are opening but that doesn't mean they've had access. I do not need to travel, I just desperately miss my family, and I know we're not out of the woods yet with the strains floating around and all the children being impacted as both carriers and victims.
I'm still not eating indoors, all carry out. I visit stores with double masks, distance, and wash.
I'm trying to weigh information against what behaviors in seeing, to not be part of the problem, and it feels impossible to not cause some harm to the most vulnerable.
So...am I being socially responsible?
My parents are both vaccinated but I'm uncertain about some other family members who live with my mom.
zero will not be two weeks past his second shot by the weekend that would work best for my travel but he will be at least one week past.
I'm also concerned about the airline, airport, passengers, and other folks who may need to travel or work but who haven't been able to get vaccinated yet, but want to. I know they should be eligible and appointments are opening but that doesn't mean they've had access. I do not need to travel, I just desperately miss my family, and I know we're not out of the woods yet with the strains floating around and all the children being impacted as both carriers and victims.
I'm still not eating indoors, all carry out. I visit stores with double masks, distance, and wash.
I'm trying to weigh information against what behaviors in seeing, to not be part of the problem, and it feels impossible to not cause some harm to the most vulnerable.
So...am I being socially responsible?
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
- thoughtreader
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
So, it's worth asking about the vaccine status of the family that lives with your mom.
I'm not saying don't go if they aren't vaccinated yet, just so you can make a fully informed decision.
If you wait a month and they'd all be vaccinated it could be worth it.
Either way no I don't think I s socially irresponsible to go. I just took a trip to see my BFF since 3rd grade for her daughters first birthday. Yes there were some idiots with there moses out in the airport. But I, fully vaccinated, only took mine off to drink water.
Once I got to my friends in VA we stayed home most of the time. No sight seeing.
For me the biggest thing is being safe yourself. If you're doing the correct safe things go for it.
Sorry for that discombobulated response.... See my soon to come post.
I'm not saying don't go if they aren't vaccinated yet, just so you can make a fully informed decision.
If you wait a month and they'd all be vaccinated it could be worth it.
Either way no I don't think I s socially irresponsible to go. I just took a trip to see my BFF since 3rd grade for her daughters first birthday. Yes there were some idiots with there moses out in the airport. But I, fully vaccinated, only took mine off to drink water.
Once I got to my friends in VA we stayed home most of the time. No sight seeing.
For me the biggest thing is being safe yourself. If you're doing the correct safe things go for it.
Sorry for that discombobulated response.... See my soon to come post.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Hey Bob,
One of my med school friend’s moms was killed by a drunk driver this last weekend.
I’m just sad.
And miss my family.
One of my med school friend’s moms was killed by a drunk driver this last weekend.
I’m just sad.
And miss my family.
I used to hate gravity because it would not let me fly. Now I realize it is gravity that lets me stand.
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
- thoughtreader
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Bob,
My phone's autocorrect just changed Fuuuuuuuuuck to Fuuuuuuuuun.... Obviously it hasn't picked up on my general mood/motivation level at work for the last 7+ months
My phone's autocorrect just changed Fuuuuuuuuuck to Fuuuuuuuuun.... Obviously it hasn't picked up on my general mood/motivation level at work for the last 7+ months
-
- Commander
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
to you both.
I miss my family, too.
And your work situation is s***.
I miss my family, too.
And your work situation is s***.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
-
- Commander
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Bob,
Vague posting but some people, you know who I mean, are really letting their whole asses hang out right now.
Vague posting but some people, you know who I mean, are really letting their whole asses hang out right now.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
- Luet
- Speaker for the Dead
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
Dear Bob,
I have been seeing my therapist for 15 years. Recently it has only been once a month or so. I saw her last at the end of June and had to reschedule the next appt. But I never got a call back. I left a few more messages and no return call. It's a very low tech office with no secretary, a few therapists and an answering machine. It was starting to seem really odd, so I googled her name tonight. She died. Almost two months ago. She was 69. Suddenly but peacefully in her sleep. She had been planning to go to Iceland in September with girlfriends.
I know I need to have a therapist even though I've worked through all of my major baggage. But the idea of starting over is incredibly overwhelming. She knew my history, my family, my husband. She just knew. I don't think I will ever find someone I feel as comfortable with. How do you start all over when the initial telling is so painful?
I have been seeing my therapist for 15 years. Recently it has only been once a month or so. I saw her last at the end of June and had to reschedule the next appt. But I never got a call back. I left a few more messages and no return call. It's a very low tech office with no secretary, a few therapists and an answering machine. It was starting to seem really odd, so I googled her name tonight. She died. Almost two months ago. She was 69. Suddenly but peacefully in her sleep. She had been planning to go to Iceland in September with girlfriends.
I know I need to have a therapist even though I've worked through all of my major baggage. But the idea of starting over is incredibly overwhelming. She knew my history, my family, my husband. She just knew. I don't think I will ever find someone I feel as comfortable with. How do you start all over when the initial telling is so painful?
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa
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- Commander
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
I wish I had a magical fix for you. I'm so sorry to see you're hurting and what you're going through.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
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