Philotic Web

I only see grey wiskers in the mirror but sometimes Julie calls me the old silverback.

That's one more sign that I'm not getting any older (:) no fear of death!). All of my friends have whiskers.

I'm afraid that I won't be able to properly nurture Tyler and his brain so that he can grow up to be successful in his dreams.

I don't know how old Tyler is and know very little about psychology but what I do know is that making a lot of eye contact and telling them that you love them is important in a child's brain development. Helps part of the empathic part of the brain develop properly, stops them from becoming a clinical psychopath.

Thank you for your advice, Tiny Genius. I totally need to be better at just telling him I love him. I do it a lot, but there is no "too much" on this topic.

What my real fear comes down to is this: Tyler is an INCREDIBLY bright child. He wants to be a scientist when he grows up. He doesn't really care for math (though he's good at it) so he doesn't try hard in that area. How do I nurture a love of math when I know it's essential for his future career, even if he doesn't understand it yet? I can't afford the kinds of schools he's going to need to achieve his dream, so he needs to have the grades in ALL areas in order to get scholarships to the school he needs. And I'm not sure how to nurture this, I'm not sure how far to push him and how to find balance in all of this.

I'm afraid he's not going to make his dream and it will be my fault.

Steph, I was nowhere near as gifted as Tyler is when I was a child, but I was pretty bright, and although I was generally capable of doing well in all subjects, I oftened ignored some in favor of others I found more interesting. What worked best for me was when the subjects I didn't love were somehow combined with those I did.

If Tyler loves science, and is less interested in math, you might be lucky--because there's actually quite a bit of math IN science. A lot of it comes into play in more advanced subjects, like chemistry. But can you find some at-home science experiments that involve some math in some way? If he loves to read, you could do similar things. Find some aspect of the story that can be translated into a mathematical issue. Can he build a diorama to scale and have to figure out the ratios to come up with the correct sizes for everything? Or make his own word problems based on the story? Or figure out how many miles the character traveled on his quest? Or something like that. I'm coming up short with ideas in this exact moment. But you know what I mean. There's a lot of math in cooking as well, and if I remember correctly, your kids do like to be in the kitchen with you.

I don't know if this type of thing will work for him, but it did work rather well for me.

I was going to suggest something along those lines!

A chemistry set where he has to work out volumes and such? I could ask my mom, who tutors kids in math, how she inspires them, if you want.

Thanks for more ideas. I really like your "calculating the journey" idea. He has recently shown an interest in fractions, so I'm planning on working more in the kitchen where fractions are abundant.

I've been trying to convince him for MONTHS that science and math are best friends. If he wants to be friends with science, he has to learn how to get along with math.

I just really don't want him to burn out of "gifted." I was gifted as a child, but I had my peak early. By high school, I was only advanced, not gifted. I don't want this to happen to him.

I was gifted as a child, but I had my peak early. By high school, I was only advanced, not gifted.

I'm similar in that respect. It might be the fatigue created by increased workload and reduced sight but I'm now only averaging high Bs to medium As except in maths. I think if Tyler is gifted enough he'll come to realise that maths is important to science before it's too late.

But exactly how gifted is he? I mean what age and working at what level? I figured out in grade 4 the logic behind a mathematical concept that classmates in year 8 and 9 (this is the higher class remember) didn't get until it was thouroughly explained to them. If Tyler does this on his own the way I did or does even better then I think it'll be okay.

This thread be dead? I thought it'd still be going.

We're just not afraid of things at the moment, I guess!

This thread be dead? I thought it'd still be going.

A thread isn't dead unless it's on... let's say the 5th page. And even then it can be bumped. Sorry we're not fast enough for you, but that's just the way we roll around here.

Thank you for your advice, Tiny Genius. I totally need to be better at just telling him I love him. I do it a lot, but there is no "too much" on this topic.

What my real fear comes down to is this: Tyler is an INCREDIBLY bright child. He wants to be a scientist when he grows up. He doesn't really care for math (though he's good at it) so he doesn't try hard in that area. How do I nurture a love of math when I know it's essential for his future career, even if he doesn't understand it yet? I can't afford the kinds of schools he's going to need to achieve his dream, so he needs to have the grades in ALL areas in order to get scholarships to the school he needs. And I'm not sure how to nurture this, I'm not sure how far to push him and how to find balance in all of this.

I'm afraid he's not going to make his dream and it will be my fault.

Praise the hard work, not the natural talent. If I hear praise, I internalize it as 'thing that I am good at is easy and people really love it' then I self criticize if something is not easy, then I stop trying. The lesson I learn is that things that are hard are not worth the effort because the commensurate praise does nothing to acknowledge the intense difficulty of accomplishing the thing that was hard for me.

hearing praise that acknowledges the additional effort is always huge for me, "I'm incredibly impressed at this 100% you got on your math test, because I know how hard you worked, and I can see how all that hard work paid off." Might be a way to go about it.

That's some really great advice, Adam. Thank you. I'm going to make conscious effort to do this with him. And all my kids.

I've heard that too, and I plan to implement it with Nommers!

In terms of how to think about talent and such, Bounce is a pretty great book.

Nice thoughts. I like them.

And I guess I am a little impatient. I just try to move so quickly through stuff and the school thing doesn't help. We are just taught a concept (how to write a type of essay, a new maths formula, what type of drug something is) and then answer boring questions with the answer staring you in the face.

I mean, as an example, you're given Pythagoras' theorem to learn and then given 50 (seriously, 50!) right angle triangles to solve. We are just freakin' parrots plugging different input into the same templates for every subject. All the work is just annoying and irritating and restrictive, hardly letting me be creative or making me think and we're given tons of the stuff so it just gets... URGH. (This really should be on the hate thread).

I recently resorted to the strategy of attaching a question I'd made up to the bottom of a maths worksheet and giving it to my teacher. The formula to use wasn't immediately obvious and I ended up having to walk her through an answer that I arrived at independently. It's as close as I come to getting to use my imagination in things I like, except Drama.

Anyway, I've digressed. I've really got no more to add, sorry. I won't erase this post because I got sore writing it.

I'm afraid of career commitment. There are too many things I want to accomplish!

I have so much grey hair. I've been greying since I was about 18. I try to think of it as "tinsel". Rei likes it and insists I'm only allowed to dye my hair if I want to enjoy a new colour, but not to cover up the grey.

I've had grey hair since my 20s. And I thought I would never dye my hair. But when I got to a certain age, I started feeling like it made me look old, so now I do dye it. Even though my husband says he likes it grey.

Every time I pick Atticus up in the bedroom, there is a little piece of me that fears I'm going to hit his head on the ceiling fan. Comes from having hit my hand on it while pregnant. It's not a huge fear, but it is daily and irrational and nagging.

My heart starts(well, started) thumping when my law professor aggressively asks me questions, that I don't know, about a case. For 15 minutes.
Me: Please. Oh PLEASE don't call on me.
Professor: "So... Mr. CezeN, tell me about the case....Wrong....Wrong....Wrong..." For 15 minutes. Like, once he asks someone about something, he stays on them like a dog that just won't let go for at least 10 minutes.

I think Socrates was probably more encouraging and gentle with his questioning. Maybe you're doing the Socratic Method wrong? ('-' )

I've found that most 1L professors are like that, but most upper-level professors aren't. (I had an 1L professor who would shuffle through his index cards that had our names and pictures on them, pick one at random and call on him/her for the entire two hour class. Just luck of the draw, sometimes. He called on one poor girl every class period for two and a half weeks. I had another that would pick a color before class and call on everyone wearing that color. Law professors are strange folks.)

I'm pretty certain that their whole goal is to scare the crap out of you first year.

I've found that most 1L professors are like that, but most upper-level professors aren't. (I had an 1L professor who would shuffle through his index cards that had our names and pictures on them, pick one at random and call on him/her for the entire two hour class. Just luck of the draw, sometimes. He called on one poor girl every class period for two and a half weeks. I had another that would pick a color before class and call on everyone wearing that color. Law professors are strange folks.)

I'm pretty certain that their whole goal is to scare the crap out of you first year.

Lol I had to look up what 1L meant; I guess I should go ahead and learn the lawschool lingo.

I honestly wouldn't mind it if the professor did that after I had already raised my hand to answer a previous question. I love being put on the spot when I volunteer to be put on the spot.(contradictory maybe)
But, out of the blue? Yeah, that's crazy. But I guess it's a smart incentive for students to come to class everyday, case briefs prepared for the worst...

Yeah, no one really uses "volunteers" in law school. (And you'll get some students who insist on raising their hand to interject a comment about every single issue, anyway, who you'll learn to call "gunners" and who'll annoy the crap out of you.)

I had professors who would mark you absent if they thought you weren't prepared enough. (And in most cases, you'd only get 2-3 total absences for the semester. More than that and you fail the class.)

Not that I wasn't aware of it while awake but apparently I'm extra afraid of doing the whole meet the parents thing.

Last night I told zero I was wanting to make it to NYC in September if at all possible and he asked, given all this traveling I'm doing/planning to do, when it was we were making the trips out to AZ and D.C.

Never sounds great to me!

But it might be October and November, respectively (though he originally wanted to try before October since it will be a year at that point and for some reason he didn't want it going for that long without at least his parents having met me).

So we talked about other stuff, went to our separate beds, and when I slept, I dreamed we met our parents at the same time and his were obnoxious and hated me and my dad was super uncomfortable around him.

But yeah. I really am stupendously terrified. I am not overly fond of mixing my different facets of life and never have been. School/work friends stayed separate from family which stayed separate from online.

*hugs*

It's scary stuff and mixing worlds is all sorts of anxious worry, but it'll be okay. They are going to love you! And your family will love zero too!

I totally understand the "not mixing worlds" thing. I did that for most of high school. But then it just put a cramp on the things that I wanted to do.

The first time I had to explain to my parents I was going across the country to stay for a month with someone I met online was kinda weird. So was the first time I had to explain to my grandparents that my friends who were visiting the family cabin in Maine were Internet friends. So was the first time explaining to my girlfriend's parents that we were going to NYC to stay with an Internet friend for half a week. But after the initial "I know them because Internet", the awkwardness went away and it wasn't really so bad.

^- this is supposed to be reassuring.

The first time I brought David home to meet my family we'd been dating for about 7 or 8 months and he was the first guy I ever brought home to meet my family. (Henry didn't count, because I'd known him my whole life, and even then, he never once had a meal or more than 5 minutes of forced conversation with either of my parents).

1. Got lost on the way to my father's house. The same house he'd lived in for over a decade, at that point. I had to pull over and call my dad to get directions. I was, perhaps, just a little bit nervous.
2. Had a full-on meltdown--we're talking ugly, snotty crying with heavy sobs and irrational and hysterical emotional babble that lasted AT LEAST 45 minutes--on a park bench in the Public Garden. Because I was trying to show David around Boston and was basically the worst tour guide in the history of ever, and his disappointment was palpable. He just sat next me, miserably, on the bench, with a bewildered expression on his face that said, "Is this seriously happening right now?" It was the first time I ever lost it in front of him.
3. Got in a loud and ridiculous fight with my mother while David was standing right next to us.
4. I'm sure something embarrassing happened with my sister, but I can't recall it now.

The first time I met David's mom, she and his sister came to New York to visit.

1. David spent the entire weekend making excuses for us not to meet.
2. When we finally did meet, we all went out to dinner. At a restaurant that served exclusively mac & cheese. Which, while a wonderful novelty place with damn good mac, was not the type of setting in which his mother wanted to meet his serious girlfriend. She and David spent the first 20 minutes bickering, and then we pretty much all ate in silence for the rest of the meal.
3. I didn't see them again for the rest of the visit.
4. After they had left, I went to his apartment and realized that he had put away the pictures of me and the things I had given him while they were there. He put them back up afterward, but it was weird and hurt my feelings a bit.


So basically, there is every chance that meeting the parents could be TERRIBLE. It absolutely was for us. The second times weren't so hot, either. David came home with me for Christmas next, and my mom and I both got drunk on wine and insulted each other while playing cards. Then we went out to a bar and bumped into Henry there (OF COURSE). Then I spent the night puking in the bathroom from being too drunk. The second time I met David's family we came out to Minnesota to visit for a week, and were on the verge of breaking up (not because of the visit, though it didn't help matters).

When we moved to Minnesota I'd only met his mom twice.

But even though our first impressions weren't stellar, over time they got much, much better, and we're very much at ease with each other's family now. Plus it is HILARIOUS to remember those first visits. (In hindsight, of course).

There is every chance that it will be wonderful. But if it isn't, if it's horrific, just know that it's not the end of the world. You'll be fine.

Thanks, guys. I'm pretty sure it will be fine in the end but this whole meeting the parents thing makes it all a little more real and a little more grown up and a little more serious. It's a lot to take in, having a relationship that gets to that level. At least for me.

I'm just going to do for a while and hope it helps.

I honestly can't remember the fist time Will met my parents. I want to say we had been dating for about 4 months, but i'm not sure. I remember the first time he met my older sister because she went with me to pick him up at the airport, and from then on she has treated him like a brother. I know my parent's love Will, they treat him like one of their own (arguments and all).

The first time I met his parents was the first day I met him. I felt horrible because it was after a long hot day on a train and I was super tired. I remember kinda hiding behind him as he introduced me to his mom (i'm painfully shy with new people). His Mom is a talker, and i'm not. I love that we have a Facebook relationship because I feel like I can get more across when we message back and forth then when i'm actually there talking to her. I feel like his parents honestly like me, but i'm always worried i'm wrong.

Text to mom: I'll be asking for time off to take ********** to [hometown] later this year.
Text from mom: Ok. Is he your age?
My reaction that I have not sent yet: ...what does that have to do with what I said?

zero's response:
zero: I am 53 years old
also RUSSIAN
very thick accent

She wasn't particularly warm when my brother brought his girlfriend to meet her last year. I still don't know what that's about.

zero is awesome. (I mean, just look at his response!!) If your mom is not warm and welcoming, she will miss out and zero will still care about you all the same.

:)

He is but I'm going to stop being obnoxious now and start posting/talking about other things. Because there are always other things.

zero is awesome. (I mean, just look at his response!!) If your mom is not warm and welcoming, she will miss out and zero will still care about you all the same.

Steph is a smarty pants. you should listen to her

Steph is a smarty pants. you should listen to her