Relationships aren't *all* bad...

[Qing_Jao]

Ok, I've been married for 5 years, and I must admit I have the most awesome husband in the world. I get grumpy at him, and he at me, but we do our best to realize that we are going through phases, or whatever. He does put up with a lot of crud from me, yes, but when asked, he says I'm the one putting up with him.
He's a really hard worker, really patient with me when I get grumpy. Yeah. I could go on and on, but Good thread. I love my husband.

He also is the one to introduce me to EG. I hadn't heard of it, and his screen name for years has been Ender, so I read his copy, and voila!

[Petra]

I suppose this is the best place to go for relationship advice...

Here's my problem. I really like my boyfriend, he's a big sweetheart and we go out with friends and spend a good amount of time together. But he didn't have to work to get me into a relationship. We started as friends with benefits, and neither of us wanted more than that but we just happened to both really like each other. So we started dating.

The silly thing is, and I know it shouldn't bother me, is that there really isn't any romance. Every once in a while he does something cute and cuddly, but it's really stupid things, like... he's never taken me on a date. We went out to dinner about a week ago. We go out all the time with friends, but he's never once paid for me. Or even offered. Which sounds really materialistic, but I don't mean it to come off that way. I pay for things every once in a while, buy dinner or I'll get him a drink at the club, but he doesn't unless I don't have money with me. I don't know why it bothers me, but it does.

His family doesn't know about me at all. Doesn't even know I exist, or that he's seeing anyone. And when I leave the occasional comment on his Facebook, he never responds. He will with everyone else, though.

I know he's capable of being romantic. I hear the stories about him and other girls. He's told me, his roommates have told me... it just never happens with me. It's all a bunch of stupid little things that add up.

I guess I just feel like he is trying not to make any sort of permanent record in case he decides to get rid of me. That he doesn't like me as much as I like him.

I don't even know what I want out of this post. There isn't really any advice that can be given in this situation, I think... I feel like an idiot for even letting it bother me.

[Luet]

Have you had the "relationship" talk? Are you officially bf/gf? If so, I think you could tell him that you wish his family knew about you or whatever. You don't have to mention all these things at once but you should definitely start somewhere. If you are in a relationship, you have every right to ask that your wants/needs be met. And believe me, he isn't going to know what they are unless you tell him. We often wish they could read our minds but they really and truly can't. You might be surprised at how willing he is to do some of those things but just hasn't thought of them on his own. Let us know!

[Hegemon]

And if what Luet said doesn't work, you can always try kneecapping him. One would be amazed by the persuasive powers of a baseball bat.

[Petra]

We're official and the family thing really doesn't bother me. We're in college, I know he's got a strange family life. That was just me listing anything and everything that's a little off about the relationship.

It really is the fact that he's never had, or tried, to romance me at all. And I know he has with other women.

[anonshadow]

Ouch, Petra, I know that one. My ex did that. I would comment on his LJ, and he'd respond to every comment but mine. After we broke up, I went through and deleted all of them (one of the most psycho things I ever did), and it was really disheartening to see how little my deleting comments was even noticable.

I don't know what you can do, other than try to talk to him...

[Luet]

Well, try it with something else...ya gotta start somewhere. He's probably not going to change on his own. Who knows, maybe those other girls had to prompt him too. And don't present it as what he is doing wrong but as things that would be nice for you, or whatever. You know, preserve that fragile ego thingy that they got going on.

[Petra]

I have decided that he must read Pweb or something. How does he fix things so quickly?

He told me that earlier today when I was sad he almost left Tampa with his family to come steal me from work, get turkey subs from Publix and a bottle of cheap champagne and have a picnic. Granted, he didn't because it would've stranded them without a car, but... he wanted to.

And he doesn't know what to get me for Christmas.

And and and... he called me twice today.

And his sister knows about me. And she said hi.

[Luet]

It's a good start! Keep is informed...