Dear You 2.0
- ValentineNicole
- Soldier
- Posts: 425
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:16 pm
- Title: Femme Fatale
Dear you(s),
I'm not giving up a message board I was on for 6 years anymore for someone to just bash me all over.
Both of you were dear friends of mine for some time...glad to see what that means to you.
I'm not going to whine all over the message boards about the issue. I vented because I'm sick of everything being blamed on me, but I'm not the type of person to keep dragging it out. It's over. I won't be posting about it anymore unless I absolutely need to for some reason.
I have as much right to be a member of this forum as any one of you, and if you can't see that, it's your loss.
Thanks for the welcome.
And finally,
Dear you(s),
Thank you for the actual welcoming, and the friendliness I've been shown since I came back. I really appreciate it. I needed some support, in a time where I've felt I could go to no one. It actually made me remember why I loved this place in the first place. And thank you to all those that asked me to come back, several times. I really liked the feeling that you might actually want me.
I'm not giving up a message board I was on for 6 years anymore for someone to just bash me all over.
Both of you were dear friends of mine for some time...glad to see what that means to you.
I'm not going to whine all over the message boards about the issue. I vented because I'm sick of everything being blamed on me, but I'm not the type of person to keep dragging it out. It's over. I won't be posting about it anymore unless I absolutely need to for some reason.
I have as much right to be a member of this forum as any one of you, and if you can't see that, it's your loss.
Thanks for the welcome.
And finally,
Dear you(s),
Thank you for the actual welcoming, and the friendliness I've been shown since I came back. I really appreciate it. I needed some support, in a time where I've felt I could go to no one. It actually made me remember why I loved this place in the first place. And thank you to all those that asked me to come back, several times. I really liked the feeling that you might actually want me.
- ValentineNicole
- Soldier
- Posts: 425
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:16 pm
- Title: Femme Fatale
Dear you,
I'm sorry. With the way the post after you read in agreeance, I simply assumed they were right. I should have known you better than that. I just thought I knew both of you better than that, and it stung a bit.
Dear you,
Please hear me out...Please...
I desperately need this. I know I've messed up, but I'm willing to make things right. I'm trying so damn hard.. I just messed up. A lot has been going on. I'm only human...
I'll do anything to fix this. I just can't afford to screw it up...
**This particular message was NOT related to any relationship of mine, ever.
I'm sorry. With the way the post after you read in agreeance, I simply assumed they were right. I should have known you better than that. I just thought I knew both of you better than that, and it stung a bit.
Dear you,
Please hear me out...Please...
I desperately need this. I know I've messed up, but I'm willing to make things right. I'm trying so damn hard.. I just messed up. A lot has been going on. I'm only human...
I'll do anything to fix this. I just can't afford to screw it up...
**This particular message was NOT related to any relationship of mine, ever.
Last edited by ValentineNicole on Tue Nov 14, 2006 4:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.
- daPyr0x
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 820
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 5:28 pm
- Title: Firebug
- Location: Inside the blackhole that became of my heart
Dear Yous,
I apologize for littering the board with personal things between myself and another board member. I felt it to be appropriate given that that person was not a board member, however with them now as an active member I will do my best to tone it down. I do not wish to be a part of any feud that litters up the pages on this board.
--daPyr0x
I apologize for littering the board with personal things between myself and another board member. I felt it to be appropriate given that that person was not a board member, however with them now as an active member I will do my best to tone it down. I do not wish to be a part of any feud that litters up the pages on this board.
--daPyr0x
-
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 1392
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 2:49 pm
- Title: Momma Cat
-
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 1065
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:03 pm
Dear you,
Goddamnit, get over yourself.
Me
(I think everyone can say that they run into at least five of these almost every day.)
Edit: Actually, in the same vein...
Dear you,
Thank you, she was not angry with me, ready to "fire" me, etc, etc, etc. She was a little annoyed. That's it. Her feelings did not warrant the nasty chewing out you gave me, and the impression that I wasn't good enough and should be too humiliated to get back on the horse (so to speak).
your annoyed student
--
Dear you,
It's not on to make things impossible for a person to come to and then say, "She wasn't here, so it's not my fault."
a peeved and fed-up me
--
Dear you,
Welcome back.
a happy-to-see-you me
--
Dear you,
Thank you for writing an essay, muse.
the person you are the muse for
Goddamnit, get over yourself.
Me
(I think everyone can say that they run into at least five of these almost every day.)
Edit: Actually, in the same vein...
Dear you,
Thank you, she was not angry with me, ready to "fire" me, etc, etc, etc. She was a little annoyed. That's it. Her feelings did not warrant the nasty chewing out you gave me, and the impression that I wasn't good enough and should be too humiliated to get back on the horse (so to speak).
your annoyed student
--
Dear you,
It's not on to make things impossible for a person to come to and then say, "She wasn't here, so it's not my fault."
a peeved and fed-up me
--
Dear you,
Welcome back.
a happy-to-see-you me
--
Dear you,
Thank you for writing an essay, muse.
the person you are the muse for
Last edited by anonshadow on Tue Nov 14, 2006 5:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.
- starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
Dear you...
I don't understand... yes, elipses are beautiful things... but why do you despise using periods... I do not know what kind of traumatic incident occurred to make you hate punctuation so... or perhaps it signifies an unwillingness to commit to anything... a sort of existential sense of something being missing... but I think going through over head upon overhead... with no period in sight... is overdoing it a tad... if you could teach, I could overlook it... if I were getting something out of the class... well, that would be different... do you know how difficult it is to subvocalize when reading the notes when every point ends in dot dot dot... not to mention the dots in the middle... of the points... I've been a terrible and disrespectful student this semester... I'm not normally like this... but you drive me absolutely bonkers...
Student in the back row... who dreams of sending you a book on punctuation anonymously...
I don't understand... yes, elipses are beautiful things... but why do you despise using periods... I do not know what kind of traumatic incident occurred to make you hate punctuation so... or perhaps it signifies an unwillingness to commit to anything... a sort of existential sense of something being missing... but I think going through over head upon overhead... with no period in sight... is overdoing it a tad... if you could teach, I could overlook it... if I were getting something out of the class... well, that would be different... do you know how difficult it is to subvocalize when reading the notes when every point ends in dot dot dot... not to mention the dots in the middle... of the points... I've been a terrible and disrespectful student this semester... I'm not normally like this... but you drive me absolutely bonkers...
Student in the back row... who dreams of sending you a book on punctuation anonymously...
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
- ValentineNicole
- Soldier
- Posts: 425
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:16 pm
- Title: Femme Fatale
-
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
Not Found
The requested post was not found.
The requested post was not found.
Last edited by Gravity Defier on Wed Dec 13, 2006 9:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
-
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 1392
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 2:49 pm
- Title: Momma Cat
Dear you,
You are a very nice woman. And I love the clothes you were. I seriously hope that when I get to be your age I'm as adorable as you are.
But that's beside the real point. You are a lousy teacher. Such a lousy teacher. I'm not learning numerical methods or statistics at all. I get frustrated then distracted in class.
It's 11:35 and I want to leave. This is bad because we have another half hour of class left.
Oh man.
--Student
You are a very nice woman. And I love the clothes you were. I seriously hope that when I get to be your age I'm as adorable as you are.
But that's beside the real point. You are a lousy teacher. Such a lousy teacher. I'm not learning numerical methods or statistics at all. I get frustrated then distracted in class.
It's 11:35 and I want to leave. This is bad because we have another half hour of class left.
Oh man.
--Student
-Kim
-
- Commander
- Posts: 2741
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:29 pm
- Title: 01111010 01100111
- First Joined: 0- 8-2001
- Location: Where you least expect me.
- Contact:
Well, here's a link to an old version of 2.0: http://web.archive.org/web/200407230713 ... et/openbb/ . I don't know which one was posted, but that's something.
(And you can also search Google and click the "cached" link if there's a specific thread you have in mind.)
(And you can also search Google and click the "cached" link if there's a specific thread you have in mind.)
Proud member of the Canadian Alliance.
dgf hhw
dgf hhw
- ValentineNicole
- Soldier
- Posts: 425
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:16 pm
- Title: Femme Fatale
- Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
[edit]
dear you,
everything i wrote before still stands. i just took it down cause it made me sick to read it. why are you doing this to me?
dear you,
everything i wrote before still stands. i just took it down cause it made me sick to read it. why are you doing this to me?
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
-
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
Not Found
The requested post was not found.
The requested post was not found.
Last edited by Gravity Defier on Wed Dec 13, 2006 9:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
- Miss Abbie
- Soldier
- Posts: 114
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 10:55 am
- Location: finding home
Dear Yous,
I miss you already and we're not even gone yet. A week seems like such a long time to be away. I guess I'll just have to remember that we will be together again soon.
love,
me
I miss you already and we're not even gone yet. A week seems like such a long time to be away. I guess I'll just have to remember that we will be together again soon.
love,
me
If you ever find yourself reading a book entitled The Bible, you will find yourself reading the story of Adam and Eve, whose daring lives led them to put on clothing for the first time to escape from the snake infested garden in which they were living.
-
- Commander
- Posts: 2741
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:29 pm
- Title: 01111010 01100111
- First Joined: 0- 8-2001
- Location: Where you least expect me.
- Contact:
[Edit: Oops, didn't see that other thread until after I posted this. Oh well.]
Dear you,
I respectfully disagree with the necessity of closing that thread. Pointless comments that have nothing to do with anything and are non-offensive is like the second to last step of a thread's recovery.
-me
Dear you,
I respectfully disagree with the necessity of closing that thread. Pointless comments that have nothing to do with anything and are non-offensive is like the second to last step of a thread's recovery.
-me
Proud member of the Canadian Alliance.
dgf hhw
dgf hhw
-
- Soldier
- Posts: 53
- Joined: Sat Sep 30, 2006 7:31 am
- Title: Not Alvin or Calvin
-
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 2446
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 11:48 pm
- Title: Actually, I'm Fred (and a monster)
- First Joined: 16 Mar 2004
- Location: Singing on Krikkit.
- Contact:
Dear yous,
It was just supposed to be the two of us. It made me iffy when she invited herself, and now it's up to 6 people. I can't uninvite any of you because of how i've been lately.
You've made this day way more complicated then I wanted.
- me
Dear you,
Sometimes I think it would be for the best. Only sometimes though.
- me
It was just supposed to be the two of us. It made me iffy when she invited herself, and now it's up to 6 people. I can't uninvite any of you because of how i've been lately.
You've made this day way more complicated then I wanted.
- me
Dear you,
Sometimes I think it would be for the best. Only sometimes though.
- me
Member since March 16th, 2004.
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
- Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
you--no 'dear'--bastard,
...how. dare. you. do. this. to. me.
you LIED to me?!? you orchestrated the ENTIRE thing?!?! you lied to me AND henry?!?! how f****** DARE you?!
not only did henry not sleep with megyn on halloween, he's not sleeping with her at ALL. how DARE you manipulate us like that, feed lies to our face and goad us into a blow-out, party-stopping screaming match. i haven't spoken with him now in 24 DAYS. I HAVEN'T GONE 24 DAYS WITHOUT SPEAKING TO HENRY SINCE 2002. you f****** arrogant selfish prick.
this is my LIFE. what gives you the RIGHT?!
i am in LOVE with him. i was going to MARRY him. this is MY LIFE you self-aggrandizing a******.
stay the f*** away from me, and stay the f*** out of my life. i'll never ever ever forgive you.
ever.
how dare you. how DARE you.
...how. dare. you. do. this. to. me.
you LIED to me?!? you orchestrated the ENTIRE thing?!?! you lied to me AND henry?!?! how f****** DARE you?!
not only did henry not sleep with megyn on halloween, he's not sleeping with her at ALL. how DARE you manipulate us like that, feed lies to our face and goad us into a blow-out, party-stopping screaming match. i haven't spoken with him now in 24 DAYS. I HAVEN'T GONE 24 DAYS WITHOUT SPEAKING TO HENRY SINCE 2002. you f****** arrogant selfish prick.
this is my LIFE. what gives you the RIGHT?!
i am in LOVE with him. i was going to MARRY him. this is MY LIFE you self-aggrandizing a******.
stay the f*** away from me, and stay the f*** out of my life. i'll never ever ever forgive you.
ever.
how dare you. how DARE you.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
- Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
dear general you (99.99999% directed toward people who have never heard of this website, ok? calm yourselves)
if the current events of my life entertain you or amuse you, then so be it. but allow me to remind you that this is my LIFE. it is not a television show, or a movie, or a book, or a video game. i do not put it on for your pleasure or enjoyment. it gives me NO joy to know that my hardships entertain you in any way.
this is my LIFE. this is what is HAPPENING to me, and this is what i am DOING and SAYING and LIVING. and NONE of it is done for your entertainment.
so.
in the event that you find my current feeling of all encompassing WORTHLESSNESS and HELPLESSNESS, as well as the events that contributed to it, in any way shape or form entertaining, do me a favor and keep that to yourself.
i have no desire to hear your quips or "witty" comments about how i should at least be pleased that people find my soap operatic life so goddamn riveting.
you wouldn't find it so f****** riveting if it were happening to you.
and don't act like i'm being all cranky and insensitive because i am absolutely appalled that you would even hint that you find any of this entertaining in my presence. this is not the WB show of the week. this is my life. this is my pain. my very real, very physical pain. this is my future and my losses and my sense of self. i don't want your goddamn ratings. this isn't my Great American Novel.
it's my f****** life.
keep the commentary and your insipid wisecracks to yourselves.
if the current events of my life entertain you or amuse you, then so be it. but allow me to remind you that this is my LIFE. it is not a television show, or a movie, or a book, or a video game. i do not put it on for your pleasure or enjoyment. it gives me NO joy to know that my hardships entertain you in any way.
this is my LIFE. this is what is HAPPENING to me, and this is what i am DOING and SAYING and LIVING. and NONE of it is done for your entertainment.
so.
in the event that you find my current feeling of all encompassing WORTHLESSNESS and HELPLESSNESS, as well as the events that contributed to it, in any way shape or form entertaining, do me a favor and keep that to yourself.
i have no desire to hear your quips or "witty" comments about how i should at least be pleased that people find my soap operatic life so goddamn riveting.
you wouldn't find it so f****** riveting if it were happening to you.
and don't act like i'm being all cranky and insensitive because i am absolutely appalled that you would even hint that you find any of this entertaining in my presence. this is not the WB show of the week. this is my life. this is my pain. my very real, very physical pain. this is my future and my losses and my sense of self. i don't want your goddamn ratings. this isn't my Great American Novel.
it's my f****** life.
keep the commentary and your insipid wisecracks to yourselves.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
- ValentineNicole
- Soldier
- Posts: 425
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:16 pm
- Title: Femme Fatale
-
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 5185
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:30 pm
- Title: Age quod agis
- First Joined: 04 Feb 2002
- Location: ^ Geez, read the sign.
Dear You,
Oh wow. You want some of us should go rip him a new one?
-- Cheerily vengeful
Dear you,
*gives jellybeans*
Just 'cause I can, and I think you're great.
-- Me
Oh wow. You want some of us should go rip him a new one?
-- Cheerily vengeful
Dear you,
*gives jellybeans*
Just 'cause I can, and I think you're great.
-- Me
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII
-
- Commander
- Posts: 2535
- Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:22 am
- Title: is real!
- First Joined: 0- 9-2004
Dear You,
I only wanted to ask how your day went. Really.
Instead, one topic lead to another and I had to mention the elephant in the room. It had to happen eventually. At least I did it before it stepped on someone.
Me and my talkativeness.
You broke my heart tonight. Not the teen angst slash-my-wrist-because-I-will-never-love-again broken heart. The kind of broken heart that leaves as it's only evidence shadows in a person's eyes whenever he or she is thinking about it. You'll understand if you have ever seen it.
I know you think I was pushy about it, but it is important to me. You never did want it. It was like chicken pox to you. It is my oxygen.
You said you did, but you didn't. I would rather you had said no and been honest.
I never loved you and never said I did. I'm not sure where you got that impression that I did.
I hope you understand what I was trying to tell you before it's too late.
-Me
I only wanted to ask how your day went. Really.
Instead, one topic lead to another and I had to mention the elephant in the room. It had to happen eventually. At least I did it before it stepped on someone.
Me and my talkativeness.
You broke my heart tonight. Not the teen angst slash-my-wrist-because-I-will-never-love-again broken heart. The kind of broken heart that leaves as it's only evidence shadows in a person's eyes whenever he or she is thinking about it. You'll understand if you have ever seen it.
I know you think I was pushy about it, but it is important to me. You never did want it. It was like chicken pox to you. It is my oxygen.
You said you did, but you didn't. I would rather you had said no and been honest.
I never loved you and never said I did. I'm not sure where you got that impression that I did.
I hope you understand what I was trying to tell you before it's too late.
-Me
Yay, I'm a llama again!
- Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
dear you,
i keep trying to write to you, but i can't. you have no idea how much i wish you were here. and i know i'll see you over thanksgiving, but it's not enough and it's not the same anymore. there's this...thing between us now. a wall or a window. something.
the other day marinna asked me if i'd been in love with you. i stalled for time. i cupped my hands around my coffee, i stared at a stain on the table, i itched for a cigarette. i played with my hair. i stalled, while i tried to come up with an answer.
in the end, i think what i told her might actually be the truth. i wasn't in love with you, but i wasn't not in love with you either.
i wasn't in love with you the way i am in love with henry. that is a love that grows. it changes. it moves with time. it collects things. property. children. pets. that love is about building a life. that love is about years, both before and after. it's about discoveries and work and joy and sorrow and sex and intimacy and about me and him and what we are when we're combined. it's about mroe than i could ever articulate.
i never felt that for you.
for you and me there was no before, no after, only now. now now now. now, in this moment. in this separate space we carved out for only us. and no one else and nothing else can come in. and we'd never have left. we'd simply stay, suspended, always running away, never getting anywhere, and never really leaving where we'd started. perpetual motion executed in perfect stillness. instant gratification that never quite gets there.
it was breath-taking. it was exhausting. it was never going to work.
i loved you then, i still love you now. but i was never in love with you, really.
but i think i wanted to be.
because now i'm in mourning for us. for the you-and-me of us. that is long over and gone. because i can't bear any longer to mourn for me and henry. i cannot bear it.
and i miss you.
i want it back. i want back our isolation and our total and utter absorbtion of one another. i don't want to have to think about anyone or anything else except for you. and just let my entire life drop off by the wayside while we sit on your couch and defy time and space.
you are the only person who can do that. you're magical. and it happens, i've seen it happen. it's happened to me. in the past. i let my whole life slide and i'm not even sure of how much time passes. just so long as i'm constantly shut away with you.
the thing is, even if we hadn't already decided that we were a lethal, unhealthy combination, clinging to one another for all the wrong reasons, it could still never be that way again.
i left. i moved here and i left you. and that changed things some. and henry changed things some. and now you're with niccie and that changed things some. and soon all those little changes make up this BIG change. and now there's a window between us and i can see you so perfectly and i can't get through.
and i know, too, that it's better this way. that the combination of you and me is intoxicating. i get drunk off it. i'd slip into a soulmate coma and leave my life behind. and i'm not willing to do that, really. not if i'm honest.
i want to stop the pain. not numb it. not ignore it. i want it to stop.
i want henry back.
not you.
you're not the one i want. but you're the only one i can allow myself to mourn for the loss of.
wouldn't we have laughed about all this? back in everett? on your couch? if only we'd known what the world was going to do to us?
i keep trying to write to you, but i can't. you have no idea how much i wish you were here. and i know i'll see you over thanksgiving, but it's not enough and it's not the same anymore. there's this...thing between us now. a wall or a window. something.
the other day marinna asked me if i'd been in love with you. i stalled for time. i cupped my hands around my coffee, i stared at a stain on the table, i itched for a cigarette. i played with my hair. i stalled, while i tried to come up with an answer.
in the end, i think what i told her might actually be the truth. i wasn't in love with you, but i wasn't not in love with you either.
i wasn't in love with you the way i am in love with henry. that is a love that grows. it changes. it moves with time. it collects things. property. children. pets. that love is about building a life. that love is about years, both before and after. it's about discoveries and work and joy and sorrow and sex and intimacy and about me and him and what we are when we're combined. it's about mroe than i could ever articulate.
i never felt that for you.
for you and me there was no before, no after, only now. now now now. now, in this moment. in this separate space we carved out for only us. and no one else and nothing else can come in. and we'd never have left. we'd simply stay, suspended, always running away, never getting anywhere, and never really leaving where we'd started. perpetual motion executed in perfect stillness. instant gratification that never quite gets there.
it was breath-taking. it was exhausting. it was never going to work.
i loved you then, i still love you now. but i was never in love with you, really.
but i think i wanted to be.
because now i'm in mourning for us. for the you-and-me of us. that is long over and gone. because i can't bear any longer to mourn for me and henry. i cannot bear it.
and i miss you.
i want it back. i want back our isolation and our total and utter absorbtion of one another. i don't want to have to think about anyone or anything else except for you. and just let my entire life drop off by the wayside while we sit on your couch and defy time and space.
you are the only person who can do that. you're magical. and it happens, i've seen it happen. it's happened to me. in the past. i let my whole life slide and i'm not even sure of how much time passes. just so long as i'm constantly shut away with you.
the thing is, even if we hadn't already decided that we were a lethal, unhealthy combination, clinging to one another for all the wrong reasons, it could still never be that way again.
i left. i moved here and i left you. and that changed things some. and henry changed things some. and now you're with niccie and that changed things some. and soon all those little changes make up this BIG change. and now there's a window between us and i can see you so perfectly and i can't get through.
and i know, too, that it's better this way. that the combination of you and me is intoxicating. i get drunk off it. i'd slip into a soulmate coma and leave my life behind. and i'm not willing to do that, really. not if i'm honest.
i want to stop the pain. not numb it. not ignore it. i want it to stop.
i want henry back.
not you.
you're not the one i want. but you're the only one i can allow myself to mourn for the loss of.
wouldn't we have laughed about all this? back in everett? on your couch? if only we'd known what the world was going to do to us?
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
- starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
Dear You,
I'm sorry. Honestly, I am. I deserved every bit of that, which is why it hurts and I'm scared to talk to you about it. I've been unprofessional and frighteningly irresponsible with things that matter to both of us.
I will do better. Please be willing to give me that chance.
Me
~~~~
Dear You,
You kept trying and trying and trying and trying to sabotage yourself and finally it worked. Finally you pissed someone off so badly that they wrote to you, vented about it, and basically threatened the hell out of you. I mean, not anything out of their purview, but their purview is enough to be frightening.
Are you happy now? Now that the shoe has dropped and you've managed to make someone notice you through passive aggressive angsty whatever the hell it was you are trying to repeat?
You've gotten something you've been really, really, really trying for. I mean, you're in graduate school for god's sake. You're capable of doing the work involved. You've proven that before. So, what, the past few months you've basically said, "I quit?" Or, "Oh, things are going well, I'd best f*** them up so I can play the sad little victim?"
I don't know what the f*** is wrong with you but you had better straighten your ass out ASAP.
Your frustrated and angry self
I'm sorry. Honestly, I am. I deserved every bit of that, which is why it hurts and I'm scared to talk to you about it. I've been unprofessional and frighteningly irresponsible with things that matter to both of us.
I will do better. Please be willing to give me that chance.
Me
~~~~
Dear You,
You kept trying and trying and trying and trying to sabotage yourself and finally it worked. Finally you pissed someone off so badly that they wrote to you, vented about it, and basically threatened the hell out of you. I mean, not anything out of their purview, but their purview is enough to be frightening.
Are you happy now? Now that the shoe has dropped and you've managed to make someone notice you through passive aggressive angsty whatever the hell it was you are trying to repeat?
You've gotten something you've been really, really, really trying for. I mean, you're in graduate school for god's sake. You're capable of doing the work involved. You've proven that before. So, what, the past few months you've basically said, "I quit?" Or, "Oh, things are going well, I'd best f*** them up so I can play the sad little victim?"
I don't know what the f*** is wrong with you but you had better straighten your ass out ASAP.
Your frustrated and angry self
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
-
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
Dear you,
Look at me, venturing out of the breakup thread...I'm a big girl now. I'm a day late, but pretend that the date stamped on this was yesterday.
I hate it when you're right, you know? Because you have this scary way of knowing me better than I know myself. Honestly, I feel like you know how I'll react to things more than I know. Repetitiveness aside, I have something terribly corny to say to you, so I best get the show on the road.
I take you for granted. I'm horribly moody and impatient with you. I say mean, vicious things to you when I'm angry. I pick fights to get your attention and when I have it, I act as though it means nothing to me. But I also love you immensely. I have let myself love you more than I've loved anyone (outside my family)...no, that's not even true. You are my family. You are the sister I never had -and when we fight, it's like sisters.
I think you are quite possibly the most beautiful woman I've seen up close. You intrigue me with your thoughts. Your compassion seems endless. You are exciting to be around. You are smart, funny, and wise beyond your years. You are talented and creative. You are the love of my life.
The saying "I love you not only for who you are but for who I am when I'm with you," or whatever it actually is, couldn't be more appropriate. Yes, I just said up there that I'm rotten around/to/with you, but what I really mean by this saying is you were right. I am a stronger, different person now than I was when I first found this place and you. So much of that is because of you. So very much of it.
Today, everyday, I am thankful for you.
Love always,
Alea
Look at me, venturing out of the breakup thread...I'm a big girl now. I'm a day late, but pretend that the date stamped on this was yesterday.
I hate it when you're right, you know? Because you have this scary way of knowing me better than I know myself. Honestly, I feel like you know how I'll react to things more than I know. Repetitiveness aside, I have something terribly corny to say to you, so I best get the show on the road.
I take you for granted. I'm horribly moody and impatient with you. I say mean, vicious things to you when I'm angry. I pick fights to get your attention and when I have it, I act as though it means nothing to me. But I also love you immensely. I have let myself love you more than I've loved anyone (outside my family)...no, that's not even true. You are my family. You are the sister I never had -and when we fight, it's like sisters.
I think you are quite possibly the most beautiful woman I've seen up close. You intrigue me with your thoughts. Your compassion seems endless. You are exciting to be around. You are smart, funny, and wise beyond your years. You are talented and creative. You are the love of my life.
The saying "I love you not only for who you are but for who I am when I'm with you," or whatever it actually is, couldn't be more appropriate. Yes, I just said up there that I'm rotten around/to/with you, but what I really mean by this saying is you were right. I am a stronger, different person now than I was when I first found this place and you. So much of that is because of you. So very much of it.
Today, everyday, I am thankful for you.
Love always,
Alea
Last edited by Gravity Defier on Wed Dec 13, 2006 9:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
- shadow-petra
- Soldier
- Posts: 169
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 6:59 pm
- Title: Totoro To-to-ro
- Location: Boston, MA
Dear you,
I will miss you. I regret not enjoying the time i had with you. Some are memories i will treasure, but i regret the negative feelings i had, because i know all you wanted was to please me. I liked you better than grandma anyway. I didn't think i would cry, I didn't think I would miss you. But I will, and i'm sorry for not being a better granddaughter. Please watch over us. I love you.
Love,
xiao muo li
I will miss you. I regret not enjoying the time i had with you. Some are memories i will treasure, but i regret the negative feelings i had, because i know all you wanted was to please me. I liked you better than grandma anyway. I didn't think i would cry, I didn't think I would miss you. But I will, and i'm sorry for not being a better granddaughter. Please watch over us. I love you.
Love,
xiao muo li
-
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 915
- Joined: Mon Nov 20, 2006 3:53 pm
- Title: punk
- Location: Denver, Colorado
- Contact:
Dear you,
Thanks for finally calling. I was wrong, you got off at 7:30. Thanks for making me feel like an idiot.
I know you don't mean to, but it hurts. And every time you say "You don't know what it's like to have no time for yourself", I feel like screaming. I know I don't have a job, but you don't have to rub my face in it every chance you get.
I'm sorry. I know you work a lot, and your hours suck, but don't take it out on me. I just want to be with you.
I'm sorry if it's too much of an imposition.
I love you anyway.
me
Thanks for finally calling. I was wrong, you got off at 7:30. Thanks for making me feel like an idiot.
I know you don't mean to, but it hurts. And every time you say "You don't know what it's like to have no time for yourself", I feel like screaming. I know I don't have a job, but you don't have to rub my face in it every chance you get.
I'm sorry. I know you work a lot, and your hours suck, but don't take it out on me. I just want to be with you.
I'm sorry if it's too much of an imposition.
I love you anyway.
me
Step one, take off your shirt. Step two ... Step three, PROFIT!
Dear You,
I wonder what life would have been like if you were in mine.
-me
Dear You,
I miss you, and though you don't feel the same, I will never forget you. I just wish I was the everything you could of asked for.
-me
I wonder what life would have been like if you were in mine.
-me
Dear You,
I miss you, and though you don't feel the same, I will never forget you. I just wish I was the everything you could of asked for.
-me
"I knew you were searching for him. I didn't want to interfere until you found him. Just in case you think you were really smart, young man, we intercepted four street thugs and two known sex offenders who were after you."
Sister Carlotta
Sister Carlotta
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