Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Talk about anything under the sun or stars - but keep it civil. This is where we really get to know each other. Everyone is welcome, and invited!
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Gravity Defier » Sun Mar 18, 2018 10:00 pm

:grouphug:

Hope you can get help, if you need it, Satya.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Gravity Defier » Mon Apr 02, 2018 7:41 am

Bob,

10 years ago, today. I can let go now, right?
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Gravity Defier » Fri May 04, 2018 10:33 pm

Bob,

Apparently, the trick to getting me to try to eat better is to tell me calories are a lot like money and the amount you should have in a day is a lot like trying to stay within a budget.

Who would have thunk?

Anyway, finally saw a weight in the high 130s again, which means I'm about 8lbs from my weight while in AZ. I've been as high as 151lbs here. Feeling pretty good about things. :)
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Satya » Sat May 05, 2018 1:19 pm

Happy Karl Marx's birthday, Bob!
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Gravity Defier » Mon Jun 04, 2018 10:22 pm

Bob,

One of my exes was a compulsive liar and another was a body shamer. Both were cowards. Every so often I try to imagine what it would have been like bringing them home to meet my family and I cringe.

zero isn't perfect (neither am I) but he just has it. He knows what works best for the occasion and for my different family members, and me, and he never has to be anything other than who he is and he never wants me to be anything other than who I am.

Trump needs to lose in 2020 so I can marry this man (zero, not Trump).
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Luet » Wed Jun 06, 2018 8:55 am

:love: :love: :love: :D :D :grouphug: :kisses: :kisses:
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa

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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Gravity Defier » Tue Sep 04, 2018 9:07 am

Bob,

I think I must generally suck at being a person or communicating, or come across as always angry/sad/depressed/needy/something. Without fail, whenever I'm looking for sympathy or gentle words of encouragement, I tend to get responses that indicate I'm coming across as much more desperate/sad/angry/whatever than I actually am and/or I'm given advice. All I want is a "That sucks." or "Sorry to hear that." That's it. I'm at least a little smart. I don't need fixes. Especially obvious ones. Just a little acknowledgement that while others have it s*** tons worse, I'm allowed a little exhaustion or annoyance.

With that said, I get one weekend off between now and November because of staffing shortages and work trips (these are never as fun to me as people make them out to be, so why they don't count air travel as the stressful thing it is is beyond me). I'm tired already.

Thanks,
me
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby thoughtreader » Tue Sep 04, 2018 2:23 pm

That sucks :grouphug:

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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Gravity Defier » Wed Sep 05, 2018 12:33 pm

I love you so hard, Teresa. :kisses:
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby thoughtreader » Wed Sep 05, 2018 5:06 pm

Love you too!

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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Gravity Defier » Thu Sep 20, 2018 9:19 pm

Bob,

First things first: I'm not, to the best of my knowledge, suicidal.

So there's that. A great way to start a conversation.

I am, however, really tired of miscommunications, misinterpretations, slights, etc. that suggest I am not a pleasant person, even when (especially?) I do it to myself and deserve it. I am feeling so easily triggered these days and I just...feel like I can't anymore. Or, I never really could be part of the bigger fabric of the world, not well or naturally, and now, after spending so much time and energy trying to be less of an awful person, I just don't have the energy anymore. And Pweb has never been shielded from the ugly parts of me, and sometimes it was okay and sometimes, not so much. But that sort of short-tempered, highly emotional side of me doesn't fly in the real world. And I'm tired. I want to take my boyfriend, my dogs, my family (the ones I like at the moment) and run off to an island where I can be an awful person but loved anyway.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Luet » Fri Sep 21, 2018 8:17 am

Hugs and love to the furthest thing from an awful person that I know.
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa

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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Satya » Thu Oct 18, 2018 6:47 am

I can't decide on whether to apply to grad school or not. Stress levels are off the charts.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Gravity Defier » Mon Nov 05, 2018 11:59 pm

Can you apply and defer for a year if accepted but you determine you need a break?

Good luck with the decision. :grouphug:
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Satya » Thu Nov 15, 2018 8:44 am

Gravity Defier wrote:Can you apply and defer for a year if accepted but you determine you need a break?

Good luck with the decision. :grouphug:


Thank you~ :love:

I'll have the summer off regardless, when I've been working through them up to now. But that's kind of why I can apply; I plowed through so many credits and requirements in the first 2 years that I'll be finishing my undergrad early, and I'll have a year of my GI Bill left over. It was a no-brainer, having half the master's program covered financially, when I can cover the second half easily with what I've saved and with a part-time TA spot. But I'm still nervous about the application, and if I don't get in I don't really have concrete plans. If I do, will I be ready? I mean I'll be graduating with ~3.6 but this is a different animal.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Satya » Wed Nov 21, 2018 5:37 pm

Yesterday I got a message that my pregnant sister wasn't feeling well and went to the hospital. They found she was going into labor at only about 5 months. They couldn't stop it and so she delivered, and it was a foregone conclusion the baby would not survive. She and her husband had been trying for awhile to get pregnant, but her health was not good enough it seemed. She worked very hard to be healthy enough to have a baby. She is devastated and her husband is numb, and the family is out of sorts. He was 21 weeks, about a month shy of the possibility of extraordinary measures saving him. I can't imagine what's she's going through and I'm just... There's nothing I can do.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Gravity Defier » Thu Nov 22, 2018 10:39 pm

There are no words for how tragic that is. My thoughts to your sister and family.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby LilBee91 » Fri Nov 23, 2018 8:01 am

<<<hugs>>>
I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you all.

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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Satya » Sun Dec 09, 2018 5:32 pm

She spent a few weeks in the hospital afterwards, complications and blood clots.. Somehow she is doing ok now. Thank you for your thoughts, friends.
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Re: Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Postby Gravity Defier » Mon Dec 10, 2018 10:59 pm

Good. I'm glad she is doing okay, at least physically. Hope that applies to emotionally, too.

With all my heart, I hope that when she's ready to try again, she gets the baby she's been hoping for.
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