My Life in a Literary Agency

[Young Val]

absolutely not.


part of it, assuredly, is that we are Book People. we like paper. it's tactile. it can cut you, yeah, but it's smooth and portable and--i can't stress this enough--tactile. we are old fashioned and very stubborn and resistant to change.


however, quirkiness aside, almost no agent or publisher in their right minds would EVER allow electronic submissions. why? i send about 500+ emails a day. i receive almost double that amount. it is hard enough as it is to keep track of all of the really, incredibly, career-making-or-breaking stuff in my inbox without having to open and skim through 100+ joe-schmoe submissions. hell no.


give me snail mail or give me death.

[Rei]

I always had wondered why they insisted upon hard-copies... That makes sense.

[anonshadow]

I find it hard to read many things on the computer; if someone sends me a story or something to read, I always print it out.

[Oliver Dale]

Another problem has to do with the informal nature of email. You send a polite rejection to a query letter, and how hard is it for the recipient to click "reply"? Not at all. And now you've got the rejection of your rejection to deal with, besides.

[Eaquae Legit]

Kelly, do you know anything about how copy-editors get into the business? Do they generally need degrees in English Literature (and if so, why?).

[Young Val]

Ali--i know a little bit about it, but i have no first hand experience. before i go on with what i know though--are you talking about copy editors or copy writers? two totally different jobs. i should assume that you mean what you say, but copy writers are so much more prominent these days, i wanted to double check.

[Eaquae Legit]

I think I've got the right one. The one who goes through a manuscript checking for errors in punctuation, spelling, and such?

[Young Val]

yup. just checking. they used to be proofreaders, now they're copyeditors--but the job is slowly being phased out.

most true remaining copyediting positions exist in the newspaper world. and in order to become one, you must first become a working journalist. usually this means a degree in journalism as well, or english at the very least (although this will complicate matters).

in book publishing the position really no longer exists. in the last decade there's been a shift in the industry. formerly, there were writers, agents, editors, and copy editors. an agent's main job was to sell. an editor's to buy. and a copy editor's to correct.

everything has down shifted; now in addition to selling, agents do most if not all of the textual work with the author. we don't submit MSs to publishers unless they're more or less print-ready. we work with the author on all rewrites, we edit the work for concepts and execution. when we feel as though it's as close to perfect as we can make it, then we submit.

because of this, most of the editor's job is done for him already. after reading the work, then making an offer and buying the work, he'll read it through, if there are any changes needed he'll discuss with the author, and then....that's it (not really. but in terms of copy editing, that's it).

now everything is usually passed on to a production assistant who designs the layout, chooses the font, etc. a production assistant may scan the work, make sure things are consistent, but again, this isn't really the crux of what she does.

in truth--copy editing is a completely thankless job. a copy editor will be required to defend each and every minute change to the author and publisher and everyone else involved on the project. little things turn into huge blowouts.


...but that exact job doesn't really exist anymore in book publishing. it definitely exists in journalism (combined with fact-checking) and i freely confess that i know nothing about magazines.


did that help even a bit? haha, my brain is in a million places today.

[Rei]

So the grammar and punctuation are being fixed by sales-people... This would explain some books I've tried to read. Fortunately not too many.

[Young Val]

there isn't a person in the industry who isn't a "sales-person." i don't like to think of it that way, but it's very true.

[Eaquae Legit]

Darn, no room for me, then. I've no interest in magazines or newspapers at all, and no experience or relevant degree in literature. Just a lot of grammar.

[Young Val]

there's always freelance work. kids need papers and things edited all the time. (and many rookie writers make the mistake of hiring an editor--which isn't so much a mistake if the writer isn't so much literate....like some of our query letters indicate). set up shop. a blanket fee per page. put up some fliers and post of craigslist, and there you go.

[starlooker]

I'm having flashbacks to my mother's former position as a proofer for educational software for kids, and the triumph she felt when she forced them to put in a semicolon.

*sighs*

Also, she would end arguments by correcting my grammar until I got fed up and quit trying to make the point I was making in order to fight with her on that subject. Which I never won. Because, as she used to say, "Kirsten, people pay me to know these things."

[Young Val]

the publishing industry is predominantly filled with women. when women spend routine amounts of time together, they tend to sync up on the same menstrual cycle.

everyone in NYC publishing is on the rag this week.

do you have any idea how impossible it is to get anything done right now? pretty much all we're doing is slamming down the phones on one another and sending passive-aggressive emails about deals that should have been made and advances that should have been sent. of course no one is making deals or sending advances because we're all too busy popping painkillers and eating chocolate. (but really. there is a huge slab of swiss chocolate in the conference room that's nearly gone, and i've already given away half a bottle of advil).



*sigh* and it's only monday.

[Young Val]

i already feel like crying and i've only been in the office for 45 minutes. today is one of those days when i just feel like i can't hack it in this line of work. sure, i have the passion for it, but it's not all reading Manuscripts and helping people fix them. a lot of it is stupid mundane number-crunching and name-dropping. there are so many little details, and i'm SO disorganized by nature, and things are just slipping through the cracks. it's beginning to be a problem.

and my predecessor was SO organized and efficient and amazing and everyone loved her and i know i pale in comparison and i know people think that i don't measure up. and i hate that.


on the up-side, the only guy on our floor brought in a ginormous batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies. he has now won the favor of all the hormonal women.

[Janus%TheDoorman]

I don't know the key to success, but I know that the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

Between selling pudding pops and complaining about the state of education in America, Bill Cosby does tend to crank out a few words worth remembering every once in a while, y'see?

[Young Val]

hahahahaha/ i'm an agent. it's in my job description to please everyone. there's no sale unless both parties are happy.


it's a nice sentiment, though.

[Young Val]

hey, so back before this job, and before the internship, and before the internship before THAT, when i first moved to New York a few years ago, i got a gig as a freelance editor (a tough thing to do, and i got it all on luck and name-dropping, and probably wasn't experienced enough at the time to have landed it--but it worked out just fine).

one of the first MSs to cross my desk was Jennifer Egan's THE KEEP. it's now in paperback (which i only know because i read my friend Russ's work blog. you should, too. he's brilliant. he and a friend decided to open an independent bookstore, and they made it happen. http://blog.wordsmithsbooks.com/).


so you should all go out and read it. 1. because it's actually quite good. and 2. because it is one of the books that kick-started my career. and 3. it's in paperback, now. so it's cheap.

[Young Val]

i have let everyone down. i am not organized enough for this position. i am screwed.

[ratesjul]

Nonsense.

Whenever you think you're a pile of **** and don't deserve anything or to be anywhere, it sucks.

But sooner or later the only person who remembers whatever it was, is you. Go get a coffee or a hot chocolate or a warm chocolate chip biscuit ... and try working on something else.

[Young Val]

.............. they are going to hire someone part-time to pick up my slack. they keep saying that i'm doing four separate jobs (which is true) that should be done by four separate people (also true).

my workload is insane. i come in early every day and stay late every night and it somehow just never ever gets done. and i work HARD.

i know it's too much. i know it's not my fault. i know all that. they SHOULD hire a second person. it's far too much work for just one.


but all i can think is: my predecessor could handle it.


i'm such a failure.

[Janus%TheDoorman]

Out of curiosity, how long had your predecessor been doing the job?

[Young Val]

one year. but it was one job when she started. they slowly put more and more on her one at a time as the year went on. i've been here two months and i started with all four things.

it's not an excuse. i suck.


and i'm also breaking my HO-no internet rule. ugh.

[ratesjul]

Doing bits and pieces of several jobs is hard work. It's even harder work when all the busy things land on one day - or when all of them are busy all of the time.

I'm currently doing a job that is not the new interpretation of my job description, and is not the old interpretation of my job description. My official role is half in my lap and parts in two other peoples - and I'm also doing several other things, one of which I only picked up this month and has been starting to drive me insane. Until I decided that one of my colleagues needed more practice in setting up accounts (which has been part of my job) and I just handed them to him. He's coping, and it gives me more time to not go insane. What that has meant THIS month is that my usually quiet week (week 2) was crazy-hectic; and this week has been largely quiet, and is usually starting to get crazy. Weird. And what's going to make life more insane in the near future? I'm learning a new job from two or three people AND trying to document my current job AND do my current job.

Hm, sorry, I kinda went off topic there.

It's like the old story about a frog in hot water. Put the frog in and gradually turn up the heat and it won't notice. Drop the frog in boiling water, and it will. Your predecessor got to gradually come to terms with every little piece of her job. You didn't. She got to learn the new things, one at a time. You didn't.

Stop beating yourself up about it. Just thank them for hiring someone to help you, and get to terms with doing the rest of it. And don't forget to breathe.

[Young Val]

there are ups and there are downs, and then, my friends, there is publishing drama.


itunes started selling an audio book today ONE FULL MONTH BEFORE THE PUB DATE.

this is a serious breach of contract and everyone here is FREAKING OUT about it.

takes my mind off my own problems.

also, stay tuned: i've got a lovely gem of a response to a rejection letter to share with you kids, just as soon as i can spare the time to type it up.

[Janus%TheDoorman]

Maybe I've gotten the roles of literary agencies and publishing companies a little confused here, but shouldn't dealing with an iTunes screw up like that be the role of the publishers?

I mean, aside from dealing with the author's reaction to tha sort of news, once an agency's found a publisher for a book, don't they typically handle the business end of things?

[Young Val]

no.

i mean, yes, they do--but it's far more complicated than that.

first of all, audio is a subsidiary right. it is sometimes retained with the author. in this case, that was true. then we sell those rights seperately. which we did.

iTunes is a distributor, not a publisher. which means that the publisher gave them the product before the agreed pub date and/or didn't make them aware of the pub date, not ONLY in breach of contract, but in violation of a non-disclosure agreement. which means that whichever individual is responsible for the screw-up will be immediately dismissed.

this falls into our court because the publisher broke the agreement with the author (represented by us). the publisher isn't going to do anything about it until we MAKE them. they are at fault. we go after them to protect the author's interests.

[Young Val]

i know i've been neglecting all of you literary enthusiasts lately, and for that i'm sorry. there is a LOT of industry drama happening at the moment, and a lot of it specifically affects our clients. unfortunately--i can't talk about any of it at all, at the risk of being dismissed.


what i CAN talk about is a few more things to add to the list of WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN QUERYING AN AGENT.



please don't waste money on your submission.


what i mean is this:

do not send it priority mail, or overnight or whatever. it is a waste of money. it doesn't matter how soon you get it to us, you're still going to wait at LEAST 6-8 weeks for a response.

do not go crazy with the packaging. special folders, pamphlets, printouts, color photographs--no. leave it all off. this is the book industry. (in theory) words on the page should be enough to get me interested in your work. forget the colors, the fonts, the stickers, the confetti (god help you if you're one of the people who puts confetti in the envelope)--whatever. forget it all. i am only going to take all the junk you mailed us and use it up in my next arts 'n crafts fit to make collaged postcards to send in to Post Secret. please don't bother.

DO NOT buy me things. please. have you BEEN to the post office? do you know how pricey it is to mail stuff that weighs more than a sheet of paper? how can you people afford to mail these gift boxes over and over again to various agents? and since you NEVER include the proper postage, i will not be returning these things to you. i will keep them. and i will not feel guilty about it.

gifts i have received alongside submissions in a pathetic attempt to get me to offer representation:

1. a large glass bottle full of jelly beans. (for a book about hot air balloons...).

2. a cocktail shaker, two glass martini glasses, and three handles of alcohol--one each of gin, vodka, and rum--all brand-name. (for a book about mixed drinks).

3. a family of rubber ducks (for a children's picture book about bathtime).

other frequent gifts include picture frames, cds, coupons, hand cream, rubber balls, folding fans, and more.


just don't do it. it won't help.

at the end of the month all the assistants just pool together and see who got the best haul.

[Oliver Dale]

I heart this thread.

[Young Val]

i know that Jan, at the least, is a Neil Gaiman fan. not so sure if she's a fan of stilettos, though. are you, Jan?


this was in my email this morning. cause, you know, we represent Neil Gaiman:



"Quite often makeup ranges will be created to coincide with movies (Legally Blonde by Stila, anyone?) but it's not so often a high-end shoe brand will bring out a shoe inspired by a flick. But 'Stardust' is a bit of a special case, a highly anticipated, star-studded fantasy tale based on the graphic novel by Neil Gaiman. The beautifully weird tale is the inspiration for this gorgeous Jimmy Choo creation. The chain detail is a reworking of the mystical pendant worn by Claire Danes in the film, and if you fancy a bit of fantasy footwear, the shoes will cost $850 when they hit the shelves."


we don't get a free pair, though. which is too bad. those things are $800+. i could pay my rent with those shoes!

[starlooker]

I could pay my rent and probably manage to feed myself for a month with those shoes.

Consequently, I will hate everybody who owns those shoes for not providing me with housing and food instead. I think my lifelong gratitude is a much better investment than footwear.

Not that I don't love Neil Gaiman.

[VelvetElvis]

On the whole, that is one GORGEOUS pair of shoes.

[Luet]

I think they are fairly hideous...but my shoe taste runs along the birkenstock/earth shoes type, so I know my opinion doesn't count for much.

[Young Val]

i think they're kinda unattractive as well, but i just don't like silver and gold together.

i'm willing to bet they're the sort of thing that looks amazing once you get it on an actually foot, though.

[starlooker]

this was in my email this morning. cause, you know, we represent Neil Gaiman:

I am amused every time I read this sentence. The fake nonchalance of it just makes me giggle.