Philotic Web

Fill in the blank.

I'm going to start with bank teller because its my summer job.

So. These are the most efficient ways to annoy your local bank teller:
1) Walk up to the teller before filling out your deposit slip, and then take forever filling it out when there are people behind you who are already ready.
2) Ask for the balance on your reciept after the teller has already processed everything
3) If your bank has a drive-thru, always push the call-for-attention button. Its really only there in case you have a question, not just to make sure you're attended to, because the tube coming up makes a big enough noise to alert the teller to your presence. And, sometimes there is a long line INSIDE the bank and it takes awhile to process your order, this does not necessarily mean you're forgotten. So, don't forget, ALWAYS ring the call button to bug your teller.
4) If you're getting cash, ask if they're sure they gave you the right amount before even double checking yourself.
5) Forget your checkbook and then fill out a savings withdrawal form for your checking account.
6) If you're cashing half a check and depositing the other, only write the amount you're depositing on the slip instead of writing the entire amount, the cash back, and then the deposited amount.

I'm sure I'll think of more later and edit them in. Meanwhile, make your own lists!

So apparently I'm incapable of coming up with multiple things per category, but whatever.

There are some things that I've just heard; I'm not actually in a position to say how annoying they are.

...email user:

-- Always, after sending an email to a single person, physically go to that person to verify that they received your email, less than five minutes after you sent it.
-- Use Outlook. Bonus points: make your employees use Outlook, if applicable.

...computer science major:

-- Ask "My computer is doing this funny thing, could you look at it?"
-- Ask ALL THE TIME "So, can you like hack stuff?"

...math major:

-- "Oh, I'm the worst person in the world at math."

...vegetarian:

-- "I could never be a vegetarian, I just love <meal> so much."

The Most Efficient Ways to Annoy a Pregnant Woman:

1. Never do exactly what she wants, exactly when she wants it done, especially if she's never even asked for it to be done. (That sentence probably only makes sense to a pregnant woman! But seriously! Read my mind, already, husbandman!)
2. Breathe in her face.
3. Relate how your *insert relation here* had so much worse of a pregnancy. Also, relate how *insert relation here* did childbirth all natural, and maybe she should try it that way this time (never mind the fact that *relation* was only in labor for a total of 7 hours, and she was in labor for 20 hours before having an emergency c-section.
4. Look at her at just the wrong moment.
5. Complain about how tired/sore/uncomfortable you are.
6. Eat the last *whatever.*
7. Make sure the couches and chairs are all full at parties/gatherings, so that she has to awkwardly stand there, or sit uncomfortably on the floor.
8. Never offer to massage her.
9. Stink up the bathroom right before she needs to use it. This will guarantee that she will have to throw up as well as pee!
10. Eat things that are nausea triggers.
11. Tell her to "get over it."
12. Pretty much anything. Depending on the day. And the time of day. And how recently she has eaten/thrown up/peed/taken a nap.

The most efficient way to annoy a linguist...

1. Claiming that women talk more than men
2. Saying anything about the number of words Eskimos have for snow
3. Upon learning that you are a linguistics major: "So, how many languages do you know?"
4. Claiming that splitting infinitives and ending a sentences with prepositions is automatically wrong (or any other prescriptivist BS)

The most efficient way to annoy a psychologist-in-training

1. Asking, "So, are you analyzing me right now?"
2. Upon being introduced, saying, "Oh, I hate counselors."

3. Assuming I'm Freudian

4. Assuming I'm behaviorist

5. Asking me when I'm going to be done with my program/dissertation.

6. Asking me where I'm going to be when I'm done.

7. Asking me to tell stories about clients.

8. Using me as a therapist.

9. Telling me about your crazy aunt Hilda and her bout with bipolar/schizophrenia/etc. and how the doctors didn't really help her at all (or how they did, but in the meantime trying to get me to agree that she was just totally crazy and we shouldn't coddle people like that).

10. Telling me how worthless my degree is in general.

Most efficient ways to annoy a library assistant:

1. Refer to everyone who works there as a "Librarian"
2. Get annoyed at having to have a library card
3. Yell about fines, especially the $0.70 ones.
4. Tell long complicated stories about what books you're checking out
5. Tell long stories and recommendations about the books you're returning
6. Don't believe the library workers when they tell you the library does not have wireless.
7. Complain to the staff about the layout of the building
8. Leave 300 sticky tabs in your book when returning it
9. Find the oddest thing in your house (lettuce leaf, cigarette, passport, bandaid)and use it as a bookmark, then leave it in the book when you put it though the return slot.
10. Return all your Blockbuster movies to the library and all your library books to Blockbuster

A... lettuce leaf...?

Wow.

4. Claiming that splitting infinitives and ending a sentences with prepositions is automatically wrong (or any other prescriptivist BS)

Yay, that's not always wrong? Sometimes not splitting an infinitive seems so... not right, but I always try to avoid splittage because I was told it was incorrect...

A... lettuce leaf...?

Wow.

PASSPORT! Who leaves thier passport in a book??!!

The Most Efficient Ways to Annoy a Sonic-Drive In worker.

1. Order a couple dozen shakes, and then complain about how long it took.
2. Push the button, and when no one answers right away, drive to a different stall, so by the time I'm taking their order, they are in a different stall still waiting. And then they complain about it.
3. Pay entirely with pennies. Unrolled pennies.
4. Don't turn off your diesel engine when placing an order.
5. Come a minute before we close and order twenty dollars worth of food. Actually, anything more than drinks.
6. Change everything after placing an order.
7. If your food is late just drive away instead of telling us not to make it.
8. If your food is late, dump it on your carhop.
9. And then tell them, "No wonder you can't get a real job.
10. Accuse the person helping you of poor math skills, when you don't even know what you're talking about. Especially if the worker can calculate derivitives of circles around you.


The Most Efficient Ways to Annoy your Yard-Care worker.

1. Say, "it sure is hot out here!"
2. Ask for extra work to be done.
3. Blame them for your lawn dying when you don't follow their watering instructions.
4. Call your lawn "white trash" when you've got the best house in the neighborhood. Probably even the whole city.
5. Pay them late.
6. Pay them half the bill, since you didn't think they did as good a job as you wanted.
7. Don't pay them at all.
8. Call their work garbage, and then ask for extra projects to be put on the top of their priority list.
9. Ask them to do something without checking to see if it was already done.
10. In the middle of the season, decide to call them up to begin service once your grass is knee-high.


The Most Efficient Ways to Annoy a Missionary.

1. Instead of saying "We're not interested," Pretend you're not home.
2. Or, say "just a minute," then go and hide.
3. Say, "come back at such-a-such time" and be gone at that time.
4. After a first appointment, agree to a second. Then vanish off the face of the earth. And to top it off, have a friend accuse them of harrasment when they repetedly fail to contact you.
5. Bring your pastor to your return appointment.
6. Say, "it sure is hot out here!"
7. Say, "it sure is cold out here!"
8. Argue against something that they don't even believe in.
9. Use arguments that can be just as easily used against yourself.
10. Start an argument across the street while you're stopped at a red light.


Do I get annoyed pretty easy, or what?

A... lettuce leaf...?

Wow.

PASSPORT! Who leaves thier passport in a book??!!

I guess I was thinking that if a person loses a passport, it's only their concern. Sticking a lettuce leaf in a book, though, wouldn't that ruin the pages?

Yay, that's not always wrong? Sometimes not splitting an infinitive seems so... not right, but I always try to avoid splittage because I was told it was incorrect...

Sometimes the only way to make the point you are trying to make is to split an infinitive. There's nothing wrong with doing it, unless you don't actually understand how English syntax actually works (i.e., most people).

Am I dumb because I had to look up exactly what a split infinitive is?

Am I dumber because I used wikipedia?

The Most Efficient Ways to Annoy a Teacher:

1. Refuse to do any work all year long and repeatedly, and loudly, complain about failing. In fact, just the sitting like a lump in a log is enough to irritate.

2. Lie to your parents about something your teacher said or did to get out of trouble.

3. Wait until the day or two before grades are due to ask, "What can I do to improve my grade?"

4. Take instructions literally, e.g. "Take a seat" followed by the smartass grabbing their desk and starting to walk out with it.

5. Scream in the hallway over any little thing.

6. Show up late for no good reason.

7. Complain that you'll never need this subject in life.

8. Tell you, quite matter of factly, that "I'd learn if you'd teach!"

9. Act as though you know everything and have nothing left to learn.

10. Act surprised when caught very obviously doing something or saying something that shouldn't have been done or said. "Like, whoa-my-god, you're not deaf, dumb and blind?!"

Most efficient way so far I've found to annoy (or piss off) a linguist: claim that a minority language is a dialect of the majority language when it's not, and when corrected, ask who gives a s***.

Oooh, I'm still twitching after that one.

wizzard's last two are up there on my list too. Along with blank looks when you try to explain phonology.

I'm going to add a couple to my previous list of how to annoy a linguist:

5. Claim that animals communicate, therefore animals have language.

6. Trying to assert that a word means something based on its etymology. Words mean whatever we use them to mean, people!

5. Claim that animals communicate, therefore animals have language.

Guh! Yes! I respect that some scientists believe that they do, but I am not one of them, and most people who say that are just making assumptions.

Words mean whatever we use them to mean, people!

you keep using that word.... i do not think it means what you think it means....







someone had to.

Words mean whatever we use them to mean, people!

Oh, thank you. Someone else, and an official linguist, to boot.

Top ways to annoy any kind of food-service person:

1. Come in just before closing and then not only act impatient but also expect service that is fully ready to serve you and just as perky as at opening.

2. Act like you couldn't have come in twenty minutes before when business had been dead for an hour and the workers hadn't yet decided to start closing early.

3. Order something slightly complicated, repeat it twice, have multiple witnesses, then call up later and expect a free food item in exchange for your "mistake" food item.

4. Overall, don't sympathize ever.

In my experience, a number one way to annoy a Jew is try to tell them that Hebrew was a dead language before being recently revived. Just do it from a safe distance.

The most efficient ways to give assholes like me ammunition:

1. All of the above.

...knowledgeable computer user:

-- Keep calling '/' a backslash or dash, and '-' or '\' a slash. Especially when speaking URLs out-loud ("aitch tee tee pee colon backslash backslash").

Seriously, I don't know how the incorrect name for '/' has become so widespread. It was given an intuitive name! '\' is falling back, hence, backslash!

...a linguist:

In the X language, pronounce 'a' as in father.

ARGH!!!

*mutters about how IPA should be taught standard in schools, maybe when teaching dictionary usage, and always used in every pronunciation guide*

a Nurse....

Complain bitterly about the nurse this morning who, would not do this or that for you, would you please do this or that? (as this is the 'nurse this morning', to whom you NEVER made any such request.)

Inform the nurse you know YOUR DOCTOR would have NEVER ordered such a thing (he did).

Tell your nurse she "scraped the numbers off" a tylenol and gave you that instead of your Percocet.

Scream incessantly at the top of your lungs (while holding your call light) and tell her when she arrives, panic stricken........that you can't breathe.

Tell her you have to "catch my breath" before you can take your nebulizer or rescue inhaler.

Argue with her when you ask what med X is for.

Ring your call light (for an alert and oriented patient) and yell "NURSE OOOOOOOOOO NURSEY!), then when she gets in there, say "when I get a shower tomorrow, can someone cut my nails?"

be a 21 year old great NIECE of a patient and refuse to leave the room when asked to so that your 89 year old great uncle can get his diaper cleaned, get undressed and put to bed. (until the DON comes and re-explains the patient's right to privacy and dignity)

I got this from the late comedian Mitch Hedburg:

Things to say to annoy a racecar driver if you're ever a passenger:
1) "Say, man, can I turn on the radio?"
2) "You should slow down."
3) "Why we gotta keep going in circles?"
4) "You really like Tide."


I'd do the teacher one since I'm a substitute teacher, but someone's already done it.

Uh...past summer job...worker at an amusement park:

1) Asking someone who is not in rides if a certain ride is open.
2) Asking where something is, even if you can see it over the buildings and trees.
3) Coming in wet and handing wet money over.
4) Going into the stores and fiddling with things when you know you don't have any money.
5) Using the store as a short cut to get somewhere else. (This used to piss me off all the time.)


Edit: Well, it is a bit different, so here goes...

Substitute Teacher:
1) Talking while the sub is saying something.
2) Assuming you don't know anything because you're not the actual teacher.
3) Telling the sub that that isn't the way their teacher does things. (Usually, they say "Well, Ms. X let us" and I snap back, "I'm not Ms. X!")
4) Not doing something after sub says to do it several times and then gets snappy about it later on.
5) Arguing with the sub. I'm sure teachers get this, but I find when I punish someone, they tend to come back and tell me they didn't do anything. One time, I told a pair of girls who were fussing at each other all day that I would leave a note for their teacher regarding this and one girl started crying and a group of girls tried to tell me off for this, so I told them that I know what I saw and heard and would report that and if they didn't want me to report them, they'd leave me alone about it.
6) When other teachers or staff comes in and has to yell at the kids. (That's embarrassing.)

6) When other teachers or staff comes in and has to yell at the kids. (That's embarrassing.)

That embarrasses us, too, when we come back to a report that states that happened.

Are you speaking as the yeller or the one whose class got yelled at?

Both?

We have teams, in which 5 teachers share the same 150 or so kids. If I'm yelling at some other class, they're still technically my students.

Another to add to Mich's food service personel

- Ask an employee clearly on break if they can get you something from behind the counter.

Another to add to Mich's food service personel

- Ask an employee clearly on break if they can get you something from behind the counter.

I would agree, but when I'm on break, I stay out of sight. It makes it that much clearer.

Alea, is that you in your avatar? Because it's a really pretty picture.

Alea, is that you in your avatar? Because it's a really pretty picture.

I'd say it's more a merit of the model than of the picture itself

It is her, and I just have to add that I think it's beautiful also.

Here are more than a hundred ways to annoy a Lord Voldemort:http://www.mugglenet.com/funlists/123waystoannoy.shtml-all of them written by people OTHER than me.
Enjoy.

Fred answered for me; yes, that's me and thank you, kindly.

... Photo tech:

1. Ask if you can get your 8 rolls of film finished in an hour.
2. Complain when we're too busy to get your film done in an hour (it's first come, first served. Deal with it!).
2a. Claim false advertising when we can't get your pictures done in an hour when you want 1 hour processing.
3. B*tch when your pictures look like crap (I can't be held responsible if you don't know how to use your flash).
4. Demand your pictures for free when they're 2 minutes late.
5. Come in 15 minutes early then whine when your pictures aren't done (they'll be done at 1, not 12:45!!).
6. "Well, so-and-so said they'd be done early!" (Don't care. There was a paper jam, so deal with it.)