got problems? (the non bob advice thread)

[mr_thebrain]

there's probably a thread for this, but i really don't feel like going through 30 pages to find out if it exists.

I thought that it might be cool to have a thread for those minor problems that aren't quite bob worthy, and not solved by the google thread. minor problems that some kindly member to member advice might help.

it can be personal, or not, i don't think that our community is terribly judgmental.

could be as simple as fixing a household item (dear mr. fixit) or as complicated as personal problems (ask ann landers)

(i pretty much expect this to end up on page 4 by next week )

[mr_thebrain]

i'll go first

i got problems!

i'm absolutely dreadful at mingling. i'm just so awkward at it. it's always been a bit of a problem but after awhile it didn't matter so much, i got married, i had a close knit bunch of friends, so mingling just wasn't all that important anymore. now with the divorce, and friends going separate ways, it's becoming an issue again.

i'm a pretty interesting person i think, and i can totally hold a conversation once i get past a certain point. but approaching someone i don't know, and starting a conversation is so hard. and even this weekend, i ran into a few people i haven't seen in years, and i thought i would say hi, but man it just went bad.

i guess i'm shy with the whole approach thing, cuz i don't have a problem on the internet, and i don't have a problem once they get to know me.

i just figure this is important if i'm going to be trying to meet girls. i'm not a pick up line kind of guy either.

but hey, if anyone has some ideas on how to get past this without having to drink heavily first, i'm all ears (or eyes, as it were)

[VelvetElvis]

I suggest the Nike method.

[mr_thebrain]

Nike method?

have highly over-priced shoes that are uncomfortable?

[VelvetElvis]

Nah, just do it, because nothing makes it more comfortable.

[mr_thebrain]

ah, that. well, i've tried that route... that's how i know i'm no good at it thanks!

[VelvetElvis]

I have no further suggestions, then. Social things are always hard for me because I am, quite frankly, a snob.

[VelvetElvis]

And no this is no longer my reply to brain, but my own problem.

I'm the worst kind of snob, because I don't have a particular quirk. I make sweeping judgements based on initial impressions. Either I'm better than you or we are equals. I ususally will deign to continue interaction with you, no matter the category I place you in, and sometimes people will change into the "good" category.

[CezeN]

i'll go first

i got problems!

i'm absolutely dreadful at mingling. i'm just so awkward at it. it's always been a bit of a problem but after awhile it didn't matter so much, i got married, i had a close knit bunch of friends, so mingling just wasn't all that important anymore. now with the divorce, and friends going separate ways, it's becoming an issue again.

i'm a pretty interesting person i think, and i can totally hold a conversation once i get past a certain point. but approaching someone i don't know, and starting a conversation is so hard. and even this weekend, i ran into a few people i haven't seen in years, and i thought i would say hi, but man it just went bad.

i guess i'm shy with the whole approach thing, cuz i don't have a problem on the internet, and i don't have a problem once they get to know me.

i just figure this is important if i'm going to be trying to meet girls. i'm not a pick up line kind of guy either.

but hey, if anyone has some ideas on how to get past this without having to drink heavily first, i'm all ears (or eyes, as it were)

Hmm, if only approaching is the issue, than perhaps you should

1. Drive to a social area where you don't know anyone, and may not see any of the people ever again. A park miles away from wherever you live, that you may never go to again, may be a good choice.

2. Go up to random people and say something like "Hi, my name is ____? What's yours? I'm doing an experiment about approaching people. Blablabla. Thanks for your time."

or you can hold an actual conversation.

3. Leave. And repeat until you've done it enough times that you feel comfortable doing it.

I think I read about this somewhere or saw this on a tv show. Theoretically, it may work.

[LilBee91]

I know a girl who had a goal to talk to a new person every day. I don't know if forcing yourself to do that would help. It's kind of the "just do it" strategy. We could make you report to Pweb every day on your awkward experiences.

[Wil]

Either I'm better than you or we are equals.

Just out of curiosity, is it possible for people to be better than you?

I know a girl who had a goal to talk to a new person every day. I don't know if forcing yourself to do that would help. It's kind of the "just do it" strategy. We could make you report to Pweb every day on your awkward experiences.

That sounds like fun. If I work up the balls to do this, I will post about it.

[Gravity Defier]

i really don't feel like going through 30 pages to find out if it exists.

Page 2! "Dear Interwebs" or whatever it's called.

I make sweeping judgements based on initial impressions.... people will change into the "good" category.

Same but I tend to have the opposite problem; I assume they're all better than me or think they're better than me, and are thus snobs, so I don't like them much. However, it's pretty much a given that I'll give myself time to get to know them and change my mind. It rarely works out differently.

I know a girl who had a goal to talk to a new person every day. I don't know if forcing yourself to do that would help. It's kind of the "just do it" strategy. We could make you report to Pweb every day on your awkward experiences.

First, love this idea.

Second: http://awkwardthingsisaytogirls.com/

One of my all time favorite blog type things.

[Jayelle]

i'll go first

i got problems!

i'm absolutely dreadful at mingling. i'm just so awkward at it. it's always been a bit of a problem but after awhile it didn't matter so much, i got married, i had a close knit bunch of friends, so mingling just wasn't all that important anymore. now with the divorce, and friends going separate ways, it's becoming an issue again.

i'm a pretty interesting person i think, and i can totally hold a conversation once i get past a certain point. but approaching someone i don't know, and starting a conversation is so hard. and even this weekend, i ran into a few people i haven't seen in years, and i thought i would say hi, but man it just went bad.

i guess i'm shy with the whole approach thing, cuz i don't have a problem on the internet, and i don't have a problem once they get to know me.

i just figure this is important if i'm going to be trying to meet girls. i'm not a pick up line kind of guy either.

but hey, if anyone has some ideas on how to get past this without having to drink heavily first, i'm all ears (or eyes, as it were)

The people who make the best small talk are the question-askers, in my opinion. Don't worry about telling things about yourself - ask about them. Ask about something interesting they're wearing or holding. Find out what they do for a living beyond just "I work at ____", ask what exactly that entails. Any information they give you, ask for more. Be genuinely interested in their answers. Obviously, you don't want to grill people, but many people like talking about themselves.

The other tip I have - fake it till you make it. The friends I have made the quickest are the people who acted like friends right away. It's tricky, because you don't want to seem overly familiar right away, but joking around and treating people like you've known them longer then you have can help it feel that way.

[Luet]

The people who make the best small talk are the question-askers, in my opinion. Don't worry about telling things about yourself - ask about them. Ask about something interesting they're wearing or holding. Find out what they do for a living beyond just "I work at ____", ask what exactly that entails. Any information they give you, ask for more. Be genuinely interested in their answers. Obviously, you don't want to grill people, but many people like talking about themselves.

The other tip I have - fake it till you make it. The friends I have made the quickest are the people who acted like friends right away. It's tricky, because you don't want to seem overly familiar right away, but joking around and treating people like you've known them longer then you have can help it feel that way.

That is great advice. It's funny, I was thinking about your question this morning while driving in the car and the best answer I could come up with (but I wasn't sure how to word it) was what Jan said, especially in the first paragraph. Ask questions and be interested in what they say.

[mr_thebrain]

i think perhaps a bit of the problem is thinking of questions to ask. like i said, i don't have a problem keeping a conversation with people i know. i think maybe most of that is because i know what to ask them.

the more i think on it, the more i think this is true. i'm not self centered enough to talk about myself too much, i generally only want to talk about the other person, the problem is that i don't know what to ask new people to keep a conversation going. and thus the awkward silences.

if nothing else, this has been very helpful in that i have pinpointed the real problem. i'm not a shy person i don't think, i don't fear rejection too much, and i'm rather outgoing.

its especially hard when the people i talk to aren't terribly engaged, or asking questions of me.


so perhaps the question should be what are some good conversation starting questions to ask beyond name, and job questions.

[Eaquae Legit]

I tend to ask people what they're reading, or about food. I can always talk about food.

[CezeN]

i think perhaps a bit of the problem is thinking of questions to ask. like i said, i don't have a problem keeping a conversation with people i know. i think maybe most of that is because i know what to ask them.

the more i think on it, the more i think this is true. i'm not self centered enough to talk about myself too much, i generally only want to talk about the other person, the problem is that i don't know what to ask new people to keep a conversation going. and thus the awkward silences.

if nothing else, this has been very helpful in that i have pinpointed the real problem. i'm not a shy person i don't think, i don't fear rejection too much, and i'm rather outgoing.

its especially hard when the people i talk to aren't terribly engaged, or asking questions of me.


so perhaps the question should be what are some good conversation starting questions to ask beyond name, and job questions.

Questions related to the circumstance/situation where you are talking to them.

[Luet]

so perhaps the question should be what are some good conversation starting questions to ask beyond name, and job questions.

You could ask about family, pets, hobbies, books (if they read), movies they have seen recently, tv shows they watch, vacations they are planning or have recently taken, favorite restaurants. Just some ideas.

[Jayelle]

Problem! My sister-in-law bought groceries while she was here, that is not a problem in itself, but she bought us a massive amount of plums. 10 plums in my kitchen.
I'm not a huge fan of just eating them - they are a bit on the sour side.
So... what can I bake/cook with them? Plum Pie? Plum...crisp?

[mr_thebrain]

i have never tried it, but you could probably use some for muffins.

[GS]

I got 99 problems, but a plum ain't one!

Sorry, I have no input except to say that plums are delicious.

[Young Val]

http://smittenkitchen.com/category/fruit/plum/


I've never made any of those. But it's Deb. In SK I trust.

[CezeN]

Just opened my first Ipod Nano. Anyways, instead of downloading music to it, or paying money to get it from Itunes, I've opted to convert Youtube Videos to MP4 files.

After trial and error, I figured out how to sync it.

The only problem I see is that it goes into the video > Movies Folder.

I was wondering if there was any way I could transfer it to the Music folder on my Ipod and leave more room in my movies section OR if I have to make my movies section how I listen to music?

[CezeN]

Nevermind, figured it out.

Now, I'm wondering if there's any way to edit artist and information since using Youtube songs comes up as Unknown Artist.

EDIT: Also, my old MP3 won't connect to my computer, so I can't directly transfer all the songs to Itunes and then my Ipod Nano.
It won't connect to any other computers either.

So, if anyone has any advice on how I can retrieve the information....I would gladly appreciate it.

[neo-dragon]

Nevermind, figured it out.

Now, I'm wondering if there's any way to edit artist and information since using Youtube songs comes up as Unknown Artist.

If you simply single-click on those boxes in iTunes you should be able to edit them. The changes will then appear on your iPod the next time you sync. Alternatively, I think you can pull up info on the song and edit it by right-clicking. I'm not on a computer with iTunes at the moment to test that, but I know that changing song info should be pretty simple.

I don't know what you can do about your old player though. How did you get music on it in the first place if it doesn't connect to your computer?

[CezeN]

Okay thanks, I'll try that when I get the chance.

It used to be able to connect to my computer, but overtime, it took longer and longer and more attempts before it would fully connect.

Now, it's finally decided that connecting isn't worth it's time v.v
There must be something wrong with the USB port connector thing...

[neo-dragon]

Yeah, righ-click then "get info" works. Or single-clicking the desired box while the song is selected.

[VelvetElvis]

So... I have squeaky windsheild wipers. Any tips/tricks?

[Luet]

Get new ones? They are only about $4 each at walmart. They have a little book and/or machine that tells you which size to get for your car. I replace mine myself whenever they aren't working well. Or ask your hubby to do it.

[VelvetElvis]

They aren't very old, and they work fine, just squeaky.

[Luet]

Hmm, then I don't know. Google it?

[VelvetElvis]

*Sigh* Googling is hard work.

[starlooker]

Find a song that their squeaking fits the rhythm of and sing it when you're driving with the windshield wipers so you aren't so bothered by it? Or, sometimes, it's a phrase it sounds like they are repeating.

(By now, no one will be surprised. This was my mom's way of handling squeaky windshield wipers.)

Go get the oil changed and mention it to the attendant and see if they'll fix it for free? (I'd imagine it's probably just a simple adjustment.)

[VelvetElvis]

They didn't squeak on the way home from work, but I had found a few places online that said to clean the blades with rubbing alcohol.

[Satya]

Maybe this is a bit more... serious than was intended for the thread. But it's something I feel like I want to get off my chest. I was going to do so in Bob under Confessions but I have no reason not to trust ya'll, even if there's no advice that can be given for this. It requires a significant amount of background that I've been wary of getting into before.

I've gotten into my background a bit here in the past, but I don't think I've ever really gotten in depth and for pretty good reason. For the most part people don't believe it, and there are parts I have to leave out that offer clarification or justification, or they think I'm engaging in some kind of perverted bragging. When I call what I grew up in a "cult" it has connotations of a sensationalized Heaven's Gate-type thing and that's not what I mean. Rather, a closed off community of fundamentalist Christians. Life was bible study every day, school at church, camps and retreats every season. This in itself is not a bad thing of course, not necessarily. But it was an extremely bigoted, sexist, homophobic, closed-off and paranoid-of-the-outside-world sect. Thing is I don't even think my father ever really believed in it, rather gravitated towards it because he is, in short, a full-blown sociopath. It doesn't justify him but he'd had his own abusive upbringing that I'm sure contributed to his mental state. But again I don't even think he really believes - I think he tells himself so, he deludes himself so, but not truly. It was the community that he wanted, because of how it was. I have vivid memories of my mom on her knees during family bible study rubbing and washing his feet as a sign of her subservience to the male, and his dominance as head of household. To further clarify what kind of fundamentalism we're talking about, during the winter camps where we'd spend more time outdoors, the females were 'allowed' to wear snowpants (they were not allowed to wear pants otherwise) due to the harsh winters here (5 foot snowdrifts and -20 below temps) IF they had skirts worn outside the snowpants. Seriously. So it gave him free reign to pretty much act as he wanted, and his abuses were not challenged.

For her part I can't blame my mom for doing nothing for nearly 2 decades. She'd had her own abusive upbringing - far worse than I can even begin to describe in so public a medium. But she did eventually, when I was about 16, try to stand up. So he kicked her out, and me with her. I went into culture shock when I began to get into the real world and that was right about when I first started coming here. It doesn't justify much of my behavior here but I hope it starts to explain it. At any rate, I became a first class loser who drank all the time, put on about 80lbs and just did low-tier jobs to get by while mom was in and out of psychiatric care for some pretty severe trauma and psychological conditions. Since then I got my s*** together, got in shape, got certified as a trainer, mom's out of care right now but on disability. She rarely leaves our apartment much. None of this is even really the issue. I have 3 younger sisters, the older of which is out on her own and doing ok, but the younger 2 are the problem. The middle sister just had a big falling out with him that is central to the problem. She's started to exhibit some mental issues of her own; his response when she, bravely, tried to talk to him about it was surprising even for him. She tried to tell him she'd had suicidal thoughts. But as he always had with mom, he doesn't "believe" in psychiatric care or medication or secular counseling. These are all things you just pray about. Eventually they're argument escalated to him basically telling her to go ahead and do it, and God would sort it out. Then he kicked her out too, like he had with mom, me, my oldest sister as well.

So she came to live with me and my mom that day and it hasn't gone great. That night I went over to his house and saw him for the first time in a year. We'd had no communication whatsoever. I walked in, went to his room and stared him down. He looked at me for a second and said "you got something to say?" I said, as calm as I could, "Yeah. If you ever say anything like that to someone I care about again, I'm going to come back here and beat you within an inch of your life." And then I turned around and left. I guess it was pretty intimidating given what I look like, because being the coward he is he called the cops and said I threatened to kill him. Thankfully they didn't believe him and so I am not in jail or anything. It's funny, I don't think I could ever do that to my son if I ever have children, no matter what they said to me. And it's ironic that he seemed genuinely afraid that I would hurt him; growing up I never feared the corporal punishment as much as I feared the judgment and verbal lashing.

At any rate, things haven't gone so well with her since she came. She's understandably emotional and lashing out, but I just don't know how to deal with it. Mom can't be the strict one, not by a long shot. If it falls to me I don't know if I can do it. She's 18, she's strong willed and still reeling. And she doesn't really have any other options. Neither did I at her age, neither did her older sister. We've all had much the same issue at the same time and I want to spare her from the mistakes I made but I don't know if I can be a parental figure to her. She's going to be a rebellious young woman for a few years, I know this because I went through the same thing in swinging away from the stricture and rigidity of our childhood. Just like her older sister. But I have no real role models on which to model the guidance she needs.