Hello again, Pweb...may I request some advice?

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Hello again, Pweb...may I request some advice?

Postby luminousnerd » Sun Apr 22, 2007 1:51 pm

I've been away from Pweb for quite a while now...I'm not sure what happened, I just sort of stopped visiting. I don't think many people missed me too much, which is fine, I was a bit of a dick at times.

Anyway, I'm about to make myself sound really pathetic..well..I am really pathetic right now. And I'm posting on a forum for advice...just to make me more of a loser.

There's a girl named Rhebecca who goes to my school. Not sure if you guys have seen my photos (I think I posted some a long time ago), but I'm overweight and not an attractive person at all. Rhebecca is revered in my school as one of the most attractive girls.

I started paying attention to her when she's with her friends, and the more I see what an amazing person she is, the more I'm attracted to her. She's an amazing person all around...I couldn't stop thinking about her. So I asked her out the other day...and she said yes, and hugged me right off the bat.

I don't really know what's normal for a date, or any of this madness. My only date was when I was 12. So maybe I'm freaking out over nothing...but so many weird things have happened. At Telos Awards (awards my school gives out as it is a film-oriented high school), she was at the entrance giving raffle tickets to people, and when I walked through, she didn't give me a ticket; she didn't even notice me at all.

A fluke...perhaps...she turned away just before I entered, and she hadn't seen me approach...maybe she just didn't see me. But it's got me worried. So after Telos (an excruciating few hours I might add, even though I won in best comedic short, I was and still am too out of it to care about that) I insisted to myself that I need to talk to her...

I do so, and am informed that she has to babysit when we planned our date, so it's going to be until the weekend after that. I just can't handle two more weeks of what I've been experiencing for the last few days! I can't do it!

I had to talk to her, I couldn't handle just pretending she wasn't there until the date (which is pretty much what had happened up to this point)...so I asked her if it's okay for me to call her "just to talk"...and she said yes to that (though she can't talk after 9).

I called her yesterday, and she was busy, and she said she'd call me "later". She hasn't.

Does "later" mean that day? Would it still be "later" if she called me today or tomorrow? Am I supposed to call again if she doesn't call back? Does the not calling constitute a form of standing me up? Is the delay of the date just an excuse to postpone misery?

I know you guys can't really answer some, but I can't think about ANYTHING else, I _literally_ can't eat (which is unheard of)...I have a sick feeling constantly, even in my sleep it doesn't go away. Every hour that goes by feels like a day...this really is insane. It's all the stuff they show in the movies and describe in the books, that I always thought was ridiculous and exaggerated.

I need help! I have so many questions, you guys aren't her, so I know...you can't answer them. But..maybe your speculation could bring me some peace...or at least give me something to do.
Knowledge is bliss. Ignorance just doesn't know what bliss means.

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Postby Jebus » Sun Apr 22, 2007 3:16 pm

Ok, what you need to do right now is calm the f*** down. You are going to scare her away and screw up your chances if you haven't already. However hard it is you *must* play it cool. Do not seem desperate, do not seem hurt that you think she's ignoring you. Don't call her for a couple of days at the minimum, and when you do, don't try to analyse what's going on between you two, try as hard as possible to be funny, if she thinks your funny you could well be golden, try to start an interesting discussion that shows how deep you are, but don't bore her, if she sounds bored, make fun of yourself for being too serious, girls like guys who can make fun of themselves.

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Postby luminousnerd » Sun Apr 22, 2007 3:24 pm

What about when I see her Monday? I have a class with her...should I say hi when I see her in class? Should I say anything more than hi? Isn't it abnormal to be "dating" someone and not even talk to them at school?
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Postby Jebus » Sun Apr 22, 2007 3:31 pm

Yes say hi, don't seem distant. Be friendly, but keep playing it cool. You're not actually dating this girl, you have a plan to go out on one date.

If she is ignoring you you still have time to win her over. You need to make her see that going out on that date with you will be enjoyable.

EDIT: And if she apologises for not calling, tell her not to worry about it, but that she still owes you the call.

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Postby Virlomi » Sun Apr 22, 2007 3:37 pm

The thing you're missing is that there is a BIG difference between agreeing to go on a date with someone and "dating" them. You guys haven't really even gotten there yet. I understand being excited about this girl and that's great, but the more anxious and over-exuberant you are about this the more uncomfortable she is going to feel. When something is this new, no matter how hard it is for you you really just HAVE to keep things relaxed, give her lots of space, and in no way seem clingy or possessive. You've really just got to let it happen naturally. By all means say hi, don't ignore her, be friendly, chat for a few minutes if it's really natural and in no way forced, but give her a few days before you do anything at all more than that. Under no circumstances should you call her. If you give it the space to develop on it's own things with evolve naturally.

Good luck!

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Postby luminousnerd » Sun Apr 22, 2007 3:43 pm

Thanks guys...

I know I should be more relaxed about it...but I don't control how I feel about her...the best I can do is try not to seem so over-excited...

Sadly, that leaves me here, looking at the clock, and being amazed that it's only 3:40. And in a few hours I'll look again and be amazed that it's only 3:50. :(
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Postby anonshadow » Sun Apr 22, 2007 4:26 pm

Just try to keep it cool, and keep your mind off it. The biggest mistake a guy can make, imo, is coming on too strong.



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Postby luminousnerd » Sun Apr 22, 2007 4:33 pm

I see.

Well, I really don't think it possible to keep my mind off it, but I'll try my best to seem like I haven't been thinking about her 24/7 for a week.
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Postby mr_thebrain » Sun Apr 22, 2007 5:14 pm

oh and when you see her on monday, don't go out of your way to say hi... you may well feel embarrassed and either not have anything to say, or stumble over your words, and that's no good. if you sit next to her or whatever, sure, whatever say hi. but if she's across the room and you actually have to make an effort to go over there just to say hi... well that's a little silly. like jebus said (and omg, i can't believe i'm actually agreeing with jebus!) play it kool.

when's the date? any ideas of where you'll take her?

oh, big thing... try to avoid meeting up with her friends and or your friends.... at least not on the first date. girls in groups are harsh... HARSH especially at younger ages.

anyway, the most important thing is to just relax. wing it if you can. plan where you go, but don't plan conversation or topics or anything. just go with the flow. get her laughing if you can. show her some fun. take her mini-golfing or what the hell ever. take her to dinner. avoid dinner and a movie cliche.

play your cards right and you'll be knee deep in coochie.
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Postby luminousnerd » Sun Apr 22, 2007 5:57 pm

The date is weekend after next...was supposed to be next weekend, but she said she had to babysit. I'm taking her to dinner and then to the Pink Floyd light show (she loves Pink Floyd and basically has the same taste as me in music) at Clark Planetarium. It's not a movie, but is it too much like one? Anyway I already told her, so it's probably too late to change...

And I would never do a group date unless I was well into the relationship...I think they're lame unless you all know eachother and even then it's not really a "date" imo. But yeah, it's just me and her.

I have been thinking of conversations, and things to say, but they are for use only in the event of an awkward silence...because those suck.

anyway, the most important thing is to just relax. wing it if you can. plan where you go, but don't plan conversation or topics or anything. just go with the flow. get her laughing if you can. show her some fun. take her mini-golfing or what the hell ever. take her to dinner. avoid dinner and a movie cliche.

And as for the coochie...that's not really what I'm after.
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Postby mr_thebrain » Sun Apr 22, 2007 6:09 pm

well it should be! heh.

and the pink floyd light show is a good idea. actually it's a fricking kool thing to go to. well played.

i really wasn't talking about a group date i was more thinking something along the lines of her seeing friends and wanting them to tag along... or her asking if you want to go hang with her friends. whatever. things like that happen and they never go well.
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Postby luminousnerd » Sun Apr 22, 2007 6:13 pm

Oh I see what you mean...yeah..hopefully that doesn't happen. I hadn't even thought about it really.

Other than scoping them out and avoiding them, what should I do to keep her from asking friends along? Wouldn't I be a jackass to say know if she asks that?
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Postby powerfulcheese04 » Sun Apr 22, 2007 6:24 pm

My advice:

Chill out. Take it down like.. 10 notches. The freak out obsession thing is not attractive even a little. Huge turn off, in fact. It's ok to be excited and enamoured, but tone it down... scary isn't good.

Also, stop over analyzing everything.

Next, don't call her. You called her once and she's supposed to call you back.

If it's natural to say hi to her, do. But don't go stand awkwardly by her desk and try to have a conversation. It's just weird. Trust me.

At some point this week, you should find her or call her and double check on the date thing. But come at her with some details. Something like "So, for our date this weekend I was thinking about going (place) around (time)."

Pick a place that is informal and relaxed. Good places for things like this is mini-golf, parks, zoos, museums. Dinner and a movie, while the stereotypical date thing is actually a little awkward, in my experience.

If she asks if her friends can come, it means that she's thinking you're a little weird and she's unsure about the whole thing, so she wants them there to rescue her if the date takes a nosedive. At least, that's what I meant when I wanted friends along. (If the date is going badly, they'll start to sort of swoop in and get between you, but if it's going well, you'll notice that they'll probably start to fade away a little and leave you guys alone. At least in my experience.)



Good luck.

And remember, chill out.
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Postby luminousnerd » Sun Apr 22, 2007 6:42 pm

I'm really not so over-excited when I talk to her...I mean, I'm a decent actor..I can hide it. But I don't know how to change what goes on behind the scenes (aka in my brain). I know it's not attractive, hence me trying to hide it, but yet trying to hide it makes it that much more...active.

If I don't say hi or anything to her, I feel like I'm ignoring her, and like she's ignoring me because I kind of expected her to say hi...but this is normal, no talk, unless we cross paths?

Our date's not until weekend after next, should I still call her about it this week? Or days before the date? We still don't know the time or specific day, nor where we're eating. We know we're going to the Pink Floyd Light Show, but that's it.
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Postby starlooker » Sun Apr 22, 2007 7:07 pm

Do not call her this week. Calling her this week saying, "For our date in two weeks, I was thinking we could go ____" would be creepyish. I'd say three days in advance, maybe.

Quit worrying as to whether or not this is "normal." You can't control her feelings about you or about interacting with you, so why worry about it and make yourself miserable? You've got plenty of time to win her over, as long as you make up your mind to take that time and not rush things. Just accept the situation as is and, as Jebus says, play it cool.

Frankly, given your state of mind, any thought you have as to an excuse or reason to go out of your way to interact with her should be treated with extreme suspicion on your part. Or just squash it outright like a mosquito.

Also, plan times to worry about it. Make time in your schedule to obsess. Fifteen minutes a day or something. And then do your best to stick to that. Seriously. That way, when you're doing other things and obsessing, you can remind yourself that you are going to be obsessing about it later. You're absolutely right that trying NOT to think about something just increases the likelihood you'll think about it, so if you're thinking about it on unscheduled time, accept that you're thinking about it and then go on to something else.
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Postby luminousnerd » Sun Apr 22, 2007 7:40 pm

I just want to talk with her for the purpose of talking, but I guess if that's going to happen, it will be her calling me. The invitation's already there I suppose.

One reason I'm so worried about it being normal is because I don't want to do anything abnormal and screw this up.

The other reason I'm so worried is because I want to know what it means. I mean, if you say you're going to call someone, and you don't, is that trying to give me a hint? And the fact that she didn't notice me at all at Telos makes me sad.

I don't have to worry too much about going out of my way to approach her and freaking her out, because that's one of the most difficult things I've ever done, and I've done it twice, and it was harder the second time. So I doubt I'm going to absent-mindedly find myself talking to her :) More worrisome I think is feeling to her like I'm going out of my way NOT to talk to her.

As far as planning times to worry about it, I don't think that would be very effective given that she's in the back of my mind no matter what, and that swirly queezy feeling is always in the back of my throat, no matter what I'm doing, even if the "words" in my brain aren't directly related to her.

Thanks all for talking this out with me, and the advice, it is appreciated. The advice has been helpful and it has made this day [in which I had nothing at all planned] a lot less boring than I suspect it might have been.

And thanks for not mocking me and calling me a homo like the people I was doing an instance with in WoW did :P
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Postby Young Val » Sun Apr 22, 2007 7:55 pm

look, as a girl who over-analyzes the f*** out of EVERYTHING, i totally sympathize.

i'm still very much in love with my ex and spent a majority of my time trying to figure out the hidden message behind every little thing he did (or didnt do).

the fact is, it can't be done. you will go crazy if you try to figure out what everything means. you will make yourself sick and you will make yourself miserable. i know, cause, hey: been there, done that.

you need to tone it down, relax, and really just take things one step at a time.

either she has a legitimate excuse for not returning your call, or she doesn't. but you won't find out by obsessing over it.

talk to her if you see her, don't if you don't. the most important thing is to keep it all in perspective, be yourself, and have fun.
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Postby mr_thebrain » Sun Apr 22, 2007 7:56 pm

I mean, if you say you're going to call someone, and you don't, is that trying to give me a hint?
yes, it IS a hint... it's saying "back off and relax, i'm interested... until you start creeping me out with bugging me about this date."
And thanks for not mocking me and calling me a homo like the people I was doing an instance with in WoW did :P
this is a sad commentary on the type of players that play WoW... that being that they are lame kids that think that going on a date with a girl means you're a homo.... wow
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Postby luminousnerd » Sun Apr 22, 2007 8:03 pm

Hehe, no, there are some really cool people on WoW, I just wasn't with them at that point. The people in my guild for example are quite supportive and nice people.

I haven't talked to her all that much for her to think that I'm overbearing..have I? I mean, I asked her out, [and she hugged me, that was amazing], then I called her once to verify details of the date, then I talked to her at Telos, to ask if I could call her, then I called her and she said she was busy. When I asked if I could call her to talk, I said specifically, "Is it okay for me to call just to talk? It's fine if you don't have time or think that's weird". But I guess saying no to that would be wrong..

Now that I type it out, I have talked to her too much..and yet felt like I wasn't talking to her enough, and the opposite was true (that I was a lame date not even talking to her).

Ah well. I'm going to a movie now, hopefully I can actually follow the plot.

I'll try to stop overanalyzing, though I don't know if I can.

Thanks a lot guys. Peace
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Postby zeroguy » Sun Apr 22, 2007 11:58 pm

Just try to keep it cool, and keep your mind off it. The biggest mistake a guy can make, imo, is coming on too strong.
As a guy who has been there (that is, the one coming on too strong), I'm inclined to concur with this. This thread almost makes me wish I had done something similar a few years ago. Maybe you all could have knocked some sense into me then. Oh well.

Anyway, I'd give advice, but you seem to be getting it now. I'll just say that if you overanalyze or act overbearingly or whatever... it looks really really stupid in hindsight.
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Postby luminousnerd » Mon Apr 23, 2007 7:38 am

Yes, now that you remind me, I remember acting very overbearingly a couple of years ago when I was trying to get a girl to go out with me...she never said yes, and I don't blame her. I creep myself out.

I'll keep that in mind here.

Thanks
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Postby luminousnerd » Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:22 pm

Eeehhjj..I hadn't even thought about it...I'm supposed to dress up huh? I haven't dressed up since Easter when I was like 8. What do I do!?
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Postby daPyr0x » Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:28 pm

Suit, tie, cummer bun, the whole shebang.








DUDE CHILL OUT
Just be cool man. Don't overdo it, dress yourself, dress appropriately for where you'll be; and be clean (shave, shower, do your hair however you do it, brush your teeth, all that).
Stop trying to be perfect. Focus on being you; perfect will come.
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Postby Eaquae Legit » Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:29 pm

Dress up? It's not that hard.

Slacks, of a neutral or black colour. I knew a guy once who habitually wore 80s-print pyjama pants around. Don't wear those.

Shirt with buttons. Golf shirt or button-up, doesn't really matter.

Get something you can be reasonably comfortable in. Don't go too formal or wear something uncomfortable - it shows and it's off-putting.

If this is just a normal date (I'm not quite clear), then clean jeans and a clean shirt without holes may be all you need. Overdressing can make you look as silly as underdressing.

Shower. Forego the Axe body spray. Teenage guys seem to be under the illusion that if they STINK TO HIGH HEAVEN it's attractive. It's NOT. Stay AWAY from the scented products. Showering and using deodorant should be enough. Brush your hair. And your teeth. In general, I recommend good hygeine as a way to attract a girl. It's surprisingly underestimated.
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Postby luminousnerd » Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:34 pm

"Clean" is a given...I do all that every day anyway. But all I own is jeans and t-shirts...isn't that too low? Yes, we're going to The Gateway, which is where everyone GETS their jeans and t-shirts. But it's a date...shouldn't I be dressy? What if she is, and I'm not; I'll feel like an imbecile. Then again, what if I do dress up and she's casual? That's fine by me, but then I might make her feel weird...grr.

I shouldn't be worrying about this stuff but I can't help it. I had my mind fairly relaxed, she was still in the background but at least I could concentrate on other things also, and then I think of this, and then I panic about what I'm going to wear...
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Postby luminousnerd » Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:36 pm

If this is just a normal date (I'm not quite clear), then clean jeans and a clean shirt without holes may be all you need. Overdressing can make you look as silly as underdressing.
Uhhhmm...normal? o__O
In general, I recommend good hygeine as a way to attract a girl. It's surprisingly underestimated.
*Sigh* What do you guys take me for anyway? 8)
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Postby daPyr0x » Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:39 pm

I'm gonna be a douche because getting angry at me just might have a sideeffect of making you get a little more manly.

Dude you sound like a f****** woman. Ohhhhmigod what ever will I WEAR? Does this make me look fat? Oh no, my shoes don't match this blouse, I have GOT to change.

Chill.
The f***.
Out.

It doesn't MATTER if you overdress a little. Nor if you underdress a little. Keep it clean, appropriate for where you are, and it don't matter.

But if you're gonna freak out about every little stupid thing. If you're going to look her up and down and think OHMYGOD I HAVE TO GO CHANGE BECAUSE MY SHOES DONT MATCH MY CHANGEPURSE you're not going to have much of a date regardless of how you're dressed.

Nobody cares if you look fat, or if your shoes don't match, or even if you've got a pimple on your cheek. It's all in how you play it. All those dudes walking around in pink shirts KNOW they look like douchebags, but they still get the women because they're not thinking about whether or not they're a douchebag, they're just playing it cool. They're relaxed. They're having a good time. They're friendly. They're likeable.

Chill out.



...
Just don't wear a pink, err, salmon, shirt.
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Postby anonshadow » Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:39 pm

If it's not something more abnormal--say, her birthday, or something--then yes, jeans and a t-shirt really is all you need.

(I would wear jeans and a t-shirt on somebody's birthday, too, but I'm sometimes told that I'm crass and New York.)



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Postby luminousnerd » Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:46 pm

Alright. It doesn't matter, I guess. It's just an excuse to think about it. I just don't want to screw it up over something like that...but hey, if casual is alright...I guess I'll do casual.
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Postby Eaquae Legit » Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:52 pm

In general, I recommend good hygeine as a way to attract a girl. It's surprisingly underestimated.
*Sigh* What do you guys take me for anyway? 8)
Normal?
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Postby luminousnerd » Mon Apr 23, 2007 11:56 pm

It's normal not to shower, not to brush your teeth, not to brush your hair, and not to shave? Where have I been :?:
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Postby Rei » Tue Apr 24, 2007 12:32 am

You would be amazed.
Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point.
~Blaise Pascal


私は。。。誰?

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Postby zeroguy » Tue Apr 24, 2007 2:37 am

Just don't wear a pink, err, salmon, shirt.
REAL MEN WEAR PINK.

Anyway, even if you somehow screw up the outfit, then joke at your own expense and hey, all of a sudden you've got a conversation going. And now you're a guy who can laugh at himself.
If it's not something more abnormal--say, her birthday, or something--then yes, jeans and a t-shirt really is all you need.

(I would wear jeans and a t-shirt on somebody's birthday, too, but I'm sometimes told that I'm crass and New York.)
That's odd... I'd probably be more likely to be more dressed up for a date than a birthday party. "Dressed up" meaning just anything but a t-shirt and jeans, though. Of course, it depends greatly on the setting both the date and party.
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Jebus
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Postby Jebus » Tue Apr 24, 2007 4:41 am

(I would wear jeans and a t-shirt on somebody's birthday, too, but I'm sometimes told that I'm crass and New York.)
So all the effort pays off then?

Lum, pick your favourite casual clothes.

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Postby Sparrowhawk » Tue Apr 24, 2007 5:01 am

So apparently this is the most exciting s*** going on here right now. Wow.
"The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries." - Winston Churchill


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