Philotic Web

Melissa McCarthy makes me laugh like whoa. I really loved her on SNL a while back, I loved her in Bridesmaids, and I love this quote (which has more context than I'm presenting) about her weight:

Do I sometimes hope I wake up in the morning and people are like, ‘What’s wrong with her? She looks emaciated,’ ” she says. “Of course I would love that. I’m such a clothes whore I would love the opportunity to be a hanger.

My roommate singing in the shower. Not that it is bad singing or anything, I just have to laugh at how random it is. She sings a random line, shuts up for a couple minutes, sings a whole chorus, silence, another random line.

Me: "I can't believe how many vultures there are here in Florida!"
SIL: "Well, there are a lot of old people there..."

What really makes me laugh is the way the turkey vultures in downtown Miami hang around the courthouse. No kidding.

The one room I'm most prepared to fill in whatever apartment I get is the kitchen...and I don't cook. *laugh* I think it's my subconscious' way of preparing for a Steph or Wil visit.

"Ladies, guys are sick of hearing you ask where all the nice guys are. They're in the friend zone... where you left them."

"The Bachelor: Arranged marriage + the worst parts of dating."

The ridiculous plot scenarios of Misfits. And I thought Community was ridiculous? Not often you have a guy sleep with a girl, turn into a girl and sleep with her again, then turn into a guy and get caught with the girl-version's dress on your floor - leading to the assumption that you were sleeping with another girl, your girl counterpart - only to turn into a girl and get slapped by the girl you've been dating for cheating with the guy that is really you.

It's not often that you have a guy's group of misfits thinking that, in your girl form that they don't know is you, you're trying to seduce a guy in your group who has a girlfriend. Not to mention getting daterapedrugged by a pervert, and then turning back into a guy just when you wake up and he's about to have his way with you. And then it shows the shot of your penis under the dress from his point of view? Switches to the shocked look on his face? Hilarious.

The wrappers of Playtex Sport tampons have random encouraging messages. Today's best: "Stretch Yourself." I really wanted to tell someone about it in class, but thought it might be a little TMI.

The wrappers of Playtex Sport tampons have random encouraging messages. Today's best: "Stretch Yourself." I really wanted to tell someone about it in class, but thought it might be a little TMI.

Thats awesome, If I'm ever in need of a tampon gain this might inspire me to get playtex over tampax

The only thing I remember from my dream last night is that Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen was in it and offended about something on my behalf; he was threatening to "hunt down and maim" this person or "[something] and maim" them, anyway, but he said "mime." He was going to hunt down and mime this person.

I was laughing as soon as I was awake enough to recall that tidbit. Because miming isn't quite as bad as maiming is.

Some would argue that it's actually worse.

Nobody deserves a mime, Alea.

THAT is funny!

I woke up laughing about my dream also!

I have a penguin pillow pet named Timothy that I have to hug in order to sleep comfortably. In my dream I was in my bed trying to get to sleep and I couldn't find Timothy. Then somehow I found out that people only get to cuddle with Timothy if you have a 3 in your birthday. I remember being so upset in my dream that I didn't have him to cuddle with and I kept trying to go though my friends birthdays to see if anyone could get him for me.

When I actually woke up Timothy was on the floor across the room. I had to have thrown him in the night, and couldn't stop laughing when I woke up and realized he actually wasn't near me!

Wow, I want some of your dreams. I'm nearly always upset and/or mad in my dreams. This morning I woke up yelling out loud "Shut up, just shut up!", which is what I had been screaming at my mom in my dream.

This will sum up my Valentine's day.

My weirdo cat, Monkey, makes me laugh every day. She doesn't like most people food that cats normally like (turkey, tuna, milk, etc) but I recently discovered that she likes cookies. And she loves the smell of tea tree oil and bleach. I have to lock her out of the bathroom when I clean with bleach or she will rub her face all over it.

The people who are nice around here are crazy nice, like above and beyond, but most of the people I've come across are just grumpy as get out.

The sun is a lovely thing, people. Go see it when it shows itself.

You have to realize that in the northern winters, the sunniest days are usually also the coldest days. So, people generally don't want to go outside any longer than necessary.

That I still sing Nothing Suits Me Like a Suit in the morning.

(Referencing this)

There's a roamer on the porch in Walking Dead vol. 14 that looks like Edward Norton to me. Don't ask me why that makes me laugh, it just does.

The Lutheran Insulter

You are dumber than Seriphian frogs and fishes.

From The Bondage of the Will on pg. 77 of Luther's Works, Vol. 33

Hahaha - Love it!

Getting BirthdayTrolled.

See, I'm in a...creep competition, flirt war, with one of my friends. The object being to make the other uncomfortable through flirtation. Kinda like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-f7bcormF0" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Except less so.

Now, the battle had lulled for a week or so. So, my guard was down. So, for my birthday, my friend covered my eyes and brought me to a big box labeled with my name. Suspicious, I shook the box - checking to make sure it wasn't a bomb or a person popping out to scare me. With another friend of ours(her roomate) videotaping us, I opened the box.

Inside the box...was two pieces to a weird unorthodox bed.

"Do you like your present?" "Ehhh, sure.....what is it?"
"A bed. And here, you're gonna need these too..." And she brought out a bunch of condoms.
"And here, this as well." And she brought out a mini instructional manuel on sex positions. Flipped it open to show the pictures.
"So, do you like it?" "..............umm sure?"
"Thats good. When do you think you'll be using it?" "Oh, ummm, you know. Whenever."
"I think we should use it......" "Ummm.......=x"
"So, tonight or when? I'll be here till Sunday." "Ummm..... "
*camera person laughing*

Finally, she admitted that it wasn't really my present. I think she'd decided that her roomate, our friend who was holding the camera, was gonna die of laughter if she didn't stop.

Needless to say, I was pretty uncomfortable. And just lost a decisive battle in our war. In the words of her roomate, "She just shatted on you man lmao"

Funniest fake birthday present I've ever gotten. Creative, innovative. Well played.
Alas, the war.
Isn't.
Over.

http://jp-squared.tumblr.com/post/19215 ... hristopher" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

this gave me a good laugh.

Josh, was that you? I LOVE the folder in the page header. LOVE. Could not stop laughing.

I've been looking for pweb april fool's, but I'm on my phone and I haven't been successful in finding anything on this mobile screen.

If you don't get to a computer before it's changed back, I, of course, took a screen shot of the folder. It's mostly a throwback, so it's not a huge deal but I've been craving old Pweb so much, I think seeing that dratted little thing was like a shot of happy right in the veins.

I can always count on you!

Thank you, Weather Network.

Heheheh, "big honking noise," huh?

Thank you, Weather Network.

HOLY AWESOME.

That is just plain awesome.