Wedding Etiquette

[Hegemon]

More and more people I know seem to be getting to the point in their lives when they are willing to take the plunge and get hitched. I am known for loving weddings, mainly because I so love open bars and parties. However, I am not nuts about actual wedding ceremonies. They are long and rather boring. In the past I have been known for sneaking out of them to get snacks (once I even got some pizza).

My natural inclination is to skip the ceremony altogether and just show up for the party, which is what I did in the past or a baptism. What I want to know is if that sorta thing would bother you if a friend did it at your wedding? For the purposes of this question, assume the friend is not part of the wedding party *so not the best man or something*

Edit: I would like it if those of you said no post and say why it wouldn't bother you. I single you guys out because I am in the no category so I already pretty much see where they're coming from.

[Eaquae Legit]

You want to come to a party that I'm paying for, you come to the ceremony. I promise it won't be longer than an hour or so.

[Young Val]

well, it depends entirely.

ideally, i'll have a ceremony, and in that case, yes, i'd prefer to have my guests present for that as well as the reception.

a girlfriend of mine from college got married and i couldn't attened both the ceremony and the reception due to totally unrelated issues. so i chose to attend the ceremony instead, and skipped the reception (the bride, of course, was told).


but there is (i should say was) a chance i would wind up eloping, and in that case, of course, come to the party, as many people won't really be there for the ceremony in the first place.



it's just not classy, really. unless you're specifically told otherwise by the happy couple, i'd say you shold attend both.

[Qing_Jao]

We eloped, and there were only three people who could come to the courthouse with us, so we met them all at golden corral afterwards.. heh. Great wedding party, I know, but for us, it worked. We didn't mind. Of course, the total was like 10 people or something, so it wasn't that big of a deal. If the person knows you, and knows you get weird in the ceremony, then, it's probably okay. If you're just doing it to get the free food and hit on the girls, then, by all means, go to the ceremony first.
That's my point of view. It really would depend on your relationship with the friend.

[Petra456]

It really depends on how close of a friend they are. There are some friends I will absolutly have to have at the ceremony if I ever get married.

[Virlomi]

I realize this is gonna sound overly sentimental, but to me the whole point of a wedding is to invite the people in your life to share in it, to walk through this whole thing with you. I don't want anything in my ceremony that isn't a total expression of my spouse to be and I, our relationship, our lives together... and I want the people in my life to be able to see that and be a part of that and celebrate that with me. Quite honestly, it would seem completely half-assed and insincere to me if after I had spent months planning the thing you didn't show up just because you couldn't sit still for an hour.

...there goes John's invitation.

[Hegemon]

...there goes John's invitation.

Have you ever seen Wedding Crashers?

[Virlomi]

Lol... therefore I know all the tricks in the book, and I'll be ready for you.

I'll even keep the bar in lockdown mode.

...or you could just come to the blasted ceremony.

[Young Val]

seriously, though. EVERYONE is getting married. i got asked to be a back up (in case of emergency?) bridesmaid today.

[Hegemon]

YAHOO!!! RECEPTIONS IN DA HOUSE!!!

[Young Val]

i think she meant blasted ceremony.


you did, didn't you Jani?

[Virlomi]

I almost threw in a badly timed "oops I forgot to tell you I'm getting married too" joke... but I thought the better of it.

[Hegemon]

I almost threw in a badly timed "oops I forgot to tell you I'm getting married too" joke... but I thought the better of it.

Well... I did that on AIM.

[Virlomi]

And uh... yeah, I did.

[Young Val]

i forbid there to be any more marriages or engagements on pweb until my own. that gives you all a good five year dry spell, minimum. get used to it, kids.

[hive_king]

That's it John, you're reading a poem at my wedding. A long and sentemental one.

I think the point of the ceremony is that you care enough about the bride and/or groom to sit through hours of boring speeches and what-not. It's a "misery loves company" thing.

[anonshadow]

Yes. I would be offended. If you're my friend, and I invite you, you're coming to the whole damn thing.

Exceptions would be for people with small children (I understand that it can be hard for a three year old to sit still for that long) and people who can, for some reason, only come to the reception.

[powerfulcheese04]

I expect the people I invite to come to both the ceremony and the reception.

I don't think I'll change my mind on that.

But it doesn't really matter because I've still got like... 5 years before it's really a possibility. (Stupid school.)

[Firegirl]

Over the years, I gotten to the point where I can't stand weddings at least the weddings that are non-unique and take way too long. I went to many of my cousins' weddings, sure they were nice, but I have a lot of cousins and I get bored with so much sappy sentiments floating around and bad dancing. I actually thought that a funeral would break the monotony. So I have not attended a wedding in 2 or 3 years, but then again it's only a temporary cessation of familiar responsibility, sooner or later more family or friends will get hitched.

[Slim]

Mormon weddings are different. Weddings are fairly simple cerimonies with only a few people. I haven't been to one, but I've seen the room sealings are done in, and they are really small. It's the wedding reception afterwords that everyone comes to.

So, no, it wouldn't bother me, but only because for me that's what's normal.

[Ela]

it's just not classy, really. unless you're specifically told otherwise by the happy couple, i'd say you shold attend both.

This says it all, as far as I'm concerned. It's poor taste to skip the ceremony and just come for the party unless you have a very good reason for missing the ceremony (and that reason would not include "I find it boring." )

Exceptions would be for people with small children (I understand that it can be hard for a three year old to sit still for that long) and people who can, for some reason, only come to the reception.

We took care of this problem at our wedding by arranging for several teenagers of appropriate age to babysit onsite for those children who would not be able to sit through the wedding ceremony. It worked out well.

[Rei]

I would honestly be rather offended if you skipped the ceremony because you didn't feel like going or couldn't make the effort to at least TRY to arrange it so you could be there (extenuating circumstances being obviously excepted). To me, the ceremony is the important bit. That is the part where you create the reason to have a party. Without the ceremony there is no party, so it makes sense to me that if you want to go to the party, it would be better to see the moment for which we are having a party.

[Petra456]

I think John should get ordained and marry everyone. .

I seriously can't stop giggling when I think about this.

[Hegemon]

Now i am beginning to wonder who the one other person who voted no is.

I know that being bored with the thing is not the best excuse, but what about the fact that I can sleep in? That, plus the boredom, should do it.

[Firegirl]

If I ever got married, I would not mind if the people, who I had to invite from mere obligation and really did not care for, did not show up. However if the person is a friend or family member who I care does not show up and does not have a good reason, I would be pissed off/irritated to no end.

[Petra456]

I know that being bored with the thing is not the best excuse, but what about the fact that I can sleep in? That, plus the boredom, should do it.

I really depends on how close you are to the bride or groom. If they're good friends, then go.

[VelvetElvis]

TJ, if you are going to party, then sit through an hour and oogle he bridesmaids or something. Don't skip the ceremony, you oaf.

[Claire]

I'm not sure.
I can see why you'd think a wedding is boring, but on the other hand, if you're just going to the wedding reception for the open bar and not because you're particularly friends with the couple and want to see them get married, then you're a mooch.

[zeroguy]

Edit: I would like it if those of you said no post and say why it wouldn't bother you. I single you guys out because I am in the no category so I already pretty much see where they're coming from.

For some reason I think I'd prefer a smaller ceremony, and wouldn't want all that many people there, anyway. But then again, I don't really care, so it probably won't end up being my decision, and so I wouldn't really care who is there or not. But I'm also thinking of something that's probably not happening for a while, so I might be a different person then, who knows.

I actually don't mind sitting through the ceremonies I've been to; I do find them interesting. But hey, if you're a friend of mine, I'm not going to force you through something that's boring, even if it's, well, my life.

And it's probably better that you'd leave instead of falling asleep and snoring during the wedding vows, or something.

Edit: If you offend my wife, though, you in a heap o' trouble, boy. (And apparently all women are offended by this, by the looks of the thread.)

[Hegemon]

I'm not sure.
I can see why you'd think a wedding is boring, but on the other hand, if you're just going to the wedding reception for the open bar and not because you're particularly friends with the couple and want to see them get married, then you're a mooch.

Actually, I also go for the party in general. I like celebrating the marriage with them.

The other thing is that I always make it a point to budget out my gift so that the bride and groom make a profit off of my presence (I am nice that way).











that and i am a mooch

[hive_king]

Firegirl, I can off a cousin or two if you want.

[Dr. Mobius]

Damnit, John, you can't skip the ceremony, you're the flower girl! The whole thing would be in ruin if you were a no-show.

[Young Val]

The other thing is that I always make it a point to budget out my gift so that the bride and groom make a profit off of my presence (I am nice that way).

i'd rather you show up for both and forget the gift all together. but that's just me.

[Eddie Pinz]

I am inclined to say no...

For the simple reason that you could probably show up at the reception, tell the bride and groom how lovely the ceremony was and they would be under the impression that you attended unless they were told otherwise...so, unless I was in the wedding party or being dragged to the thing as a guest...then I would say no...the ceremony is out...

[NWS]

Our ceremony was for our families and more an obligation than an event. Now, the reception, that was the event. I would not have minded if a good friend who was invited said they weren't really that into weddings but would come to the reception. Heck, it's not like I interacted with anyone not in the wedding party during the ceremony.