Philotic Web

Hate life. Want sleep. And anyone who tells me how their baby slept twelve consecutive hours by now/he should be sleeping by now/why don't you try this thing? Is going to get a f****** of screaming hysterical wrath unloaded.

Hate life. Want sleep. And anyone who tells me how their baby slept twelve consecutive hours by now/he should be sleeping by now/why don't you try this thing? Is going to get a f****** of screaming hysterical wrath unloaded.

*hugs*

Maybe we need to make him this shirt?


Love you and I wish I could come and let you have a nap!

Hey Bob" I went out to the woods tonight to fill some deer feeders and service some of the trail cameras and even though I ran my chainsaw a bit ,was blown away by all the big bucks that were out before dark. It always suprises me why the deer for some unknown reason will be acting all tame (even the smart old trophy bucks) and fearless and other times skitish as hell.

Hey Bob,

I feel incredibly lucky to be part of a community that can include a thread titled "Politics... Discuss" that doesn't immediately spiral into a flame war. Thank you for restoring some of my faith in humanity.

Bob,

It's been a weird day at work. For the past two weeks we have been having to write down our daily schedule to send to our supervisors so she can moniter how busy we have been. We were a bit worried that hours would be cut back because there are two of us in this office and I guess it gets really slow during the winter months (this will be my first winter here). I was really starting to get freaked out because i'm the newbie and my office mate has been here for 10+ years.

When I came back from lunch today my supervisor was here and my office mate was gone. I guess they decided to let her go and now i'm in charge of the office. There is no pay raise, but it's a big self esteem boost to know they think i'm doing that great of a job and have enough faith in me already to run this place by myself.

I also spilled my milkshake in my shoe after everyone left. The whole milkshake, on my foot and in my shoe.

That's awesome.

But the question is, with everyone gone, did you drink the milkshake out of your shoe? I would have considered it if no one was around.

BOB,
this is a thing I hate, love, and want to tell my body so I'm just going to default and tell you..

thing that I hate

So I went to my orthopedist today and on the forms I fill out I wrote the same depressing things I always right;

percent back to full activity 30% (if that)
back to work - a big resounding NO! (its been a year and a half since i could work and I feel like a useless POS
Back to sports? ummm I can F***ing walk but I really don't think that counts.
Pain level 4-5 out of 10 6 months post op
goals- to work. run, wrestle, fold laundry, cook without help, sleep without dosing myself with a butt ton of advil. to not be in pain all day every day for the last 2.5 years... Basically EVERYTHING!!! I want to be a real whole person again
Improvement since last visit.... NONE in the last 4 months

really its quite depressing

Thing that I like (love)

I did really like the nurse my WC insurance company sent up from Portland to seattle to see the Dr with me. she had a ton of information for me that the insurance company has been a little tight lipped about... like what happened of this is all I can be a useless lump who can only lift 5 pounds???? hopes of if Dr K. says you don;t need a surgen getting me a Dr in Portland who will do my final evals and such.

thing that i wana tell my body...

So Dr k came in and moved my am in all kinds of painful ways and got his frowny face on. and then he said. "So the MRI you got doesn't show any unhealed tears but it was a low quality one" (because my GD WC insurance will never get good quality ones just the cheapest one they can find) " but you present with little to no improvement positive test for a SLAP tear (still!) and as far as your pain level and 30% back to activity level I feel like this surgery is still a failure"

*SIGH*

Dr k " I think our best option is an exploratory arthroscopic surgery (as in the 3rd one in a year and a half!) to see if there is something wrong in there that didn't show up on the scans."

*EVEN BIGGER SIGH*

So the nurse who was quite sweet was shocked because she was hopping I would be moving on and getting to the this is good as its going to get phase of my injury but no such luck. She asked if it would be better to wait 6 months until I was 1 year post op to see if I improved with time. Dr K said "I think there is little to no chance of her getting any better no matter how long we wait"
*I WANTED TO CRY*
Because I am not happy being a shell of a person who can't do anything useful. I can't go to school to be a nurse in my current condition. I don't think I could have a baby because the time I have spent holding nieces and cousins leaves me icing for days and popping prescription pain pills. I can't work and feel like I am contributing nothing to my household. I feel like the s***** wrestling coach ever because I can't physically help the girls learn moves and skills. Its so freaking depressing and breaks my heart.

So now I have to wait and see if my insurance will approve a third shoulder surgery, and see how many dam scars I can fit on one shoulder (I already have 7 it will be at least 3 more)

Worst case scenario: he goes in there and there is nothing he can fix. he closes me up and after a week I'm right where I and now with three new scars and I head to pain management docs. and sure my finally WC settlement might be bigger but I will always be useless.

Best case scenario: My stupid labrum is still not healed, he will cut my biceps tendon and attach it to the head of the humerus, a Biceps Tenodesis. And then reattach the labrun the the glenoid fossa of the scapula for the third freaking time. He says the tenodesis is extreme for someone my age but since the biceps tendon it attached tot he part of the labrum that isn't healing it won;t heal if its still pulling on it, And really he doesn't think it it acceptable to leave a once was so acting 28 year old in this condition. then its 4-6 weeks in a sling and hopefully I get better than I and now.

So yeah...

More surgery. more feeling so broken its not even funny. but hopefully the third times the charm

Teresa.

PS any and everyone can feel free to reply to this.. Heck it might help me feel a little better.

*hugs*

I'm so sorry that there isn't better news. I truly hope the next surgery is the end of it. I hate that you're going through this. Thinking of you.

T-Money, I don't have much to say except that royally sucks and I hope the third surgery goes well.

Thanks both of you.

T-Money.

That's awesome.

But the question is, with everyone gone, did you drink the milkshake out of your shoe? I would have considered it if no one was around.

That is the first question everyone has asked me (except "did it bring all the boys to the office?"). No, I did not drink it out of my shoe, but I was really sad, it was completely full!

I dumped a full mango-bubble tea/milkshake on my shoe one time. I was very sad.

Teresa, that is such a s*** position to be in; I'm so, so sorry and hope everything gets fixed to the highest potential amount of functionality possible. *hugs*

More *hugs* for Teresa! I'm so sorry!

That really sucks, Teresa. Sending *hugs* and good thoughts your way.

*hugs* for Teresa.

Teresa, this sucks big time. I'm hoping for a successful surgery, BUT if it fails again, I can ask my contacts for a recommendation for a body worker who may be able to help with the pain management. My mom's rolfer has worked miracles for her, and he has a large network.

Bob,

Please help me find a decent car to replace the 2002 Subaru Outback Wagon that was WRECKED when I had no choice but to strike the two cars in front of me on the highway that were too busy having an accident on their OWN to notice that they weren't the only ones out there that evening. I'm not asking for much. All I'm looking for is a cheap, reliable, used compact wagon. Is that too much?

Also please send a devastating virus to all the Craigslist scammers who state that they were "just called to return to Afghanistan, but I can ship the car to you from <wherever is across the country from where YOU are> for the low, low down-payment of $500." Because if you don't then I will have no choice but to e-mail them the GOATSE photo (if you don't know, don't ask, and DON'T GOOGLE IT if you're at work. Seriously) every time I get one of those scam-ridden responses.

Oh...and hugs to Teresa and everyone else here suffering from REAL issues. All I need is a car.

*big hugs for Teresa*

Best of luck to you, Teresa! There has to be something that doctor can do to help you

:::hugs Teresa:::

Bob " I'm quite pissed at Wa. St Dept of wildlife! the bastards trimmed down the late rifle season 9 days in a sneaky way. It's wrong to sneak it in that way, and they wonder why folks like me will pay the $ to hunt in other states too. I will be a good sheeple person and continue to hunt here cuz I have property here and I enjoy lookin after the local deer and of course I love to hunt with my kids and grandkids that hunt . This is wrong and Im pissed and I should do something. I gotta conjoure up a solution.

You should come here to hunt! I'm not a hunter myself and don't know precisely when the seasons are, but from what I hear we're severely overpopulated so they're practically giving tags away.

Bob, so I know this is stupid, but I'm such a mess!

Enze, Tyler's little bear wearing bunny pajamas is missing. He had him on Saturday evening at the hotel, but didn't sleep with him and he didn't get packed to come home. I know, I know, it's just a stuffed animal and kids lose things all the time, but this is Enze. He was Tyler's first stuffed animal and he's slept with him since he was born. He's been apart of everything for the last 7 years, he's been Tyler's best friend. He's comforted Tyler through every trial he's had. He kept by Tyler's side through tonsil surgery. Last Christmas, when Tyler was writing to Santa, he didn't ask for anything for himself. He asked that Enze could have a friend; a stuffed animal of his own to love, like Tyler loves Enze.

I didn't have pets. I had stuffed animals. They are alive and real to me. Enze is part of my family, part of my life, part of my heart. I need him. Enze being gone slaps me in the face with my motherly inadequacies. I haven't taught Tyler well enough to take care of his things or to speak up when he needs help. And now Enze is gone.

Lost and found has our number and a description and I'm spending every moment praying and waiting to hear that he's found and he's in the mail and he'll be home soon. Each moment that passes by is one less chance that he'll come home. And I just keep thinking how alone and confused he must be....if he was real. Which he is to me. Because I'm still a child and I haven't grown up and I don't want to grow up. I want Enze. Enze is better than growing up.

Oh steph, my heart goes out to you and Tyler!

I have two very special stuffed animals I've had since infancy--Wilson, the bear, and Charmy, the dog. To this day they still sit in a place of honor up by my pillow every morning when I make the bed.

I lost each of them once--separately--when I was a child and I was distraught. I was lucky enough to have them returned to me, and I so, so hope that that same happens with Enze!

Oh, Steph. I'm so sorry.

*giant hugs*

Thanks, guys. I feel somewhat better after spending the afternoon bawling. Still no word from the resort. Prayers and anxiety are still in full force.

Though, I did make myself feel somewhat better by booking a trip to Disneyland. 3 weeks from now. I'm kind of freaking out about that. I'm not usually this "irresponsible." (It's not technically irresponsible since we've been working toward it financially for awhile now, and Brian randomly got 5 days off in a row and I won't have to worry about a newborn baby around the park. It's just a bit ahead of schedule. But all that money! And pulling Tyler out of school! Gahhh! But it's too late now. It's booked and we're going.)

Losing stuffed animals is the worst. I have almost all of mine from childhood, though quite a few are battle scarred. Hope Enze gets found and makes his way home to you!

Bob,

Today is a better day than the past few have been. No friend, or lack thereof, angst. Could be because I went to work and had a meeting to talk video games, then worked on storytime stuff for my remaining two hours while talking to coworkers about life, politics, etc. It felt like I had face-to-face friends. I was then given a ride home from my boss and we had a talk about apartments, Nazis, Chicago race issues, etc. and that made it feel like I had a face-to-face friend.

It was really nice.

It felt like I had face-to-face friends.

This is pretty much the best thing.

Yes, yes it is.

There are certain Pwebbers I would kill to have live in the greater Chicago area because they are my friends, through and through, and have been there for me in any number of ways. But since they don't live here and don't want to live here, and I don't want to live where they are, I do my best with the board, FB, texts, letters and the occasional call or trip to see each other. And sometimes that is enough.

But lately, as I keep doing all these things that I've always wanted to do or only more recently wanted to do but am doing in a place I've always wanted to do them, it would be really nice to have someone to share it with, as it happens.

Right now, I don't have a roommate and I don't have zero with me except for maybe two weekends a month. That leaves 26, 27 other days every month that I have to do everything alone outside of work. Go to the store alone. Make and eat dinner alone. See movies alone. Explore the city alone. Go to events like Open House Chicago alone. Try new restaurants alone.

Work isn't like being in school. Some days I'm only there for 4 hours, so by the time I'm done with my 2 hour public desk duty, I have 2 hours left to get work done away from the public, so I can't always take the time to just chat. Days I'm there for longer are usually nights, when it's just two of us and we're switching off at the public desk, and weekends or approaching weekends and we're on a skeletal crew of 2 or 3, same issues.

I consider myself as being good with being alone. Sometimes I need it, sometimes I want it, and sometimes I have too much of it and start needing interaction on more than just a text on the screen way. I could call one or two people, three if zero is in the country...which he usually is, but I suck at the phone; my awkwardness is easier to deal with in person. Plus, I always feel like I'm bothering people.

So, I usually take the things I want to share to FB. I figure it's going to see the biggest group of people I'd want to tell anyway- family as well as friends. And I know a lot of people don't think much about what they post on FB, or at least that's how it comes across, but I'm not a FB post-whore. It is super rare that, besides pictures, I make multiple posts in a day, let alone in a few days some weeks. So when I post things, even and/or especially the silly little personal things including my pictures, and not even my mom can take the time to ask what I was up to or give a thumbs up or something, and none of my friends do, it's kind of like, "Your life bores me" or "I don't really care or want to take the time." Leaving me feeling even more alone because now even my digital interactions feel empty and not reciprocated.

All of which sounds like pathetic whining, I know. :) But the good thing is, I'll get over it and it's only a matter of months before I'm not living alone anymore, anyway.

I know how much isolation sucks. My only contact with people outside of class is weekends with Courtney and my family. Not quite as extreme as your case, but 5 days a week of working by yourself in your room isn't great fun either. I really enjoy and appreciate a certain amount of personal time, but there's definitely a limit beyond which it isn't healthy. And FB is just a torrent of these days. If you don't use it a lot, it's pretty likely that the things you do are going to be buried in your friends' news feeds, but because there's so much information and so many people use Facebook like twitter, there's an illusion of being in touch and that you don't need to go look at someone's profile to know what they're up to.

Anyway,

Thanks, elf.

Phew!

Got the car:

Nice!