Dear You 2.0
- daPyr0x
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 820
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 5:28 pm
- Title: Firebug
- Location: Inside the blackhole that became of my heart
Dear You,
I miss you already. I want to know you. I want to know why you hold me like you've been looking for me for years. I want to know why you kiss me with such passion. I want to know why you think so highly of me. I want to understand you, and why you do what you do.
I want to love you, and that scared the living hell out of me.
--Cam
I miss you already. I want to know you. I want to know why you hold me like you've been looking for me for years. I want to know why you kiss me with such passion. I want to know why you think so highly of me. I want to understand you, and why you do what you do.
I want to love you, and that scared the living hell out of me.
--Cam
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- Toon Leader
- Posts: 1547
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:22 pm
- Title: The same thing we do every night...
- First Joined: 0- 7-2000
- Location: Wisconsin
- Contact:
- ValentineNicole
- Soldier
- Posts: 425
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:16 pm
- Title: Femme Fatale
- Wil
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 1373
- Joined: Sun Dec 31, 2006 8:07 pm
- Title: Not the mama!
- Location: 36° 11' 39" N, 115° 13' 19" W
Dear You,
WhDn'tWrtNMr?
-- Edit --
Dear You,
There are really only two things I dislike about what you posted...
"and you're not something I deserve"
So, then, what DO you deserve? Usage and abuse? I hate when people say this, because it makes me think that the person has such a low opinion of themselves that they think they deserve something bad, and they can't have anything good.
"And you love me but you don't know who I am"
Uhm, no. Again, with everything I say I could be completely wrong, but here is MY take on the situation. I think I know you pretty well. Really well. You just don't really like it that I know you, so you instead lie to yourself and pretend that you're just an act. That everything you do is a lie, and nobody knows you at all. That instead of accepting what you know and being unable to say it, you instead lie to yourself in an attempt to make yourself believe what you want to believe and what lies you say.
I've seen it before. Remember, "te amo"? Why is it wrong to say it but not to feel it? You said it: You can control what you say but not what you feel.
Perhaps, then, it's time to start saying what you feel instead of trying to convince yourself of a lie. Or, then again, perhaps not. It's only been seven months.... what's another seven more?
-me
WhDn'tWrtNMr?
-- Edit --
Dear You,
There are really only two things I dislike about what you posted...
"and you're not something I deserve"
So, then, what DO you deserve? Usage and abuse? I hate when people say this, because it makes me think that the person has such a low opinion of themselves that they think they deserve something bad, and they can't have anything good.
"And you love me but you don't know who I am"
Uhm, no. Again, with everything I say I could be completely wrong, but here is MY take on the situation. I think I know you pretty well. Really well. You just don't really like it that I know you, so you instead lie to yourself and pretend that you're just an act. That everything you do is a lie, and nobody knows you at all. That instead of accepting what you know and being unable to say it, you instead lie to yourself in an attempt to make yourself believe what you want to believe and what lies you say.
I've seen it before. Remember, "te amo"? Why is it wrong to say it but not to feel it? You said it: You can control what you say but not what you feel.
Perhaps, then, it's time to start saying what you feel instead of trying to convince yourself of a lie. Or, then again, perhaps not. It's only been seven months.... what's another seven more?
-me
Last edited by Wil on Thu Jul 19, 2007 1:44 am, edited 1 time in total.
-
- Soldier
- Posts: 433
- Joined: Thu Dec 07, 2006 10:00 pm
- Title: Guilty
- Luet
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 4511
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 3:49 pm
- Title: Bird Nerd
- First Joined: 01 Jul 2000
- Location: Albany, NY
Dear you,
I haven't spoken to you in over a year now. And I have been wanting to try to put my thoughts and feelings about you into words for awhile but the idea has seemed so daunting. But it's time...I want to purge you.
I have come to the conclusion that you are not an evil mastermind. I think that is actually quite generous of me. I believe that really you are just a very, very sick and yet intelligent man. You grew up in a nightmarish home, raised by insane parents, subjected to all types of abuse, all of which turned you into the twisted individual you are today.
But here is the really dangerous part. You are not a run-of-the-mill crazy person. You believe every crazy lie that you tell. You believe them with every ounce of your being, even if you said and believed the opposite the day before. And because you believe it, you can tell it SO convincingly and sincerely that people BELIEVE you. Almost every time. Even if it defies logic and reason and everything else they know and believe.
I don't think that you have some master plan to manipulate everyone into following your wishes. I think it just comes so instinctively to manipulate that you do it without thinking. And like a cornered animal...you think every situation is a matter of life and death and you will say or do ANYthing to get you to the next step. And then the next. And before you know it you've lied you're way right into a marriage. Except you've convinced yourself that everything you said and did was true.
Like I would say to your sister if I could...the only way I have managed to not have hate in my heart for you is to pity you. You are not evil but you are a monster because of what you have been through. People can and do change but not that much or that quickly. The changes that you would need to make to become an averagely crazy person would take years of therapy (HONEST therapy).
I know you like to pretend everything that happened Before (before your present Chosen One) doesn't exist. But you didn't destroy me. I still exist and I know who you really are.
me
I haven't spoken to you in over a year now. And I have been wanting to try to put my thoughts and feelings about you into words for awhile but the idea has seemed so daunting. But it's time...I want to purge you.
I have come to the conclusion that you are not an evil mastermind. I think that is actually quite generous of me. I believe that really you are just a very, very sick and yet intelligent man. You grew up in a nightmarish home, raised by insane parents, subjected to all types of abuse, all of which turned you into the twisted individual you are today.
But here is the really dangerous part. You are not a run-of-the-mill crazy person. You believe every crazy lie that you tell. You believe them with every ounce of your being, even if you said and believed the opposite the day before. And because you believe it, you can tell it SO convincingly and sincerely that people BELIEVE you. Almost every time. Even if it defies logic and reason and everything else they know and believe.
I don't think that you have some master plan to manipulate everyone into following your wishes. I think it just comes so instinctively to manipulate that you do it without thinking. And like a cornered animal...you think every situation is a matter of life and death and you will say or do ANYthing to get you to the next step. And then the next. And before you know it you've lied you're way right into a marriage. Except you've convinced yourself that everything you said and did was true.
Like I would say to your sister if I could...the only way I have managed to not have hate in my heart for you is to pity you. You are not evil but you are a monster because of what you have been through. People can and do change but not that much or that quickly. The changes that you would need to make to become an averagely crazy person would take years of therapy (HONEST therapy).
I know you like to pretend everything that happened Before (before your present Chosen One) doesn't exist. But you didn't destroy me. I still exist and I know who you really are.
me
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa
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- Toon Leader
- Posts: 2446
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 11:48 pm
- Title: Actually, I'm Fred (and a monster)
- First Joined: 16 Mar 2004
- Location: Singing on Krikkit.
- Contact:
Dear you,
I'm done. You can call now. I'm a bit of a mess, but you knew that already.
Sorry.
- me
I'm done. You can call now. I'm a bit of a mess, but you knew that already.
Sorry.
- me
Member since March 16th, 2004.
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
Dear You,
I need you.. more than I've ever needed anyone else. I need you, but I won't do anything about it. I love you, but I will never act on it. I can't take it. I've fallen asleep crying, wishing you were there with me, holding me. But I know it can't ever happen.. I just don't want to hurt anymore..
I need you.. more than I've ever needed anyone else. I need you, but I won't do anything about it. I love you, but I will never act on it. I can't take it. I've fallen asleep crying, wishing you were there with me, holding me. But I know it can't ever happen.. I just don't want to hurt anymore..
"Sometimes life is too uncertain to have regrets." -Goku, DBZ
- starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
- Kendareru
- Launchie
- Posts: 26
- Joined: Mon Oct 09, 2006 8:37 pm
- First Joined: 0- 0-2003
- Location: Billings, MT
- Contact:
Dear you,
5 more months until we're officially engaged, 13 more months until we can be together for good. I love you so much, and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
Love,
Kendareru
5 more months until we're officially engaged, 13 more months until we can be together for good. I love you so much, and can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.
Love,
Kendareru
The Cat in the Fedora
Writer/Artist/Lazy Feline
"In the beginning, Mohammad begot ADAM... and thus the road to New Eden was paved amongst the stars." ~Project ADAM, a Science Fiction Religious Satire
Writer/Artist/Lazy Feline
"In the beginning, Mohammad begot ADAM... and thus the road to New Eden was paved amongst the stars." ~Project ADAM, a Science Fiction Religious Satire
- Borommakot_15
- Soldier
- Posts: 126
- Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2007 5:09 pm
- Location: Near Cincinnati, Ohio
- Contact:
Dear You,
Just because I very rarely post does not mean that I am not a member of this community. How dare you? I love PWeb and its people more than I could describe to you.
-B_15
Dear You,
I still do not have an answer to your question. And it is not for lack of trying, I can assure you. I just do not know where to go from here.
-Dan
Dear You,
Two weeks... two weeks... if I have not made up my mind by the end of two weeks, I will default to the answer that was given to me. I just wish that I had something to tip the scales.
-Dan
Dear You,
I cannot believe that you did that before you left. Actually, I can, come to think of it. I was really hoping that you would go the other path, but.. I am not really as shocked as I wish that I were.
-Dan
Dear You,
Are you going to get back to me? I doubt it, but I can hope.
-Dan
Dear You,
You always give the obvious answer. I wish that I could ask questions of you, but I always get the obvious -no help- answer. What good is that?
-West
Dear You,
I always write a lot of Dear Yous... Please forgive me.
-Borommakot_15
Just because I very rarely post does not mean that I am not a member of this community. How dare you? I love PWeb and its people more than I could describe to you.
-B_15
Dear You,
I still do not have an answer to your question. And it is not for lack of trying, I can assure you. I just do not know where to go from here.
-Dan
Dear You,
Two weeks... two weeks... if I have not made up my mind by the end of two weeks, I will default to the answer that was given to me. I just wish that I had something to tip the scales.
-Dan
Dear You,
I cannot believe that you did that before you left. Actually, I can, come to think of it. I was really hoping that you would go the other path, but.. I am not really as shocked as I wish that I were.
-Dan
Dear You,
Are you going to get back to me? I doubt it, but I can hope.
-Dan
Dear You,
You always give the obvious answer. I wish that I could ask questions of you, but I always get the obvious -no help- answer. What good is that?
-West
Dear You,
I always write a lot of Dear Yous... Please forgive me.
-Borommakot_15
-
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 2446
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 11:48 pm
- Title: Actually, I'm Fred (and a monster)
- First Joined: 16 Mar 2004
- Location: Singing on Krikkit.
- Contact:
Dear you,
I'm still trying to figure out how to take care of myself. I'm doing what I know, what feels right, and while I have no clue if it's right, it's at least something.
Thanks anyways.
-Cole
I'm still trying to figure out how to take care of myself. I'm doing what I know, what feels right, and while I have no clue if it's right, it's at least something.
Thanks anyways.
-Cole
Member since March 16th, 2004.
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.
-
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 2539
- Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 12:11 pm
- Title: Stayin' Alive
- First Joined: 17 Aug 2002
- Location: Evansville, IN
- starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
- starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
Dear You,
What kind of social skills training are you lacking? What part of minimal responses and head nods and picking up of notepads and keys and looking at the computer does not signal to you, "I'm really busy here and am not inclined to talk to you" but instead seems to indicate, "Please sit on my desk and continue to chat with me."
I hope your first winter in North Dakota is hell frozen over.
~~~The intern you cornered
What kind of social skills training are you lacking? What part of minimal responses and head nods and picking up of notepads and keys and looking at the computer does not signal to you, "I'm really busy here and am not inclined to talk to you" but instead seems to indicate, "Please sit on my desk and continue to chat with me."
I hope your first winter in North Dakota is hell frozen over.
~~~The intern you cornered
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
Dear all of you,
I don't mean to keep leaving. It's hard for me to stay at a forum for very long. Eventually a forum gets habitual, but if I can't find anything to say, I tend to not for a few days and end up leaving. I do like the forum, but having a need to say something important when I post tends to keep me away sometimes. Well, I'm hoping to do better in the future, even though I don't think I really have many friends here. Might help if I were to reread the books. I'm sure I'd find something better to say then.
--Me
Dear all of you (to a different group),
I said some pretty stupid things, but I had an intent to better the forum. I can see now that you didn't want it better or think what I meant as better was all that good. I should've seen the signs, but if you ask me, that's not good forum behavior and it runs people off. If you want your forum to flourish, you should figure this out so you don't scare folks off.
If I hadn't wanted to see the forum flourish and do better, I suppose I wouldn't have said those things, but I suppose it's too late. Well, you know how you want your forum ran and I won't get in your way.
--Me
Dear you,
Is there any possibility we might hook up? I really like you. You're an intelligent and sweet girl, but I don't know if I'm your type or if you want me to ask you out. I wasn't sure what you meant when you told me that you tell guys that he's your boyfriend so they won't ask you out. Was that your way of telling me you were free or that you didn't want to be bothered?
I tried all last semester to ask you out, but I wanted to get to know you first and now it's summer and I haven't seen you since school ended. I think I was going to do it after our final, but I didn't see you out in the hall when I finished. If I see you around the school next year, I will try and muster up enough courage to ask you out. Hopefully I'll have money and a car by then.
--The nerdy guy that talked to you in History class.
I don't mean to keep leaving. It's hard for me to stay at a forum for very long. Eventually a forum gets habitual, but if I can't find anything to say, I tend to not for a few days and end up leaving. I do like the forum, but having a need to say something important when I post tends to keep me away sometimes. Well, I'm hoping to do better in the future, even though I don't think I really have many friends here. Might help if I were to reread the books. I'm sure I'd find something better to say then.
--Me
Dear all of you (to a different group),
I said some pretty stupid things, but I had an intent to better the forum. I can see now that you didn't want it better or think what I meant as better was all that good. I should've seen the signs, but if you ask me, that's not good forum behavior and it runs people off. If you want your forum to flourish, you should figure this out so you don't scare folks off.
If I hadn't wanted to see the forum flourish and do better, I suppose I wouldn't have said those things, but I suppose it's too late. Well, you know how you want your forum ran and I won't get in your way.
--Me
Dear you,
Is there any possibility we might hook up? I really like you. You're an intelligent and sweet girl, but I don't know if I'm your type or if you want me to ask you out. I wasn't sure what you meant when you told me that you tell guys that he's your boyfriend so they won't ask you out. Was that your way of telling me you were free or that you didn't want to be bothered?
I tried all last semester to ask you out, but I wanted to get to know you first and now it's summer and I haven't seen you since school ended. I think I was going to do it after our final, but I didn't see you out in the hall when I finished. If I see you around the school next year, I will try and muster up enough courage to ask you out. Hopefully I'll have money and a car by then.
--The nerdy guy that talked to you in History class.
(Dresden's battle cry going against fairies in book 4.)I don't believe in fairies!
- BonitoDeMadrid
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 780
- Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:21 am
- Title: Bonzo was Framed
- Location: The exact center of the earth
Dear computer,
Please stop shutting down on me because of the heat. I know you're kinda old, and it isn't getting any easier for you to keep working in this heat (which ain't so bad, IMO), but please try, I'm trying to download the Transformers movie here and you keep messing it up!
Also, I know that hard-drive C:\ doesn't have much space anymore, and I know that you can't run programs because of it. Could you please shut up? Every time I restart you, the disk space goes BOOM! up again, until it dries out again, etc. and it starts to annoy me.
By the way, did you let in a horse a couple of days ago? That wasn't a real horse, that was a virus, a Trojan Horse! Shame on you.
Smell ya later,
The dude who keeps pressing your keyboard keys more quickly than he can actually speak in English
Please stop shutting down on me because of the heat. I know you're kinda old, and it isn't getting any easier for you to keep working in this heat (which ain't so bad, IMO), but please try, I'm trying to download the Transformers movie here and you keep messing it up!
Also, I know that hard-drive C:\ doesn't have much space anymore, and I know that you can't run programs because of it. Could you please shut up? Every time I restart you, the disk space goes BOOM! up again, until it dries out again, etc. and it starts to annoy me.
By the way, did you let in a horse a couple of days ago? That wasn't a real horse, that was a virus, a Trojan Horse! Shame on you.
Smell ya later,
The dude who keeps pressing your keyboard keys more quickly than he can actually speak in English
- BonitoDeMadrid
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 780
- Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2007 9:21 am
- Title: Bonzo was Framed
- Location: The exact center of the earth
- daPyr0x
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 820
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 5:28 pm
- Title: Firebug
- Location: Inside the blackhole that became of my heart
Dear You,
I know.
I know that you love me.
I know that you don't realize how loved you are.
I know that you wonder how you can be.
I know that you're scared.
I know that you've been hurt.
I know that you hurt him, or at least that you feel like you did
and I know that you're scared of repeating it.
I know that you don't think I'm as scared as I am
I know that you've been through more pain than you will ever share
and I know about more pain than you already have
I know that you feel it.
I know that your kiss was more than just a kiss.
I know that that's why things escalated so quickly
and I know that that scared you.
I know that you question everyone's motives
I know that you don't want to be hurt again.
I know that it's hard to continue.
I know that you don't think you're special.
I know that you feel insignificant
I know that you feel unloved.
You should know.
You should know that I do love you.
You should know that I feel it too.
You should know that I am here for you, and I always will be.
You should know that you scare me
You should know that I'm scared of someone so able to open me, so easy to relate to, to talk to.
You should know that our rapid accelleration frightened me too
You should know that I do want to be with you, and that I honestly don't know why.
and I know, or at least I think I know, that behind all the fear, you want to be with me too.
I know that I scare you.
I know that this scares you.
I know that you're not used to being read
I know that you're not used to being open
and I know that both of those things scare you.
You should know that you impress me every day.
You should know the feeling that I get when you link your arm with mine, or hold my hand, or rest your head on my shoulders, is one of the best feelings I've ever had
You should know that I am a better person around you
and I feel like a better person for having known you.
You should know that I spend every night trying to force myself to remember more about you
You should know that the pretty little girl in 3rd grade is not lost on me
You should know that this is nothing more than me opening up to you, letting you in, and letting you see me for me.
--Cam
I know.
I know that you love me.
I know that you don't realize how loved you are.
I know that you wonder how you can be.
I know that you're scared.
I know that you've been hurt.
I know that you hurt him, or at least that you feel like you did
and I know that you're scared of repeating it.
I know that you don't think I'm as scared as I am
I know that you've been through more pain than you will ever share
and I know about more pain than you already have
I know that you feel it.
I know that your kiss was more than just a kiss.
I know that that's why things escalated so quickly
and I know that that scared you.
I know that you question everyone's motives
I know that you don't want to be hurt again.
I know that it's hard to continue.
I know that you don't think you're special.
I know that you feel insignificant
I know that you feel unloved.
You should know.
You should know that I do love you.
You should know that I feel it too.
You should know that I am here for you, and I always will be.
You should know that you scare me
You should know that I'm scared of someone so able to open me, so easy to relate to, to talk to.
You should know that our rapid accelleration frightened me too
You should know that I do want to be with you, and that I honestly don't know why.
and I know, or at least I think I know, that behind all the fear, you want to be with me too.
I know that I scare you.
I know that this scares you.
I know that you're not used to being read
I know that you're not used to being open
and I know that both of those things scare you.
You should know that you impress me every day.
You should know the feeling that I get when you link your arm with mine, or hold my hand, or rest your head on my shoulders, is one of the best feelings I've ever had
You should know that I am a better person around you
and I feel like a better person for having known you.
You should know that I spend every night trying to force myself to remember more about you
You should know that the pretty little girl in 3rd grade is not lost on me
You should know that this is nothing more than me opening up to you, letting you in, and letting you see me for me.
--Cam
-
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 2539
- Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 12:11 pm
- Title: Stayin' Alive
- First Joined: 17 Aug 2002
- Location: Evansville, IN
-
- Soldier
- Posts: 53
- Joined: Sat Sep 30, 2006 7:31 am
- Title: Not Alvin or Calvin
Dear You,
What is someone who knows nothing about music or theatre, etc. doing getting all obsessed with musicals? Hm...? Because, you know, you don't really have any background that would enable you to judge them based on artistic merit.
Well, then again, that is your whole thing with art in general, so I guess all I can say is enjoy yourself. And relax. And just go for the experience.
That's all I have to say for now,
Yourself
What is someone who knows nothing about music or theatre, etc. doing getting all obsessed with musicals? Hm...? Because, you know, you don't really have any background that would enable you to judge them based on artistic merit.
Well, then again, that is your whole thing with art in general, so I guess all I can say is enjoy yourself. And relax. And just go for the experience.
That's all I have to say for now,
Yourself
- ValentineNicole
- Soldier
- Posts: 425
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:16 pm
- Title: Femme Fatale
Dear You,
I think of you all the time. I hate that you never answer my calls. I hate that you live under the pretense that talking to me is "too hard" and that you "cry over it all the time," but swear up and down that you do not love me anymore. I hate that you tell me you do, in secret. I hate that you tell me you love me, when no one hears. I hate that you miss me. I hate that you won't take me back, despite it all. I hate that I'm helpless. I hate that I can't stop calling. I hate that I read all your messages on myspace, afraid there's another girl...or SOMETHING...to make sense of it all.
I hate that you slept with me, time after time, once we broke up. I hate that it felt so amazing. I hate that it won't happen again...not for a while, at least. I hate that I still love you. I hate that no breakup, ever, left me in so much pain.
I hate that I f****** things up. I hate that I was to messed up. I hate that I fought too much. I hate that I made you give up on me.
I gave you my heart. All of it...something I don't think I'd ever done before, entirely. I compromised when I shouldn't have, under the impression it would make you happy. I threw out my morals. I was ready to rework my dreams for you. I needed you...because you were all I wanted. Its selfish, probably, but true...
You were the man of my dreams. I like tall, skinny, dark haired guys. To me, you were absolutely perfect looking - no matter what my family argues. I loved that our personalities were so similar. I love that you enjoyed making love as much as I did. I loved that I could watch movies with you. I loved that we ran lines together. I loved that you were an actor. I loved that you were a film buff. I loved that I could be GOOFY with you. I loved that I never once felt weird, making faces and teasing and cracking jokes. I felt OUTGOING, like I hadn't felt since HIGH SCHOOL. I felt important. You made me important. When the two of us were together in a crowd, we shined. We stood out. We just CLICKED.
I miss you. I still cry, all the time. I still want you. I still love you. I might always - or I might forget it in 6 months time, moved on to another boy.
Either way, you have my heart, and I love you.
I gave up my acceptance into grad school. I got into school in Orlando. I couldn't do it. I couldn't be that close without having you. I turned them down.
Maybe next year. There's always next year...
For now, I can live with the happiness that I got in.
Anyway, that's more than I really planned to say, but at least it's partially out. I'd give my life in an instant to have you love me for a day before I died. Maybe I'm a melodramatic fool, but at least I could have that.
I think of you all the time. I hate that you never answer my calls. I hate that you live under the pretense that talking to me is "too hard" and that you "cry over it all the time," but swear up and down that you do not love me anymore. I hate that you tell me you do, in secret. I hate that you tell me you love me, when no one hears. I hate that you miss me. I hate that you won't take me back, despite it all. I hate that I'm helpless. I hate that I can't stop calling. I hate that I read all your messages on myspace, afraid there's another girl...or SOMETHING...to make sense of it all.
I hate that you slept with me, time after time, once we broke up. I hate that it felt so amazing. I hate that it won't happen again...not for a while, at least. I hate that I still love you. I hate that no breakup, ever, left me in so much pain.
I hate that I f****** things up. I hate that I was to messed up. I hate that I fought too much. I hate that I made you give up on me.
I gave you my heart. All of it...something I don't think I'd ever done before, entirely. I compromised when I shouldn't have, under the impression it would make you happy. I threw out my morals. I was ready to rework my dreams for you. I needed you...because you were all I wanted. Its selfish, probably, but true...
You were the man of my dreams. I like tall, skinny, dark haired guys. To me, you were absolutely perfect looking - no matter what my family argues. I loved that our personalities were so similar. I love that you enjoyed making love as much as I did. I loved that I could watch movies with you. I loved that we ran lines together. I loved that you were an actor. I loved that you were a film buff. I loved that I could be GOOFY with you. I loved that I never once felt weird, making faces and teasing and cracking jokes. I felt OUTGOING, like I hadn't felt since HIGH SCHOOL. I felt important. You made me important. When the two of us were together in a crowd, we shined. We stood out. We just CLICKED.
I miss you. I still cry, all the time. I still want you. I still love you. I might always - or I might forget it in 6 months time, moved on to another boy.
Either way, you have my heart, and I love you.
I gave up my acceptance into grad school. I got into school in Orlando. I couldn't do it. I couldn't be that close without having you. I turned them down.
Maybe next year. There's always next year...
For now, I can live with the happiness that I got in.
Anyway, that's more than I really planned to say, but at least it's partially out. I'd give my life in an instant to have you love me for a day before I died. Maybe I'm a melodramatic fool, but at least I could have that.
-
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 2539
- Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 12:11 pm
- Title: Stayin' Alive
- First Joined: 17 Aug 2002
- Location: Evansville, IN
-
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 2539
- Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 12:11 pm
- Title: Stayin' Alive
- First Joined: 17 Aug 2002
- Location: Evansville, IN
- Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
Dear You(s),
i think i'm done being bitchy and bratty for no reason. i'm sorry about that.
meekly,
Val
i think i'm done being bitchy and bratty for no reason. i'm sorry about that.
meekly,
Val
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
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