Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,
My falling asleep has become a problem, again, and it started when I went back home two weeks ago.

It seems almost every night I go through the same damn song and dance trying to fall asleep. With no TV, no internet, and very little cell phone use, you'd think the boredom would help.

I try lying on my stomach, on my sides, on my back, back to my sides but with a pillow between my legs, back to my stomach. I try under the covers, over the comforter. I try along the edge of the bed, in the middle of the bed, sideways, vertical, slightly parabolic. I try with clothes, with less clothes, with the AC lowered, with the AC where it's supposed to be. I try listening to calm, low volumed music, I try without music. I try reading myself to sleep.

Nothing works and it's frustrating. Every night, I lie in bed from 11:45 or so until 2 or 3 am trying to fall asleep. It's sort of okay right now, with my dad gone, because I can sleep in. When he's here? It hurts like a mother f*****.

I know it's stress. I know it's related to the fact that my mind races pretty much all day and the night doesn't bring relief. I wish it would go away, though.

[Luet]

Lea, that's when drugs are your friend...mmm, drugs.

[Jayelle]

Bob,

Well, she's gone. Perelandra, my beautiful wonderful cat of the past two years has been given away.
I'm going to miss her so much. So, so, so very much.
It'll probably be okay when the baby comes. I know I'll be happy that we got rid of her then, but right now, it hurts. I feel like a failure as an animal lover, as a pet owner. I'm going to miss the way she'd snuggle with us, the way she'd purr and knead our tummies, the way she'd curl up on my lap. I'm going to miss her racing around the apartment, meowing at us in the morning, licking our bathwater...

But I'm not going to miss her peeing on anything soft on the floor, her litter and hair all over the apartment, the destruction of the toilet paper, breaking all of our drinking glasses and getting on the table all the time.
No... I'm going to miss that too for awhile.

*sniff*
JL

[Luet]

I'm so sorry...*hug*

When's the due date?

[ender1]

ender1, that was not called for.

Meh.

[locke]

Bob, I very rarely remember my dreams. excepting one childhood nightmare involving a giant cobra (pre-Aladdin, post Chipmunks movie). But last night I had an incredibly vivid dream that unrolled like a completely cogent story. I woke up several times but slipped immediately back into sleep because I wanted to find out what happened next. when I finally woke up I lay there for a minute or two thinking about everything. then I realized the names of the characters were slipping away so I grabbed a notebook and scribbled down an outline, but alas I'd lost all the names.

It was also a scifi story, which is odd, it did have something in common with WallE though. There's such an interesting mashup of different things in there I haven't seen Lord of the Rings in three years or so, but when the son character used his invisibility ability he stepped into an alternate world that was sort of akin to Frodo putting on the ring (though I didn't realize that until I started typing it just now) funnily enough, initially while writing down what I could remember of the dream I associated it with American Gods when Shadow and Wednesday go 'in between' to escape the new gods.

sadly by the time I got to writing about the mom character I couldn't remember what her ability(s) were but I remember they were awesome and I think involved teleportation.

the space megaopolis they got taken to was pretty badass, but I remembered I hated the board of directors that ran the city and were going to do something nasty to our heroes and wouldn't listen to their plea for aid to their world.

[locke]

Bob, over the 2 years 2.5 months since I graduated I've now paid back 6141.18 of the principal on my student loans, or 10,056.56 total. Just another 26,310 in principal to go. (don't want to even think about the interest). I think I can get it done in the next 24 months. if i get steady enough work that I can go back back to making my big payments instead of preserving liquidity in my bank account and don't get a girlfriend/married and my truck continues to run reliably.

[Jayelle]

I'm so sorry...*hug*

When's the due date?

Thanks Nom. It's Aug. 15th... but really, any time in the next 4 weeks.

So, an update on the cat. Just to wreak havok on our emotions, she's coming home again.
The person who took her yesterday wrote me an email this morning saying that her landlord saw the cat and told her in no uncertain terms that the cat had to be gone by Friday or she'd be kicked out of her apartment.
So, she's bringing Perelandra back to us and we'll find a new owner for her.
In some ways this is worse. I got all my crying out yesterday, and now I have to go through it all over again.

[powerfulcheese04]

Oh, Jan. That's terrible.

*hugs and hugs and hugs*

[Luet]

That is REALLY awful. What kind of idiot doesn't check with their landlord or know the rules of their lease??

And my older brother (32 years old) had been due on Aug. 15 but was born on Aug. 30. I hope you don't go that late! Or do they even let you go that far over these days?

[Jayelle]

10 days is the limit, so this baby will definately be here by the 25th at the latest (I really, really hope earlier! I'm off work starting tomorrow!)

Technically our apartment doesn't allow pets either, but it actually means dogs, because half the people in our building have cats.

[locke]

most apartments have no pet policies and almost everyone has a pet of somesort in spite of said policies.

my brother and sister in law just announced they're due beginning of february, no christmas travel for them, as the first one came two weeks early (we'll probably take christmas too them. )

my best friend and his wife have number two coming up in mid january.

my cousin and his wife have number two coming up a week after my brother and his wife are due

another cousin (same side of the family) and his wife have number three (also the third boy) coming up in September.

Family gatherings are getting more fun with all the little ones scampering about underfoot.

[Petra456]

10 days is the limit, so this baby will definately be here by the 25th at the latest (I really, really hope earlier! I'm off work starting tomorrow!)

I feel like we're all watching you like a time bomb, waiting to explode. It's very exciting!

: )

[locke]

I feel like there should be a firefly quote for what Petra said.

Bob, I did it, I went ahead and preordered the deluxe edition of Tales of Beedle the Bard. Now I just have to decide if I keep it for myself or give it to my sister as a birthday/christmas combo gift (she was born a couple days before christmas) or buy a second one for her if I can't bear to part with mine.

[starlooker]

Ahem.

*blushes*

I'm so sorry. I am not really meaning to judge in Bob. But, locke, really, I'm sorry, I have to mention this as someone whose birthday is three days after Christmas, please, please do not give your sister a combo gift. Not unless it's something really terribly huge and expensive that you would conceivably give as a combo gift to someone whose birthday was June 25th. Really, that's just a bit of advice for people everywhere who have friends/relations with birthdays in December. Honestly, I don't get really annoyed or upset about it, and it's just nice that people remember you on the one hand -- but, on the other hand, well, yeah.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bob,

In other news:

I'm getting creepily paranoid lately. I'm terrified of random acts of violence by random strangers when I move. I'm also sad because when I get creeped out, I will not automatically have people I trust who will let me crash with them anymore. I'm also worried about the possibility that I will one day walk into my apartment and one of my cats will have died, and while I'm distracted by grief someone will jump out at me.

I think my impending move is seriously screwing with my head.

I couldn't sleep the other night at all, ended up at my boyfriend's (yes) apartment to spend the night, he left the bedroom to go get something to eat and chill till it was his bedtime since it seemed like I was about to fall asleep (he usually doesn't go to sleep till 7 in the morning). Soon as he left, I immediately got creeped out by all the monsters under the bed and in the closet. Then when he came back he was surprised I was still awake, I try to go to sleep again and end up bawling my head off. Ick. Calm down, only get an hour's sleep. Then that afternoon, I'm napping in my own apartment, having calmed down and laughed away all my irrational fears. It's hot, no AC in the bedroom, and I'm sleeping semi-nude with the fan on. Awaken to someone knocking on my bedroom door and a strange man's voice calling "Hello?" I scream, "NO" and he says they're here to show the apartment, they'd arranged it, and I was like, "NO, there was one this morning at ten and one tomorrow at four, but none today!" and he's like, "Okay, we'll come back later," and I was like, "YES." On seriously, the worst possible day that could happen. I shook for about fifteen minutes afterwards, even though I really do know (and did know) it was just an honest mistake. Now that I think on it, it's perfectly possible he called and told me they were coming at 5:30 and I just spaced it -- so many of them have been coming over. I hate going back to my apartment and seeing doors opened that I would never open, and my shower curtain pulled back. Hating this a lot. Hating moving a lot. Hating the fact that soon I will literally be depending on the kindness of strangers in terms of making friends and trying to trust people. I have not ever really felt quite this rooted before, and moving has always before felt like a status quo thing and never such a terrible transplantation.

I'm not scared about being lonely. I'm not scared of screwing up my internship. I'm terrified of creepy people jumping out at me and scaring me. That's the part that I hate, the startle response thing. It's why I hate suspense movies. I don't mind blood, guts, or gore, I just hate mean people jumping out at someone.

I feel a bit unraveled these past couple of weeks. I'm not really worried about the professional piece -- I feel, really, rather confident in that. It's the personal piece that's freaking me out.

[locke]

thanks, a very good point. I think I'll get her the Damar books instead. Just so long as she gets a lot of books she'll be happy.

[Eaquae Legit]

*hugs Kirsten* When I was freaking out about moving, you told me it was okay to be freaked out. You were right and smart. Don't forget that for yourself, now. Don't worry, I found people to help me with the awkward and lonely, and you will too.

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,
Soon, very soon, and I'll tell you everything. For the time being, it's too fresh, too in my face, too unavoidable and painful to have to rehash it out for you here. But in my revived somewhat-insomniac state, I'm fleshing out my thoughts and my feelings will catch up soon enough.

It's funny...I lose internet in one form but am finding it elsewhere. Sometimes it's as though I never lost it. Somehow, that almost makes it worse; I feel like some sort of liar.

In the past week and a half, I've received over 8 calls now from people in San Diego, El Centro, and my hometown, not to mention a DES office insisting that I have called them or that I have accounts or whathaveyou. No, no, and definitely not. I called my service provider; they think I should call the police if I feel bothered by it since all they can do is change the number...which I just did in April. This problem came out of nowhere, and I am paranoid enough to believe it's related to my online account password change attempt that I never attempted. For now, a watchful eye and a pen&paper record of all this will have to suffice.

Bob, the stress has become a physical pain, not just an inability to fall/stay asleep and have it be good while I am sleeping. My shoulders have tensed up to the point that it hurts just to move them sometimes.


On a different note, I've looked through some old Pweb stuff. I have ~180 different avatars from Pwebbers past and (a few) present. I have the posts in which Kimmie tells who got her two litters of kittens (there weren't more, were there?). I have the first post in the *waves* and Girls' Club and Boys' Clud threads. I have the first 3-4 posts on Bob from 2.0. I have running from the room and screaming from early on, though it's hard to say if I found the first board posts. I saved the Ender's Epic parts I and II. I got some of the artwork, the books and movie pages from the non-forum part of the board. I have more that I just can't remember to post about...And you know what?

I feel so overwhelmed. I've barely hit the 2003s, the year I showed up, and I've seen so much history, yet actually understood so little of it from before I got there. I'm feeling a mix of nostalgia and have a case of Newbie Syndrome, making me wonder if I'll ever truly understand the magic of this place and where/when I'll fit in.

I want to save all that I've read, but in my current circumstance, that seems to be not only a huge undertaking but also foolish. But I want to. So I can go back, whenever I get the whim, and read all the silly, in one sense meaningless, posts that have been made, the way I do on this Pweb with all 13 pages of history.

You know what else? I see posts from Luet, steph, zero, anyone really who has been around for all the boards, and I'm amazed. They've stuck around, you know? They've become pillars of this place when even some of the key people who were responsible for its creation have disappeared for one reason or another.

Most respectfully, I have to ask Ami, do you love this place anymore? I'm thankful to you in so many ways, and you care enough to keep it around...but do you love it? Sometimes it feels like a home that was once glorious and shown off that has since been left to crumble, bit by bit. Or perhaps a fire analogy would be better? A house consumed by a sudden, disastrous (avoidable) fire and was rebuilt in a hurry...but as a shack.

I don't know. Please don't take offense, anyone, for anything I've said. I don't mean harm.

[Luet]

I've had a couple nights of bad dreams. The first night wasn't horrible just LOTS of them and none were good. Including: a fight with Pa from Little House about how badly he was treating Ma; my living room full of bearded dragons that were mating, eating each other, and one with three horns that I was trying to catch but it kept biting me; and one creepy dream about the usual threesome.

Last night I only remember one but it was much more disturbing. For some reason, I was in a house with my two cousins. She was downstairs doing dishes and I was upstairs when he came into the room. He started doing something to me (fortunately, I have no idea what exactly it was but it wasn't good) and I couldn't get away but I was screaming. He knew she couldn't hear me because of the water running for the dishes. The odd thing that I remember (or that I did in the dream) is that I kept changing the tone/pitch of my scream in the hopes that somehow she would hear it despite the water. I knew that if she didn't come up and actually *catch* him in the act, she would still never believe me. That's all I remember of it though, no resolution.

Life is so tiring. Eating is a chore, sleeping is a chore, everything is a chore.

[Jebus]

Dear Bob,

I'd really appreciate hearing someone call me a dickhead, and to tell me what a terrible person I am, though rereading the quote in my sig does help.

[Petra456]

Dear Bob,

I actually have motivation to do things today. It's been a long time since i've been motivated.

: )

- Fred

[starlooker]

Dear Bob,

Have moved away from liking to look at art I've made, and back into black and white photo. Moving away from T.S. Eliot, and back to Truman Capote. Although the quote will probably change soon. Out of Pervigilium and on the road -- or, at least, preparing to be on the road. Next Monday.

I want to put a sign up next to me whenever I'm in the computer lab so that I could just skip conversations with the people here entirely. It would read as follows:

1. Yes, I'm still here.
2. I leave Monday, internship starts the 18th.
3. No, that isn't much time.
4. Yes, I'm very excited.
5. Good luck to you, too.

Seriously, the fact that everyone who sees me invariably says, "You're still here?/What are you doing here?/Aren't you gone yet?" is annoying and is starting to hurt my feelings a wee bit. In a strange way.

[locke]

bob, I went to best buy to get the new sugarland cd and computer ink and also wound up buying final fantasy iv for my ds. only I got home and the dummy at the checkout hadn't taken it out of the plastic security case. So I got the joy of beating the hell out of the case with a hammer and a screwdriver in order to spring my game from it's plastic prison.

hopefully it won't go all magneto on me now.

[Gravity Defier]

My mom is...suicidal? "It's sad when you wake up and you think you'd be better off dead," were her words. Sounded familiar, not only because I've thought the exact same thing, but because she's said that before. She bursts into tears more often than should be normal and guess what? I cannot handle seeing, hearing, knowing that. There are 10 people in this world that mean much more to me than anything else I may hold dear: my parents, my brothers, my nieces, my nephews. I will go to the end of the f****** world to make sure they're okay. But I don't know how to make this okay. This, folks, is what I shall remember for a long time to come as my parents' second divorce.

Are they married? No. Haven't been for 14 years. But this situation is playing out exactly the same way for my mom. My dad -god, I love him- can be such a dickhead. When he made it known he was divorcing step-mom #2, we'll call her Oda, he knew where he was going: back to my hometown. He also knew he had two options of living arrangements. The first being my mom's house, the second being Wicked step-bitch #1, who I'll refer to as Voldemort.

So do-de-doo, my dad is in contact with both of them before Oda was even packed up and gone. Testing the waters. Which blew our minds, because every single person in my family assumed he'd go back to Voldie. Mom was not an option, or so we thought. He sends her messages, talks to her on the phone, somehow makes her believe that she has a shot in hell. And once he does all that? He makes it loud and clearly known he is indeed going to Voldie's. All of that after making me believe, too, that my mom was a real and likely possibility.

"Sometimes you love someone, but you just can't live with them." Ahh. So that's what it was.

Now my mom, who never fully got over my dad, feels like she's been left all over again by my dad, for the same goddamn whore he had his affair with. That's not mean, by the way; she really is whorish. She had no less than 3 affairs with married men, while herself being married, before she decided to move on to my dad. Don't get me wrong, I am also extremely angry at him for his part in it.

You know what sucks the most? My dad becomes a whole other person with Voldie. She babies him, tells him our family conflicts are all our fault and that he hasn't done anything wrong. BULL. s***. I know she tells him this because she did so in front of me and my niece over dinner one night; if I could have driven at the time, I would have stormed the hell out.

She's also the bitch who still trash talks my family. All of us. My mom, who didn't do a damn thing wrong 14 years ago; she was left simply for being a good wife and mother. My father will admit to that much and that he made a huge mistake there...he also feels it's too late to undo the damage. She insults my oldest brother. Yeah, yeah. He's been in and out of jail, he's used heroin/marijuana/meth, he hasn't held a steady job in years. And my other older brother had a brief drinking problem and a few minor stints in jail. And I've now been in jail. And my little brother is taking a 5th year to finish college. But you know, the only people with any right to say a thing about any of that is my family. Voldie needs to learn that her previous, possible future, marriage to my dad and possession of my perfectly awesome last name does not entitle her to any judgment. None. Her membership in my family does not exist and no court can tell me it does should they remarry.

Another sucky part? My dad has finally offered to help out with house repairs again (I did my best...but when the people who live in it hardly care about themselves, it's hard to care about anything else). That sucks because I planned on doing my passive-agressive part by refusing to speak to him for treating my mom the way he does. Why would I do that? Because I've tried words before. Being with Voldie gives him the "If you don't approve, stay the f*** out of my life" attitude. I figured I'd jump the gun and do that first.

I didn't love Oda. But she was by and large the step-mother I preferred. She was better at hiding the condecension and smug belief that my family is trash.

And I don't want to go back to my hometown. I am so filled with paranoia in my own neighborhood (what if a former student sees me and tries to talk to me? Even though I'm not a danger to them, I'd pay a hefty price for something so simple and innocent). I can't drive without wanting to have a heart attack; one minor traffic offense while the car is in motion results in no license for 2 years.

I'll definitely be expected to pick up the pieces that I currently call my mother. I love her. But I can't live my whole life for her.

Did I mention I hate the way I revert back into the loser I was in high school if I'm around my friends for too long? Because I do. And I hate it. And it'd happen all the time.

Not to mention, my future there consists of, "Would you like fries with that?"


I'm sleeping in 4 hour shifts again. I've had a few nightmares about having to move back home.

You know what the straw that broke the camel's back was for this post? My phone battery is dying. I just charged it last night and it was down to nothing this morning. And I'm getting phone calls from people I don't know while I'm not getting calls people I do know are trying to make. I'll get voicemails sometimes if they get cranky with me for not answering, but now I'm left to wonder if anyone from Tucson has called.


You know you're in some trouble when you start hysterically crying over a stupid phone battery and don't mind people seeing you do it in a computer lab.

Bob, I really don't know who to turn to. I don't want people seeing me like this. This part of me is supposed to be gone. I'm not the 11 year old anymore whose world was just destroyed by her dad. I wasn't supposed to believe or want them to be together again.

I suppose I'll just do what I did the first time. Cry in the shower or behind closed&locked doors. Do my best to be there for my family. Try not to let the hate for that...thing that passes for a human being consume me. Try to forgive my dad. Hope that I don't wake up years from now and resent my parents for the wasted life I've led because I had to throw my money, time, and attention to problems that didn't have to be mine the way they are.

I bet it all doesn't even sound that bad. It probably isn't. I think I'm just weak.

[locke]

Bob I was trying to fall asleep this morning and suddenly came to the mental realization "if you don't write it now you're never going to write anything ever." So I popped up, booted up my computer and started writing. since I didn't know where my final draft cd was I couldn't run the script software so I started writing it as a short story and it was the oddest thing I've ever written. Not in the usual voice I try to write in at all or in a style I try to write in at all but one that came extremely natural. It's affected and a bit didactic but I like it, and it's interesting to see it just sort of spill forth about two months after I essentially conceived the concept in bulk and wrote a detailed outline of it. Now I sort of want to go ahead and plot into the screenplay version. But as always, writing terrifies me more than anything. Because I like what I write and tend to think it's good (until I really deeply and harshly criticize myself over every nitpicky detail) but not nearly good enough, so why write when its not up to my own impossible standards?

urgh.

[Wil]

Bob...

It's not fair. f*** life... it's a cheating whore. My mother gets better from lung cancer and they think she has kidney cancer now. Another wonderful birthday coming up. Going to remove the kidney in a month. *sighs*

[RandomMaker]

Dear Journal,
Today was not a good day. Tomorrow will be too busy, and I will fail to finish what I need to. I will feel like a failure, and then we will argue. Nothing will come of it, things will stay the same, and this will happen again some other time.
-Me

[Jayelle]

Okay, for real this time. She's gone. New owner came and went today.

Bob,

Well, she's gone. Perelandra, my beautiful wonderful cat of the past two years has been given away.
I'm going to miss her so much. So, so, so very much.
It'll probably be okay when the baby comes. I know I'll be happy that we got rid of her then, but right now, it hurts. I feel like a failure as an animal lover, as a pet owner. I'm going to miss the way she'd snuggle with us, the way she'd purr and knead our tummies, the way she'd curl up on my lap. I'm going to miss her racing around the apartment, meowing at us in the morning, licking our bathwater...

But I'm not going to miss her peeing on anything soft on the floor, her litter and hair all over the apartment, the destruction of the toilet paper, breaking all of our drinking glasses and getting on the table all the time.
No... I'm going to miss that too for awhile.

*sniff*
JL

[Darth Petra]

Dear Bob:
I had a nice, lengthy post typed up here, but due to the STUPID computer I happen to be using, I lost the entire thing. Here we go for the second time.


I turned 16 today. I need to study for my drivers test, but I can't find the stupid book. I'm at my aunts' house, anyway. So I feel guilty about resting when I could be studing/finishing my summer reading. If I don't finish it during the summer, I'll carry it out during the year. I have to finish all that stuff. And I need to finish writing a book. How did that stupid Earagon kid do it?

Only two years until I"m leagally an adult, and only 80 years until I die, if I get lucky. That's not a long time in the grand scheme of eternity. So I need to do everything now. Now it's midnight. I'm one day closer to adulthood, and to death.

Momento Mori.

-DP

[neo-dragon]

80 years until you die?? You're rather optimistic.

[starlooker]

Dear Bob,

I hate moving. I also hate corneal ulcers. I also hate people who say they'll help you move and then just don't show, no call, no nothing.

We leave tomorrow instead of today.

[BonitoDeMadrid]

Bob,

Oh my god. Things are WAY worse than they seemed at first; and the road to victory will be twice as harder now. But, hopefully, the discovery also serves as a booster; to know why I'm doing it.

Wish me luck.

~D

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,
As I was sitting in awkward silence with my dad, who is now upset with me or life or something for some reason I am unaware of, I started falling into that place halfway between being awake and asleep. And I had a few thoughts.
1. Delete my myspace account. I chuckle at this, because I won't do it but my brain thought it was a brilliant idea at the time.
2. I have some theories on life:
A. All this hard stuff in life is there to help build character and is leading up to a really rewarding, ginormous payoff
B. Reincarnation is possilbe and I was a horrid excuse for a human being in my last life, as were some/all members of my immediate and slightly less immediate family.
C. God is really pissed off with me for being a lousy Catholic, or rather a lousy Christian in general, and won't play nice until I change my ways.
D. God actually doesn't care about my family or me and is blissfully ignoring us.
E. There is no God and life just sucks.
I think I've believed all of those for at least a few minutes every day this past week.
3. Dreams can be awesome. Especially ones that insert men who look like Michael Phelps, you know...gorgeous body and just a little bit goofy, into them. In my dream last night, I was dating someone just like the guy, who made a lot of the effort to see me instead of it always being me, and it was wonderful and I hate that I was woken up from that one.

Yeah. Life still sucks but now I have a nice dream to recall as often as I want.

[Darth Petra]

80 years until you die?? You're rather optimistic.

I said "if I'm lucky". I'm not the most lucky person in the world. So it's more like only 70 years. Maybe 60. Maybe three days (but I hope not)

But I need to make it to 96 if I want to finish reading all the books I want to read. Dying now would have been an utter waste of 16 years. I haven't even gotten to DO anything worthwhile yet. If only my OCD perfectionism had kicked in before last month. I think hanging around in cemetaries has instilled in me a sense of mortality. I'm going to die. What scares me most about that is the knowledge that unless I do something important, somebody will be looking at a crumbling, cracked, nearly illegible gravestone and say:
"Who the heck was she?"

So it's the fear of being forgotten that makes me strive for greatness. There isn't enough time to do everything I need to do. I don't want to die, but only because I don't want to have lived a pointless life. Only because I want my name to be tossed around for years and years after.
That doesn't mean I want fame. I could care less if people know about me when I'm alive. I don't want to be rich. I just want......to be remembered.

[Luet]

Dear bob,

My first reptile pet was a leopard gecko named Myrrh. The name came to him gradually based on a scripture from the Song of Solomon (1:13 - As a bag of myrrh my dear one is to me; between my breasts he will spend the night) because he would fall asleep snuggled up in my sports bra. He was very sweet and I really loved him. I had him for 3 years.

When we got a cat last fall, I decided to find a new home for him because I was worried that he would get hurt/killed if the cat ever managed to get into his cage. I also thought he would get more attention and time in another home. I found him one and have been keeping in touch ever since.

Well, I just found out that he died. The person that took him had other geckos and I guess some parasite/sickness went around and killed a few of his animals. I don't know if he tried to take him to the vet but I have a feeling that he would still be alive if I had kept him and I feel awful. He only lived 3.5 years out of the typical 10.

I am so sorry, Myrrh, that you weren't able to live out your full life and I hope you weren't in any pain before you died. I thought I was finding you a better home and life...I would take it back if I could. Pics of Myrrh