Wedding Planning!

Talk about anything under the sun or stars - but keep it civil. This is where we really get to know each other. Everyone is welcome, and invited!
VelvetElvis
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Postby VelvetElvis » Fri Oct 22, 2010 9:14 am

I can do the Achey Breaky Heart with my eyes closed*.





*And I know two different versions of the boot scootin' boogie
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Postby Eaquae Legit » Fri Oct 22, 2010 12:50 pm

Hahaha, you're awesome.
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Postby VelvetElvis » Sun Oct 31, 2010 5:39 pm

Mr. Dear and I bought our wedding bands. He hasn't taken it off in the three days since it came in. It's ADORABLE. I brought him something up to work the other day and as I was leaving I overheard a coworker ask who I was and he said, "That's my wife... I mean, that's my fiancee."
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Postby Eaquae Legit » Sun Oct 31, 2010 11:40 pm

Wait, he's already wearing it? Doesn't that defeat the purpose?
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Postby VelvetElvis » Mon Nov 01, 2010 6:05 am

He has a "mangagement" ring, but he claims to like the way that one feels better.
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Postby powerfulcheese04 » Wed Nov 10, 2010 11:22 am

We may have picked a band to play at our wedding.

One of my mom's employees is in a cover band with 3 professors at the university she works at.

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Postby Petrie » Wed Nov 17, 2010 8:23 pm

Did you end up going with that band, Kim?

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Postby powerfulcheese04 » Wed Nov 17, 2010 10:50 pm

Yep! Officially booked them today!
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Postby Young Val » Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:14 am

I can't believe I'm posting in this thread to "plan" my own wedding, not just comment on the plans of others!

Thank you all so, so much for your congratulations in Bob!

Incidentally, Pweb was one of the first to know. It happened last night, and I called my mother, father, sister, and best friend and then stopped there. We are telling David's family in person this week, so we're keeping it off Facebook until they know. Still, I couldn't go to sleep without telling someone else! So I came here. :D

I was completely, totally surprised. We were at home. It was quiet and simple and lovely. I was wearing my pajamas and had jam in my hair. David cried, but I SOBBED. We're going shopping for a ring this week. He's been looking for a month, but couldn't find one he liked. I told him again last night I don't need one, but it's important to him. And I will love wearing it.

It has been less than 24 hours and already everything is CRAZY. The whole process--especially calling my family--has been far more emotional than I anticipated. I'm still sort of reeling. And unspeakably happy.

More later. So much love to you guys!
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant

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Postby VelvetElvis » Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:26 am

I'm so glad this thread is revived!

I'm so happy for you!

Also, here's some unsolicited advice:

Don't be pressured into a ring you don't care for. There are a lot of diamond and nondiamond* options out there. Choose a ring that you like for itself, and remember that it's not the last ring you'll ever wear. There will be other rings.

*I have a black stone because black is my favorite color.
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Postby Luet » Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:51 am

I was late to the Bob thread but I am SOOOO happy for you. You two are adorable. And maybe you'll be joining your finances sooner than you thought. ;)

And I agree about the ring. Mine is diamond but it was an antique, not bought new. I love it so much. Just find a ring you love.
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Postby starlooker » Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:18 am

Yes, yes, fully agree with the "do not be pressured" idea. Because jewelry store salespeople are very, very good at it, and the good ones are good at doing it in subtle and friendly ways. D and I went shopping together, so he could get an idea of what I would like, but he actually picked out and bought the ring by himself. Took the pressure off of both of us.
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Postby steph » Mon Jun 27, 2011 11:50 am

Incidentally, Pweb was one of the first to know. It happened last night, and I called my mother, father, sister, and best friend and then stopped there. We are telling David's family in person this week, so we're keeping it off Facebook until they know. Still, I couldn't go to sleep without telling someone else! So I came here. :D
When I didn't see it on FB at all, I felt very special that we got to know here!!
I was completely, totally surprised. We were at home. It was quiet and simple and lovely. I was wearing my pajamas and had jam in my hair. David cried, but I SOBBED.
Sounds perfect! You guys love cooking so much, it just seems fitting for there to be jam in your hair. <3

It has been less than 24 hours and already everything is CRAZY. The whole process--especially calling my family--has been far more emotional than I anticipated. I'm still sort of reeling. And unspeakably happy.

More later. So much love to you guys!
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Postby GS » Mon Jun 27, 2011 12:13 pm

...had jam in my hair...
I think that this is hilariously perfect!

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Postby Eaquae Legit » Mon Jun 27, 2011 2:40 pm

Totally agree about the ring! Brent and I had talked about it, and we'd agreed that we'd rather spend the "big" money on the wedding ring, since that was the forever one. I love opals, and his mom had an opal engagement ring, so that's sort of what we'd settled on. Brent did the shopping by himself, and I am still so in love with the ring.

The people we bought our wedding rings from won us over right at the point we walked in and the lady behind the counter complimented me on my opal ring and told me how pretty it was. I'd gotten used to the "Oh. That's nice (I guess)" sort of reaction that her sincere admiration for our choice made me want to spend time and money in her store.
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Postby powerfulcheese04 » Mon Jun 27, 2011 5:39 pm

Nate picked my engagement ring, and while it isn't what I would have chosen for myself, I love it. I probably would have loved anything he picked, honestly. And I picked a wedding band I love (even though it's technically "matched" to a different engagement ring.)
-Kim

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Postby Petrie » Mon Jun 27, 2011 5:45 pm

I love opals
Same. If I ever get married, I'll be disappointed if I get a ring with anything other than an opal as the main piece. Even if I don't get married, I'll be disappointed if I don't get myself a ring with an opal. I had one I wore all the time but my fingers lost too much weight and it was too cheap initially to justify resizing.
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Postby Luet » Mon Jun 27, 2011 5:53 pm

Alea, you should get a ring guard for your opal ring. Most jewelers can put one on any ring for less than $20 or you could order online and put it on yourself with some pliers.
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Postby Jayelle » Mon Jun 27, 2011 6:00 pm

I can't stay away with exciting events like these!!!

Congrats Kelly! SO excited for you.

Yay yay yay!
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Postby steph » Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:03 pm

I can't stay away with exciting events like these!!!

Congrats Kelly! SO excited for you.

Yay yay yay!
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Postby thoughtreader » Mon Jun 27, 2011 10:06 pm

I can't stay away with exciting events like these!!!

Congrats Kelly! SO excited for you.

Yay yay yay!
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Postby Young Val » Tue Jun 28, 2011 12:29 pm

:::beams:::

Wow. It hasn't even been 48 hours yet and already my head is spinning!

I assumed David and I would get to spend a week or so cocooned in engagement after-glow, but that is apparently not the case.

The insanity began IMMEDIATELY. (Please know that I'm referring to in-person/on-the-phone conversations. Pweb is largely exempt from all this).

First of all, people are pretty palpably disappointed in my proposal story. They are shocked (shocked!) that David didn't go down on one knee, but perhaps even more shocked that they needed to ask me for that information to begin with. My standard and genuine answer to the "How did he propose?!?!" question is: "We are at home. It was simple and quiet and lovely. I was wearing my pajamas and had jam in my hair." Because we were, and it was, and I DID.

I actually had to add in the pajamas and the jam bit, because people kept waiting, silently and expectantly, for me to continue. When it's clear that's pretty much all that I'm going to say (that's all there was to it!) most people are pretty visibly disappointed, although they try to hide it. A few pushier people have actually asked for (demanded!) a word-for-word recap of the proposal. They want to know exactly what we said. And in my mind, that's no one's business but ours. A question was asked, an answer was given, and two people decided to spend their lives together. A transcript of the conversation is not important.

I don't feel guilt or proposal envy at all. I loved my proposal. It was tender and funny and perfect. I do not wish it had gone any other way. I DO wish people would stop acting like it's a s***** proposal story and that David "didn't try hard enough." It makes me angry.

Aside from that, I got two dreadful reactions. One, from a man whose immediate response after I said "David and I are getting married!" was "Are you pregnant?" Two, from a woman, who immediately dismissed the entire engament upon hearing I didn't have a ring yet. "Oh. Well. When are you getting officially engaged?"

Otherwise--and really, all that matters is the otherwise--people have been amazing. Crawling out of the woodwork with love and support. It's funny, but being engaged has made me feel like part of a community again, in a way I've been missing for a year or two.

I am also blown away by how it feels. Marriage has always been important to me, and being engaged always carried a lot of weight for me, previously. I knew the transition would be a big one, but I think intellectually I assumed it would just be...an external transition, somehow. I didn't anticipate how things would change for me internally and emotionally. David and I have been together for well over three years, we live together, we love each other, we respect and encourage each other, we have a remarkably healthy and happy relationship for which we work hard. Isn't that what a partnership is? And I suppose, all of that is still the same. But somehow, something is decidedly different, too. We are now a team. I am suddenly possessed by this calm, confident understanding that I am choosing to begin a family. I am choosing another person, to stand united with that person for the rest of our lives. To be the guardians of each others' solitude and the champions of each others' hearts. I can't explain HOW it's different, only that it IS. And the feeling is tremendous and there are times when I'm not quite sure to do with it. But it's been incredible.


David and I are really, really excited about our upcoming marriage. Everyone else is really, really excited about our upcoming wedding.

Not that I'm not excited, too, but geez.

"When are you getting married?!"
"Next summer!"
"Right, but WHEN?"
"Um...we've only been engaged for 3 days? We haven't picked a date yet?"
:::GASP OF HORROR::::

Ditto, ditto Mr. Brooke re: What is your color scheme?! and Which venue?! and What dress?! and favors and photographers and cakes (WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE A CAKE?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WERE HOPING TO MAKE HOMEMADE PIES YOURSELF FOR DESSERT?! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

Whoa.

People. Please understand. Our wedding is not going to be like a fairy tale. It is not going to be an AFFAIR or a SOIREE or a BALL. It is going to be quirky and bookish and handmade. It's gonna be a little weird, I won't lie. We are paying for it ourselves, and our budget is going to be small. Yes, I am planning on making all of the decorations myself. Yes, I'm planning on stocking the dessert bar myself. Yes, I am actually going to get up at 6 AM on the morning of the wedding and go to the farmers market to buy flowers, which I will then turn into bouquets for myself andf my bridesmaids. No, David is not going to wear a tux. No, we are probably not going to have engagement photos taken. No, that does not mean we hate all weddings and think we're more superior than everyone else. No, it does not mean we're making a mockery of tradition. It just means that we're going to do the things that matter to us and leave the rest. I know unquestioningly that it is going to be beautiful, and I don't even know what it's going to look like yet. Please stop acting like I've shot your dog just because I haven't booked a venue yet and don't want to wear a veil. Might I remind you, WE HAVE ONLY BEEN ENGAGED FOR THREE DAYS.

Wow, this is long isn't it? And not over yet:

The ring. We're going shopping tonight and I'm very excited! I am very open to gem stones of various sorts, and to diamonds as well, with no particular stone weighing heavier for me. Our budget is modest.

There is an antique engagement ring in David's family, and it has been offered to us, sight unseen. The situation, however, is complicated. David's father came from a very wealthy family, and when he commited suicide, David came into a significant small fortune as an inheritance. The ring is sort of part of that, but not exactly (it's complicated and I don't want to go into it). Currently, David's Uncle Bill, whom he is very close to, is in possession of the ring and as soon as he heard about our engagement immediately offered it to us with a full heart and open arms. Uncle Bill, though, has two daughters, and I'm relatively sure that one of them at least, if not both, are seriously interested in using that ring when they themselves get engaged, and I don't know that Uncle Bill considered that when he made the offer. To further complicate things, we haven't seen the ring and won't know if we'll like it or not. We're reasonably sure it's yellow gold, which I don't wear. We would love to take the stone and have it reset, or have the ring dipped in white gold if we like the current setting, but we also don't want to offend anyone in the family by not accepting the ring as is. I basically told David that it was not worth it to me to cause tension in his family if it's avoidable, and if one of his cousins wants the ring, then they should have it.

The agreement we came to with his uncle (Uncle Bill REALLY wants us to take the ring--partly, I think, to keep his daughters from fighting over it in the future, and partly because he truly does view David as a son, and pretty much helped raise him) is that we'll go shopping for ourselves and hopefully find a new ring that we love. If we can't find one that suits our needs and our budget for whatever reason, we'll revisit the idea of the family ring.

Oy.
Last edited by Young Val on Tue Jun 28, 2011 1:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant

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Postby VelvetElvis » Tue Jun 28, 2011 12:58 pm

Kelly,

We spent 300 dollars on my engagement ring and 25 on his engagement ring. I wore no veil and bought my dress from a China wholesaler. Jared designed and made my bouquet from real-touch flowers and no one could tell. The groomsmen (and the Dude of Honor) wore their own black suits and the bridesmaids wore their own black dresses. We self-catered our ice cream sundae bar instead of having a 3-course plated meal. We had lawn games instead of a bar and a dance floor. You are FINE. Your wedding will be FINE. Your marriage will be FINE.
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Postby Eaquae Legit » Tue Jun 28, 2011 2:23 pm

Kelly, we got a certain amount of flak for our choices with the wedding.

* Criticism for our decision to include the Litany of Saints in our wedding mass

* People didn't all like our invitations - but they were US and we LOVED them

Image

* We didn't have a bar, just wine on the tables and port for afters - apparently this was shocking and distressing - but it was important to us to not have people paying for stuff at our wedding, and we couldn't afford an open bar ourselves

* My mother kind of lost it at our lack of interest in having favours

* The bachelorette night was female family (and one male) and the wedding party, and we had sushi and went to a play in the park

Image

It's tough to deal with it, but in the end, stick to your guns! It's YOUR day, and you need to do it the way that is the most meaningful to you both.

And for the record, I don't even remember what Brent said when he proposed. I remember that he asked, and I must have said yes, and then I cried and we hugged and sat on a rock. We were smelly and camping, and it was utterly perfect.
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Postby Luet » Tue Jun 28, 2011 3:35 pm

I absolutely know that your wedding will be beautiful and quirky. You'll never make everybody happy, so try to ignore them all.

My wedding dress was a silver prom dress from JC Penney that cost $120. I adored it and would choose it again. We planned our wedding in less than three months and for about $600. Do what you love!
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Postby GS » Tue Jun 28, 2011 6:33 pm

Yes, I'm planning on stocking the dessert bar myself.
Not that I wouldn't want to attend your wedding anyhow, but oh boy would that be an extra bonus for being in attendance.

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Postby Petra456 » Tue Jun 28, 2011 7:04 pm

My younger sister is getting married in 10 days and I feel like i'm going to go crazy. I think it's because our tastes are so different, and my Mom just keeps almost picking on me for that. My sister has the bigger is better mentality about her wedding, where as the smaller the better for me. Mine is going to be quirky and non traditional, and I just know it's going to drive her nuts.

I'm not even engaged and it's all my Mom seem to be concerned about!

Kelly, i'm excited to hear about your wedding because you're such a creative person! I know whatever you do will be amazing : )

Ali, you look adorable!
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Postby Syphon the Sun » Tue Jun 28, 2011 7:40 pm

We probably made a lot of people mad by inviting them to the reception, but not the wedding. We wanted the wedding on a Tuesday and we wanted it very small (immediate families + best friends). We had the reception on the following Saturday so more people could come to that and celebrate with us.

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Postby Young Val » Wed Jun 29, 2011 5:47 am

Ring shopping was traumatic. I cried twice. David said I can just wear a twist tie, if I want to, and be done with it.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant

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Postby Luet » Wed Jun 29, 2011 7:02 am

Awww, I take it the crying was not happy crying? I'm sorry!
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Postby steph » Wed Jun 29, 2011 8:24 am

Ring shopping was traumatic. I cried twice. David said I can just wear a twist tie, if I want to, and be done with it.
\

*hug*

Your proposal sounded perfect (there was jam in your hair!!), your wedding sounds perfect (I want to eat your dessert bar and see you guys in YOUR element!) and I'm sure you will find a ring that's perfect (even if it's a cigar band!).
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Postby Eaquae Legit » Wed Jun 29, 2011 8:35 am

Aw poo! I hope it's better next time! And I hope it was external issues, like bad shop people, and not tension between the two of you (and it sounds like it isn't).

HUGS!
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Postby Young Val » Wed Jun 29, 2011 9:29 am

Can I just say how much I adore you guys? Thank you. I had no idea becoming engaged would ignite such an insane identity crisis. Even people I have known for years, people who are lovely, kind, SANE people have totally gone off the deep end with regard to my engagement, upcoming wedding, and every minute detail thereof. I feel like I woke up one day and suddenly everyone speaks a completely different language than I do. Some moments I am absolutely bursting with a sense of community and the next I feel completely alone and alien. I will say that through it all, David has been incredible. He has not gotten nearly half so much ammunition fired his way, and has been totally supportive and reassuring while I try to deal with the onslaught. I can't tell you how much it means to know that I can come here and still be treated like me.

(And yes, external awfulness, all of it. I am just too worn out to recap).
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant

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Luet
Speaker for the Dead
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Title: Bird Nerd
First Joined: 01 Jul 2000
Location: Albany, NY

Postby Luet » Wed Jun 29, 2011 10:03 am

People can be crazy, even those we love and who love us. My mom threatened to not come to our wedding if we didn't invite my dad to the reception (who she is divorced from and cheated on her) because she felt bad for him. I didn't want him there. She made the whole process horribly stressful.
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa

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starlooker
Commander
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Title: Dr. Mom
First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
Location: Home. With cats who have names.

Postby starlooker » Wed Jun 29, 2011 10:46 am

****hugs****

Oh, I am sending so much love and so many good thoughts your way.

I understand. I was engaged before the ring, and I am not a detail-oriented person. I have not been planning my wedding since I was five. And, apparently, it turned out that my very detail-oriented aunts and cousins and friends had been planning my wedding since I was five. They were kind, supportive, and wonderful -- I couldn't have made it through without them -- but I cannot muster concern about so many things everyone else is already thinking about.

However, even though planning the wedding was crazy-making for me at times, the actual day of the wedding was everything I wanted. I hope that all the craziness for you happens pre-wedding date, and that there is plenty of love, magic, and community for the two of you on that day and every day after.

The wedding belongs to you and to David. Focus on the aspects of it that are important to you -- when you're ready to focus on it -- and try to talk about it mainly with people that you know will be helpful.

(Also, I am so, so sorry about the traumatic ring-shopping experience. It will get better. The two of you will figure out the perfect solution to whatever external factors caused the problems.)

Advice: Try to do something grounding and normal for awhile. With the phone shut off. Frankly, I'd suggest avoiding the onslaught as much as possible for awhile until you are starting to feel excited about things again. And, I promise, you will.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter


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