Dear You 2.0

[Gravity Defier]

*sigh* Maybe I did and you've gone and spilled the beans, Jason. Good job.

[locke]

the theory makes perfect sense to me.

[Petra456]

I sort of imagined that something really cool happens if it's ever reassembled, like you infused it with some kind of magic and if the pieces are reunited it will summon an all-powerful wish granting being. Now each of us is sworn to protect our piece lest it fall into the wrong hands, for we chosen few are the Pweb Protectors!!!

Yes...? No...? Maybe...? Quit looking at me like that.

With our powers combined...

[Wil]

Dear You,

I'd swim the ocean for you. The song is exceptionally true, at least from my perspective; even more so that I realized at first. I've said it often, but perhaps if I say it one last time you'll really believe it. I'm always there for you, and you really should believe it, because I know that I'd like to know that the same is true for me from someone else. I'll always be there, and I'm leaving you a way to always contact me, if you decide you need it. It is always on, and it is always within arms reach. Seven oh too, seven won six, zero too ate ate.

Always,
Wil

Dear All,

Doubtful, but if anyone cares to contact me, that method is available also. I might not swim an ocean, but I might jump over a puddle or wade across a pond? Email, also, wilraderatcoxdotnet.

Be back soon, perhaps.

Wil

[Gravity Defier]

Dear You,

You're peculiar; you manage to trip with four legs and you snore louder than just about everyone I know who only has two legs. Glad to have you all the same.

-The idiot human who takes you for granted

[locke]

Dear You,

when the circuit breaker flips you don't have to flip ALL the circuit breakers for the apartment dummy. I've explained this twice. all you have to do is switch the one that is tripped! Push it all the way to the right till it clicks then switch it all the way back to the left til it clicks. Easy as can be, except for people with no brain, such as yourself.

Gah!

[steph]

Dear You,

I hate that you are necessary to live. I hate that my husband works his butt off and we still don't have enough of you. I hate that the more we sacrifice, the worse off we seem to be. Kindly deposit enough of yourself into our bank account so we can pay off all of our stupid debt already and be done worrying about you! Grrrr!

Sincerely,
The Current Household Financial Manager

[Mich]

Dear you:

If that last Dear You was directed at me, I'm afraid there's only so much Jeff to go around.

[zeroguy]

Kindly deposit enough of yourself into our bank account

Dear you:

If that last Dear You was directed at me, I'm afraid there's only so much Jeff to go around.

Hmmm

Current account balance: 1 Jeff

Dammit, this currency just doesn't work! And it's impossible to fit in my wallet!

[starlooker]

Dear You,

It's very surreal seeing your picture on MySpace. I am having very mixed reactions to being back "in touch" with you.

Damnit, platonic as it is, in a lot of ways you are that first love I'll never get over.

I noticed you didn't mention your son. Or your dad's death. Neither have I. I'm scared that I could break this fragile bubble.

You bring me back to my younger, fragile self. To the drama and angst and love and probably the purest, realest relationship I was ever a part of. (Not to diminish other importent and pure and real relationships in my life.)

Regret. I thought I dealt with my culpability in this, what was mine, what was his, what was yours, even. Regret though. Not guilt, just a dull, inner ache at what might have been. The nostalgia for both what-might-have-been and what-never-was. At missing long talks and sleepovers and laughing together and inside jokes and, basically, having a sister.

On our trip to Texas for Christmas, we drove by your old house. Although, from the cars, I wonder if you live there again. We drove by and I let myself ache a little, let myself sigh a little. And let myself move on a little.

I'm still moved on, really. I don't feel as much as I would've a year ago, two years ago, three. I still feel, though. And I hate that we're damn near strangers now.

Love you, it turns out, all the same,

Me

[ratesjul]

Ah, so THAT's why I didn't find it. I was looking for the 23rd onwards!!

That is SO damn cool. Okay, so I already knew it was so damned cool already. And it looks as if it must have taken simply hours and hours of work.

Well, the other way to put it together is for everyone to post a picture of their's and the coordinates and do so electronically.

[Valentine]

Dear you #1,
I'm sorry.

Dear you #2,
I'm sorry.

Dear you #3,
I'm sorry.

Dear you #4,
I'm not sorry. You're the only one I'm not sorry about. I'm sorry about certain actions, but finally, I just realized you're hurtful and abusive. No matter how much you say I was. I was jaded for too long.

Dear me,
Stop being so High Fidelity and thinking about the past and where you went wrong. I think now that you've set whatever straight, it's time to forget it all.

[locke]

Dear you,
I don't think it's true, what your friend said to you. Just because he's offering his honest opinion doesn't mean his honesty is truthful.

Dear roommate
just because I am home does not mean you can abdicate responsibility for service appointments you make. If you make an appointment for Friday afternoon and it is inconvenient for you to be at the apartment on Friday afternoon you should either make the sacrifice and be here or make it for another day. I told you when you asked I didn't know if I'd be here, you took that to mean that I would be here and then harrassed me with phone calls this morning when you knew I was sleeping to see if I would in fact be here, then you sent another roommate to guilt me into being here.
And the ridiculous part is, I feel selfish for wanting to ditch and go do something else specifically so I wouldn't be here and you'd be screwed. hah.

Dear you,
I hope that didn't come across wrong, the last thing I said.

[Confessions]

Dear You,

You ruined my life. Are you happy now? Because I'm not, and most likely won't be anytime in the near future.

-me

[locke]

Dear Sun,
you are much too bright when driving mountain roads eastish early in the morning. that was almost worse than driving mountain roads in the fog! ugh.

[locke]

Dear editor,
thanks for putting a do not disturb post it on the door. I didn't get bothered hardly at all the entire night and I didn't even know the post it had been there.

Dear listener,
thank you, again.

Dear you,
okay.

Dear roommates,

I can't wait until I get my own place. I really was annoyed that a few minutes after I opened my window to air out the room you both started smoking on the balcony and the wind happened to drift the cigarette smoke into my room. bah. I hate how the apartment feels welcoming if its empty and unwelcoming if one of you in particular is there.

Dear me,
Don't be an idiot. And don't be too smart for your own good. Relax, already. whispered words of wisdom: Let it be.

[daPyr0x]

Dear You,

You know how they say if something's too good to be true it usually is? Please don't exemplify that.

--Cam

Dear You,

Do I really need to find somewhere else to be treated like a human being instead of an asset? I just want to do well, so I remain flexible when you need it; but why does that mean I'm the only one who has to be, and is forced to be? Oh yeah, that's right, it's because I'm already stuck in a "ready position" for the past 2 months living out of a goddamned suitcase unsure of what country I'll live in a week from now; what should I care what hours I'm forced to work? Obviously, because I don't have a wife and kids I have no social life outside of work and don't plan things in my after work hours that I have to cancel should you decide to toy with my shift. This is getting to be less and less worth it, more so considering I'm the only one in the company who was literally forgotten about when bonuses came around and yet I'm the one traveling between countries and tossing my life to the wayside for work. I don't complain often, but I expect to start getting myself in an awful lot if trouble in the near future for complaining because I'm tired of this treatment. I just want to settle in SOMEWHERE where I can have all my stuff and make a life for myself. Preferably somewhere nearby.

--Cam

[Confessions]

Dear You,

I know that was you, and you know what? I'm kinda glad. Maybe now you can truly understand what my life's been like.

--Ashamed to feel this way

[Young Val]

Dear You,

Of course I'm glad that after 2 and a half months of unemployment you've finally gotten off your ass to find something to do. An internship. AT WRITERS HOUSE. You know, they ASKED me whether or not they should hire you. I said no. BECAUSE YOU DON'T ACTUALLY GIVE A s*** ABOUT BEING IN PUBLISHING. This is one of THE most competitive internships in the industry. You got it on MY NAME. Which you used despite the fact that I asked you not to. You are only in this because you want to network in hopes of publishing your atrocious YA novel. There are people who actually want to do this for a living who are being ousted because you dropped my name into your interview, and despite how I felt about my two specific bosses at WH, my name is GOLD over there. They love me. So I told them not to hire you, but Michael didn't listen, because he NEVER listens.

I swear to god if you try to appropriate WH the way you do EVERYTHING ELSE I will break your face. The idea of coming home and listening you talk about my former coworkers and former place of employment as if you were born there will make me violent. I'd rather have your ass indents permanently embedded in the couch and your weeks worth of trash and half-eaten takeout food strewn across the living room.

I CANNOT HANDLE IT.

[Jayelle]

Dear you^,

Please forgive me for being nosy, but why do you have to wait to move in with your boyfriend?

JL

[Young Val]

UGH!

Jan, we (my boyfriend and I) want to keep my current apartment. It's essentially exactly what we're looking for with a wonderful landlord, location, and price. Also on the plus side: I love it and my roommate does not. She's more then willing to move out. ...later.

We haven't really approached her about it, to be honest. She knows the plan, but assumes, like we did, that it would happen some time in 2010. But that just seems more and more....ridiculous, frankly. Also, David currently has an apartment of his own and doesn't want to break the lease. And while he could find someone to sublet from him with relative ease, it's still a bunch of hoops to jump through.

We could just be done with it and give up my apartment and settle for something else. In that case we could just go and not really care about anything else. But my credit is ABYSMAL. Paired with my so-low-it's-shocking salary, and that makes most landlords very wary about renting to me. David has stellar credit and a reasonable salary, but I'd probably still have to get a guarantor to pull us through. My mom would do it, but again--I don't want to ask her. Not to mention that there's no way I can afford a broker's fee right now.

David does live alone at the moment. Lot's of people ask why I don't just move in there. It's way too small. He lives in a tiny one-room studio with only one window. It's definitely not big enough for two people and a cat. It's already claustrophobic when we just hang out there. Living there would be pretty cramped for us.

And...given that my apartment is perfect, and I've got the lease through 2011 at least with the option to renew....it just seemed to make sense to wait it out. If I really wanted to I could muscle my roommate out of there...but I don't really feel like that's fair. And to be honest, it's not.


So..... there's the long-winded answer!

[Jayelle]

I see, it totally makes sense. If I could subtly torture your roommate into leaving, I would.

From everything I've heard about New York apartments (uhmmm... Sex and the City and about 30 chick lit novels) , I can totally get why you wouldn't want to look for a new one!!

[daPyr0x]

Dear You,

That was the most comforting thing anybody has said to me about this whole situation. Nobody else seems to get it, and I'm glad at least somebody does, because it's completely foreign to me. Thank you.

--Cam

Dear You,

I hope everything's as good as you say, because I really don't want any of this to end up causing an issue. I'm really happy here, and I'm really hoping I can keep this.

--Cam

[locke]

Dear You,
I'm Sorry.

Dear You,
Thinking about you a lot.

Dear You,
It'll be good to see you again, looking forward to it.

Dear me,
It's really very simple, not scary or complex or even complicated. The future is coming one day at a time. That's it really. Please do not overdramatize it. I will wait, patiently, for it to get here. And perhaps I may finally learn patience by taking one day for every one day. Step by Step a journey through this particular page of life. It is a little thing, asking this rational behavior of me, and I can do it and will do it faithfully.

[Mich]

Dear you:

No one cares about your Twitter, and the inane things you say on it. Or: I pray to God no one cares about your Twitter.

[starlooker]

Dear You,

Stop worrying so much! You've done a ton of intakes. Just not with this age group. Don't worry. Project confidence, etc.

Yourself

[NoOneofConsequence]

Dear you,

Sorry if I'm replying to somebody's post incorrectly or putting this in the wrong place. Not sure what I'm doing.

This letter is incredibly difficult to begin. I’ll start with the obvious. Well, what I think is the obvious: I really love you. I always have, and I always will. I love the *real* you who’s done stupid things and regretted them and sorted some of them out and is still trying to work through the rest.

Okay. So writing pretty much anything beyond that runs a distinct risk. It’s like I’m dancing in stilettos over a floor littered with your entrails, while you watch, disemboweled but nearly recovered.

I never read anything you wrote here. Not all this time. Not until tonight, and then I read a lot of it. Compulsively. I read it the way you’re probably reading this now, with your stomach beginning to churn. But there’s no bad ending here. It’s all good. Your bad endings are over now. And I will go back to never reading anything you write here again shortly. You will have your lovely friends and your peace.

I started this thing out simply as your friend. When I realized you were going through a hard time, I considered myself a support, a confidante. I really believed you were the same for me. When things nose-dived, I started to realize I couldn’t ride in this particular roller coaster with you, but I thought I could watch from the ground, holler encouragement, that sort of thing. Gradually, I realized that I couldn’t. Not only that, I realized that I was on my own personal ride. And that maybe I had never been there for you in the first place. Maybe the whole thing was a giant stupid delusion on my part, and now I was going to pull us both down farther than you could imagine.

I absolutely could not deal any further. There were no good options. I could see that you were horribly vulnerable and desperate, and that I was no longer able to contain my own emotions – rational or irrational. You had people to turn to, but you wouldn’t as long as I was available. That made perfect sense. I would have felt the same. But there was only one thing to do, from what I could see. I had to leave. I didn’t leave because I thought you lied. I didn’t leave because you weren’t a good person. I left because it was the only possible option.

I’m sorry. You deserve an apology for that kind of abrupt ending. There’s no question. What I say next is not to evade responsibility in any way. But if I hadn’t done that, I would probably be dead. And you wouldn’t be better off. This whole thing tore me into a thousand separate pieces. I should have walked away sooner. Because in the last bit of time, I did the most damage. And *that*, in all the strange litany of events, is one of my biggest regrets. I wish I had been meaner than as awful as I was, and spared you sooner.

I was in no condition to be as important to anyone as I was to you. I hope to never be that important to anyone again. I’m not asking you to say you forgive me because I know your nature. I know you already forgave me. But I will say I’m sorry again. I’m really sorry.

You’re a good person. Here’s my viewpoint. It doesn’t actually matter at all, so if it upsets you in any way, ignore it. But here’s my viewpoint. You made some poor choices that mushroomed into a holocaust no one could have deserved. I understand that you were not a guiltless infant. But I understand that you were repeatedly pushed, cajoled, and abused.

I believe that abusers abuse themselves as well. That they create their own personal cycle of hell, of self hatred. I needed time to sort out what I felt, to decide what I wanted to do next, to separate my feelings. And you didn’t have that time to give me. You were in true agony and couldn’t bear my uncertainty.

I know we won’t be friends again in this lifetime. I don’t wish for that, as I know a healthy relationship is completely unrealistic. But I want you to know that you are extremely loveable. And I’m proud of you. I am so proud of your determination and your growth. When you were desperate *never* to be alone, I knew I could never satisfy your need for friendship. I knew I was failing every time I didn’t answer the phone. The weight of it made me turn my phone off, just to avoid the terrible stomach-twisting of the ringing. But I couldn’t escape it, even then. I knew when I turned it back on, you would call and be upset. And I knew I wasn’t brave enough to tell you completely honestly. To imagine your tear-swollen face and say, “Don’t call me today. I am going insane.” Worse yet, I knew you would need to know when it would be okay to call. And that I didn’t know. Which was even worse.

The whole thing was like this letter. Me stepping on something sensitive, then backing into something more tender, then apologizing while tripping over something critically injured. I’m going to stop now.

I am so sorry I didn’t do better. That I wasn’t a good friend. That’s all I wanted to say, I guess. I’m just going to post this. Because if I don’t, maybe I won’t. And may God forgive me if I’ve hurt you any further by writing this.

I love you. I want nothing from you, no reply of any kind. (In fact, please don't.) Thank you for a million kindnesses. I think of good things or favors you did and smile, and then I frown because I think that you think those favors are what make you loveable – doing good things for people. And it’s true, those things are nice. But it’s you that’s loveable. It’s you, all the rest aside.

Just do me one last favor. Remember that.

[locke]

Dear me,

Phase 1 is complete! wow, I impressed myself, considering it's barely been two weeks since I embarked upon this venture/project etc...

Dear you,
I can't wait to find out what you think.

Dear yous,
I have a theory.

Dear you,
hope you recover from your cold and feel better soon!

Dear yous,
you guys are really rude, pre-judging me and another person and in general do a terrific job of making either of us feel unwelcome and less open and friendly. I was really POed at how you behaved, now I'm mainly just annoyed, it was mean--that is all.

[Luet]

Dear you,

Thank you.

Love,
me

[starlooker]

Dear You,

I'm sorry. I'm so, so, so incredibly sorry. I know you're mad at me and feel like you can't trust anyone now, and I'm sorry for that, too. I would give just about anything to make that go away. That's not what I'm here for. It was taken out of my hands. It's not fair and I don't blame you and I'll be honest with you and it's okay if you are angry with me. Sort of. I mean, it is, it's okay for you to be mad, and it's okay. It's just that I won't necessarily be okay. I'm kind of dying here. Just when you think something is worked through. I've been where you are, and I've dealt with someone in my position and it really hurt me and I don't want to do that to you.

I really do have your best interest in my heart and that's why I hate this, doing the legal thing that is ethical and also, somehow, indescribably, wrong.

Me

Dear Karma and Cyclic Nature of the Universe,

Stop putting me in these situations, please.

Me

ETA:

Dear Karma and Cyclic Nature of the Universe (again),

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut up. Okay, it turned out pretty well and it's nice that I get to help people while having emotionally corrective experiences, but damnit, it wears me out. This does not negate my previous "Dear You" plea.

Me

[Confessions]

Dear You,

I love you, too.

[Confessions]

Dear You,

Last night, when you held me close in your arms, when you kissed me, I kissed you back. After you left, I cried. Not once when you touched me did I believe that you loved me.

-Me

[Borommakot_15]

Dear You,

Can I just get an answer? Please? Every time I say hello, I get silence. If you don't want to talk, anymore... if you don't want to be friends, anymore... whatever it is that you are wanting, just freaking tell me, would you please?

~Dan

[Gravity Defier]

Dear You,
The biggest tragedy of all is that you only hope without knowing, when you could have known all along. If you had taken the time to ask.

Sincerely,
Alea

Dear You,
You are great at making me feel like a second-rate friend.

-Alea


Dear You,
Thanks for pulling through for me this time. I was pleasantly surprised.

Love,
Goose

[Luet]

Dear you,

I know you asked me not to reply but that's what this thread is for, so forgive me. If you don't want to read it, hopefully you won't come back to see it.

If I could ask one thing from you, it would be to remember me as the person and friend I was for all of the years before things got bad. I hate to think that you remember me as the crazy, needy, desperate friend of that last year or two. For many more years I was a good, stable friend and I hope you can remember me that way.

I like to think I have found my way back to that person, albeit perhaps too far to the other extreme. Unfortunately after experiencing the painful end of our friendship, I have shied away from forming any close attachments to people. I have surface friendships with all of my SIL and am always the listening ear for my mom; but I have no close friends. But here is the biggest difference in who I am now...I don't WANT any. When Mark is at work, I am happiest being alone with my pets or out doing errands by myself. I still don't know if this is good and healthy or not. But it will do. And it is much more peaceful.

I wish you peace and happiness. I hope you have been able to go through therapy or will in the future. I know it has done, and is still doing, a world of good for me. You have been through more trauma than anyone can overcome without help. I want you to heal...all the way from the tips of your toes to the depths of your hippocampus. I love you.

-nom

ps - try a menstrual cup! (really!)