Philotic Web

Cam, my single sister was in a similar food predicament. We spent a day cooking good, hearty, healthy meals and packaging them in individual portions and froze them. Now she just has to microwave something, or warm it in the oven and she's good to go! We cooked for one day and put 100 individual meals in her freezer. A lot of people do something similar on a whole family scale and call it "once a month cooking." You may or may not be interested in something like this, but if you are, google "once a month cooking for singles" or send me a message and I'd be happy to share the recipes I used for my sister!

I'm taking three online programming classes

Just curious; in what?

Thanks, Steph
I'll have to look in to that

Just curious; in what?

A class in C++, and Advanced Web Development. Also, just for fun, a class my favorite teacher is doing for iPhone programming.

Bob,

Okay, so... furniture left in our house:
Couch
Recliner
Kitchen Table+Chairs
Bed

All have been spoken for and are pending pickup either tomorrow or Saturday.
Pleasepleasepleaseplease people, pick up your things or we have no choice but to throw them in the dumpster and I really don't want to do that.

We are leaving in T-minus 4 days. FOUR DAYS. Man. My thoughts are as insane as this post.


JL

Bob,

I would very much like a job that doesn't make me hugely anxious each night before I go to bed because I don't want to get up in the morning and go to it. Or rather, because I don't want to enter into a setting where I am going to be spied on and condemned and generally feel suspect and horrible.

I just don't want to live in fear all of the time.

~Rei

*double post* (does it count if it's a few days later?)

Dear Bob,

The Internet is a lonely place, tonight.

~Rei

Dear Rei,

Yes it does. You just committed the second worst faux pas on pweb and are a terrible person.

The worst is of course, replying to someone's Bob post. Only some kind of monster would do that.

I know! I'm glad I'm not one of those!

Dear Bob,

Scrubs made me cry today. I'm not sure if it's because the episode was dealing with the death of a father or because it displayed such strength in the relationships, but it got to me. I tend to think it's more the relationships.

The final scene, the one that every single sitcom on the planet drills into you as being normal, shows 3 guys, sitting around watching the game, drinking beer, and talking 'bout stuff (ie. reminiscing). And it wasn't shallow, or deeply guarded by stereotypically masculine overtones, it was real. Between that and seeing Carla come through for Turk in such an appropriate way. I mean, way to pull at me for not having both platonic NOR romantic relationships. Truth be told, though; I can't for the life of me figure out how it is even plausible to have those sorts of relationships.

Yeah. I said it.

Watching that episode, as Dr. Cox repeatedly tries and fails at supporting JD (whose father had passed), you watch him get it drilled into his head that he, "MUST come through for JD this time." I find it really difficult to identify that in my life. I mean, I'm not often in situations where I need that, so one could say that's an unfair judgement to make. Truth be told though, I know people won't come through for me. I know I'm on my own and I cannot ever expect my efforts to be repaid or appreciated, I can give for myself and I'm fine with that. I just know that whether it's being forgotten, betrayed, or outright ignored; I will be let down. It's because I know that that I build elaborate schemes upon which I can support myself to not require a second set of hands. Half the time they tear those down anyways. I just, once in a while I wish there was a hand. Someone to make me not spend my birthday taking myself out to dinner. These rickety old wooden roller coasters ain't got nothin' on a soft warm hand.

But it ain't just that. Where the hell are real, intelligent men on this planet? Seriously, at my work I'm stationed with 2 guys; both of which I identify with rather well. One, the person I used to be, is super "nice-guy," and is very...apprehensive. The other, closer to who I am now, is too smart for his own good, though an awful lot more cocky and "masculine." Despite the fact that I do identify so well (and get along) with both of them, I'm stuck between "hey, cool, smart guy, I'm gonna pick your brain constantly and make you dumb down the truths of the world for me," and, "what are you, some kinda pussy?" or "ooo, expenditures, somebody's been going to class" Ah, if only I were able to find people with whom to speak about topics of interest without needing to translate for them. I went camping the other weekend, met a whole bunch of new people there, and I was really hoping that - being a campfire late at night is where all the best conversations happen - I'd be able to hold some really interesting ones. I did, talking about games with an EA programmer (cool, eh? :-p) for a few minutes, and then conversations with my one friend there. The former, interrupted by beer pong; and the latter destroyed by people with no value to make (ie. non-sensical arguments, really just chiming in "you're talking intelligent, me too!"). I'm not complaining about the camping weekend, it was great; just not quite what I was hoping it would be. I have better conversations over Facebook where the great distance dividing the small number of people like myself in this world is no longer an issue. there's no tongue-in-cheek smiley...hmm

I wish I felt like someone could actually relate to me. I don't need to be any better able to relate to others, I can relate to others just fine. To be able to relate to me, though; there's a special kind of crazy required for that. I've been an a****** my whole life, and I know quite well just how "wrong" I am in the books of oh so many people. Wrong isn't the most appropriate word, but it's the antonym to "right," so I'm sticking to it. It's far easier to maintain a slight distance to keep up the disguise than it is to maintain the relationship once my fate has been sealed. I'm tired of hanging out in the shadows of negative connotations.

tl;dr - Dear World: You bore me, why aren't you my friend?

Thanks Bob,

--Me

Bob,

Sorry I've been sort of quiet lately. I got some nasty third degree burns thanks to an insolent company (that wouldn't even offer me a REFUND until I fought for it), and I'm just sort of bitter and angry and hurt. It's not a large area (just my knee), but the burns took my skin off of it, and the doctor says it will likely scar. I hate the thought of being scarred for the rest of my life. I hate missing work because I can't WALK, even though I'm fully functional otherwise. I hate that my 3 sick days this year are being used up, and that I'll soon have to run into vacation time if I get ill. I'm pouty and angry and really don't want to talk about it/explain it anymore. I've already told the story about 50 times, and I'm feeling worse and worse each time I think about it.

*sigh*

Dear Bob,

I have had a rollercoaster of a day!

Down: It really hit me that I have to go back to school this morning. I packed up my stuff to move out of my fiance's apartment tomorrow.

Up: I met with a wedding photographer today and I love him! I'm signing the contract, getting a check from my parents and sending it to him tomorrow!

Down: The vet school financial aid process has cheated me of about $1,000. (They submit to the financial aid office the amount we're expected to spend and that is the loan we're offered (the amounts of subsidized/unsubsidized/perkins varies). This number does not include the "elective hours" we're required to take. (The "elective" comes from us getting to choose what classes those are.) These hours up tuition by about a grand.)

Up: I was explaining it to my dad and he said "don't you spend one second worrying about this. I gurantee you'll be taken care of. I mean, I won't buy you a month at Club Med. But maybe 2 weeks, ok?" I love my dad.

Up: I'm trying on wedding dresses tonight! (In 20 minutes!)

Dear Bob,

Things are not good right now. I had a bit of a sobbing meltdown last night, and I think I may be heading for another tonight.

I kind of want to disappear.

bob,

I can't sleep tonight and I have crazy thoughts going through my head. Much worse than usual. I keep thinking of taking an exacto knife and cutting my arms. I'm not a cutter, generally. But I feel like I have these horrible scars inside myself from what He did to me that everyone has forgotten about. And I wish I had visible, external scars so that people would remember what happened to me. I know it's crazy. But I took a pill and played some farmville and I feel a bit better and can hopefully sleep soon.

*hugs Nomi*

You are an awesome person and I care. I might be far away and mostly just a wall of text, but I care. You're not forgotten.

Thanks, Ali. *hugs*

Bob,

Oh, hell. I've gone and gotten my hopes up despite my best attempts not to do so. I now return me to my regularly scheduled distractions.

Hey Bob, do I go and submit abstracts for next year's kalamazoo? Where I'm sitting now, it seems like a tremendous amount of work, but then, if I want to go at all, I will need funding, and that means presenting. So I guess that answers that.

*crosses fingers* Good luck, Ali! Funding = good.

Dear Bob,

Why do I do the things I do not want to do, and I do not do the things I want to do?

I wish I would do otherwise...

Rei

Dear Bob,

In a slightly more cheerful vane than my previous post:

Went and visited my wedding dress today. We needed to get D measured for his tux, and I figured it was too long a drive across town not to at least say hi

Instant pick-me-up.

Seriously, I only get to wear that publicly one day out of my whole life?

It's so pretty. It fits so well. Depending on how it works with my heels, I may not even have to have it hemmed. Also, it's so pretty. And the little jacket I found is mostly sheer with some lace and beading, so it looks more like an accessory along the lines of a necklace than a jacket, in a way.

And, did I mention how pretty it is?

So, that was good.

Hey, Bob?

Do I believe in signs from the universe still or is all that just craziness plus coincidence mixed with that phenomenon where being alert to something brings increased awareness and the appearance that it's more prevelent than it actually is?

Because, whoa damn, I've had enough of that. You hear me, distractions?! Sheesh.

Bob,

On days like this when i'm all pouty and blah, i'm really glad I have a boyfriend who knows how to cheer me up.

<3

Dear Bob,

I'm sad. Now, for me, it doesn't seem that sad and happy are polar opposites, or mutually exclusive. Earlier this month I was really content and sad, and still earlier I was happy and sad. Right now I'm okay and sad, but it's the fragile kind of okay, the one that could topple due to a wrong time-wrong place combination. And despite popular belief (all I've convinced myself of lately), that's not impossible at all. Despite what it may seem, there is no carmic universal law preventing that kind of coincidence from happening to me. That means I have to gather all the confidence and bravery I've accumulated over the summer and put it to use in everyday life.

And I'm sad, so sad. It finally hit me that that part of my life is all over. My favorite place, the one I almost call home, is no longer there and definitely not mine in any way anymore. Everyone is moving on- as I've been doing lately, but it still is incredibly sad. I know I need the rest right now, but I sort of wish I had a fresh start, as intense and all-consuming as most people I know have. I do have an exciting fresh start, but it's in a while and nowhere near as fresh as I'd have liked.

Some things never change, but most things do. I'm going to wallow and think about the past now. (Healthy, right?). See ya, Bob.

Dear Bob,

Two things. One, I've been in a funk ever since finishing Mockingjay. It was such an emotional rollercoaster and I need someone to to talk it over with. I don't know what I think about it fully and I need someone to bounce ideas off of. It's driving me nuts!

Two, I think Pheeny is sick. For almost a week, she hasn't been eating and has been pooping 3-5 times a day (usually once every other day). Her regular vet is opening a new practice and isn't seeing patients for another month. I emailed him to see what he suggests. I'm really worried!

Dear Bob,

I dragged D out of bed this morning, got our respective outfits ironed, and we headed out to church. We would've gone last week, but I woke up with a massive headache that required much sleep + benedryl to even think of getting up. But this morning, lo and behold, away we went.

I enjoyed it. I always do. Sporadically as I attend. But then, I like singing hymns. D does not sing, really. It was a nice sermon and nice children's sermon, and some useful Bible readings to reflect on. And the congregation is usually pretty friendly to us. It's a bigger church than I went to growing up. The pastors are young and smart and enthusiastic. I also liked being there with D. Even if he wouldn't sing. I liked holding his hand during the prayers, and I felt touched when they were praying for marriages and families and the like. And, even though it was what I call "assembly line communion" today, it does always feel good to me to partake. D's favorite part, as always, was looking at the little kids, particularly toddler age, and making sure I saw them and thinking about having our own one day. We're both having some serious reproductive fever.

Why don't I do this more often?

I will, though. I absolutely will.

In part, our reason for being there was to talk to the pastor and ask him to do premarital counseling with us. It seemed only polite to actually attend a church service together before asking. He was certain either he or his co-pastor would be able to over the next few weeks. No conditions, no requests that we join, no, "where've you been and why should I?" Just delight that we were getting married and seeming real pleased we'd asked.

And, since we're meeting with a pastor now probably on at least a weekly basis, I think the very least we could do is attend church.

And, anyhow, we're looking for a new home and I saw online some townhouses that look nice that are in the area of the church. And we want to start a family in the next couple of years and I've been more than clear with D that, our lapses as an unmarried couple aside, I really, strongly, with all my heart intend that we will go to church as a family every Sunday possible, at least until any children we have are confirmed. And preferably afterwards. And preferably before we actually have any children so that we're certain the church we're taking them to is a place we want them to go. (And, yeah, for ourselves.)

He makes agreeable sounding noises to this, but I'm not sure. I know it's more important to me than to him. I also know he would just about do anything in the world for me and someday for his family. We'll see. (And I know the sight of families sitting together in church makes him feel all kinds of sentimental.)

But it goes back to not being able to change another person, right? So, no more blaming him for me not getting up and getting dressed and out the door on Sunday mornings. Which I am perfectly capable of doing and would likely be a much more balanced person if I did it more frequently.

How's Pheeny, Nomi? Any word?

Still sick. Took her to a reptile vet this morning (an hour away, her usual one was not available). Nothing was obviously wrong - clear stool sample, clear x-ray, etc. They gave her a shot of fluids for hydration and vitamin B to stimulate appetite. Also sent me home with two dewormer meds "just to be safe" but I'm holding off on using them; since she didn't having any worms and the side effects of the meds are loose stools and loss of appetite (her main symptoms). For now I'm just syringe feeding her and lots of snuggling.

Thanks for asking!

Dear Bob,

I've always felt like I had the rest of my life to do the things I want to do. That feeling is going away, I guess as a part of getting older. Now, decisions are becoming so much harder. I have to think about my life in the long-term. I want to go to grad school. I want to live abroad for a few years, and I would love to learn another language. But, take the year of my current fellowship, the two years abroad, and 4 years of grad school...7 years before I start my career?? In some professions that's normal, but for my goals...how can that possibly be practical? That feels like waiting forever before I settle down. Can I put off living abroad? But learning another language would be useful for my career goals, and really...when else am I going to have such a chance?

As soon as I make one decision, the rest will be easy. But it feels like that one decision cancels out so many other possibilities. How frustrating! I know I'm lucky to have options, but I wish I could make myself more decisive.

Bob,

I just bought a Nook. I'm kinda freaking out because I never ever buy things for myself, and it's kinda a lot of money.

I'm so excited though!

- Fred

Dear Bob,

Sometimes (arguably often) I really wonder where I'm going with my life, if I'll ever find a vocation that inspires me in some capacity. I'm not really sure where to go with schooling and I don't have any real dreams outside of school. My only real goal at this point is to get enough money together to help EL finish school and to figure out what to do with my life by the time that's done.

Sometimes I feel lonely without hopes or dreams for myself.

~Rei

Dear Bob,

Finances and outliving bad decisions are kind of haunting me today. It's hard to keep the overwhelmedness from creeping up on me. One thing at a time just does not seem like enough.

Dear Bob,

Dad just told me he got an e-mail from our neighbors. Apollo, their boxer, passed away. I used to watch him while they went out of town. He was such a snuggly dog, despite his big size. I'm really going to miss him.

~me

Bob,

I feel utterly paralyzed by depression. For the last week, it has been overwhelming me to a degree that I have not experienced in years, if ever. Nothing has happened in my life to explain it. The only thing that has changed is an increase in a medicine I take for migraines, which is not supposed to have any effect on mood. But I'm really scared by how I feel, so I'm going to try to decrease the drug in the hopes that this gets better. I have to struggle to get out of bed, eat, do mundane tasks. I don't want to go anywhere, see anyone, do anything. And I have no reason for feeling this way. I just want to curl into myself and disappear.

Nomi,

Call your doctor and tell him/her about this new development. If it is related to the drug, you and your doctor can come up with a better regimen for you! (If you started a new migraine drug, it's probably because your old one wasn't doing what you need... but this is an unacceptable side effect... so it would be best to switch to something else that will hopefully control the migraines without the mood effects!)

Also, if it was an animal drug, we'd report it to the FDA... it helps them decide when/if to pull drugs off the market or order the company to re-label them to include new side effects.

I hope you feel better soon!