Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
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Hey Bob.
Got into a heated debate with a friend today over my son. I know I was being too sensitive and I stopped listening and started fighting instead of talking, but I'm so tired of:
1. Not being able to talk about his giftedness for fear of hurting people's feelings. I feel like I should be able to share his successes with my closest friends, and yet, they don't want to hear it.
2. People telling me he's normal. Or that this is just a phase. He's not. It's not.
3. People believing and stating or implying that there is a one-size-fits-all solution. Not all gifted kids are the same, just like not all kids are the same. Don't tell me my approach is wrong.
4. The idea that I have to shelter him from anything that might give him anxiety. I'm not going to dumb down my answers to his questions because he's having anxiety. If he asks, I will answer honestly at his intelligence level. He'll be paranoid even with a dumbed down answer like "it will keep you safe, like superman's cape!" (Why do I need to be kept safe? This must be dangerous! I don't wanna!) He might as well learn something instead of just being scared, since he'll be scared anyway. Besides, not being honest with kids creates whole other problems. So no, I won't talk to him he's 3. I don't care if so many "experts" told you to dumb down your answers to your gifted child and you think that's what my counselor is going to say about the issue. I don't believe in doing it. I think he needs coping techniques for life, since life is going to happen and I can't shelter him from everything all the time. This goes back to #3.
4. Parents who have kids with autism and adhd getting sympathy and support but not me with my gifted child. Life's not only not perfect with a gifted child, it's a million times harder with a gifted child than with an average child.
5. Telling me I should be careful to not focus on Tyler too much, since I don't want to make the other kids feel bad. Don't you think I worry about how the other kids are coping with this through every single hour of the day? Besides, I can't not help Tyler with his problems because of the other kids. That's still sacrificing one kid over another. Let ME find the balance for MY kids, with the help of professionals, thank you. (And no, you're not a professional.)
6. People who are supposed to be my closest friends still not understanding me after all these years. Why have I put so much time into understanding you and how you work and what you need if you're not going to do the same for me. (Not that I could ever stop doing those things, since that's who I am. Actually, it's like my only talent in life, so I'll just keep doing it over and over and still not finding anyone who cares enough to do it for me.)
I am so emotionally charged right now. It's been a horrible day and I feel horrible. Yes, i over reacted, but why am I the only one who seems to believe that you should be sensitive to your audience?
P.S. Since I'm so upset right now, I'm having a really hard time replying to threads. I've tried to reply to several, but my posts were too snarky or self-deprecating, so I deleted them. I'm afraid I won't be able to make my 5 posts today. Please forgive me for going back on my pledge.
Got into a heated debate with a friend today over my son. I know I was being too sensitive and I stopped listening and started fighting instead of talking, but I'm so tired of:
1. Not being able to talk about his giftedness for fear of hurting people's feelings. I feel like I should be able to share his successes with my closest friends, and yet, they don't want to hear it.
2. People telling me he's normal. Or that this is just a phase. He's not. It's not.
3. People believing and stating or implying that there is a one-size-fits-all solution. Not all gifted kids are the same, just like not all kids are the same. Don't tell me my approach is wrong.
4. The idea that I have to shelter him from anything that might give him anxiety. I'm not going to dumb down my answers to his questions because he's having anxiety. If he asks, I will answer honestly at his intelligence level. He'll be paranoid even with a dumbed down answer like "it will keep you safe, like superman's cape!" (Why do I need to be kept safe? This must be dangerous! I don't wanna!) He might as well learn something instead of just being scared, since he'll be scared anyway. Besides, not being honest with kids creates whole other problems. So no, I won't talk to him he's 3. I don't care if so many "experts" told you to dumb down your answers to your gifted child and you think that's what my counselor is going to say about the issue. I don't believe in doing it. I think he needs coping techniques for life, since life is going to happen and I can't shelter him from everything all the time. This goes back to #3.
4. Parents who have kids with autism and adhd getting sympathy and support but not me with my gifted child. Life's not only not perfect with a gifted child, it's a million times harder with a gifted child than with an average child.
5. Telling me I should be careful to not focus on Tyler too much, since I don't want to make the other kids feel bad. Don't you think I worry about how the other kids are coping with this through every single hour of the day? Besides, I can't not help Tyler with his problems because of the other kids. That's still sacrificing one kid over another. Let ME find the balance for MY kids, with the help of professionals, thank you. (And no, you're not a professional.)
6. People who are supposed to be my closest friends still not understanding me after all these years. Why have I put so much time into understanding you and how you work and what you need if you're not going to do the same for me. (Not that I could ever stop doing those things, since that's who I am. Actually, it's like my only talent in life, so I'll just keep doing it over and over and still not finding anyone who cares enough to do it for me.)
I am so emotionally charged right now. It's been a horrible day and I feel horrible. Yes, i over reacted, but why am I the only one who seems to believe that you should be sensitive to your audience?
P.S. Since I'm so upset right now, I'm having a really hard time replying to threads. I've tried to reply to several, but my posts were too snarky or self-deprecating, so I deleted them. I'm afraid I won't be able to make my 5 posts today. Please forgive me for going back on my pledge.
"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
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- Toon Leader
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*hugs Steph*
I'm sorry your friends are being such turds. I am also immensely proud of your decision not to dumb things down to Tyler. As a gifted child, I could totally tell when adults were doing that to me and I didn't respect or trust them. I think you're doing the right thing to be honest with him.
I'm sorry your friends are being such turds. I am also immensely proud of your decision not to dumb things down to Tyler. As a gifted child, I could totally tell when adults were doing that to me and I didn't respect or trust them. I think you're doing the right thing to be honest with him.
-Kim
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- Young Val
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Dear Bob,
If one more person tells me that I CAN'T do something with regard to my wedding because of cost/taste/tradition I. Will. Scream.
If one more person tells me that I CAN'T do something with regard to my wedding because of cost/taste/tradition I. Will. Scream.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
- starlooker
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**more hugs for Steph**
You already know I think you're a great mom.
**hugs Kelly, as well**
**sends dirty looks to all the well-meaning nay-sayers in both of their lives**
You already know I think you're a great mom.
**hugs Kelly, as well**
**sends dirty looks to all the well-meaning nay-sayers in both of their lives**
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
What ^she said.
I don't know that there isn't a lot of support, outside of school, for gifted children (but I'll take your word on it), and schools are increasingly dropping the ball on support in school but there's a reason they created G.A.T.E. programs and similar. Intelligent children are, in and of themselves, troublesome little buggers if you try to hold them back with more average students. They need different attention, plain and simple.
You are being the best mom ever, taking care to address his issues and needs in and out of your home and anyone who can't accept that and who can't accept he is exceptionally bright, that it's not just your normal parental pride speaking, can bugger off. You're mom, you know best and when you don't, you do what you think or feel is best, and it amounts to the same thing.
You are raising wonderful children, Steph. I'm sorry those closer to you can't see this sort of thing without getting negative.
I don't know that there isn't a lot of support, outside of school, for gifted children (but I'll take your word on it), and schools are increasingly dropping the ball on support in school but there's a reason they created G.A.T.E. programs and similar. Intelligent children are, in and of themselves, troublesome little buggers if you try to hold them back with more average students. They need different attention, plain and simple.
You are being the best mom ever, taking care to address his issues and needs in and out of your home and anyone who can't accept that and who can't accept he is exceptionally bright, that it's not just your normal parental pride speaking, can bugger off. You're mom, you know best and when you don't, you do what you think or feel is best, and it amounts to the same thing.
You are raising wonderful children, Steph. I'm sorry those closer to you can't see this sort of thing without getting negative.
So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways, all my underdogs.
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Thanks, guys. I'm still really emotional over the whole thing today, even though we did resolve it later in the day. I'm nervous about my appt today with the counselor and that doesn't help matters.
Kelly, I have an idea!! You should "elope" somewhere cool, but tell pweb when and where. We'll all come to be your support and have a great party!
Kelly, I have an idea!! You should "elope" somewhere cool, but tell pweb when and where. We'll all come to be your support and have a great party!
"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
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- Young Val
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It totally would be, except their complaints are that I'm not planning to spend ENOUGH.Cost is the only remotely valid argument.Dear Bob,
If one more person tells me that I CAN'T do something with regard to my wedding because of cost/taste/tradition I. Will. Scream.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
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- Commander
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- Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:22 am
- Title: is real!
- First Joined: 0- 9-2004
Hahahahahahahahhaha. I know it's not the most ladylike thing to do, but the middle finger is an appropriate response.It totally would be, except their complaints are that I'm not planning to spend ENOUGH.Cost is the only remotely valid argument.Dear Bob,
If one more person tells me that I CAN'T do something with regard to my wedding because of cost/taste/tradition I. Will. Scream.
Yay, I'm a llama again!
- starlooker
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Wow.It totally would be, except their complaints are that I'm not planning to spend ENOUGH.Cost is the only remotely valid argument.Dear Bob,
If one more person tells me that I CAN'T do something with regard to my wedding because of cost/taste/tradition I. Will. Scream.
Just... wow.
*shakes head*
The only way that is a remotely valid complaint is if the person then goes on to offer to buy the item in question. Otherwise, STFU.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
- Luet
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Sorry I haven't been posting as much in the last few days. I've been having even more migraines than usual. Four out of the last five days. And today started with a migraine, it went away with drugs, and then came back with a fury. I feel hungover from the medication. Very numb, emotionally.
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa
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Start asking for their credit cards when they give you s*** for not spending "enough".It totally would be, except their complaints are that I'm not planning to spend ENOUGH.Cost is the only remotely valid argument.Dear Bob,
If one more person tells me that I CAN'T do something with regard to my wedding because of cost/taste/tradition I. Will. Scream.
The enemy's fly is down.
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Hey Bob. I've been super busy for the last few days and I'm afraid that pweb got neglected in the midst of it all.
We had an appt with Tyler's new counselor. She hasn't worked with gifted kids, but she was easy to be with. She's going to try to find the root of his anxiety and help him rid himself of it. That would be good. I don't know past there what she'll do to help us with his other issues. We'll just see how it goes and then start looking for someone else if it's not helping him.
We had a garage sale. We got rid of a lot of junk and I made some money, but not as much as I would have liked. When we checked our mail last night, our HOA had sent out a notice that our neighborhood will be having a garage sale in 2 weeks. So, I guess I'll try again then. Maybe with more publicity, we'll get more people stopping by and the kind of clientele who will want to buy my baked goods and my hair flowers.
We went to the Renaissance Festival! The last time we were able to go, I was pregnant with Brayden, so it's been awhile. We had a great day! There were some new performers and I missed some of our old favorites who aren't there any more. I was able to see my old boss! This is her last year there, so I was really glad we were able to make it this year. Brian got a souvenir egg for his very first world record. He really impressed the shop owner by balancing an egg on a glass display shelf on a very crooked counter. (I was impressed, too! That egg was leaning so far to the left, but it was still standing up!) The stake on a stake was incredible! We all agreed that it's the best we've ever had. The boys had a great time. The night before, I decided that I should make the kids some costumes, so instead of cleaning my house, I sew some simple tunics for the kids and a dress for Kinley.
Anyways, things aren't quite ready to settle down for us yet. The 4th of july is tomorrow and I still have to decide what I'm providing for the family potluck and for Brian's work potluck. And then I have to decide what the heck we're doing with the parade and my friend's booth and when to go to my parents house and such. This is the first time in a long time that I haven't been looking forward to the 4th. I just dislike holidays without Brian.
Wish me luck as I dive into this week?
We had an appt with Tyler's new counselor. She hasn't worked with gifted kids, but she was easy to be with. She's going to try to find the root of his anxiety and help him rid himself of it. That would be good. I don't know past there what she'll do to help us with his other issues. We'll just see how it goes and then start looking for someone else if it's not helping him.
We had a garage sale. We got rid of a lot of junk and I made some money, but not as much as I would have liked. When we checked our mail last night, our HOA had sent out a notice that our neighborhood will be having a garage sale in 2 weeks. So, I guess I'll try again then. Maybe with more publicity, we'll get more people stopping by and the kind of clientele who will want to buy my baked goods and my hair flowers.
We went to the Renaissance Festival! The last time we were able to go, I was pregnant with Brayden, so it's been awhile. We had a great day! There were some new performers and I missed some of our old favorites who aren't there any more. I was able to see my old boss! This is her last year there, so I was really glad we were able to make it this year. Brian got a souvenir egg for his very first world record. He really impressed the shop owner by balancing an egg on a glass display shelf on a very crooked counter. (I was impressed, too! That egg was leaning so far to the left, but it was still standing up!) The stake on a stake was incredible! We all agreed that it's the best we've ever had. The boys had a great time. The night before, I decided that I should make the kids some costumes, so instead of cleaning my house, I sew some simple tunics for the kids and a dress for Kinley.
Anyways, things aren't quite ready to settle down for us yet. The 4th of july is tomorrow and I still have to decide what I'm providing for the family potluck and for Brian's work potluck. And then I have to decide what the heck we're doing with the parade and my friend's booth and when to go to my parents house and such. This is the first time in a long time that I haven't been looking forward to the 4th. I just dislike holidays without Brian.
Wish me luck as I dive into this week?
"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
Bob,
This is take three of trying to write to you. Maybe I'm the only weirdo who will sit down, write out a long, detailed post, determine it wasn't right, scratch it, and start over again. The first one was too angry, the second too dismissive...maybe we'll Goldilocks this post and it'll be just right.
Work is a really negative place to be right now and not only because of patrons, rather, not mostly because of patrons at the moment. Mostly, and most disappointingly, because of coworkers. Resentment, anger, stress, two wrongs make a right sort of attitudes. Me? I'm just trying to work and in doing so, I'm trying to stay away from the others because I can't be around that hostility and negativity. It rubs off on me and sticks with me for a long while. I get home and the little bit of energy I can even muster up to talk to Brat isn't always the happiest of energies and I'm getting short with him over really stupid stuff. Not cool.
But they're taking note of my avoidance and are starting to ask if I'm angry - truthfully, yes, sometimes just a bit and sometimes a hell of a lot.
However, this weekend, this short/normal weekend, has given me a bit of a chance to recover from the exhaustion. A lot of it isn't even physical exhaustion so much as people exhaustion.
My mom and brother ran off to San Diego for the night, who knows where her boyfriend is, so it's been just the dogs and I. Watched a movie last night after making myself some dinner, read some online comics (a new one that I think I'm going to like very much as soon as the drawings get clearer), walked the dogs, did some laundry, talked to my boys.
Woke up this morning and took care of the dogs, did some dishes...such boring, everyday things but they are so nice and comforting to do when it's just me, on my own schedule, with my own say over everything.
All that is kind of what life is right now. Stressful and frustrating at work, happier at home. I want to say all sorts of corny stuff right about now, too, but for certain things, that's always been difficult. So...we'll leave it at that. The happy, that is struggling a bit thanks to work, is still there and still wants to stay. And I'm fighting like hell for it.
This is take three of trying to write to you. Maybe I'm the only weirdo who will sit down, write out a long, detailed post, determine it wasn't right, scratch it, and start over again. The first one was too angry, the second too dismissive...maybe we'll Goldilocks this post and it'll be just right.
Work is a really negative place to be right now and not only because of patrons, rather, not mostly because of patrons at the moment. Mostly, and most disappointingly, because of coworkers. Resentment, anger, stress, two wrongs make a right sort of attitudes. Me? I'm just trying to work and in doing so, I'm trying to stay away from the others because I can't be around that hostility and negativity. It rubs off on me and sticks with me for a long while. I get home and the little bit of energy I can even muster up to talk to Brat isn't always the happiest of energies and I'm getting short with him over really stupid stuff. Not cool.
But they're taking note of my avoidance and are starting to ask if I'm angry - truthfully, yes, sometimes just a bit and sometimes a hell of a lot.
However, this weekend, this short/normal weekend, has given me a bit of a chance to recover from the exhaustion. A lot of it isn't even physical exhaustion so much as people exhaustion.
My mom and brother ran off to San Diego for the night, who knows where her boyfriend is, so it's been just the dogs and I. Watched a movie last night after making myself some dinner, read some online comics (a new one that I think I'm going to like very much as soon as the drawings get clearer), walked the dogs, did some laundry, talked to my boys.
Woke up this morning and took care of the dogs, did some dishes...such boring, everyday things but they are so nice and comforting to do when it's just me, on my own schedule, with my own say over everything.
All that is kind of what life is right now. Stressful and frustrating at work, happier at home. I want to say all sorts of corny stuff right about now, too, but for certain things, that's always been difficult. So...we'll leave it at that. The happy, that is struggling a bit thanks to work, is still there and still wants to stay. And I'm fighting like hell for it.
So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways, all my underdogs.
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- Speaker for the Dead
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Bob, I'm sad and lonely and also totally Peopled Out. I think I'm going to go to bed now.
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII
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- Speaker for the Dead
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Bob,
Sorry for the anti-specialness of this and whatever anticlimactic-ness that may be a result of it but I needed me for tonight and Petrie...is me but not in the same way. I'm kind of not special anyway, so waiting around for something special to happen to me was the ultimate in insanity.
Mostly bad day with some notable positive highlights. Don't really care to talk about it. Just want to curl up in here for a bit, if you don't mind.
Happy 4K. Or something.
Sorry for the anti-specialness of this and whatever anticlimactic-ness that may be a result of it but I needed me for tonight and Petrie...is me but not in the same way. I'm kind of not special anyway, so waiting around for something special to happen to me was the ultimate in insanity.
Mostly bad day with some notable positive highlights. Don't really care to talk about it. Just want to curl up in here for a bit, if you don't mind.
Happy 4K. Or something.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
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- Speaker for the Dead
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Bob, back, catching up as much as I can, listening to the game of thrones soundtrack while labeling clips, stacking camera sequences, syncing and grouping while taking 'read pweb' breaks in between.
"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
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Bob,
Where will I be? Tomorrow night?
Because, see, I really could go to that. And this one is a guarantee. I don't think I will, though. This whole year- it hasn't been for nothing. I'm not going to slip into the old habits. I'm not going to be the addict I was before. It's tempting to go, but willpower will win this time and I'm not going to be that pathetic again. (Most of this rant is just self-persuasion. If one of my friends called me up and said, "do you by any chance want to go to that thing tomorrow night?", I would say "sure," and proceed to convince myself that I was going mostly for the social aspect. Um, right).
But because I am capable of not going, and none of my friends will express any interest in going (not our thing, at all), I won't go. I won't even happen to pass by. I'll be working, or relaxing at home, or something of the sort. Not that weak. (Except for the fact that the very notice of this event made me Bob up. Yes, Bob, you have a verb form now).
Where will I be? Tomorrow night?
Because, see, I really could go to that. And this one is a guarantee. I don't think I will, though. This whole year- it hasn't been for nothing. I'm not going to slip into the old habits. I'm not going to be the addict I was before. It's tempting to go, but willpower will win this time and I'm not going to be that pathetic again. (Most of this rant is just self-persuasion. If one of my friends called me up and said, "do you by any chance want to go to that thing tomorrow night?", I would say "sure," and proceed to convince myself that I was going mostly for the social aspect. Um, right).
But because I am capable of not going, and none of my friends will express any interest in going (not our thing, at all), I won't go. I won't even happen to pass by. I'll be working, or relaxing at home, or something of the sort. Not that weak. (Except for the fact that the very notice of this event made me Bob up. Yes, Bob, you have a verb form now).
The password is "guilty"
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