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Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Wed Sep 07, 2016 9:25 pm
by Luet
Dear you,

I can't believe it's been ten years. Your life has changed so much; married and a new baby. I would love to ask you just one question, to know how thoroughly you believed his lies: will you leave your daughter alone with him as she grows up?

From the outside, I don't think I have changed that much in the last decade. But my core is unrecognizable. I don't trust people, I am hesitant to help others, I don't enjoy socializing, I no longer believe that anyone will stay forever.

Before your friendship, I wasn't missing what I didn't know to miss. I had never had what I ended up having with you. You were my best friend who I could talk to about ANYthing. Up until the end part, I thought it was a pretty even relationship. We both had ups and downs and helped each other through them. I felt like you knew me better than anyone. I never imagined that it would end.

And then it did. I had just lived through what I thought was the most difficult episode of my life. And you had helped me through it. And then in one afternoon, with a viotriolic rant hurled at me, it was over. You switched sides and left my life forever. And THAT turned out to be the most difficult thing that I had to survive.

I didn't know what I was missing until you showed me what could be. And then you left me with a gaping hole. And I have been too wary to ever try to fill it. Sure, I have "friends" and even a "best friend" but nothing that comes close to the depth of our friendship. I will never let it happen. I couldn't survive another loss.

Every year, around this time, I started to fall into a depression. My subconscious picks up hints of the season - back to school sales, county fairs, subtle changes in weather - without me actually registering that the timing means anything. And then I have to figure out why I'm so sad. Oh yeah, this is when she left me. This is the time of year my world fell apart. All of these subconscious cues are reminding me of the mental place I was in then.

So, that is what has been on my mind for the last week or two and what prompted me to write. I'm okay and I'll survive. But you caused more damage than you may ever fully realize.

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Mon Sep 19, 2016 8:39 pm
by steph
*hugs*

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 1:17 am
by TerresaWiggin
Dear You,

I love you so much that I think I sometimes forget how deeply I care about you. It is easy to be caught up in love and forget about the connection. I hope that you always understand that not matter which form our relationship is taking the most important thing to me is our honesty, trust, and compassion. I hope that you never forget that I do not only in love with you, but I also love you as a person and as a friend and as a part of my life. No matter what distance or trials the world may throw at us I hope that we will be able to keep the connection that we have and allow our difficult times to make us stronger and more appreciative of the good times we have together.

Thinking of you :monkey:,
Your Girlfriend

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Sat Sep 24, 2016 1:30 am
by Gravity Defier
Dear You.

Great ass. Let's sleep. I have work in the morning and it's 2:30.

:D

Meeee, sitting right next to yooooouuuu

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Wed Sep 28, 2016 2:51 pm
by starlooker
Dear You,

:D

Me

Dear You,

Oh, sweetie. It's going to be okay. You just have to break it down into its component pieces. Just like you were telling me about behavioral activation. And one more thing. Outlines. Outlines are your friend. Outlines are consistently the reason everyone says I am a good writer. You know what my dissertation was? Outline, fill in, polish. Outline, fill in, polish. I am not an organized person, but I AM an organized writer and you will be, too. The MMPI-2 is going to be a great friend of yours. Just one scale at a time. You can do this.

Also, if you DO NOT want to do something I tell you is optional, please tell me. I know you're Mr. Eager-to-Please Student, but I promise you, I won't think badly of you. I'm proud of you for tackling the MMPI-2, I really am, when you're so used to the RF. But it would really be okay if you didn't want to. I wouldn't make a point of saying, "You don't have to do this" if you, y'know, had to do this.

Your Supervisor

P.S. You also don't have to call me "doctor" as I told you before, but since you can't seem to help yourself, I'll let it be. I'm kind of enjoying it, actually.

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Mon Mar 20, 2017 11:26 pm
by Gravity Defier
Dear You,

I'm assuming that was intentional, given the other thing? Either way, I noticed. And I'm okay with it. Kind of hoping it would go there, ya know? You're both everything and nothing I thought you were, and that is hard to come to terms with.

Me

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Wed Oct 04, 2017 12:10 pm
by Wind Swept
It's been a long time since I've written a cryptic, anonymous letter. Let's see if I've still got it in me!


Dear You,

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHY? WHY DID I DO ANY OF THAT? I didn't expect anyone even remotely like you to actually exist. I was not prepared for how I would respond to having my mind so thoroughly blown. I'm so, so sorry for how I behaved. I've apologized to you directly, but I don't know that it will ever feel like enough. I tried to literally run away from you, and I still continued to be a garbage person from afar. You're amazing. I'm sorry.

Really, really sorry,
:bash:


Dear Poopmoji,

I want to give you a hug for, like, a week straight. Life has been s***** to you recently, and I'm sorry for (indirectly, unintentionally) playing a part in a piece of that s***. I'm also sorry for being too stubborn a realist to give you the validation you were seeking in regards to your job. Will the bullshit be worth it in the long run? Maybe. Probably not. Putting up with it will certainly not guarantee smooth sailing down the road, but I have full confidence you'll figure something out. You're a better person than you credit yourself.

Still hoping you'll reconsider which couch you sit on,
Chris


Dear You,

Get your s*** together. You have perfectly reasonable, achievable goals. Why are you so afraid to start working on them? What has you so paralyzed? Is it that you had some foolish idea in your head that you'd have life figured out by the time you turned 30 because that's how old your parents were when you were born? Can we jump to the end of 30 so you can go back to accepting that it's okay that the only meaning this life has is the meaning you give it, and that it's really perfectly good that you still haven't started and may never start a family of your own? Just go back to bettering yourself. This stagnation sucks. The backpedaling is super frustrating. You can do this. I've seen you do it. Where did your willpower go? Where did it come from in the first place?

Anxious af,
You


Dear phpbb,

Why don't you support emoji? Boo.

Bah,
I'm done

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Sun Nov 19, 2017 9:16 pm
by Gravity Defier
Dear You,

While we never did date, I feel like it was a close call and something the both of us did a really good job of subconsciously fucking up. Probably for the best, given I just heard a song from roughly that time in my life and it reminded me of you/us. It's about abuse.

Me


Dear You,

Did you ever properly apologize? Maybe, but the details are fuzzy and I still feel like you damaged me more than I realized. I think you have always known but didn't/don't want to admit it? Anywho. An apology wouldn't be amiss.

Me


Dear You,

You are my One Day. You were then, you [...], you [...]. The thing of it is, that's not meant romantically or in a positive way. You were this thing I wanted to happen and probably only for me but I think there was something. For you, likely just concern. But if it had, it would have been an epic disaster. The book got it wrong, I think. They always were awful for each other. It would have been miserable.

Me


Dear You,

I was banking on the unknown and unknowable. I was taking a risk, possibly for the wrong reasons but they felt right and sure and true. I had no reason to trust in those feelings, except for knowing, on some level, you were there and listening and being decent for who knows what reason.

But I did trust those feelings, against all reason, and goddamn, look at us now. I love your face. So, so much.

Me

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Sun Dec 31, 2017 5:40 pm
by Gravity Defier
Dear All of You,

I know we're a small, quiet bunch now but you always have a piece of my heart. Always. 14, almost 15, years of companionship - and you gave me the love of my life - makes you rather unforgettable.

Wishing everyone a very happy new year, filled with more joy than 2017 was able to deliver.

:love:

Me

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Sun Dec 31, 2017 10:11 pm
by TerresaWiggin
:stamp: :love:

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Sun Feb 04, 2018 10:42 pm
by Gravity Defier
Dear Ed...You,

Congrats on your team beating the awful Patriots!!

Your old pal

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2018 11:00 pm
by Gravity Defier
Dear You,

I can't really be upset since I'm not surprised. That's just what I've always been to you.

Me

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2019 10:33 pm
by Gravity Defier
Dear You,

Pretty sure I saw something that is no longer here. *hugs* I'm sorry. It all sounds pretty awful and definitely unfair.

:grouphug:

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Mon Apr 01, 2019 1:46 pm
by -Bean
Dear You,
The same you that has always been.
I saw you were on messenger the other day. I almost said something. It's been 12 years since we even spoke, and somehow I still miss you. I know you never saw my replies, my letters to you here, because the last time you logged in was right after everything fell apart. I keep hoping that maybe you'll see these, maybe you'll respond, and we can at least be friends again. Hoping that you won't ever see them cause I wouldn't know what to do if you did.
I finally realized why I ran, why I got so scared and angry, so hurt and felt so betrayed. Put a word to what happened all those years ago. It's an ugly word, but it fits.

You raped me.

It didn't start off as such, but in the end I said stop and you didn't. I said get off and you locked down. I no longer consented and you didn't accept or respect that.
It took me 10 years of introspection and a counselor to whom I told our story, for me to get to that word.
It's why I couldn't talk to you for so many years. It's why I'm still afraid to do so.
I loved you so much it hurt.
I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you.
And one moment, an instant really, ruined all of that. And ruined me too. I have been emotionally stunted ever since, I don't FEEL in the same way that I used to, and every road of thought I travel to figure out why leads me back to that moment.

This is not an accusation.

I don't want you to feel sorry, or bad, or ashamed.

I don't hate you.
I still love you.
I still miss you.
And I forgave you years ago.

But if I want to heal, ever, I need to acknowledge it.
And maybe, someday, you'll read this.
Maybe someday I can have my friend back. It won't be the same, can't be, but life rarely is that fair.

-Bean

Re: Dear You 2.0

Posted: Thu Apr 11, 2019 8:48 am
by Luet
Oh Bean, *hugs*. I'm so sorry.