Writer's Garret

[KennEnder]

Hey Ollie. Sounds pretty good. For a contrast, here's my take on it:

Trey Thorn, his mind still swimming with the last remnants of sleep, managed to concentrate his thought: lights on. Obediently, the room lit up, illuminating his wife, Beth Armstrong, who sat staring at a large wad of unformed wet clay on the pedestal before her. Her arms, sleeved in dried brown silt, hung limply at her side. White gauze enshrouded her head.

"What were you doing sitting in the dark," Trey asked, working himself up onto one elbow. Windows open he thought, and tiny motors hummed to life and the shades drew wide, casting the room into bright sunlight.

[Rei]

Minor question of a technicality (and I'm only drawing from what my sisters have talked about, here) but is it silt or slip?

Otherwise, I found what you wrote made sense, especially if the pattern of using "to think" transitively continues throughout the story. It will seem odd at first, but if it is frequently used, the reader should catch on before too long, I would expect, and have no trouble.

[Luet]

Rei, I think he actually meant "silt", as in "earthy matter, fine sand". Meaning that her arms are covered with the remnants of working with the clay. Not that she had a slip like garment covering her arms.

And Ollie, I like it. I think some of Kenn's suggestions are worth considering too.

[Rei]

Slip is a very thin, muddy liquid which is used when working with clay, especially for joining pieces and sometimes for colour, as well.

[Luet]

Ah, so many different meanings of words! When you said your sisters I naturally assumed a girl's piece of clothing.

[Jayelle]

I think the last names make it a bit awkward. Is there a reason you need to know them in the first line? Also the "his wife" bit is awkward as well. I would say either her name or refer to her simply as "his wife" and tell her name later on.

"He thought the windows open and they did" The implication here is "they did open" which doesn't make grammatical sense. Maybe you meant "AS they did, tiny motors..."

The sentence about Beth is alot of telling and not showing. I'm just placed in the room and told "this is here, that is there", I'd rather see the characters interact with it.

[Oliver Dale]

Thanks for the feedback guys. As this is a rough draft and will most likely be reworked a few times, I'm not going to address the line edits so much. Basically, I'm relieved to know that the science fictional elements weren't too confusing.

[Rei]

Ah, so many different meanings of words! When you said your sisters I naturally assumed a girl's piece of clothing.

Heheheh, no. They're just far more willing to play with mud than I am.

[Oliver Dale]

Hi all. Forgive the following shameless self-pimpery. In an effort to gain publicity for their upcoming anthology, IGMS has made one story from the first four issues of the magazine free. My story was picked for issue three. So if you didn't want to fork over the $2.50 to read it the first time, you can check it out now and then tell your friends what a crappy hack I am.

http://www.intergalacticmedicineshow.co ... ticle=_004

Oh, check out the other three stories too. Good stuff (I think).

[NWS]

ScottR had previously provided pimpage for you, but when I checked on the 15, there was still no link to the full text. Thanks, Ollie!

[Mich]

Managed to read yours before class this morning, Ollie, and what can I say. I mean, damn.

Pretty durn good, yurp.

Don't really know what to say besides the norm. Good imagery, slight foreshadowing, you allow the reader to figure things out for themselves. I think you stayed away from adverbs, which I'm a big proponent of, and shows your strength as a writer. And characters that aren't annoying! Something I seldom see enough of, anymore, especially in a short story.

[NWS]

I would venture to heap praise upon you, but what could I say that would be better than actually getting published?

[Young Val]

YAY OLLIE!

[Syphon the Sun]

Too bad Scott himself didn't pick the story. Anyway, I read it when it was released. Loved it. A female friend of mine insisted that she would, at some point, make babies with you and Tim Pratt.

[Young Val]

*bump*

For the first time in 2+ years I am actively working on a new piece of fiction. By fiction, I mean a novel. It is completely out of my comfort zone in every possible way. I'm struggling, with names, with the voice, with the intricacies of the plot...but I haven't felt this DRIVEN to write in ages. It's absolutely breath-taking.

Nothing ready to share yet. Mostly just wanted to acknowledge that I'm working on something, and that it feels really right at the moment.

Does anyone else write to a soundtrack? I somehow seem to pick songs that match the mood of what I'm working on. Then I put 'em in a playlist and listen to it while I write. It's never something I do consciously, but it always seems to happen somehow...

[Mich]

*bump*

For the first time in 2+ years I am actively working on a new piece of fiction. By fiction, I mean a novel. It is completely out of my comfort zone in every possible way. I'm struggling, with names, with the voice, with the intricacies of the plot...but I haven't felt this DRIVEN to write in ages. It's absolutely breath-taking.

Nothing ready to share yet. Mostly just wanted to acknowledge that I'm working on something, and that it feels really right at the moment.

Does anyone else write to a soundtrack? I somehow seem to pick songs that match the mood of what I'm working on. Then I put 'em in a playlist and listen to it while I write. It's never something I do consciously, but it always seems to happen somehow...

That's awesome, Kelly! The need to write is so fun when it pops up, even if you have no idea what to write or how to write it. I'm hoping my need stays away until the end of October... last year it popped up mid-August and I had to hold off, and then it was gone by the time NaNoWriMo came around. It was pissed.

And I always write to a soundtrack. I abhor playlists, so I normally start with a song that fits the mood, put it in Party Shuffle (or Genius, now that that's out, I suppose), and then just delete songs that I think won't work. It's a great way to get inspiration. Picking out theme songs for characters is fun, too.

[Oliver Dale]

Good on you, Kelly. I know how it feels to bust a dry spell wide open and stomp gleefully on its remains. Keep it up and let us know how it goes.

Maybe we were drinking the same koolaid, but I just got a big surge myself. Last month I wrote a 17,000 word novelette that I hope to polish up for Writers of the Future. I also dusted off an old short story that I kind of liked, and tweaked it into one that I really like. Now I have to see where I'm gonna send it.

In the meantime, I'm floundering for the next idea. Damn short stories! They expend themselves so quickly. Better luck to you on the novel.

[locke]

I think it's the pweb koolaid because I'm about to bust open a writing drought problem. In my case though, its because living in the place I've been living for the last fifty weeks has been like having a horcrux around my neck draining me of creative energy. Cannot wait to get out into my own place.

The only thing I've really managed to accomplish this last year was a complete edit of my one finished screenplay, and that edit was done over christmas break at home, all I did in my apartment was transfer the red ink changes to the computer file. :-p

There are going to be two big boards on my bedroom wall, one a dry erase board, and the other a peg board. The peg board will give me a graphical way to control flow and scenes, the dry erase board is to keep track of ideas and brainstorm.

Classroom sized boards, I can't wait.

[Oliver Dale]

I have ALWAYS wanted a huge dry-erase board in my house/room. That would be awesome!