Dear Interwebs

[Gravity Defier]

"Hi, I think you've got a great profile and think you look damn sexy in your pictures, want to strike up a conversation?"

I would reconsider the "you look damn sexy" part. Take this with a grain of salt, since dating sites aren't my thing and neither is dating people I haven't been friends with, but if I heard that, it'd feel creepy (trying too hard, maybe) and would override the compliment aspect.

[Wil]

I agree with Alea here. If they do indeed look damn sexy, they've probably been told they look damn sexy so often that they're sick of hearing it. They're probably associating guys that tell them this toward sleazy guys now. Unless you both just want to get laid. In which case, it might work.

Also, I'm sad nobody else said anything.

[Gravity Defier]

I already told you what I thought; go to lunch, make a friend, keep trying with others. This is not complicated.

No one will think poorly of you for that, either; it takes a special type of person to walk into that situation and want to make it work, even if they already have feelings for the other person.



By the way, first thought I had when I saw your post was "Five. Five dollar. Five dollar foot-long."

[locke]

*shrug*
it's a one week experiment to see if saying the obvious yields better dividends than trying to be clever and non threatening. Some girls like to be told they look sexy, some girls pictures invite it (if more than half the pictures are the girl on a beach, for instance. ) And frankly, I'm not going to message them at all if I'm not attracted to them. so anyway, I've done the non-threatening thing and get about a 20% response rate, mostly from the bottom 20% of the attractiveness scale of whom I message, we shall see if the upfront, you're sexy, want to talk strategy does better or worse. :-p

[megxers]

I've reactivated my online dating account but I'm still way too chicken to put up a picture. After like, 3 people I know in the non-web world have come up as fairly top results...awkward. So far I've chickened out on 2 people on the "okay we've chatted a bit, let's meet up stage." I think I'm really afraid of dating. In college, I was sort of with someone from a year and a half and it wasn't really proper dating and I liked it and want to find something like that again.

I also am contemplating doing things to end someone else's engagement and dear interwebs, please talk some sense into me. I've spent the last few weeks reflecting on how much I despise a lot of the ways I acted in high school & college...and um, this is right up there with that!

[locke]

Ever notice how in EVERY romance story ever written where a relationship/engagement is broken up, it's almost always a woman who is the villain? often a jealous ex lover?

do you want to be the villain? breaking them up is not going to get him to fall for you instead, he's just going to resent you even more and probably actively hate you.

Some strategies to help you avoid this because it sounds like you don't want to do it anyway.

1. Delete their numbers out of your cellphone, make sure you take them off speed dials, instant messengers on your phone etc. Erase them from your phone.
2. Delete their contact info from your email address book.
3. Unfriend them on facebook/myspace
4. take them off instant messengers on your computer etc, if possible set them to block.

[locke]

So, success rate of regular messages 4/24

success rate of new messages 2/4

success is determined as getting a response to a message.

[jotabe]

sadly, sample is not of statistical size

[locke]

agreed, new sample could very easily go down to 16% quite quickly, but I haven't had a couple weeks of sending out messages yet to build up comparable sample sizes.

It's like fishing, I'm just trying to find the right bait and it takes a lot of patience. If I get a nibble I try to play the line in the hopes the fish will strike. If I get a strike I try to set the hook and reel her in. Once landed (date) you then have to decide if it's a keeper or a catch and release situation. sometimes you don't set the hook, sometimes you have to have a lot of patience and have to bring the fish nearly to the boat before she takes the bait and you set the hook. Each fish plays out quite differently. sometimes you get a strike and then the hook doesn't set. I've had one nibble and then the fish got scared and ran away. on the other hand, I just had one line that started getting a bite nearly two weeks after I cast it. so you never know.

[Wil]

I am actually quite convinced that the women who are using online dating have too high an opinion of themselves. I am by no means being at all shallow, as if I find them interesting and at all physically attractive then I'll message them. Some people I find so absolutely interesting that I know we would get along great, and yet they seem more inclined to ignore me. But, I guess they expect to eventually find or think they deserve a cross of Edward or Jake from Twilight and Stefan Urquelle (old skool lol) or SOMETHING. FFS.

[jotabe]

I am actually quite convinced that the women who are using online dating have too high an opinion of themselves.

Well, that's quite counter-intuitive...

[locke]

I also think its counter intuitive. It makes more sense that the problem is your approach than that all the girls on the site coincidentally have the same exact problem of thinking too highly of themselves.

I've had a couple more unexpected bites to messages I sent out three or four days ago. Now I'm not sending out any more messages. balancing eight conversations is a lot. and I'm grateful at this point that some of them don't respond for a day or two.

I was quite happy when the first person I messaged when I signed up unexpectedly replied tuesday. otoh, she's at least two-three years too young (22) and goes to UCLA, but she's immediately struck me as very my type otherwise. a bit after messaging her I adjusted my age settings to 24-29, and really it's pretty rare that I message someone under 26. They have to have a really sparkling/killer profile for me to do so.

I've got a drinks/diner/movie date lined up for Saturday (very very excited about this one), a coffee date on Tuesday, waiting to hear back on two more on Friday, and next thursday/friday both meeting for drinks dates.

[Wil]

Well, that's quite counter-intuitive...

I only think this way after having very little luck. Maybe I just don't have locke's strikingly good looks and god-like charm. Or, who knows, maybe I just have "a******" written across my forehead in all my pictures, my profile, and my messages and I just don't see it.

I think it's more the website I'm using using. I'm cheap so I'm going the free route. Others I've spoken to have said pretty much the same thing I did. According to one guy who has been using OKC for the last few years, the best way to do it is to message people right as they join. *shrugs*

[daPyr0x]

maybe I just have "a******" written across my forehead in all my pictures

I bet that would actually get you more luck with women. I think that conclusion has been come to many, many times



For some strange reason, I can get absolutely nowhere with the free dating sites. Women often don't respond, and the very few that do are the least interesting. However, when I have paid (eHarmony, 'cause I know you're wondering), I've not only been able to garner the interest of women, but I've also managed to make a few relationships out of it.

That being said, every single woman I have met that way has met one defining criteria that I have no interest in. Needy. Every single one of them felt like they needed a man, became clingy, and expected great things of short relationships. Hence why I've not ventured to resume such a subscription. Instead, I've taken a different mindset.

I'm perfectly lonely; Yeah,
Cause I don't belong to anyone
And nobody belongs to me

That's the way, that's the way, that's the way, That I want it

[neo-dragon]

I'm just going to go ahead and state the obvious...

There are too many bachelors on pweb.

[Gravity Defier]

You say "too many" as though this were a problem; I think a silent portion of them like it.


But hey, can I join the Bachelors of Pweb (BOP) if I promise to act like a man?

[Eddie Pinz]

I also am contemplating doing things to end someone else's engagement and dear interwebs, please talk some sense into me. I've spent the last few weeks reflecting on how much I despise a lot of the ways I acted in high school & college...and um, this is right up there with that!

Just saw this. I have a similar situation, except that it is not an engagement. And all I have to do is say one sentence to the guy and they are done. I've thought long and hard about doing. I am pretty sure it came pretty it came close to happening this past Saturday. I am also pretty sure that I hate myself a little for wanting to do it. So...um...I guess I don't really have any advice. Just wanted to share. It is hard not to do something like that when you have the ability.

But hey, can I join the Bachelors of Pweb (BOP) if I promise to act like a man?

Only if you bring your penis.

[Gravity Defier]

But hey, can I join the Bachelors of Pweb (BOP) if I promise to act like a man?

Only if you bring your penis.

If you'll note, I already said I'd act like a dick; must I really bring one, too?*




Not a serious comment on Pweb guys...or guys in general. In other words: Joke.

[zeroguy]

Only if you bring your penis.

Oh great, we need to bring it? 'cuz that's really bad timing... I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again.

(what happened to the cowboy bebop 'detachable penis' AMV? argh)

[locke]

not bringing your penis means no membership.

there are some standards.

[megxers]

Hmmm thanks for the advice guys, I think I am just going to let it implode on its own. He texted me earlier and then didn't respond to what I sent back, which is good, because we used to be way too emotionally involved so I just need to step way, way back from it. It just sucks that now I kind of don't have a best friend because of it. Though, arguably, we haven't been really best friends in a year.

All this talk about dating has kind of gotten me completely disinterested in it again. I kind of feel like the qualities that end up leading me to be attracted to someone take a lot of time for me to evaluate and relate to, so I really prefer the friends to dating route. Except I'm terrible at converting these into real relationships. My ideal guy likes to go out & such but also is a total geek, ie my exish was a WOW-addict frat boy. So I suppose I just need to meet more people...

[starlooker]

Dear Interwebs,

I ended up getting my no-longer-baby brother a camera for graduation (Thanks for the idea, Jan.) He LOVED it. It was a Sony, on sale for about $150 at Best Buy, and I got him a 2 year warranty/accident plan with it so that if he ends up with a stupid roommate who drunkenly throws it in a fishbowl one night, he'll be set. So, about $200 total.

Giving him the camera worked out really well. Our aunt had made him a really awesome quilt that was delivered a few hours before graduation. It was all kinds of denim patches and then different things embroidered all over it that represented my brother -- drama masks, the state of Texas with the city where he was born, the city where he lives now, and the city where his college is all marked, and three rats (modeled after Templeton) in the colors that his rats are. He was crazy pleased and touched by it -- who wouldn't be? And he wanted a picture, so my father got him the family camera, which was out of batteries. I went out to the car to get the present, and when I came back he was arguing with my dad about which way the batteries are supposed to go in the family camera. "Hey, Bubba?" I said, and he was fiddling with the batteries and kind of impatient and goes, "Just a minute, let me do this." and I go, "Here, try this," and put the new camera on top of his hand.

He laughed really hard and was REALLY excited about it. I took pictures with it during the graduation. (It's SO much better than my camera. I'm jealous.) What was really cool was that my dad (a math teacher at the high school) was one of the sponsors for his senior class, so my dad was helping the seniors on stage to get their diplomas. I got a couple of pictures of them together right before he went up to get his diploma, which was very neat. (Sadly, even though it's a better camera, the graduation was on a football field and so even on max zoom, it's pretty far away. All the same.)

[Gravity Defier]

I kind of feel like the qualities that end up leading me to be attracted to someone take a lot of time for me to evaluate and relate to, so I really prefer the friends to dating route. Except I'm terrible at converting these into real relationships.

Amen.



As to the other part, I think you made the right choice. It'd have been really easy for me to say to go that route beforehand but then again, high horses are surprisingly easy to get on when you have no experience with that problem. I only know my heart's been aching a bit for you, reading the progression of all this, wanting to tell you do this or that, knowing I'm entirely full of it because I'd struggle to follow my own advice were I in your shoes. Good luck with it, Meagan.

ETA:

"Hey, Bubba?"

This made me smile so big. I call my little brother Bubs (short for the original Bubba for me, BooBoo Bear from my mom), among other things.

[daPyr0x]

So, I was browsing craigslist in my area for their entertainment industry postings and there's one for a new local dating show they're filming.

I'm really considering trying for it....

[Gravity Defier]

not bringing your penis means no membership.

there are some standards.

My mom wants to know if it has to be a real penis.


The possibly not-safe-for-prudes conversation at lunch:

Mom: I don't want to go back to work.
Me: I'll go for you; they might not notice I'm not you.
Mom: They probably would.
Me: Maybe. I do look like Dad. Thanks, by the way, for making your only daughter look like a boy. *pause* So, uh, how do I get a penis?
Mom: You don't look like a boy. Why do you want a penis?
Me: (failing to mention things like Pweb, online, etc.) Most of my female friends are in relationships but most of my male friends aren't. They won't let me join their ranks without a penis.
Mom: Does it have to be a real one?
Me: Do you know where to get one?
Mom: A real one? No. But there are strap-ons.

[jotabe]

XD hilarious

[Eaquae Legit]

Your mom is awesome. That is all.

[megxers]

As to the other part, I think you made the right choice. It'd have been really easy for me to say to go that route beforehand but then again, high horses are surprisingly easy to get on when you have no experience with that problem. I only know my heart's been aching a bit for you, reading the progression of all this, wanting to tell you do this or that, knowing I'm entirely full of it because I'd struggle to follow my own advice were I in your shoes. Good luck with it, Meagan.

Thanks. I mostly feel that even if I do wish I could do something, I feel that if he really loves her, he's not the guy I really thought he was, and it has been so long since I've seen him I really don't have the say in anything in his life anymore at all. Which also hurts a bit. Also, I love how your comment re: the singletons of Pweb could have turned into an awkward version of the Bachelorette, but it is totally more entertaining to just be one of the guys.

A guy Ive been talking to wants to go bowling or something but a. I hate bowling & b. I'm not sure how soon to break it that I'm moving.

[Gravity Defier]

I hate bowling

aww, bowling is one of those fun things I don't do nearly often enough. I suck at it - 113 might be my all-time high score- but I think that's part of the fun.

I'd suggest you think of something else for the two of you to do, present the idea to him, and let him know about the move ASAP. It's a little unfair, if he's even a little interested in dating, to not let him know sooner rather than later.

I love how your comment re: the singletons of Pweb could have turned into an awkward version of the Bachelorette, but it is totally more entertaining to just be one of the guys.

Bah, they're being a bunch of poopheads. I practically am one of them anyway, so there's really no point in not sharing the honorary title.

Just you wait, they'll let me in.

[locke]

which may be the most penis like thing you've said.

After all, it's usually the girls who let guys in.

[Gravity Defier]

So...am I in, or what?


(^also a penis like thing to say )

[Janus%TheDoorman]

So...am I in, or what?


(^also a penis like thing to say )

Pfft. That's a rookie move, rookie.

The proper form when entering into a male social circle is to brazenly insert yourself from the get-go, and then beating back any challenges to your status and you pound your chest in victory.

Asking permission? Get outta here.

[Gravity Defier]

Get outta here.

Hey, Master Chief, suck my ****.

[Janus%TheDoorman]

Hey, Master Chief, suck my ****.

Y'know, I've heard women use that comeback on more than one occasion at this point. I'd been wondering if there was something that had started the trend. But seriously, it just causes confusion when it's not backed up by a YouTube video of the reference in question. Guys didn't watch G.I. Jane.

But anyway...


Dear Steve,

I'm living at home (read: with my parents), and it's slowly dawning on me that I'm not great at this whole making friends thing. I'd never had trouble making friends when I was constantly surrounded by people my age through school and college. Now that I'm somewhat stuck in a boring corner of New Jersey, I'm having trouble rebuilding a web of friends.

I tried meeting people through what friends and family I do have around here, but suffice to say they're not exactly friends with the sort of people I get along best with.

I don't really have to much trouble getting acquainted and familiar with people once we've come in contact, but... I'm having trouble coming into contact with people

Anyone got suggestions on where/how to meet fun and interesting new people?

[Syphon the Sun]

Dear Interwebz,

So, I've worked as a staff writer for the journal for a year. I submitted two major articles to them and in January, they selected one for publication (it came out this month). Then I was elected Editor-in-Chief in February and I’ve been gradually taking over, with the full phase-in occurring later this week. Yesterday, I was given the list of articles selected for our next two issues and my second article is on the list.

But as the new Editor-in-Chief, I have to make the announcement to the journal staff (many of whom submitted articles that were not selected). And a few years ago, the Editorial Board selected their own work for publication and that understandably caused a pretty big deal, which the staff hasn't forgotten. Even though I didn't make the selections, I'm worried my colleagues will think I'm trying to do the same thing.

At the same time, I do want my work published. I spent hours upon hours doing the research. I spent hours writing. It’s a topic I really care about, it’s relevant and timely, and I think I did a pretty decent job writing it. Having another published article would also be pretty great for my résumé and professional future. Plus, my predecessor’s notes on the other articles indicate a huge gap in the quality of the articles selected and those that weren’t. So, even if I were to decline the publication (as the author, I can revoke my submission), I would either have to do some very, very heavy editing of another article to make it publishable, or simply make the issue one article slimmer.

Am I in the wrong for wanting to just publish the list of works selected by my predecessor, even if my own work is included? If you had submitted an article that was passed over in this situation, how would you react? What would you do if you were in my position?