Philotic Web

I am trying not to be annoyed at one of my professors for not being able to be in class for us. We're conducting our case based medicine class pretty much entirely via e-mail.

But, it's because his wife- who he loves a lot- has terminal cancer. He's a total work-a-holic who is at the clinic all hours during the week, except Friday nights when he leaves promptly at 5 because it's date night. She had some kind of bowel cancer and when they removed several feet of her bowel, they found that it had already metastasized to her liver. She doesn't have much time left.


So, the confession is: while I feel awful for him... I'm also annoyed that his personal tragedy is affecting our education. (And I'm trying not to be!)

Double post: SERIOUSLY?! Why do my super depressing (cancer) confessions have to be the top one on the page twice in a row!?

Confession: I've been extra emotional lately (stress, I guess) so I just about cried reading Alea's post in the foyer. She is way to sweet.

I don't like Nutella. And I pronounce it nuh-tell-uh.

Confession: Hearing Chicago mentioned on the news, reading about it on the news, looking at the pictures, and hearing about it from my coworkers all day today and most of last night has been really difficult.

I feel jealous.

Of the weather? Hell no. It was a crisp 49F today and I was struggling to stay warm at the Info/Circ desk (air blowing in from the entrance made it drafty upstairs in general).

A little bit of the camaraderie, or something approaching that, that people can feel having experienced the storm but something more than that, too, that I just can't explain.

Confession: My ovaries are twitching.

By which I mean that my biological clock is ticking and every time I see a baby I go all mushy and think "I waaaaaant one!!"

I've been at my temp job with the MN State government for nearly a year--the longest length of time one can temp with the State.

After talking it over with David and saving money like a fiend over the last year, I had decided to apply for unpaid publishing internships once my position here ends in April (if you need to know why I'd ever go back to unpaid internships after 5 years in the industry, go back and read the last posts in the "My Life in a Literary Agency" thread. I'm too tired to explain it all over again).

I have been looking forward to getting back to my career and once again working in the field I love. I've been drafting my application letters and have decided to target five houses. It's been a huge weight off my chest since this decision was made. I feel so much lighter and happier, knowing that I'm moving closer to my dreams.

But.

My boss just called me into her office. And offered me a job. She wants me to stay with the State. It will be a permanent position. Full time. With benefits (which I haven't had since 2009). I'll be eligible for a raise almost immediately because I'm in the Union (I don't have a choice) and I've already been here a year.

I...

I feel so trapped.


My confession is that I've just been offered a job I know most people would kill for right now. And I don't want it. At all.

But I don't think I'm selfish enough to turn it down.

I'm so heart-broken.

TOUGH call! Sending "right-decision-for-you-and-david" vibes your way.

Oh, Kelly, what a tough situation! *super hugs!*

So lately I've been on a huge "Guile's Theme Goes with Everything" kick (just search for that phrase on youtube if you're not familiar; 'pancakes' and 'maury' are good ones). I don't know why; when I first saw these I don't recall spending too much time with them.

But sometimes I think to myself: hmm, it's getting close to midnight, I should probably go to sleep soon. I'd better not go wasting time watching Guile's Theme videos again, haha.... ha... hmm, how does it go again? da-da da.... No no, that's Zero's theme from Mega Man X... argh. Okay, I'll watch one so I can remember how the hell it goes, because otherwise this is going to drive me crazy. <1 minute later> Ah, okay, that's right. Oh, hey, I haven't see that one before, what's that? <2 hours of watching Guile videos later> ...WTF.

Number of times this has happened in the past week: more than 1.

The really annoying thing is that I really do have a hard time remembering how the theme goes, for some reason. I can listen to it for an hour (and I do! it's motivating!) and then be humming it or something as I go to sleep, and then I wake up and become frustrated because all I can hum is Zero's Theme. I seriously just sat down at my computer and played one and then the other, trying to keep both tunes in my head without forgetting the other one. It took several tries to actually be able to do it.

...and then the next day I couldn't remember Guile's still. Aaaaaugh!

There are also way too many of those damn Guile videos; I had no idea. I thought I'd get bored by keeping seeing the same ones over and over again or something, but I keep finding new ones.

I am incredibly, irrationally cranky at being thwarted at getting french fries.

I also feel like an idiot.

I haven't been picking my fingers at all in quite awhile. However, tonight at the movie theater I picked them to shreds. This was prompted by the stress of sitting next to a crazy dude who was talking to the screen in a loud voice throughout, using swear words generously. He looked scary and unstable so the usual way of dealing with such a scenario (glaring, clearing the throat, etc.) didn't seem like a smart approach. My fingers hurt.

I am incredibly, irrationally cranky at being thwarted at getting french fries.

You are not alone!

I got my fries yesterday. Then I felt better.

I just laughed out loud reading the Random Speculations forum. That was awesome, guys. Very much love.



(Ok, and now back to Chronic Diarrhea in dogs. This weekend = fail.)

An Education scared me a little, put me on guard. Not that I'm scared of that exact scenario playing out in my life -for one, I'm past that time in a few significant ways- but the movie made me fear other potential, related scenarios that I can quite easily see myself getting into. Hell, I almost walked into a few in the past 5 years.

That movie almost made me physically nauseated with flashbacks. I could never, ever watch it again.

Confession: I just got out of the shower and realized I did nothing while in there but sing "We Will Rock You" two times through, complete with scat versions of the awesome guitar solo.

complete with scat versions of the awesome guitar solo.

I'm about 98% sure I am misinterpreting one of these words, or it is a typo. ...is this some slang I am unfamiliar with or something?

complete with scat versions of the awesome guitar solo.

I'm about 98% sure I am misinterpreting one of these words, or it is a typo. ...is this some slang I am unfamiliar with or something?

Awesome is in fact a word you are unfamiliar with. It's okay; keep hanging around people like Mich and I and you'll pick up on it eventually.





Scat? Are you thinking of the poop fetish and not the musical use of your vocals in a non-singing way to mimic instruments, most commonly in jazz? Otherwise, I've covered the two words I could find confusion with.

Yeah, never heard this called "scat" before.

Oh no, I crafted tabs for the guitar solo out of poop. Yup.

Scat? Are you thinking of the poop fetish

I had never heard of scat in the fetish sense (thankfully) but it is also used when referring to animal droppings, like when tracking animals. In the same way that spoor would be used.

Although, I knew that it was used in music terms as well.

I had all these ideas of what I wanted to post last night while I couldn't sleep. But I didn't post them and kept trying to sleep, and now I can't remember them.

I am not doing okay. I am a million miles from okay. This anger that builds up is not okay, its scary. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to get help.
My jaw hurts from clenching it in anger so much. I need help. I need something.

I mailed in my first PostSecret today. It was terrifying.

I think I might have posted about this around Christmas, but spending money seriously freaks me out. I get stress and anxiety when I spend more than $20 at a time. (Well, except for my normal bills, like mortgage and utilities. I'm used to those now that I've had no choice but to pay them for so long.) Grocery shopping? If it's more than $20, I have to itemize and rank and decide if it's REALLY worth spending the money on that (whatever) that's on sale. I know we'll use it, but do we really need to buy it, or would it be better to save that money for something else we might need more?

In the last 16 hours, I've spent a few thousand dollars on things like plane tickets and a laptop (my first one ever!). It's not even my money that I'm spending (we are being reimbursed), but it's still really, really scary for me.

In the last 16 hours, I've spent a few thousand dollars on things like plane tickets and a laptop (my first one ever!). It's not even my money that I'm spending (we are being reimbursed), but it's still really, really scary for me.

Congrats on the new laptop. I got my new HP at the beginning of Feb. and 15.6" laptops seem too big now.

In the last 16 hours, I've spent a few thousand dollars on things like plane tickets and a laptop (my first one ever!). It's not even my money that I'm spending (we are being reimbursed), but it's still really, really scary for me.

Congrats on the new laptop. I got my new HP at the beginning of Feb. and 15.6" laptops seem too big now.

Thanks! I'm pretty excited. We wanted to be able to skype with the boys while we're gone. I've never been away from the for more than 5 days and I've never been away from Kinley for more than a couple of hours.

Mine is an HP, 15.6". I don't think it will be too big for us, since our desktop is dying and it will take it's place. It's a "recertified" one, so it's a nice machine for the price. I just hope I don't regret not buying the extended warranty. My brother said the recertified was worth the gamble and my dad said he wouldn't pay the money for the warranty. Since they are both programmers, I'm trusting that I can trust their opinion!

In the last 16 hours, I've spent a few thousand dollars on things like plane tickets and a laptop (my first one ever!). It's not even my money that I'm spending (we are being reimbursed), but it's still really, really scary for me.

Congrats on the new laptop. I got my new HP at the beginning of Feb. and 15.6" laptops seem too big now.

Thanks! I'm pretty excited. We wanted to be able to skype with the boys while we're gone. I've never been away from the for more than 5 days and I've never been away from Kinley for more than a couple of hours.

Mine is an HP, 15.6". I don't think it will be too big for us, since our desktop is dying and it will take it's place. It's a "recertified" one, so it's a nice machine for the price. I just hope I don't regret not buying the extended warranty. My brother said the recertified was worth the gamble and my dad said he wouldn't pay the money for the warranty. Since they are both programmers, I'm trusting that I can trust their opinion!

I also got an HP. It's the 11.6" dm1 and with it side-by-side with Nicole's 15.6" it seems huge. I didn't get an extended warranty either and I also wouldn't mind getting recertified either as they get new plastics and are basically like coming from the factory new anyway after they get new parts to replace any bad ones.

Good to know. I'm glad to have another opinion to trust! (And I do totally trust you.) In case you're interested, this is the one I ordered.

Good to know. I'm glad to have another opinion to trust! (And I do totally trust you.) In case you're interested, this is the one I ordered.

Cool laptop! Something you might like to know for the future is that if you want an extended warranty some people get them through a 3 party company that sells them, usually for cheaper.
Also, I found out if I ordered mine through Costco I would have gotten a 2 0r 3 year warranty for only $5 more than ordering through HP. I probably would have if I wasn't so impatient. I was on my 3rd laptop from them and didn't want to send another one back.

The first one came on Dec 23rd. Memory module was bad on it and was the one soldered on the board.

Second one came the day after I went to visit family and Cali and that same day a new, revised model came out and I sent that one that came back when I returned

The one I'm using now was delayed needless to say I didn't want to send one back again just to order one from Costco and wait all over again.

That sucks to have so many problems with it!

We looked into costco, but when we did price comparison with newegg, we got more laptop for our money.

Confession: Hi, I am a bitch to the extreme. My latest example of said bitchiness: my brother was finally made into a permanent employee with the UofA and got a $10,000/yr raise as part of the deal. My coinciding thoughts were: Yay! but more tellingly, son of a bitch*, he's making twice as much as I do now.



*Sorry, Mom. I don't mean it like that.

I'm a little too fascinated with my new laptop's fingerprint security feature. It's so fun!