Conspiracy theorists blame linguists for 9/11
Increased rumors and speculation are surfacing, encouraged by disgruntled leaders of what has come to be known as "The Only English Movement" (OEM), that American linguists are involved in a wide-spread plot to convince US citizens that the world needs other languages besides English. "Everyone knows that English is the dominant world language," said a Peoria, Illinois proud monolingual, gesturing to a full-color photo displayed on his living room wall showing the President flying in Air Force 1 over hurricane-ravished New Orleans. "He's doing a heck of a job spreading English throughout the world in spite of those free-thinking linguists who claim that we should be learning Arabic, Yoruba, and God only knows what other gibberish languages," he added.
Although most conspiracy theorists agree that linguists are responsible for the schools teaching more and more foreign languages, including Chinese, Hindi, Arabic, and Persian, the linguists' motives for doing this continue to be disputed. Some say linguists are incorrigible troublemakers. Others believe that the depressed job market for linguists has emboldened college professors to create more language teaching jobs for their graduates, since many of them are currently forced to seek employment as truck drivers and computer repair technicians. Still others say that it's part of a linguistic plot to destroy the very fabric of a correct and beautiful language with immutable rules that should never be broken.
But one group of conspiracy theorists has taken the criticism much further, blaming linguists for the series of recent setbacks experienced by our troops, beginning with 9/11. "We know one thing for sure," said one critic. "Those planes were piloted by speakers of a foreign language. If they had been speaking English, we would have stopped them in their tracks." Another conspiracy theorist complained that millions of messages intercepted by Homeland Security are undecipherable because they were not sent in English. According to one source who requested anonymity, the real reason why André Boisclair, leader of the Parti Québéois, so frequently denies being a linguist (see here), is to distance himself from blame for the war in Iraq.
Since these rumors began circulating, some conspiracy theorists are now saying that our continuing failures in the Middle East are the direct result of linguists allowing Arabic to exist. One returned US Army captain explained that he had spent several weeks trying to teach Iraqi Army officers the best military stragegy for defeating the insurgents: "They only looked at me stupidly when I spoke," he explained, adding that his English is "completely unaccented and very easy to understand." The general feeling of OEM is that US linguists are at fault for failing to see to it that English is the universal language in that part of the world "the same way it is in Europe."
There's conspiracy theories, and then there's WEIRD
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There's conspiracy theories, and then there's WEIRD
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Re: There's conspiracy theories, and then there's WEIRD
That's AWESOME!
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Dernhelm
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Dernhelm
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Please tell me you're joking. Please tell me this is a gag. I have only so much faith in humanity left.
The Makeout Hobo is real, and does indeed travel around the country in his van and make out with ladies... If you meet him, it is customary to greet him with a shot of whiskey and a high five (if you are a dude) or passionate makeouts (if you are a lady).
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Reminds me of some editorial or somesuch someone wrote in to some paper saying something to the effect of "I don't see why all these people need to speak all of these weird languages. I mean, if English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!" Fortunately, I believe this was followed up by more letters about the languages Jesus actually probably spoke...
Proud member of the Canadian Alliance.
dgf hhw
dgf hhw
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Hey, at least english makes more sense than farsi. Half of farsi is just the same shape over and over with different dots over or below it
The Makeout Hobo is real, and does indeed travel around the country in his van and make out with ladies... If you meet him, it is customary to greet him with a shot of whiskey and a high five (if you are a dude) or passionate makeouts (if you are a lady).
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That's a whole different issue. Alphabets are only one part of a language. And I bet Farsi is more consistent, heh.
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Ha, you try figuring out, "is that three dots under two letters, making it an E and and B, or one dot under one and two under another, making it a B and an S?"
The Makeout Hobo is real, and does indeed travel around the country in his van and make out with ladies... If you meet him, it is customary to greet him with a shot of whiskey and a high five (if you are a dude) or passionate makeouts (if you are a lady).
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I think so. Along with that, probably a bit of Greek and Hebrew.
And I'll take Hebrew over Farsi. Or really most any alphabet over the Arabic scripts as it looks like someone tried to make something meaningful from my penmanship.
And I'll take Hebrew over Farsi. Or really most any alphabet over the Arabic scripts as it looks like someone tried to make something meaningful from my penmanship.
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Dernhelm
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all I'm saying is that someone needs to tell farsi speakers that there's more shapes than |____|
The Makeout Hobo is real, and does indeed travel around the country in his van and make out with ladies... If you meet him, it is customary to greet him with a shot of whiskey and a high five (if you are a dude) or passionate makeouts (if you are a lady).
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I am so resisting the urge to break into an operation ivy song
The Makeout Hobo is real, and does indeed travel around the country in his van and make out with ladies... If you meet him, it is customary to greet him with a shot of whiskey and a high five (if you are a dude) or passionate makeouts (if you are a lady).
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I think one of my favorite quotes has to be "[the President]'s doing a heck of a job spreading English throughout the world in spite of those free-thinking linguists who claim that we should be learning Arabic, Yoruba, and God only knows what other gibberish languages"
The ignorance displayed in this statement is just mind boggling.
The ignorance displayed in this statement is just mind boggling.
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"Morituri Nolumus Mori" -Rincewind
Don't feed the bezoar!
"Morituri Nolumus Mori" -Rincewind
Don't feed the bezoar!
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I had no idea linguists were the people in charge of what everybody speaks!
Wow, if I'd realized that I would've taken it up instead of psychology, where we only get to be in charge of what people think!
Wow, if I'd realized that I would've taken it up instead of psychology, where we only get to be in charge of what people think!
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
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There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
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Ha, I'd still win. I'm studying philosophy, so we're in charge of what's real or not.
The Makeout Hobo is real, and does indeed travel around the country in his van and make out with ladies... If you meet him, it is customary to greet him with a shot of whiskey and a high five (if you are a dude) or passionate makeouts (if you are a lady).
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It's either a terrible conspiracy or good satire. Since it has all of the makings of a good satire, my vote is on the latter.
P.S.
P.S.
Please tell me which rule in English isn't broken.a linguistic plot to destroy the very fabric of a correct and beautiful language with immutable rules that should never be broken.
We are only human. Nothing more, nothing less.
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Word Final Strident VoicingPlease tell me which rule in English isn't broken.
C[+strident] --> [+voiced] / C[+voiced] _____ #
E.g. [kæts] vs. [kædz]
(Yes, yes... I know that Optimality Theory and Feature Geometry are prefered. But those don't have rules and this is easier to write.)
Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point.
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私は。。。誰?
Dernhelm
~Blaise Pascal
私は。。。誰?
Dernhelm
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actually, it should be "ethey" since it goes by sound and not letter.
The Makeout Hobo is real, and does indeed travel around the country in his van and make out with ladies... If you meet him, it is customary to greet him with a shot of whiskey and a high five (if you are a dude) or passionate makeouts (if you are a lady).
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