Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
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- Speaker for the Dead
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- starlooker
- Commander
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- Title: Dr. Mom
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- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
Dear Bob,
I am finding myself very angry, resentful, and hateful of people who have a natural talent for organization and/or time management. I mean, severe anger. It stems from supervisor telling me that the administration sees this problem as "very fixable." Which is great. Except that, damnit, it's been a struggle for me ALL OF MY FREAKING LIFE. So, yeah, sure, it's very fixable to them and everyone else who has it together, but what the f*** am I supposed to do?
I miss school, where an abundance of brains and caffeine were enough.
I am finding myself very angry, resentful, and hateful of people who have a natural talent for organization and/or time management. I mean, severe anger. It stems from supervisor telling me that the administration sees this problem as "very fixable." Which is great. Except that, damnit, it's been a struggle for me ALL OF MY FREAKING LIFE. So, yeah, sure, it's very fixable to them and everyone else who has it together, but what the f*** am I supposed to do?
I miss school, where an abundance of brains and caffeine were enough.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
-
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 5185
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:30 pm
- Title: Age quod agis
- First Joined: 04 Feb 2002
- Location: ^ Geez, read the sign.
Kick, fight, bite!
You CAN do it, dearest, I promise! And HECK NO, it ain't easy! But you will do it, and you will have a great career!
*****
And a HUGE thank-you to everyone who wishes us well! We're excited. Can you believe how grown-up pweb is getting? What happened to all of us?!
You CAN do it, dearest, I promise! And HECK NO, it ain't easy! But you will do it, and you will have a great career!
*****
And a HUGE thank-you to everyone who wishes us well! We're excited. Can you believe how grown-up pweb is getting? What happened to all of us?!
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII
- Claire
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 629
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 2:41 pm
- Title: World Traveler
- First Joined: 16 Dec 2002
Dear Bob,
My Poppy passed last week. I'm so happy I got to spend a few of his last hours with him, and that I got the opportunity to tell him how much I love him. He the first of my immediate family to pass, and he had a full life-- 92 years! I'm happy with the way I've handled it so far, though I still hurt when I look at my Granny hurting.
I struggled with whether or not to come back for his memorial service (we are not doing a funeral). I was in DC at the culmination of my year long fellowship. However, I think I made the right choice coming home for a few days. I'm missing out on meeting a few public affairs big names; still I want to be with my family right now.
I'm going through all of his and Granny's pictures. What a great life! I hope to post some of the best (and cutest of my brothers and cousins and me) to facebook in the next few weeks.
Love,
Claire
My Poppy passed last week. I'm so happy I got to spend a few of his last hours with him, and that I got the opportunity to tell him how much I love him. He the first of my immediate family to pass, and he had a full life-- 92 years! I'm happy with the way I've handled it so far, though I still hurt when I look at my Granny hurting.
I struggled with whether or not to come back for his memorial service (we are not doing a funeral). I was in DC at the culmination of my year long fellowship. However, I think I made the right choice coming home for a few days. I'm missing out on meeting a few public affairs big names; still I want to be with my family right now.
I'm going through all of his and Granny's pictures. What a great life! I hope to post some of the best (and cutest of my brothers and cousins and me) to facebook in the next few weeks.
Love,
Claire
- Rei
- Commander
- Posts: 3068
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- Title: Fides quaerens intellectum
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- Location: Between the lines
Well, Bob, today is interview day. It may just be for a one-day-a-week position in a retail position, but at least it's a day a week with pay. Hopefully the interview goes well and I'll at least have some income.
~Rei
~Rei
Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point.
~Blaise Pascal
私は。。。誰?
Dernhelm
~Blaise Pascal
私は。。。誰?
Dernhelm
- Luet
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 4511
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 3:49 pm
- Title: Bird Nerd
- First Joined: 01 Jul 2000
- Location: Albany, NY
Bob,
I feel sick. I found out that he bought a mobile home. That means they are planning on staying in the area for the foreseeable future. For the last five years, I held onto the hope that they were still going to move away and I could have a bit more peace. I could go back to my old congregation. I would no longer have to worry about running into him around town. But that hope has now slipped away. You know what I keep thinking? How dare he! How dare he move here from his crappy state and nearly destroy my life and then plant himself here and make me uncomfortable in my entire home life. Just leave, damn it. But that's not going to happen.
I feel sick. I found out that he bought a mobile home. That means they are planning on staying in the area for the foreseeable future. For the last five years, I held onto the hope that they were still going to move away and I could have a bit more peace. I could go back to my old congregation. I would no longer have to worry about running into him around town. But that hope has now slipped away. You know what I keep thinking? How dare he! How dare he move here from his crappy state and nearly destroy my life and then plant himself here and make me uncomfortable in my entire home life. Just leave, damn it. But that's not going to happen.
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa
- Luet
- Speaker for the Dead
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- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 3:49 pm
- Title: Bird Nerd
- First Joined: 01 Jul 2000
- Location: Albany, NY
Double post with a double damn it update. The mobile home that they are moving to is only five minutes away. They had been living about twenty minutes away, which was bad enough. But now they will be at my grocery store and I'll have to worry about running into them everywhere. GAH!
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa
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- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 5185
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:30 pm
- Title: Age quod agis
- First Joined: 04 Feb 2002
- Location: ^ Geez, read the sign.
Same here! I wish I could go magic them somewhere else for you! *big hug*Oh, Nomi! All I have to offer is a *hug* and an always open door to live at my house.
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII
- Luet
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 4511
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 3:49 pm
- Title: Bird Nerd
- First Joined: 01 Jul 2000
- Location: Albany, NY
Thanks guys. It's hard because not many people know what happened and even those few that do know, don't really understand why it still affects me so much. It's the type of thing that does get better with time (ie, I don't sob every day) but will never, ever go away. And knowing that I might run into him anywhere, just makes it really difficult. Thanks, as always, for listening and for the support. *hugs*
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa
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- Toon Leader
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- Title: Rocky Mountain Mama
- First Joined: 0- 8-2000
- Location: colorado, baby!
Bob, what a horrible, awful day.
Yesterday spent a long time working on the boys bikes getting them ready for summer. Tyler just earned his and I am really hoping he'll learn how to ride it this year. I thought we had made some progress yesterday, but he was making me so mad by refusing to actually ride the stupid thing. He would halfway pedal then back break, repeatedly. I was yelling at him to just pedal the darn bike! I started pushing him along, since it seemed to help him yesterday, but he kept back breaking and that made me even more mad. I pulled Tyler off his bike (and accidentally knocked over Brayden in the process) and one of my neighbors rushed out of the house, watched us for a minute, said into her phone "I'll call them right now." Shortly there after, she walked by through a way she doesn't normally walk. Then a community service officer drove by. Then she walked back WAY too soon to have actually done anything at the businesses she had walked toward (and empty handed).
Next thing I know, there's a cop car in front of her house. I really thought she'd called the cops on me for abusing my son. I know I probably shouldn't have been so angry at him over a bike, and I know I should have been gentler. (I didn't hurt him, though. I lifted him from a solid place on his body and I set him down on his feet. And Brayden was completely fine. When I apologized to him he said "No owies!")
I spent all day in fear that the police were going to show up at my house. The grandson that lives with her said that the police were looking for his brother's bike which was stolen yesterday, so I hope she was watching us because Tyler's bike is similar to that bike. They never came to my house. I still fear that child services is going to come. What if she did think that what I did was abuse and called someone about it? I don't know how I'd convince them that I don't abuse my children and to please not take them away.
Am I kidding myself to think that I'm not crossing the line? What if I am abusing them and I just don't know it?
Yesterday spent a long time working on the boys bikes getting them ready for summer. Tyler just earned his and I am really hoping he'll learn how to ride it this year. I thought we had made some progress yesterday, but he was making me so mad by refusing to actually ride the stupid thing. He would halfway pedal then back break, repeatedly. I was yelling at him to just pedal the darn bike! I started pushing him along, since it seemed to help him yesterday, but he kept back breaking and that made me even more mad. I pulled Tyler off his bike (and accidentally knocked over Brayden in the process) and one of my neighbors rushed out of the house, watched us for a minute, said into her phone "I'll call them right now." Shortly there after, she walked by through a way she doesn't normally walk. Then a community service officer drove by. Then she walked back WAY too soon to have actually done anything at the businesses she had walked toward (and empty handed).
Next thing I know, there's a cop car in front of her house. I really thought she'd called the cops on me for abusing my son. I know I probably shouldn't have been so angry at him over a bike, and I know I should have been gentler. (I didn't hurt him, though. I lifted him from a solid place on his body and I set him down on his feet. And Brayden was completely fine. When I apologized to him he said "No owies!")
I spent all day in fear that the police were going to show up at my house. The grandson that lives with her said that the police were looking for his brother's bike which was stolen yesterday, so I hope she was watching us because Tyler's bike is similar to that bike. They never came to my house. I still fear that child services is going to come. What if she did think that what I did was abuse and called someone about it? I don't know how I'd convince them that I don't abuse my children and to please not take them away.
Am I kidding myself to think that I'm not crossing the line? What if I am abusing them and I just don't know it?
"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
- Rei
- Commander
- Posts: 3068
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:31 pm
- Title: Fides quaerens intellectum
- First Joined: 24 Nov 2003
- Location: Between the lines
*big hugs*
I'm so sorry, that is an absolutely awful feeling. For what it's worth, I am certain that you are not being abusive. Also, I think your neighbour is being cruelly suspicious if she suspected you of having nicked her grandson's bicycle. And similarly if she thinks you are being abusive.
I'm so sorry, that is an absolutely awful feeling. For what it's worth, I am certain that you are not being abusive. Also, I think your neighbour is being cruelly suspicious if she suspected you of having nicked her grandson's bicycle. And similarly if she thinks you are being abusive.
Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point.
~Blaise Pascal
私は。。。誰?
Dernhelm
~Blaise Pascal
私は。。。誰?
Dernhelm
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- Commander
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- Title: is real!
- First Joined: 0- 9-2004
Bob,
As I lay here, figuratively weeping over the amount of money I transferred to my credit card, money that should be sitting pretty in my Chicago/Savings account, mouth still numb -resulting in some oddly fun half-smiles at strangers I passed earlier on the walk home- and the smell of freshly laundered bedding, I can't help but think about how crazy-beautiful the details of life can be and quite often are if we just take the time to notice.
I'm reading this book that I've wanted to read for months on end, that I finally broke down and bought since the library isn't going to be getting it any time soon, and it's perfect for the space my head is currently in. The pages are flying past me, the story has already captured my attention so completely I carry it with me everywhere I go. The actual feel of the book is perfect, too. The fold of the soft cover, the way the pages feel underneath my fingers, light but adding up to something great. I imagine the smell of it carries a piece of Chicago still (that's where it originated) but that's probably just romantic imaginings.
Even my water feels smooth, soft. Tastes pure and just this side of heavenly.
There's so much we need to talk about, Bob, but so much of it is something I can't bring myself to say aloud because I hate how it sounds. The details are so much more fascinating and worthwhile, at any rate.
As I lay here, figuratively weeping over the amount of money I transferred to my credit card, money that should be sitting pretty in my Chicago/Savings account, mouth still numb -resulting in some oddly fun half-smiles at strangers I passed earlier on the walk home- and the smell of freshly laundered bedding, I can't help but think about how crazy-beautiful the details of life can be and quite often are if we just take the time to notice.
I'm reading this book that I've wanted to read for months on end, that I finally broke down and bought since the library isn't going to be getting it any time soon, and it's perfect for the space my head is currently in. The pages are flying past me, the story has already captured my attention so completely I carry it with me everywhere I go. The actual feel of the book is perfect, too. The fold of the soft cover, the way the pages feel underneath my fingers, light but adding up to something great. I imagine the smell of it carries a piece of Chicago still (that's where it originated) but that's probably just romantic imaginings.
Even my water feels smooth, soft. Tastes pure and just this side of heavenly.
There's so much we need to talk about, Bob, but so much of it is something I can't bring myself to say aloud because I hate how it sounds. The details are so much more fascinating and worthwhile, at any rate.
So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways, all my underdogs.
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- Toon Leader
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- Title: The same thing we do every night...
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None at all, unless the numbing injections counted...but that's gone now, finally. I'm just a control freak and the more I start slipping back into a stressed out place, the more I try to control stuff and that is all about the details. I just happen to have some happiness-inducing details surrounding me at the moment. :)
So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways, all my underdogs.
- Luet
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 4511
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 3:49 pm
- Title: Bird Nerd
- First Joined: 01 Jul 2000
- Location: Albany, NY
Bob,
I have hiccups and I can't stop. No, but seriously. I'm heading home tomorrow from my trip to California. It has seemed too long and kind of a let down. I did enjoy seeing my SIL and my niece but that came along with the unpleasantness of seeing my BIL. Also, going to my inlaws house is really depressing. I tried to come up with excuses to drop my husband off there and go do other things. I did get lots of pictures of new birds for my list. But overall, I'm very happy to be going home.
Still hiccuping. Going on 20 minutes.
I have hiccups and I can't stop. No, but seriously. I'm heading home tomorrow from my trip to California. It has seemed too long and kind of a let down. I did enjoy seeing my SIL and my niece but that came along with the unpleasantness of seeing my BIL. Also, going to my inlaws house is really depressing. I tried to come up with excuses to drop my husband off there and go do other things. I did get lots of pictures of new birds for my list. But overall, I'm very happy to be going home.
Still hiccuping. Going on 20 minutes.
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa
- Young Val
- Commander
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- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
Nomi, that is one of my biggest fears! (Hiccups that don't stop!) If mine last more than three minutes I start to panic (which, of course, only makes them worse).
Last edited by Young Val on Sat Jun 11, 2011 1:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
- Wind Swept
- Toon Leader
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- Title: Just Another Chris
- First Joined: 22 Jan 2003
This. Though, just "girlfriend's family," none of that "in law" business. I'd really enjoy moving to the Twin Cities once the aforementioned girlfriend finishes up school here, save the very real threat of it being decidedly more difficult to avoid her family–notably, her mother.Also, going to my inlaws house is really depressing. I tried to come up with excuses to drop my husband off there and go do other things.
"Roland was staring at Tiffany, so nonplussed he was nearly minused."
*Philoticweb.net = Phoebe (Discord)
*Philoticweb.net = Phoebe (Discord)
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- Soldier
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- First Joined: 02 Feb 1922
Bob,
So I have a date with a girl tomorrow. Turns out that she lives right around the corner my Ex and went to the same college. Really?? At least she is not in the child care/teaching industry. I've had enough of those to know that they don't work out. No offense to anyone that molds young minds of course. I would be interested in a girl that doesn't remind me of her at all. I realize that's impossible, but can't we get away from the obvious ones?
So I have a date with a girl tomorrow. Turns out that she lives right around the corner my Ex and went to the same college. Really?? At least she is not in the child care/teaching industry. I've had enough of those to know that they don't work out. No offense to anyone that molds young minds of course. I would be interested in a girl that doesn't remind me of her at all. I realize that's impossible, but can't we get away from the obvious ones?
- starlooker
- Commander
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- Title: Dr. Mom
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- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
Dear Bob,
Well. So. Big day yesterday. Apparently, Little Bit decided to start hitting me with all the early signs. I think baby was perhaps trying to make sure I felt reassured since I'd been tricked by that one EPT, and also by a second, less sensitive one yesterday afternoon. However, my PCP's test was positive, plus I got a good deal of light queasiness yesterday, nose sharpened to an absolutely irritating degree, and bras that magically are just slightly too small. And, I fully expect, are going to be even smaller today. Oh, plus the test brand that read negative yesterday read positive this morning.
So. Well. It's still scary-early, but feeling a little less scared, a little more on the excited/hopeful side of things. Well, pweb, due to my moments of irony and shock, you were the third to know (after me and my husband). One of my best friends from college also knows, since I called her for reassurance when I was on the thirty minute drive from work to the doctor. And I, frankly, cannot resist telling my Dad on Father's Day. Which means we have to tell Donny's immediate family, too. Other than that, we're going to wait at least until after the first prenatal visit with the ob/gyn, possibly longer.
(Oh, and the guy at Barnes and Noble knows, since he asked after he saw my purchases of "What to Expect," some healthy eating during pregnancy book, and "Bad Kitty Meets the Baby." I was immediately informed about their children's reward program and strongly encouraged to sign up as soon as Little Bit makes an appearance. Man, he's good at his job.)
I was still somewhat stunned calling the Ob/Gyn, which I did before the appointment with my PCP. I haven't met her before. I had an appointment for an annual exam, which I had to cancel. So, I called back to reschedule. That led to this rather humorous (in my head, at least) exchange. The person taking my call, "Is this for your annual still?" Me: "Well, I kind of think I'm pregnant, too. So, um, there's that."
Anyhow, time for breakfast. And then going in to work, since I was somewhat useless there yesterday and have a ton of stuff to finish up.
Well. So. Big day yesterday. Apparently, Little Bit decided to start hitting me with all the early signs. I think baby was perhaps trying to make sure I felt reassured since I'd been tricked by that one EPT, and also by a second, less sensitive one yesterday afternoon. However, my PCP's test was positive, plus I got a good deal of light queasiness yesterday, nose sharpened to an absolutely irritating degree, and bras that magically are just slightly too small. And, I fully expect, are going to be even smaller today. Oh, plus the test brand that read negative yesterday read positive this morning.
So. Well. It's still scary-early, but feeling a little less scared, a little more on the excited/hopeful side of things. Well, pweb, due to my moments of irony and shock, you were the third to know (after me and my husband). One of my best friends from college also knows, since I called her for reassurance when I was on the thirty minute drive from work to the doctor. And I, frankly, cannot resist telling my Dad on Father's Day. Which means we have to tell Donny's immediate family, too. Other than that, we're going to wait at least until after the first prenatal visit with the ob/gyn, possibly longer.
(Oh, and the guy at Barnes and Noble knows, since he asked after he saw my purchases of "What to Expect," some healthy eating during pregnancy book, and "Bad Kitty Meets the Baby." I was immediately informed about their children's reward program and strongly encouraged to sign up as soon as Little Bit makes an appearance. Man, he's good at his job.)
I was still somewhat stunned calling the Ob/Gyn, which I did before the appointment with my PCP. I haven't met her before. I had an appointment for an annual exam, which I had to cancel. So, I called back to reschedule. That led to this rather humorous (in my head, at least) exchange. The person taking my call, "Is this for your annual still?" Me: "Well, I kind of think I'm pregnant, too. So, um, there's that."
Anyhow, time for breakfast. And then going in to work, since I was somewhat useless there yesterday and have a ton of stuff to finish up.
Last edited by starlooker on Sat Jun 18, 2011 9:37 am, edited 1 time in total.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
-
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 5185
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:30 pm
- Title: Age quod agis
- First Joined: 04 Feb 2002
- Location: ^ Geez, read the sign.
*highfives Kirsten*
Feel free to hijack my thread or start your own. I'm a bit comforted to not be alone right now!
Feel free to hijack my thread or start your own. I'm a bit comforted to not be alone right now!
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII
- starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
-
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 5185
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:30 pm
- Title: Age quod agis
- First Joined: 04 Feb 2002
- Location: ^ Geez, read the sign.
Dear Bob,
Lovely day yesterday! We went up to Durham on a whim-invitation, and picnicked in the cloister of Durham Cathedral, aka Hogwarts. Lunch was delicious, full of bread and cheese and hummus and fruit and muffins. I found a deli in the market that sells pasteurised brie and goat cheese, so I was able to end my months-long drought of brie and goat cheese (can't have it unpasteurised when you're pregnant). I was heavenly. Then we went to my friend's home and watched The King's Speech and nibbled and talked. It was amazing to see her again - I miss living right next door.
In totally unrelated news, they sang songs I really like today in church, but they kept singing them wrong. You're supposed to repeat the final two lines! And on Trinity Sunday, only singing the verses for the Father and Son and then omitting the Holy Spirit verse, well, that's just not cool.
Can't wait to talk to my dad on skype today. I miss him a lot.
Lovely day yesterday! We went up to Durham on a whim-invitation, and picnicked in the cloister of Durham Cathedral, aka Hogwarts. Lunch was delicious, full of bread and cheese and hummus and fruit and muffins. I found a deli in the market that sells pasteurised brie and goat cheese, so I was able to end my months-long drought of brie and goat cheese (can't have it unpasteurised when you're pregnant). I was heavenly. Then we went to my friend's home and watched The King's Speech and nibbled and talked. It was amazing to see her again - I miss living right next door.
In totally unrelated news, they sang songs I really like today in church, but they kept singing them wrong. You're supposed to repeat the final two lines! And on Trinity Sunday, only singing the verses for the Father and Son and then omitting the Holy Spirit verse, well, that's just not cool.
Can't wait to talk to my dad on skype today. I miss him a lot.
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII
- Wind Swept
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 892
- Joined: Wed Oct 10, 2007 2:09 pm
- Title: Just Another Chris
- First Joined: 22 Jan 2003
Bob,
One of my best friends growing up just let it out of the bag that his wife is pregnant. I'm still trying to get used to my childhood friends getting married. Now children, too? I am so very far from being ready for these things...
One of my best friends growing up just let it out of the bag that his wife is pregnant. I'm still trying to get used to my childhood friends getting married. Now children, too? I am so very far from being ready for these things...
"Roland was staring at Tiffany, so nonplussed he was nearly minused."
*Philoticweb.net = Phoebe (Discord)
*Philoticweb.net = Phoebe (Discord)
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