Alrighty, folks. Some lessons learned if I had it to do again. Both positive and negative.
1. First and foremost, APPOINT SOMEONE (or two someones) TO RUN INTERFERENCE regarding the stupid little details of the night. Someone close to but not necessarily in the bridal party. Even if you're more of a micromanager than I am, there will probably be stupid little details that people have a questions about. Find an organized friend, in or outside of the wedding party, to refer these people to. I was trying to enjoy our wedding party opening their gifts when, in a hot, crowded room, I got cornered -- literally -- by a very blunt and demanding uncle and cousin regarding the disposal of the wedding gifts. I was SO not in the mindframe to handle it. Granted, this is something I should've thought of before, but it was possibly the most insane week of my life, and I hadn't, and I ended up snapping at them pretty harshly (the only time that day or night anything like that happened). Hubby and brother-in-law ended up dealing with it.
Also, do not appoint the MOH to do this, as her job if you're getting really rattled/claustrophobic/overheated is to find a discreet backdoor and whisk you outside to get some air and make you laugh again before rejoining the party.
2. SPEND THE MONEY ON THE PHOTOGRAPHER if you're certain it's the right photographer. I mean, obviously, if you love a photographer who is priced quite low, that's fabulous. I was SO thinking that this was the area of my budget I would cut. But I was so, totally, completely in love with the work of this woman. She has a photojournalist background. She took pictures at the waterbirth a friend of mine had, and so I knew she was able to be discreet but also get the shots. Also, the slideshow of that birth makes me cry every single time I watch it. It's just honest and emotional and beautiful.
When it turned out she cost more than I had wanted, man, we got busy figuring out other things we could cut on the budget. And I do not regret this whatsoever, even though I haven't seen the pictures yet. It was fabulous. She found the perfect spot for D and I to meet. She got the posed shots we wanted, but otherwise was just constantly observing. Equipment was professional. At the reception she was the only person not constantly after me to get a picture -- she just followed me and the other guests around and captured moments. She was everywhere something great was happening, as if by magic. She took around 1600 shots, total. I am totally in love with her professional manner and have a lot of confidence about the photos we are going to get.
3. GET SOMEONE TO VIDEOTAPE. This was an area of our budget we cut, didn't spend time looking for a cheaper alternative, and I wish we had because I did not realize how much of the wedding I would miss as the bride
For example, apparently my ring bearer was totally fascinated with the sounds his shoes made on the floor of the aisle and was making sure they were clomping with every step. It was apparently adorable, but I was hiding out waiting for my entrance and missed it. Also, apparently my flower girls (age 6) were just so intensely focused on the service -- listening to every word and occasionally nodding seriously to something the pastor said. And then my brother starting to cry during his solo. I missed all of that. Granted, I was totally wrapped up in my own lovely point of view -- which was indescribable and wonderful -- but I'd still like to have the tape to look at from a different perspective.
4. CHANGE INTO THE COMFY SHOES. I went ahead and wore the beautiful but impractical shoes throughout the dance because, well, I was walking on air and had all sorts of endorphins/adrenaline flowing, and I didn't really notice my feet hurting and didn't feel like having anyone run out to get them. So, yeah, the next day my two big toes were completely numb and the pedicure removal of callouses on my foot had been completely wasted.
5. If there are people coming to the reception you really, really want to spend some time with -- arrange to spend some time with them prior to the wedding, or post-wedding, because there's not nearly enough time to talk to people during the reception. You're being pulled in about a dozen different directions.
6. It doesn't matter if you're doing the sixth grade hold and sway for the first dance. Yeah, I wish we'd learned to waltz or something, kind of. Not really. It wasn't for other people. It was for us. We were just natural and put our heads together and talked and were happy and in our own little world the whole time and per my bridesmaid, it was beautiful. (And I got to waltz with my daddy later on, anyhow, kind of.)
7. Tell no one where you are spending the night and have a trusted friend with a garage for your car. We were not harrassed in any way, and nothing bad happened to the car. Hallelujah, as our families and friends totally would have at least messed with the car if we hadn't. If you don't mind, fine, but we would've.
8. Just let yourself be in love and express that during speeches and to one another and people will feel glad they are there. Including you.
9. Kinkos is actually very reasonably priced when it comes to programs. And they will fold them for you for an additional couple of dollars. It helps if you have a friend who does fundraising and PR for a living to help turn your mock-up into something elegant.
10. Trial runs for hair and make-up are completely necessary if someone else is doing them. If you are not an assertive person, bring someone with you who is to say that the foundation is too dark or whatever. Otherwise, get ready to step it up and make sure to say what you honestly think. They will not be offended and the whole point of the trial run is for you to figure out what you do/do not want to save time and emotional energy on the morning of the wedding.
11. Appoint two people who you trust most to help you out with your dress in the bathroom if it's a fluffy dress that will require help. Also, wear thigh highs if you're wearing stockings so that your underwear can be pulled off/on quickly. Given the amount of material in my dress, it was actually a really modest experience, as holding the dress in their arms prevented anyone from seeing anything. I was really nervous about this, but after the first time, I realized that I might as well just stay hydrated because it was so not a big deal.
Then make sure that now that you are in the cute wedding dress, Paris doesn't come and kidnap you and take you to Troy, TN XD