Philotic Web

I have one from Old Navy that I really like. I got it a few years ago and no longer remember what it cost, though.

I need some sports bra advice. I just started exercising with short spans of jogging. Well, during the premenstrual week, my chest gets really sore. I have always worn cheap hanes sports bras around the house but they definitely do NOT cut it when it comes to jogging. Today I had to hold onto my chest with one arm which is not very feasible. So, any sports bra recommendations? Preferably under $20 and available at Target or the like but if have to go to a real department store, I will.

I know it sucks to spend $, but I find with bras it really counts. My amazing, amazing sports bra is Lulu Lemon.

Those look nice, Jan. However, it would be hard for me to spend that much on any item that I couldn't try on...but also, they are sold out of my size even in the newer version (tata tamer II). Though, they do have stores within about 90 minutes of me, so next time I'm in one of those areas I'll try and remember to check them out.

I need some sports bra advice. I just started exercising with short spans of jogging. Well, during the premenstrual week, my chest gets really sore. I have always worn cheap hanes sports bras around the house but they definitely do NOT cut it when it comes to jogging. Today I had to hold onto my chest with one arm which is not very feasible. So, any sports bra recommendations? Preferably under $20 and available at Target or the like but if have to go to a real department store, I will.

I think it's going to be difficult to get a good supportive sports bra for under $20. Champion has some bras that are rated by the amount of support they give. I've used the high support bras for activities that need a lot of support and like them. You can find them at the Sports Authority and at many department stores. I think I may have even seen some styles at Target.

Some people I know have found some decent bras on this site:
http://www.breakoutbras.com/category/Sports-Bras" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Yes, they do have Champion at Target. I'm still trying to figure out what I want out of one. But thanks!

I got one I really like (with underwires!!) for less than 40 dollars a couple years ago. I can't remember the brand off the top of my head, and I don't have it with me right now

This kind of fits in this thread, I suppose. I'm studying for my clinical microbiology test tomorrow. It covers UTIs and STDs. I'm pretty sure I never want to have sex ever. This stuff is as good of birth control as Breaking Dawn...

Had my post-partum check up today. Everything looks good. She put in the Mirena IUD. I was shocked at how little it hurt. Slight crampiness and then done! I literally asked, "That's it?" I think recent experiences with SO MUCH PAIN at my cervix/uterus had me expecting much worse. Or having a baby so recently decreased the pain. Or both.

ETA: And now I'm bleeding and having sucky cramps. Thankfully, I still have mega-ibuprofin left from the hospital.

Eyebrows are plucked; I worked around the grey one. It feels sort of like a badge of honor or something. Since it's not dark, it's harder to see, so it shouldn't look too weird having a random hair that is not part of the brow I kept.




One of the weird things about my relationship with zero is that things didn't really change too terribly much after we met; we mostly just added some more of the basic senses to things and kept trucking along like we had for years before that. I think he kind of wishes that I did less of the touching than I do, since most of it involves poking or playing with his stomach and he's not a huge fan of this, and I don't know that he appreciated my stealing his jacket for a very little bit (it smelled like him)...but I think he's okay with the rest of the senses. I think.

Anyway. Because of this sort of lack of huge changes, I don't really know how we're handling the start of it all. This is not a concern for him because he doesn't do anniversaries. Just like he doesn't do Valentine's Day or birthdays. I do. I was actually greatly amused and more than happy to make fun of Valentine's Day with him, as my celebration of the day, so that was no big deal and when I asked him to wish me a happy birthday, he did, so that was fine, too. But anniversaries...he doesn't want to do those. I don't want to make him do them, if he doesn't want to. I don't even need him (not now, anyway...this might ever change) to celebrate with me but I do want to do something on my end for it. Just a little recognition, like going on a picnic or buying myself a little sweet or something. (If you're thinking this sounds pathetic and feel sorry for me, have no fear! I am not comfortable with too much attention; low key and on my own is a-okay for certain things.)

So...in thinking about this, I'm not sure what to go with. First time we met? October. First time we kissed? October. First "date" we went on? November. First time I told him I loved him in the non-friendly way? Either end of February or early March. First time a title was used? March.

If I go with October, then the half way to a first anniversary is in a week and I will want to do a little something to mark the occasion.

The bigger thing, though, is in May. I first started talking to him off the board in May of 2008. That is not a romantic anniversary; that is something else entirely. That is a "I am so very grateful for you; you're my very bestest friend and I'd be lost without you" thing. Every year, I do a stupid little drawing or Paint creation of some sort to mark that date and that's it, for involving him in that. On my end, I spend a long time thanking the Universe at large for my good luck.

Right-oh. There is no real point to this. I simply felt like writing and that happened to be part of what I was thinking about.

That is a "I am so very grateful for you; you're my very bestest friend and I'd be lost without you" thing

:)

I used to somehow lose socks all the time in AZ (I haven't had that problem here, which leads me to believe my Little Man was stealing them off the couch or something) but now I'm having bra issues. I seem to have left most of mine behind because I'm down to 3 real bras and one sports bra. I've begrudgingly come to the conclusion I need to buy a few more but I hate bra shopping. I used to hate pants shopping but other than all pants being too long, I don't mind anymore. My waist was kind enough to get smaller, making that experience less scarring embarrassing. But my boobs...those are not going in the direction I'd like and I generally dislike them, anyway, so I kind of hate acknowledging them.

In my head, it's this whole, "Oh, you're a B cup and you weigh how much, you're how short, and your waist/hips/shoulders are how wide around? Freak!" Bah.

Apparently I need to find a girl friend...

So, zero came over this weekend, kind of a last minute thing. We ended up walking around downtown on Saturday (his suggestion) and I was thinking about something he said jokingly that was more or less true, joke or not. Friends say they'll visit and I insist on dragging them around downtown and showing off and trying to make them see what I see but with zero, I was/am hesitant to share that with him. I did, though, and I have this sinking feeling he wasn't impressed. I don't know. It's not easy to explain or show or make clear why I love it here.

Also, remember how I mentioned this weekend was the 6th month "anniversary"? I was planning on celebrating it alone before I knew he was coming. I didn't mention it once while he was here, I was perfectly happy just to have his company and at least his initial interest in seeing more of downtown and asking about "my" garden and all.

(I've mentioned before, long ago, but I have 3 favorite places/situations here: the garden, heading south on the brown line El at night, and the lawn at Adler.)

I dragged him out to the lawn at Adler and it was a bit overcast, it was late afternoon, chilly, but still one of the best views of the skyline. Still one of my favorite places in the world to be. And the boy was there with me! It was so nice and I was bursting with happiness and overall really happy he suggested we go downtown and then let me drag him there...until I made the mistake of being a judgmental and catty bitch.

There was a woman having professional pictures of herself taken below where we were sitting. No surprise there, tons of people take pictures there; it screams for picture taking. I'm used to seeing wedding/engagement photos taken. I see this woman alone and I start thinking, "She either wants to be a model/actress or she's full of herself for wanting professional pictures of herself taken like this." It doesn't have to be just those things, mind you, people do things for all sorts of reasons but it just bothered me in her case, for whatever reason. So I said something out loud and zero jumped to her defense. "Well, she's hot. It makes sense that people would want pictures of her."

Yeah.

There went that nice moment for me, which was probably deserved and I know tons of people who have no problem hearing from/saying to their SOs that they find someone else attractive but "Hello, McFly. Think." When have I ever been so confident of myself, or even a little bit at all ever, that I would be okay hearing something like that? I'm not proud of being insecure, I don't like it, I think it might even do me some good to not be catered to in this respect, but still. Kinda sucked. At least I didn't cry.


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Also, can someone please define "healthy" to me in a way I'll understand because I'm failing to grasp this concept here. I've told a few people how I've lost about 7lbs since I got here. Probably not noticeable to anyone but me, but my pants falling off and the scale saying so are pretty good indicators it happened. Concern over losing weight is twofold: I don't want to lose more breast than I already have from weight loss and I want to be considered attractive but I don't want to feed into the idea that you have to be thin to be attractive.

Two people, both males, have asked, when I told them I lost weight, "Isn't that good?"

Why? Why is that good? Because I look better if I'm thinner? What if I lost weight for unhealthy reasons and by unhealthy means?

And what am I doing now that isn't healthy? I don't eat the best, well established, but I don't eat complete s*** all the time either. I eat at least a few fruit a day, I eat walnuts and almonds, yogurt...all things I've been led to believe are at least moderately healthy. I eat three times a day. I walk a minimum of 3 miles a day but sometimes up to 10 or so. Before I left AZ, lab reports checking for various things all cae back with me well within normal/healthy ranges. I don't smoke or drink excessively.

Why can't I be considered attractive and more importantly healthy, just because I'm short and chubby?




Whew. Sorry about the long rant.

Aww, Alea. I hate when people say things like that, too. Sure, she may be hot. You know it, I know it, but I don't need to be told.

As far as healthy, I think healthy is when you're eating well- a good balance of protein, complex carbs, fruits, veggies, etc- and exercising enough to make you feel good but not excessively. I think as long as you aren't starving yourself and you aren't exercising til you drop, you're doing it healthy-ly. It sounds to me like you're doing it right, you're probably just more active than you used to be?

I really appreciate that my husband has never, not once, said that another woman was attractive. Ever. Does he see beauty or hotness or attractiveness in other women? Of course. Has he ever said that in front of or to me? No. Do I like that? Yes. Now this is kind of a double standard because I do mention the attractiveness of other people but I do it equally with men and women (probably more often with women). He doesn't seem to mind, other than constantly teasing that I'm a lesbian.

It's one of the things I don't understand about a lot of men (I've seen others do it, too)...I have mentioned actors (usually Edward Norton) but that is rare. I don't know that I've ever felt like disrespecting the person I was with so much that it seemed like a good idea to draw attention to attractive men on the street. Are there others? Of course. Do I see them? Yes. Do I feel like they're worthy of more than the fleeting amount of attention I gave them by simply noticing they exist in the first place? No. Do I feel like there is any point to drawing attention to them? Hell no. Because I have no interest in acting on that attraction, because that attraction is so fleeting and superficial, there is no point to acknowledging it beyond the initial noticing. It just seems to me like mentioning it means the person is focusing on it.

Now this is kind of a double standard because I do mention the attractiveness of other people but I do it equally with men and women (probably more often with women). He doesn't seem to mind, other than constantly teasing that I'm a lesbian.

I do this all the time. When out in public or while watching tv, i'll usually point out a really good looking person (women more often, for some reason). I know Will notices, but he's not the type to comment on the attractiveness of other people. I feel like I would be totally comfortable with him pointing a "hot" girl out to me on tv or in person, because that's just the type of person I am. I know it's nothing more then an observation from him.

In our first year of dating he was out on a day trip to take photos along the coast line in California. I was in Wa and on the phone that night he was telling me about how the light on this one beach was so perfect, but it was hard to get a good shot because this girl was getting professional pictures done and kept getting in his shot. I asked why he didn't just ask her to stand to the side for a minute while he took a picture and he said she didn't want to approach her because she was having topless pictures done.

This made me laugh more then anything!

Don't get me wrong, I don't actually think it's more than an observation from zero, either. I also don't really think he lingers on it for even half as long as I hold onto my hurt feelings over it. I know it's an insecurity thing on my part and I do wish I was more comfortable with...things in general but I'm not and all hearing the comments, even if they're harmless/innocent, does is make me feel worse about myself. I don't know how I got it in my head that everything is a comparison and related to everything else but those comments almost always translate from "She is hot" to "She is hotter than you." I know rationally that's not at all what's being said but in the moment, it doesn't sink in. Then I have to go through this whole thing with myself where I look in the mirror as I pass it by on the way to the kitchen or into my room and if I don't look pretty to myself, I can't keep my eyes there. When/if I finally do look pretty to myself, I'm allowed to take a longer look and then I spend however long it takes convincing myself that someone else being pretty does not mean I can't be, too. Sometimes I never get to that point. It sucks.

That's stupid, isn't it?

Oh well.

None of this is a secret to anyone who knows me.

It's not stupid, I understand. It's a completely different thing when he calls attention to me. I do this crazy thing where whenever he calls me cute or pays any random psychical attention to me, I get so self conscious it's crazy. I'm trying to get better, and we've both agreed to really try and take a compliment instead of shrugging it off.

Just for the record, I think you're beautiful! : )

we've both agreed to really try and take a compliment instead of shrugging it off.

This is really awesome. You definitely deserve to be told all the nice things I'm sure he says and thinks and likewise to him, from you.

Thank you for the compliment. I likewise think you're beautiful. You also give awesome hugs. That's important, ya know. :)

"Actively learning to accept compliments with grace" has been one of my secret resolutions/life lessons/self-improvement goals for pretty much the last 5 years or so. It is HARD. But, I can report, it does get better with practice.

::::

I have rediscovered, after a 5.5 year break or so, UTIs. I was up until 2 or 3 this morning, wondering if I should just sit on the toilet to fall asleep, because even though I knew I wasn't really in need of going to the bathroom since I just went and nothing much happened, that urge made it impossible to feel comfortable to ignore.

When nothing happened, my body seemed to get pissed off and almost tried to push whatever out (I say whatever because there was no liquid left inside me to eject), which was uncomfortable at best and slightly painful at worst.

Sounds like cranberry juice time.

Sounds like antibiotics time!

And yes, cranberry juice. And whatever drug it was Nomi recommended that's not available in Canada.


...I take Cranberry Pills (that I buy for cheap on iHerb)

Cranberry and antibiotics (mostly the trying to make that happen in the next 6 days that I work and the paying a s***** to see a doctor to tell me what I already know and give me medicine that will likewise probably cost more than is reasonable) sound like unpleasant things...I am now re-familiarized with this unpleasant thing. Can't I just die a painful, girly death?

Azo is amazing. It's essentially a pain reliever/anti-inflammatory acting only in the bladder. Fair waring, it turns your uring orange. Like, hi-liter orange. http://www.azoproducts.com/products?gcl ... TAod50nakQ" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Cranberry... eh. It works for some people and not for others. The scientific evidence is equivocal. There's some talk about it inhibiting bacterial adhesion, but a double blind study found that there was no different in UTI prevention in women drinking 2 galsses of cranberry jice and those drinking a placebo.

Increase your water intake as much as you possibly can. As they say, dilution is the solution to pollution.


You may want to strongly consider taking a day/few hours off to go to the doctor and get antibiotics. While it's uncomfortable now, it can become serious ifit ascends to a kidney infection.

Azo is amazing. It's essentially a pain reliever/anti-inflammatory acting only in the bladder. Fair waring, it turns your uring orange. Like, hi-liter orange. http://www.azoproducts.com/products?gcl ... TAod50nakQ" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

I was just told about this by my Dr.*

Increase your water intake as much as you possibly can. As they say, dilution is the solution to pollution.

Already on that.

You may want to strongly consider taking a day/few hours off to go to the doctor and get antibiotics. While it's uncomfortable now, it can become serious if it ascends to a kidney infection.

Not possible; we're already short people as it is (part of why my hours got thrown so out of whack yesterday). But! A legit workaround has presented itself. :)


*Nomi is kind of a doctor, right?

Cranberry has only been suggested as a possible preventative, but will do nothing once you have active cystitis. I wouldn't count on hydration and cranberry to do anything. Unfortunately, this is one where you really have to bite the bullet and pee in a cup. :/

Oh, with the cranberry, I was just thinking of it as a daily addition to help prevent them in the future. Like when I break out with yeast, I know I need to cut back on sugar, add in daily yogurt and use tea tree oil. Not because it will get rid of the current infection, but because I don't want another one next month!

Now I'm wondering if it was in fact a UTI. I mean, it had classic symptoms of one but after that one terribly painful/uncomfortable/sleepless night, it downgraded to merely uncomfortable and feels almost back to normal now.

I do have antibiotics that I will take "just in case" but either it was something else or my body is good at taking care of stuff.




Also, Period Party at my place! It is always great to realize I am not pregnant.

So, I'm kind of dumb. Repeat after me, Alea: "Life is not an 80s movie."

For some reason, zero got mixed up on which weekend I was going to visit him (supposed to be this upcoming one) and thought I was going this past weekend. He seemed a little bummed, in a not too serious but not entirely joking way, that I wasn't going to be there so, at the literally last minute, I threw stuff in my backpack, bought a bus ticket, and went to see him. I showed up on his doorstep Saturday morning as a complete surprise.

So, yeah. People don't quite like surprises without some sort of warning beforehand.

He wasn't angry but the initial and then parting reaction both left me with a strong sense of, "Oh, I messed up, didn't I? You didn't actually mean you wanted me there."

Oops?

*sigh*

::::

I have done the surprise show-up before (and had it done to me) and had a variety of reactions, ranging from the perfect 80s movie ending to the wtf. It's such a crappy feeling when something you do to please someone you care about is....decidedly not pleasing for them.

(Not directly related, but it reminded me: I had the s***** surprise birthday party on earth when I turned 16, because people who all loved me very much tried to do something nice for me, and it was NOT anything I wanted remotely at all).

I hope you let him know you were there by doing this:

I have done the surprise show-up before

Oh, good. I'm not completely strange for thinking it was a worthwhile, if not altogether good, idea. :)

I hope you let him know you were there by doing this:

Is there any other way to announce your presence? I make all guests do the same before entering my apartment.

I have to give you props for having the guts to do that, even though you didn't get the 80's ending. I've thought about doing that a number of times in my life, but always talk myself out of it because I'm afraid it'll go badly. You inspire me.

Is there any other way to announce your presence?

Yes: