Philotic Web

We love pictures. Especially Alea. Maybe you'll lure her back.

Dear Wendy's,

I know that I am feeding my kid crap, but giving her a tiny magazine instead of a toy? Comeon. Just make my life a little easier.

-JanMom

We love pictures. Especially Alea. Maybe you'll lure her back.

ha, you're cute. But this is true. Teresa, a case of the camera-whores is nothing to apologize about.

My mom gets those chips, too, but as far as I know, she or her boyfriend never get the bag stuck on their heads. I never get to eat any but they're in the house.

Dear you,

I'd like to say that you returning and me feeling like posting again aren't related, but that would be a lie. And that feels so unfair to pweb and so wrong on every level but I don't know how to help it. When you aren't here, I just lose my desire to post. I still come multiple times a day. I still read everything. But that urge to press the reply button up and vanishes. I truly hope that you never leave for good but if you do, I seriously hope that this feeling of mine goes away in time. What can I say, "I'm just not myself when you're away."

love,
me

It is a bit unfair but thank you for loving me so much and where applicable, right back at you. (I wanted to say "Ditto" a la Ghost or "I know" a la Star Wars but I'm not smoulderingly sexy or cool enough to get away with those.) *hugs*

Dear you,

I'm not ignoring you. I've just been really busy, and tired.

Me

Dear you,

This is hard for me to write, even where I know you will almost certainly never see it, nevermind tell you. I imagine when I finally have another job with sufficient hours-to-pay I will tell you large portions of this and you will ignore me and things will remain as they have, that is, rotting.

We had a sit-down the other day and you were concerned about me not being a team member and effectively being a bad egg in the group, spoiling the lot. Let's talk about bad eggs. Let's talk about the person you called my "boss", aka, my manager Little K-. Did you realise that he is single-handedly responsible for one of your long-term staff members quitting, as well as playing a strong component in the resignations of two others? Did you know it's because he was having an affair with the first for the past two years while cheating on his girlfriend? Well, when she quit as a last ditch effort to get out of the situation, you found out what everybody else knew and were shocked because you'd been blind to it this whole time. Guess what else you don't know. He told his mistress that he broke up with his girlfriend and continued cheating on them both. When cat got out of the bag and they both dumped him thoroughly, he has now begun trying to pick up another female colleague despite her telling him to f*** off repeatedly.

Also, this same Little K- is nearly your sole contact point to the entire staff. He also doesn't realise that he makes s*** up all the time. He exaggerates endlessly and if ever you hear him say "everyone" you should read "I", as more than once he has said that "Everyone feels this way" about something which is only true of him. Hell, he is convinced that he's told me off loads of times in the past fortnight when I've only worked with him twice in the past fortnight. Related to that, he finds it acceptable and part of my bad attitude that I take issue to being reprimanded on the floor when there are customers and colleagues about.

Now that we're done discussing Little K-, let's discuss both you L- and Big K-. If you offer to help with things pertaining to the baby and what have you, and you insist upon offering to help and asking how you can help and we finally take you up on that, don't you ever dare to say "We think we've been helping you rather a lot and you've not been acting very grateful" after I've been down sick for a week. I was sick. We work in food service. It is not acceptable to say "Well your colleagues still worked when THEY were coughing and sneezing and noses running". I bet the customers appreciate clearly unhealthy people preparing their food. Yeah. Health and safety and all that s***. That isn't a question of loyalty or being ungrateful. Further, you have a lot of nerve accusing me of being ungrateful and implying that I should work harder because you've done so many favours for us with the baby. They say never to look a gift horse in the mouth, but it's apparently prudence to check it over for strings as you are well proving. Also, your precious manager, Little K-, whom you so fervently defend and believe when he says "I was just joking", has such a case of schadenfreude that he rejoices whenever he hears of something unfortunate happening to you, L-. He was positively cackling when it rained at the festival you went to this summer. He got a wicked gleam in his eyes whenever he thought of your later flight being cancelled. He has been threatening to quit for ages, but you know what, he never will, so you're safe.

This is all to say that as soon as I can find another job, I am leaving you. You have labeled a viper as my boss, and I'm not sure if that makes you better or worse than him. And I would tell you of all of this so that you could do something about it and I wouldn't then have to leave, but you've already proven that you will never, ever do anything about it. You'll ignore it until people get frustrated and quit. I'm already frustrated, and with any luck I'll find another job soon so I can quit.

~me

Dear Cleo,
I'm glad you are feeling better today!
You barked a a noise in the yard.
You ate a peanut butter flavored rawhide.
And have no cone of shame on!
Its nice when you are having a good day

Love
Mom

Dearest Darling Manly Man,

My belly button, that you find adorable in its current state, is going to turn into an outie. Deal with this. It's still cute. It's not toxic. And, damnit, the reason it is going to do this is HALF YOUR FAULT, YOU KNOW! And it is not like an alien coming out of my belly. Or anything else. It's the SAME BELLY BUTTON.

You are not allowed to spend the next several months being disgusted by any part of my belly, you hear that? I'm dealing with enough. SUCK IT UP.

And, no, it is NOT comparable to my inability to get over the KitKat commercials! Those aren't something personal to YOU! It's totally different.

Your Knocked-Up Wife Who Thinks If She Has to Deal With Labor, You Can At Least Attempt to Get Over This Hang-up

Dear You,

This is one of those increasingly rare times that I am saddened we no longer talk. But old in-joke alert. Remember the way R&J did the asterisk thing? I'm getting close to being in that predicament and I find myself sympathizing much more with them, 8 years later. Funny how that works, isn't it?

-Alea

Dear You,

Well, isn't that SPECIAL that you chose to be surprised instead of finding out the gender of your baby? Aren't you just SO much better than those "young, female relatives" who don't know the joy of being surprised? Because whatever happened to that?

I don't judge YOU for being surprised when you didn't have to be, kindly extend those of us who wanted a different option the same courtesy.

You are the one relative I am not sorry I live far away from, by the way.

Younger Cousin Getting Off Your Lawn, Now

Dear You,

Yes, I see you. I know that I am the only person on your entire AIM contact list.. so if you've signed on and off more than 40 times, there's a reason.

No, I'm not going to say or do anything. That's what you said that you wanted.

You're getting what you asked for.

Deal with it.

~Me

Dear Everyone Who Supported My Decision to Wear Blue Tights in Public,

Thank you. You saved me from a crippling collapse of self-esteem on the way to work this morning. Really.

Dear Mercury,

Your 2001 Sable has a problem with its trunk latch. And, also, no readily available alternative ways to tie the trunk shut should the latch fail. Just thought you might want to know. Remedies in future models would be greatly appreciated by someone, I'm sure.

Car Owner

Dear You,

1) I told you that you needed the needlenose pliers; 2) I told you that twine wouldn't work and it's a good thing I bought some rope in spite of you; 3) I told you we needed to wrap the twine/rope around something; 4) I told you there was no reason to try to make a hole in the trunk and that the bottom latch would work just fine. In short, I TOLD YOU SO, I TOLD YOU SO, I TOLD YOU SO!!!!

I will never, ever, ever say any of this to your face, as I love you and it was a totally hellish night for you, and you did earn MASSIVE hero points. But I just HAD to say it somewhere, okay?

Affectionately,
Your Kitten

Dear You,

You know, your belly-obsession is moving past the point of cute and on to the point of annoying. Kindly exercise a little moderation in your love of the baby bump, okay?

Your Owner

Dear You,

As you are wont to do, you overthought this whole thing to the point of ridiculousness.

Welcome to the 5,000 Club. Please talk a little bit less.

Love,
Me

Hey! I didn't even notice that you had broken 5000. Congratulations!!

Now I get to spank your bottom 5000 times, right? I think that's how it works.

Dear You,

I thought we were past this, but apparently not. If you do not stop being a jackass to/about me, I will end your friendship. Just because the wedding is over doesn't mean you can "take the censor off." Because, see, the thing is, he married me. You're just his friend. He doesn't want to have to choose between us but if you make this an issue, he will. And I can promise you he's going to pick me. So knock it off, jackass. Or die in a fire. Whichever.


-Your Best Friend's Wife

Now I get to spank your bottom 5000 times, right? I think that's how it works.

Who died and made you official Pweb spanker?

Also: ow...

I've been debating what would go numb first: the hand, or the butt.

I say Jason should test it on himself first (for science!) and report the findings.

I'm a lazy scientist. I'll spank myself five times and extrapolate the results.

Dear Yous,

Okay, a note about our Treats for Touchdowns policy. I'm really glad that football is now a whole family affair, and that our yelling and noise no longer frightens you into scurrying away. However, the Raiders have to get the touchdown for it to apply. Our yelling such things as, "NO!" "What the HELL, Big D?!?" and "Damnit! They got a touchdown. ARGH!" signal that the touchdown was for the other team, and hence, no treats. And then I just feel bad when you come running up with your shining eyes going, "Touchdown? Touchdown?" You're smart. You can learn this. Treats for RAIDER touchdowns. Not treats for opposing team touchdowns. Got it?

Love,

Your Human

Dear You,

Calm the eff down. Did you find some candy stashed away somewhere?

Love you anyway,

Mama Two-Legs

Dear Pweb,

I just got your wonderful gift tonight, after a really hard discussion about bills. It could not have come at a more welcome time. I am overwhelmed and SO grateful, I cannot begin to tell you. Donny is pretty overwhelmed, too. Thank you isn't enough. It helps so much to know that we'll be able to get some of the important things for Little Bit that I've been scared we wouldn't be able to afford. (Carseat, in particular, has been worrying me and is where a good part of it will probably go. Something to keep him safe and secure.) This means so much to me. I'm crying hard, but good tears, very good tears. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Love,

Kirsten, Donny, and Little Bit

Love you dearly. :)

Dear Yous,

Everything she just said, a thousand times. I'm so humbled and touched. You guys are amazing. My jaw just dropped to the floor when I opened the card and saw all your names. I have no idea what we're going to use it for, but I promise we will show you when we figure it out.

- EL, Rei, and Nomi

(As if we didn't owe pweb enough just for creating our family!)

Dear Garmin,

Regardless of what you might think, I am not driving through a cornfield. The Pennyrile extension to I-24 was completed last March, update your friggin maps already!

- A driver

Dear You,

This is why I have tom-tom.

Me

Love you both muchly! And I can't believe that you both got them at the same time. That's pretty amazing.

Dear you,

If you don't stop talkng to my husband about video games, I'm going to go take a nap.

Me

I am not driving through a cornfield.

Nope, pretty sure you are. You can't live in the state without driving through a cornfield.

Love you both muchly! And I can't believe that you both got them at the same time. That's pretty amazing.

This. This exactly.

Yay! I am so glad you both got them so quickly! Who knew international post was so fast?

I was really surprised Ali got her's so quickly! Glad though!

to both of you!

Once Rei posted me something from Canada and it arrived the next day. It's really unpredictable.