My Life in a Literary Agency

[Jebus]

THE PLANET IS EXPLODING AS I WRITE THIS! POOR CHOICE OF FINAL ACTIONS, I KNOW, BUT LOVED ONES UNREACHABLE!

[Young Val]

Jebus wins--I cracked a smile.


To reduce the somewhat cryptic nature of the post I wrote earlier (though that can't be helped--I was/am in shock, still) here's a brief rundown of what's happened so far on "Black Wednesday" as every publishing blog/rag is calling it:

Random House: kills ALL IMPRINTS but RH, Crown and Knopf today

Thomas Nelson: lays off 50% of its team today

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt: frozen on new acquisitions indefinitely, PUBLISHER Becky Saletan has quit today, 25% of staff laid off today

Simon & Schuster: eliminates at least 35 positions today (Simon Children's president Rick Richter has resigned today)


It's total chaos. I mean TOTAL chaos at work right now. These are massive massive changes and they're all for the bad. There have been signs leading up to it all last month (Penguin's got out a hiring freeze; Ginee Seo was sacked from S&S) but no one expected anything like this. And certainly not all in one day.

Houghton Mifflin Harcourt is essentially done. They'll have to be bought out (money right now is on the French). Random House is a MESS. S&S is basically empty.

These names/imprints might not mean much to those not in the know, but please believe em when I say that this is a serious industry collapse. And it doesn't look like it's over.

[Jebus]

Meh, I was tired of reading books anyway. Too many descriptions and not enough special effects.

The written word is so last century.

[Jayelle]

How does this effect you, Kelly? Is your job on the line here?

*sends good vibes*

[Jebus]

Oh yea, well I suppose that would suck if Kelly loses her job.

If you do get the boot, Kels, I might have a job for you that could really put your skills to the test, it's very challenging, but very rewarding as well.

I'd need your measurements for the french maid outfit first, though.

[Oliver Dale]

I saw this on Andrew Wheeler's blog:
http://antickmusings.blogspot.com/2008/ ... shing.html

Not a great time to be an aspiring author, eh? Or, I suppose, an aspiring agent.

[Young Val]

Bloodbath is right.

My job, Jayelle, is not quite on the line...but I don't exactly have any job security, either.

There are only 12 people that work in my entire company (counting the receptionist) and while I'm a very recent hire, there are two other girls on my staffing level that arrived after I did.

Agencies in general won't be hit by these problems for a few months, at least. Not until the publishers stop buying books. Agencies are more efficient to run, monetarily. But there will undoubtedly be job cuts and the already fierce competition for work in this industry has very clearly just become even more competitive.

I think I'll be alright, even when this side of the fence does start to make cuts. I do great work here, and think I'm appreciated. Will I get my raise that I'm supposed to get after Christmas? Nope. Will I get a holiday bonus? I think it's safe to say that the possibility is laughable.

I'm already working for less than table scraps (I've got three years of professional experience under my belt and a whole truckload on internships and I'm making....under 30K a year. In one of the most expensive cities in the world. It sucks).

It's a very sobering time to be in publishing. I'm basically just keeping my fingers crossed.

[locke]

page 3?!

but the bump because I saw the the NYT is sympathetic to Kelly's situation. they just ran an article of how hard it is to live in NYC when you only make $500,000 a year.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/08/fashi ... ml?_r=1&em

[Young Val]

I saw that headline and couldn't even read the article. It makes me nauseous.

[Oliver Dale]

Interesting usage note, taken from the pages of dictionary.com:

Usage Note: Traditional critics have insisted that nauseous is properly used only to mean "causing nausea" and that it is incorrect to use it to mean "affected with nausea," as in Roller coasters make me nauseous. In this example, nauseated is preferred by 72 percent of the Usage Panel. Curiously, though, 88 percent of the Panelists prefer using nauseating in the sentence The children looked a little green from too many candy apples and nauseating (not nauseous) rides. Since there is a lot of evidence to show that nauseous is widely used to mean "feeling sick," it appears that people use nauseous mainly in the sense in which it is considered incorrect. In its "correct" sense it is being supplanted by nauseating.

[Young Val]

Well, we can add Harper Collins to the list of major publishers that are completely crumbling. Huge layoffs today. Huge.

Hardly any of my friends in the industry have jobs any longer. I'm beginning to panic.

[Eddie Pinz]

Yikes! I hope all these cuts won't effect you.

Stupid economy...

*grumbles*

[Young Val]

This phone conversation just happened between me and Shepard Rifkin (author of THE MURDER VINE and also honestly about 103 years old. And essentially deaf).

SR: Hello?
me: Hello, This is Kelly Riley from Harold Ober Associates, calling for Shepard Rifkin.
SR: I don't want any.
me: Mr. Rifkin?
SR: I don't want any!
me: Mr. Rifkin, I'm not selling anything.
SR: I don't accept sales calls!
me: Mr. Rifkin, I'M NOT SELLING ANYTHING. I'm calling about--
SR: I don't care WHAT you're calling about! I DON'T WANT ANY.
me: I'm calling about your book, "The Murder Vine." There's been an offer--
SR: Call my agent to talk about the book!
me: Mr. Rifkin, this IS your agency. I'm with Harold Ober Associates.
SR: Yes! Harold Ober! Talk to them!
me: I WORK at Harold Ober, sir. This IS Harold Ober. We're calling because we have a film offer for the book.
SR: I DON'T WANT ANY! I DON'T ACCEPT SALES CALLS.
me: I swear I'm not selling anything. I promise. We've had an offer for film rights for your book. Someone wants to make a movie version of "The Murder Vine." I'm just calling to get your consent to proceed with the offer.
SR: What?
me: Yes!
SR: I prefer to conduct all business by mail. Write me a letter with the details.
::::::::click::::::::


ETA: It's public record that Harold Ober Associates represents Shepard Rifkin, and that he wrote a book called THE MURDER VINE which we also represent. If someone were to call to ask about the rights to the book, they would be told whether or not it was currently under option as that information is also available to the public. Since I have not disclosed the other party to the deal, any specific details about the deal, or any personal contact information for Mr. Rifkin, this is not a violation of any of my company's privacy policies. My name has been put up here before, and appears elsewhere on the web, and I've made no secret of my place of employment. So, although many of you seem to be concerned on my behalf, rest assured that I'm not concerned, and will not get into any trouble for posting the above exchange. Love you guys, but geez!

[Oliver Dale]

Omigawd....

I think my reply would have been more along the lines of: "Holy Hell, woman! Yes yes yes yes! Do it!"

[Young Val]

Not only am I now a regular fixture in the publishing after-hours cocktail scene, I am officially a raffle winner. (David won the raffle, too, that same night. We are lucky).

Article for those interested. Video and unflattering photograph of me!

http://blog.shankbone.org/2009/04/02/li ... e-network/



also, I have a job offer from JANET REID.

[Gravity Defier]

also, I have a job offer from JANET REID.

I'm not sure who she is but I assume she's someone important; that aside, a job offer! Congratulations.

This is the part where I don't want to be rude but definitely want to hear all about this since I don't remember you mentioning too much to Bob.

[Mich]

Article for those interested. Video and unflattering photograph of me!

Oh, pish tosh! You won the sweet bag and it's all yours, so clutch it greedily if you want to!

[elfprince13]

hehehehe, I was really confused, because the first time I looked at that article I only saw the first picture.....

[Dr. Mobius]

What, you didn't hear? Kelly shaved her head and grew a mustache.

[Young Val]

so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, SO:

I'm in talks with Fine Print. I don't want to jinx anything, truly I don't. So I can't say more at the moment.

I'll just say that assuming things go well I'll be starting the (long) process of becoming a certified member of the AAR.

[Oliver Dale]

Good luck!

[Mich]

THAT is a sweet deal. Good luck, Kelly.

[Young Val]

On June 1, 2009 I will be joining Fine Print Literary Management as their Director of Subrights. I will also officially be an agent and will start building my own list and selling from day one.

Ollie, you'd best be wrapping up your manuscript as we speak.

[Rei]

Awesome, Kelly!

[steph]

YYYAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

[Oliver Dale]

AHHH! Kelly, that is friggen amazing! Good on you, girl! Damn! Next time I'm in NYC (hopefully soon??) drinks are on me! And.. umm.. not like the last time when I ended up puking on a curb and my best friend's purse got stolen.

But tell us some more.. what areas are you going to be concentrating on? Will you be focusing on a particular genre or market?

[Eddie Pinz]

That's awesome Kel. Congrats!

[locke]

I will also add to the chorus.

Freaking awesome, Kelly!

[daPyr0x]

Congratulations Kel! That's awesome news!

[Jebus]

Congrats Kelly!

I have a few stories I expect published too. And I don't to hear any "but these are terrible", or "this is just the Bible except you've substituted every occurence of Jesus' name for your own", or "no wants a book full of naked pictures of you", cause I'm really tired of hearing that kinda stuff about my work.

[Young Val]

The job fell through. f*** my life.

[Jebus]

That f****** sucks Kels.

[Mich]

Aw, man, Kelly. I'm sorry.

[starlooker]

Damnit! I'm so sorry.

[Oliver Dale]

That really does suck, Kelly. But don't fret it too much. Bigger and better is out there for you.