Conversations with zero (Or, Living with a Pwebber)

[Gravity Defier]

First post is going to be a slightly depressing one. Alas.

zero (sitting right next to me): Are people actually posting or are you just talking to yourself?
me: The last post was 10 days ago. I'm just talking to myself.


------------------------------

zero (asking about dinner): Do you want quesadillas?
me (upset about house stuff): I guess.
*start making it - for us, that includes adding squash and spinach, to make it more filling and slightly healthy*
me (zero is cooking squash): Uh...we have no cheese.
zero: That's okay, we don't really need it.
me: Are you serious? Yes we do; it's in the name!

[LilBee91]

Did you really go without cheese?!

[Gravity Defier]

Mostly. We had the tiniest bit but nowhere near enough to hold things together. My squash kept falling out and zero admitted it wasn't very filling.

[Luet]

I still read and lurk and I miss you and loved reading this!

[Gravity Defier]

Miss you, too. :)

me: Do you think we should give Bea (the dog) a bath at the same time we give her her medicine every month?
zero: Do dogs needs a bath every month?
me: Maybe don't need but it might be nice.
zero: But are they supposed to that often?
me: I don't know. I just think it might be a good idea to get her used to baths.
zero: We could give her a bath before we apply the heartworm stuff and we could try using the downstairs shower, though it won't catch the hair like upstairs will.
me: How would we all fit?
zero: We could take off our clothes and squeeze in.
me: Oh, no, that's inappropriate. We'll scar her. I'm sure there's an age where parents just shouldn't expose themselves to their children anymore.

[starlooker]

I <3 this topic.

[steph]

I <3 this topic.

This is EXACTLY what I was going to reply with! And there yours was.

[Gravity Defier]

zero was on the couch for most of the day feeling sick, apparently.

me: Will it bother you if I watch John Adams?
zero: Go ahead. Watch it on the TV.
*I get it started, thinking he is going to keep sleeping while I watch*
me: Oh, are you watching with me? You can keep sleeping.
zero: Nah.
*it starts*
zero: But if my mom asks, I'm only watching this with you because I'm sick.
*followed by him asking questions about what is happening on-screen*

[Gravity Defier]

Me: Hey, zero. Can you feed the dog?
zero: It's not time yet.
Me: She's hungry.
zero: Why can't you do it?
Me: I'm going outside...
zero: Bea, your mom can't feed you because she has to catch Pokemon.

[CezeN]

Is every conversation you guys have roughly this funny or do you just post the funny ones?
If the former, I can envision you two putting out daily episodes for a The King of Queens style sitcom.

[Gravity Defier]

Not every conversation, but when something serious isn't needing discussion, I'd say the majority are equally silly/bizarre. I mostly post the ones I can remember the relevant bits to and sometimes the conversations I love the most go on for so long, I forget how/where they started (there was a semi-extended conversation involving squash and cucumbers Saturday at the grocery store that had me cracking up, but I can't remember it all now). I also tend to get busy with work stuff, so I don't always make it to Pweb with the convo intact in my memory. But yeah, we try to make each other laugh. We also throw dance parties in the bathroom while we brush teeth, which helps with the laughing. :)

[Gravity Defier]

zero wanted to make smoothies, without a recipe. I was skeptical. (For the record, it tasted like grass from all the kale he added.)

zero: Take a sip.
Me: I don't want to get full on it. I need real food.
zero: Just take a sip. That's how we do things. We pass stuff around, like it's a joint.

[CezeN]

Not every conversation, but when something serious isn't needing discussion, I'd say the majority are equally silly/bizarre. I mostly post the ones I can remember the relevant bits to and sometimes the conversations I love the most go on for so long, I forget how/where they started (there was a semi-extended conversation involving squash and cucumbers Saturday at the grocery store that had me cracking up, but I can't remember it all now). I also tend to get busy with work stuff, so I don't always make it to Pweb with the convo intact in my memory. But yeah, we try to make each other laugh. We also throw dance parties in the bathroom while we brush teeth, which helps with the laughing.

I've been doing dance parties and teeth brushing wrong this entire time....

Speaking of which. If any of you remember past me during my "awkward black guy who can't dance but people expect him to be able to" phase, I just want to let you guys know that I can actually dance now. lol

[neo-dragon]

Speaking of which. If any of you remember past me during my "awkward black guy who can't dance but people expect him to be able to" phase, I just want to let you guys know that I can actually dance now. lol

I'm still "awkward black guy who can't dance", but I'm entirely okay with that.

[CezeN]

I'm still "awkward black guy who can't dance", but I'm entirely okay with that.

I will say this--Salsa has become one of my favorite hobbies. One I will share with friends and hopefully my future wife, for the rest of my life.

But, I still fall apart/sit out when expected to dance random moves to none Salsa/Bachata/etc. music. So, I can't decide whether I actually know how to dance or not, in the "just expressing your natural movement" sort of way.

[Gravity Defier]

Yeah, CezeN, I think you're defining "dance" much more formally than I am. One of my signature moves is the "Weekend at Bernie's" shuffle. Very much the definition of just expressing my natural movement.

[Gravity Defier]

*zero walks into living room from kitchen*
*I sniff him*
Me: Were you smoking pot in there?
zero:...I was having some smoothie. With kale.
Me: Ah. I thought I smelled plant.


(I realize how stupid this makes me look. I'm mostly okay with that.)

[starlooker]

The trouble with living as sheltered a life as I have is that now and then I THINK my teenagers smell like pot, but I'm not SURE.

Although, one time, I was sure enough that the next week we had a talk about how she can't come to the office smelling like pot, because 1) therapy while high is counterproductive, and 2) we see families who have small children and parents will not want to bring small children to a therapy office that smells like pot. As soon as I mentioned smelling like pot, her eyes got huge and she frantically grabbed her shirt and started sniffing it. It was really funny.

[Luet]

I have no idea what pot smells like. But everytime I am somewhere that a skunk should not naturally be and I smell skunk, I assume it's pot.

[buckshot]

Living in washington I'm getting exposed to pot smoke a lot! hell , folks hardly ever smoke in public (cigaretts of course) but they all seem to be smoking pot now days! All the strange smoking apparatus is the only part that intrests me at all. the smells varry a lot by the way, not just the skunky stuff but some really strange smells. none verry pleasant

[buckshot]

Nice to see you out here again Luet!

[Wind Swept]

There's a coop in my neighborhood that sells smoothies. One of them has a distinct pot aftertaste that I'm highly suspicious of. Coffee + half & half + maple syrup + banana should not equate to pot taste.

[LilBee91]

I read that as "cop" not "co-op" and was highly concerned (pun intended).

[Wind Swept]

That would be so much better.

[Luet]

Nice to see you out here again Luet!

Thanks, Buckshot! I'm always lurking.

[Gravity Defier]

me, slightly panicked: How am I supposed to tell when there's a new post?
zero: Oh yes, how will you ever keep up with all the new posts?


zero, re: one of the pot comments: I didn't say that, about the smoothie being pot.
me: Yes you did!
zero: No I didn't.
zero correcting me as I type this: I said I don't recall saying that.


zero: The ten year anniversary for the last board crash is coming up in...2 days.
me: Can we throw a party?

[Gravity Defier]

me, helping zero test the chat: I sent a message about your ass that didn't show up.
zero: People will be able to see things that were sent.
me: Even if I can't see it on there?
zero: I don't know. I don't know where those messages went. Maybe.
me: No! I hate that feature! I've always hated that feature.
zero: So don't use chat.

!

[Gravity Defier]

Me: Are you going to take my last name when we get married?
zero: What? No.
Me: Why not?
zero: My last name is cooler.
Me: So...you're going to take my first name, then, when we get married? Because my first name is way cooler than yours.

[Luet]

You have a very good point.

[Gravity Defier]

Me: You didn't even get me Pocky when you went shopping.
zero: Did you check the cupboard?
Me: You got me Pocky when you went shopping!
zero: It's the only reason I went to Costco.
Me: How was I supposed to know you went to Costco? You didn't tell me you went.
...
Me: You totally sent me a picture of something at Costco. You told me you went.
Him: I did?
Me: The planter. I'm sorry you're dating me. It's really all your fault that you are.



He can't win.

[Gravity Defier]

zero, shakes his non-dairy milk, opens it, smells it. We've had it longer than the US has been a country, it feels.
Me: Is it bad?
zero: I don't know, I can't tell.
Me: You can't tell by smell?
zero: No. Here, try a sip.
Me: No.
zero: C'mon, I can't tell.
Me:...*grabs*
...
Me: *gagging into the sink*
zero: I guess I'll throw it out.


What a team...

[Gravity Defier]

me: I'm going to propose to you in October 2019. Then we're going to get married in October 2021.
zero: Why a long engagement? I only want a year.
me: Because Trump should be gone by then. Plus, it's our ten year anniversary.

[thoughtreader]

I'm going to propose to you...

!!!! !!!!

[Gravity Defier]

me: I'm going to propose to you in October 2019. Then we're going to get married in October 2021.
zero: Why a long engagement? I only want a year.
me: Because Trump should be gone by then. Plus, it's our ten year anniversary.

Oh my god. I got too excited and proposed 6 months early.




Recent conversation:

Me: My butt is flat. I inherited pancake butt from my parents.
zero, without skipping a beat: We love pancakes in this house.


I laughed. We do. But also, my butt is flat and I love that less.

[elfprince13]

zero, without skipping a beat: We love pancakes in this house.

Have been to house, can confirm (well I guess not your current house, but you know what I mean).