Philotic Web

Dear EL,

You're going to ruin your dinnerrrrrr!

-me

Dear You,

Someday maybe I'll write this into a proper letter for you. But I wanted to say, somewhere, that growing up with you and your problems has really made an impact. If I could magic all the pain away, of course I would, although maybe that is part of what makes you so kind and loving. Because of you, though, I can face the world unashamed and not be embarrassed to be sick. That's not a small thing, with so many people who are to ashamed to look for help, or who don't have any support. Knowing that it's just a thing, just some wonky chemicals that need fixing... well, I do know. And more than just knowing, it's an internal, assumed, accepted fact. I only have to convince myself from time to time, and really that's the chemicals' fault.

So thank you. I doubt this would ever occur to you, but it's an impact you have made on the world. A really, really good one.

- Your crazy daughter

Dear You,

I'm sorry but I'm having a really hard time not resenting you at the moment. I have tried, numerous times and in numerous ways over the years, to be, if not a friend, then at least friendly to you, and all you've done is, if it was even for me, shown me pity and then ignored the fact that I exist.

Why can't you just treat me like a f****** human being? Responding when I address you, which I have done multiple times, is a good start.


P.S. I'm pretty sure, looking back, that so-and-so was a racist prick. Probably still is but thankfully, they are so very out of my life.


Dear You,

You, too, a bit...on some of that. A thank you would have been perfectly welcomed and appreciated. That was an emotionally vulnerable thing I did for you, whether or not you realize it.



Dear You,

I think it's time for you to retire. No, that's not an attempt at a joke. Yes, Mister is bad for morale and causes resentment but you fan the flames. I know this is going to sound weird coming from me (but probably not to you), but I can't take that much negativity. At home, I can and have lived in negativity, the likes of which would shock the hell out of you because you think I'm friendly and "bubbly," but home is home and work is work and I believe in doing at work. Whatever it takes to get the job done within the bounds of reason. I wish you'd do the same or leave.


Dear You,

Please tell me that was just a coincidence. Pretty please?


Dear Yous,

Do I have bad circulation? Do you have bad circulation? Is it a weight thing or an age thing? Whatever the case may be, I see no reason the temperature needs to be set at 60 freaking 8 degrees, or 70, or 72, or 74, or 76. That's way too flipping cold. If you can't stand a little heat, I daresay, maybe you two should move to a cooler climate.

Dear God,

Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you on behalf of all the people who have ever loved a teenager who likes to play with fire and managed, miraculously, to escape a severe burn.

Me

You,

Guilted into doing things? Sorry about that, I thought that if you enjoyed walking with me then you'd be a little more FLEXIBLE about walking when I could most easily walk without feeling terribly tired the next day. It was never my intention to come in to your life and have you change things around to suit ME. I wasn't aware that doing something as simple as that would cause so much agony for you, what with trying to please me and everything.

My bad.

Wil

Dear Netflix Streaming,

I can't tell yet whether or not I like the new you but consider yourself a possible contender for "Irrational Irritations."

What did they change?

It's only cosmetic, as far as I can tell, but there are more "category" rows now and instead of seeing 5 or so movies at a time in each row and having to arrow over to see the next set of 5, you hover your cursor to the side and they fly by. Sometimes they won't stop scrolling for me, even if I move the cursor, and sometimes they go way too fast...it's all a matter of readjusting, I suppose.

Dear pweb,

I'm taking a little break. I promise that it's not you, it's me.

-JL

:(

If you feel you need to, I understand, but it still makes me sad. Take care, come back soon/ASAP.

*Hugs for Jan*

Oh, also:

Dear Jan and Kirsten (and anyone else who cared to know),

I'm guessing zeroguy.

Gold star. Someone's been paying attention :)

Now that the boy is out of the bag, may I re-introduce you to Brat?

Dear People I Will Be Visiting Later This Year (Even the Females),

My mom's boyfriend told me just now that he had a dream I came back from my next trip pregnant. He then called all my trips "whoring trips" (as a joke that made more sense in context).

Please don't get me pregnant. If I have kids, I don't want it to be before 30.

Thanks in advance,
Me

Fine. Then put a list together of things we can do.

We can make my dreams come true. Disney's Little Mermaid. Sing-Along Edition. With special Part of Your World solo going to you, Will.

That is also not on the list, thanks.

We can make my dreams come true. Disney's Little Mermaid. Sing-Along Edition. With special Part of Your World solo going to you, Will.

Holy crap we are doing this. AND IT SHALL BE IN THE STREET, AT NIGHT.

Or during the day. Pioneer Square. A boombox.

Oh, man. You guys have no idea how jealous I'll be. That is my favorite disney song. I know all the words. I might have to call in to be part of this!

Yes, A MILLION TIMES YES!!!

Man, I have to get to work on Will, he's not gonna be ready for his big solo in time!

I wanna come, too!

You guys better record it and stick it on youtube for the rest of us.

We can make my dreams come true. Disney's Little Mermaid. Sing-Along Edition. With special Part of Your World solo going to you, Will.

Holy crap we are doing this. AND IT SHALL BE IN THE STREET, AT NIGHT.

Or during the day. Pioneer Square. A boombox.

Heck Yes!!!!! I'm totally up for this!

Edit: Mitch If we go to pioneer square during the day can we get Philly Cheese Steaks from the sandwich shack???? PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE! I miss them

You guys suck

Dear You,
While I appreciate your attempts to correct my wrong thinking and save my soul from the man-made hodgepodge that is Christianity, I wish you would listen to ONE of my beliefs clear through without going on some huge rant about something else. Maybe they're not "divine" or the words of "real" prophets, but they make sense and they feel right. I'm sorry if my logic and intuition don't agree with yours, but they're the only tools I have. It would be great if you would let me share some of what they give me. Just once.

--Your Frustrated Friend

A boombox.

Will one of you stand with the boombox Lloyd Dobbler style?

A boombox.

Will one of you stand with the boombox Lloyd Dobbler style?

that can be Will's job

A boombox.

Will one of you stand with the boombox Lloyd Dobbler style?

Only if that same person has a trench coat. No trench, no scene. End of story.


Authenticity*, people!


*Where applicable; don't look to me to sing Little Mermaid in the Pacific.

Dear You,

I am finally at the point in my life where I am completely okay with the idea that I might never talk to you again. It is bad when your two life long best friends think you are being an idiot. I hope you realize before it is too late that you are not making good decisions right now. I also hope that you do make an effort to get back into my life at some point. But, if you don't, I've realized that it is your loss, not mine.

Deay y'all,

Pweb has be relatively hopping lately. I approve.

Deay y'all,

Pweb has be relatively hopping lately. I approve.

Word. My open tabs was too big to fit in my huge browser window. Good show, all around.

Dear You,

Pretty sure it was just gas. But this feeling is warm-up for later, so I'm not convinced it's a bad thing.

On a morbid note, that is rendered moot by the fact that I don't have a "D" in my life to take the role later and complete the comparison, don't let me die in a rainy day bike accident, okay? That would be too hilariously on point but I'd be too dead to appreciate the humor of it.


Sincerely,
Me

Dear You,

Please hurry up and write me back! I'm on tenterhooks here waiting! I need to know how much you value shutting me up with money. I promise, a sufficiently large amount will make me go away!

-- Disgruntled

Dear All You Americans,

Happy 4th of July!

-- Colonial up north

Dear Michael Bay,

I hate to admit this in a public space but I...I liked Transformers 3, and it might not be a stretch to say I liked it more than both parts one and two.

But. Or should I say "butt"? As in, there is really no need to more or less start off a movie zeroing in on the girlfriend's ass as she parades around in barely there underwear and then continually show how much you like to objectify women by zooming in on the aforementioned girlfriend while supposedly discussing the curves/build of a car.

Also, this is the twenty-first century. There is no reason you had to have her be this mostly helpless, screaming twit who needed her boyfriend to come hold her hand and rescue her at every other turn.

Look, I know you make/made commercials and make movies, so you think you know what "sexy" is. Hell, you did cast Megan Fox in the first two, so some might argue you do know what it is.

Here's the thing. Victoria's Secret models are not, contrary to popular belief, sexy. Vapidly standing around with your tits and ass hanging out and every last inch of skin exposed while pouting does not sexy make. (Oh snap, I sense a disturbance in the Force...as if millions of male voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly argumentative.)

Until you start making movies where the women can be fully/modestly clothed, intelligent, independent to a healthy degree, and less than model-perfect physically speaking, you will continue to fail at capturing what real sexiness is. Please see Rachel Weisz for an example of what this may look like.

-A movie-goer

P.S. I had a much harder time than I ever imagined I would with seeing Chicago destroyed. But it was still awesome.

P.S. I had a much harder time than I ever imagined I would with seeing Chicago destroyed. But it was still awesome.

I'm just glad they filmed it last year, instead of this year. Apparently the bar exam was brutal (more brutal than usual, anyway) because filming was half a block away from the testing center and, hello, Michael Bay = explosion.