Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

[Dr. Mobius]

YAY! *hugs*

[Jayelle]

((((alea))))

That's so awesome.

[mr_thebrain]

way to go. congrats and all that.

[Gravity Defier]

Thanks, all.


Shannon, that makes me chuckle. I almost made a thread at the end of probation saying "We should all do something at this exact time and it could be like a party!" And then I felt exceedingly silly about it, so I didn't.

[Luet]

Bob,

This whole friend thing still really freaks me out. I have made a pretty slow, solid friendship with one person. We are friends with the whole family but she and I have our own friendship too. I can talk to her about most things. But since she has three kids and works, she is very busy. We only see them once a month or so and I talk or email her maybe twice a month.

Then there is this new person who seems to *really* like me and want to be friends. But she's so eager that it scares me. She's like how I used to be. I'm scared to let myself care about her yet. I just don't know her well enough. She is a young mother of a toddler. She doesn't have a car, so she is home during the day most of the time and loves to have something to do. I think she would like to hang out every day but I want to keep things balanced. I enjoy spending time with her but I never again want to be in a position where I count on one friend too much (or vice versa).

I don't know. I still feel like a mess.

[LilBee91]

Hey Bob,
My grandpa is in the hospital. He's a bit better than he was earlier this week, but hasn't improved much since. I'm worried.

[Gravity Defier]

I'll send hopeful thoughts your way, Shannon. *hugs*

[starlooker]

Dear Bob,

Things graduate school never prepared me for:

Me to Little Kid: Speech about how sometimes some of the things we go through can be confusing, and so it's my job to help sort out feelings and answer questions that you have.

Little Kid to Me, Very Innocently: So if I ask you something, would you tell me the answer?

Me: I'll do my best.

Little Kid: Is the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy and Santa Claus all real or not?

[mr_thebrain]

well?

are they?

[starlooker]

Well, I asked her what her parents told her, and she said they tell her that yes, they are all real. And I ask her what her classmates say, and they say no, they're fake. And I ask her what she thinks about it, and she tells me about a time she basically caught her mom playing the tooth fairy, so she's very suspicious. And then I took a deep breath and told her that, no, they aren't real, they're your parents. And she said, "THANK YOU, FINALLY someone told me!" very, very loudly and sincerely, as apparently this has been driving her crazy, because no adult would be straightforward with her.

And then I told her about how I caught my parents and some aunts and uncles wrapping Christmas presents one year, only they didn't see me, and so I let them keep believing that I believed, just because it seemed like they were having fun. And she told me the same thing happened to her this last Christmas. And I told her it was up to her whether she tells her parents that I told her/she knows. And, so, I guess if I get a phone call in the next few days accusing me of ruining childhood magic, well, there I am. But I got about a thousand credibility points for being honest, which is what I was hoping for.

No, Virginia, there is not a Santa Claus.

[mr_thebrain]

awww you ruined my childhood magic.



party pooper

[jotabe]

I think the whole "childhood magic" is only in the parents' mind. I don't remember being happier or more illusioned with christmas when i believed in the three wise men (santa for spain) or the little mouse Pérez (tooth fairy for spain), than when i learned the truth and accepted it as a reward from my parents for my childly accomplishments, or to sooth the pain of a fallen teeth.

And it certainly learning the truth was no traumatic event... it was a relief, of sorts. I mean, what kind of a******s where the three wise men to give more and better presents to the children of rich people than to those whose family was poor, good behaviour being actually irrelevant?

[steph]

I believe, as a parent, if a child asks you straight out, you should give them the straight up truth. There is no need to cause trust issues over it. My plan is to let my kids get involved once they know, to see how it still is magic to do those fun things for those who believe; how the magic is in service to others.

[Jayelle]

I believe, as a parent, if a child asks you straight out, you should give them the straight up truth. There is no need to cause trust issues over it. My plan is to let my kids get involved once they know, to see how it still is magic to do those fun things for those who believe; how the magic is in service to others.

I totally agree. That's how my parents did it. I really thought it was magical, then one day I got wind that it might not be true and asked "Is Santa real?" My mom sat me down with the encyclopedia and showed me all about St. Nicolas and how he was real once.
...and I spent the next week spontaneously thanking her for all the gifts she'd gotten me over the years that I'd never said thank you for.

[starlooker]

Yeah, she was at the age where most kids have gotten really, really suspicious. And I make it a point to be as honest as I can be - in developmentally appropriate ways - with the kids I see, even when it's difficult.

However, that was SO not what I was expecting. At all.

Personally, I have a theory that kids usually ask because they already know (or are ready to know). I talked it over with Donny last night, and we both agreed that if/when we have kids and they ask, we'll be straightforward. I also had a talk with my mom about our discoveries of the truth about Santa, and she said it's like a game adults and kids play, and that never really stops playing even as you get older, which I think is true. She and I both had the same instinct, which was in some ways about protecting our parents from knowing that we knew. I think that's interesting.

(Also, on my part, there came later some calculated risk/benefit factoring: If I admitted knowing Santa was real, would that mean I only got one present from each parent and nothing else? Forget that.)

[steph]

(Also, on my part, there came later some calculated risk/benefit factoring: If I admitted knowing Santa was real, would that mean I only got one present from each parent and nothing else? Forget that.)

Oooo! That's not fun! We still had our stocking filled until we were married. Then Brian and I still filled stockings for each other, even when we didn't have kids. Then again, in my family, santa only filled stockings with small gifts and brought one or two large family gifts and breakfast. All the presents under the tree were from my parents and siblings.

[Gravity Defier]

First, I approve of el Ratón for completely silly, not going to specifically say why on the board reasons.

Second:

And it certainly learning the truth was no traumatic event... it was a relief, of sorts. I mean, what kind of a******s where the three wise men to give more and better presents to the children of rich people than to those whose family was poor, good behaviour being actually irrelevant?

I actually don't remember at what point it fully hit me that there was no Santa, I don't recall asking my parents to confirm, and I'm only somewhat certain that my oldest brother was responsible for me finding out but it wasn't a scarring experience.

I think Jota hit on what was part of the process of enlightenment for me. I remember one year when I was young, the elementary school was hosting some sort of holiday gathering and the parents were asked, unbeknownst (is that really not a word? Firefox doesn't like it) to the kids, to bring a wrapped gift to be handed out by Santa.

They got us all lined up and one by one we'd go up, get our gift, and unwrap it for all to see. I remember this little girl who was from a well to do family got a bracelet, the likes of which I still probably couldn't afford. Most of the rest of us didn't get anything even remotely close in cost/quality. I got a little mini-puzzle.

As a kid, I remember wondering how it was that she got the nicer gift when her family could more easily afford to give that to her themselves; no need for Santa to be so generous. She didn't seem to be any nicer than some of us, that was for sure.

Then, going back to school after winter break would always be an eye opener. Kids would naturally ask each other what they got and the comparisons just didn't add up any other way than by wealth of the family.

My parents did the best they could and I was more grateful for that than I could ever be for some unseen figure leaving gifts even if I actually was more of a s*** that year.

[Petra456]

We always open all of our presents on Christmas eve, so to give Santa a chance to to come we would all cram into a car and take about an hours drive around town to look at all the Christmas lights. As soon as we were all in the car one of my parents would forget something and both would have to go back inside to "look" for whatever it was. They would then quickly bring out the Santa presents that were never wrapped and the stalkings. Santa would usually bring the big presents like bikes or our gaming systems. One year (I honestly can't remember how old I was... Maybe 8?) my parents piled us in the car and then my mom said she forgot her keys inside and they both went to look. My older sister reminded me that I forgot my favorite stuffed dog Arfie and suggested that I go back in to grab him. As soon as I opened the door I saw my mom wheeling out a bike from her room. She quickly pulled it back in the door. She asked what I was doing and I told her I needed Arfie, she let me grab him and I went back to the car, not saying anything to anyone about it for the rest of the night.

I actually don't remember ever talking about it again until my younger sister started being suspicious, then I told her what I saw... It was still years later until we really let our parents know we knew, even though we thought they already knew.

My nephew is 8, i'm starting to wonder if he knows or not.

[Rei]

Dear Bob,

Life without work is hard. I'm trying to keep hope, but these days I seem to spend more time in anxious fits than being productive either in job-hunting or in creative leisure. I'm trying to figure out new permutations for my CV in the hopes that maybe *this* time I'll find the magic presentation, the occult rhetoric that will inspire a potential job to call me for an interview (at this point, that will be MILES ahead of anywhere else I've really gotten for most of the CVs I've sent out). This is possibly one of my worst runs at finding work ever. I keep wondering if I'm just missing that place where I'm meant to be. And I feel even worse about not being able to get interviews, let alone work, because Ali has two jobs AND is working on her PhD, and here's me at home. A wastrel, basically.

That's how it feels, anyway.

~Rei

[mr_thebrain]

well bob. i guess i'm officially separated from my wife...

sucky. stupid. aggravating.

[Gravity Defier]

f***, brain. I was hoping that things had started to turn around for you two.

[steph]

*hugs for joshy*

I wish the best possible outcomes for all involved.

[mr_thebrain]

thanks. it'll be ok. i'm ok now, and i'll be groovy again in time. things hadn't been changing and she had no intention of actually trying to work things out. all of the reasons she gave for this are bullshit. it boils down to 2 things. 1 she supposedly doesn't love me anymore. and 2 i'm very sure she's suffering from depression. it runs in her family and she certainly isn't operating within sane tolerances.

regardless, i have a very strong support structure to rely on, and i'm a very very strong person. there's nothing to worry about.

i'm really unhappy about having to sell the house, cuz i love this house. and i've put a lot of work into it.

plus i have one thing she can't take from me: pweb.

[powerfulcheese04]

Hi Bob!

Sorry I haven't been around much lately. The end of third year was crazy... and this is what I've been doing in 4th year!


This is my 140 pound patient! He drags me around the hospital.

[Mich]

Holy huge dog! I'd be a bit distracted, if I were you.

[mr_thebrain]

my dog is bigger than that! only by 15 pounds though. is that an english mastiff? cuz it looks like my mortimer. just differently colored.

but he's still got some growing to do

[powerfulcheese04]

He's an 8 month old Saint Bernard... I'm looking forward to his surgery tomorrow because it might slow him down some! I have bruises and rope burn on my hands and wrists from walking him!

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,

I'm nervous to post this, like I'm tempting the universe, but I will, anyhow. There have been the normal amounts of irritations (seriously Chinese fortune cookie, "Good clothes open many doors." is a lousy "fortune".), I've gotten sad at moments, angry, all of that. But, overall, the past two weeks have been rather amazing.

I don't have the words for it all the time and even though I'm borrowing from a song that isn't relevant for me beyond a line or two, I think this captures the emotion quite nicely: I sing because I'm happy. (For more His Eye is on the Sparrow loveliness from Lauren Hill and Tanya Blount, please see here. I think it's better in the shorter, movie clip, though.)

I've gotten out of the house more, I've driven quite a bit (shhh! I'm not supposed to be doing that yet but only for insurance purposes; my license is in working condition), I have my interests to keep me busy, and the big one here, I think, is that I have amazing friends.

I always come in here depressed, it felt appropriate to come in here with some happiness.

[mr_thebrain]

good for you alea. keep a firm grip on that handful of happiness. you deserve it!

[Luet]

Yay for Alea being happy!

[Eaquae Legit]

*happy high-five*

[starlooker]

Dear Bob,

If I don't have all my s*** together by Monday, I'm going to be suspended. With a good chance of getting fired soon thereafter.

f****** PAPERWORK.

What the f*** is wrong with me, anyhow? Why is this so f****** hard for me, when other people maintain their billables and keep up with everything? I hate this. I hate the work and I hate this part of myself that makes it turn into so much work, time and time and time again.

I'm a good clinician. I am an excellent clinician, at least some of the time. WHAT. IS. WRONG. WITH. ME. ?

Answer to the problem at hand: Get your s*** together by Monday. It is do-able.

How I will manage as far as keeping things together, I am not certain.

[Luet]

*hugs for Kirsten*
I wish I could be your personal assistant. That's where I'm a viking!

[Eaquae Legit]

Dear Bob,

The idea of being a parent and a grad student is scary. But the idea of being a parent is really cool!

[locke]

out of curiosity, was Bob the first post of the postmpede announcement?