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Posted: Thu Jun 24, 2010 1:41 pm
by Eddie Pinz

Sometimes you wake up 6 hours later than you are supposed to. I feel like an a******.

Posted: Sun Jun 27, 2010 2:35 pm
by Eaquae Legit
Dear Bob,

I like the climate here, but my sinuses don't. Every time we go from sunny weather to rain, I get a sinus migraine. It's too bad, because it's a really nice place.

On the other hand, I suppose, I haven't had a regular migraine in ages.

Posted: Sun Jun 27, 2010 6:46 pm
by Eddie Pinz
Oh Bob-o,

So much for taking a break. The roommate that I wasn't friends with prior to this whole adventure, is a complete douchebag. Among numerous (and I do mean numerous) other things, it culminated last night in him pounding on my bedroom door at 1:30 am waking me up and then proceeding to go down stairs, throw up in the living room and not clean it up. In the morning, he claimed it wasn't him. Even though everyone else in the house was asleep and all his s*** was around it. Hat, wallet, glasses, sandals. All there. Add on top of this, that the couple in the house is fighting and she just asked me if it would be possible to get out of this lease. We are less than a month in! I think we are going to need to have a family meeting.

Posted: Sun Jun 27, 2010 7:27 pm
by Eaquae Legit
Oh Bob-o,

So much for taking a break. The roommate that I wasn't friends with prior to this whole adventure, is a complete douchebag. Among numerous (and I do mean numerous) other things, it culminated last night in him pounding on my bedroom door at 1:30 am waking me up and then proceeding to go down stairs, throw up in the living room and not clean it up. In the morning, he claimed it wasn't him. Even though everyone else in the house was asleep and all his s*** was around it. Hat, wallet, glasses, sandals. All there. Add on top of this, that the couple in the house is fighting and she just asked me if it would be possible to get out of this lease. We are less than a month in! I think we are going to need to have a family meeting.
Ugh. Housecest is the worst to live with. That, and vomit. You have my sympathy.

Posted: Sun Jun 27, 2010 7:35 pm
by Eddie Pinz
Everyone is pretty easy to live with. If he would have got up and said, "Wow, I got way too drunk last night guy. I'll clean it up. My bad, it won't happen again." Everything would have been fine. But he got up and didn't think he did it. It was "Oh so everyone is going to blame me." We were like we aren't blaming you, you are guilty. Then "He goes oh, I guess its guilt by association then." First, that statement doesn't even make sense. Second, you are the person that did it! It couldn't have been anyone else. And you are still being an ass about it.

Posted: Sun Jun 27, 2010 9:55 pm
by buckshot
Nothing's nasty as when some drunk pukes and leaves it in your place! If he can't own up to it maybe it might jog his memory if it (the puke) got scooped up and deposited under his pillow! 8) I had a s***** roomy or two in my youth.

Posted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 8:38 am
by Gravity Defier

You were 11 from page 2 and although I know you probably wouldn't have made it there, I felt like you could use a bump.

Yesterday was much like the rest of the week before it: kind of draining on the emotional front.

I got home from work, drained and not a little bit frustrated that I'm behind on things that I wasn't struggling with even when the snowbirds were here. I need to go into turbo mode extreme this morning and if I'm lucky, I'll "catch up" by tomorrow, only to fall behind again by the end of Tuesday.

The nieces were over for part of the evening, which was unexpected. They were waiting to pick up medicine -prescribed by the Urgent Care doctors- to deal with the ringworm their mother didn't address up in Phoenix.

My niece told me I was beautiful and I wanted to cry at how unfair life is. How could that even be in her head, anywhere, when they're going through what they are? I'm hoping it was some reciprocation of me telling all of them the same, because they are. And they're smart and alive and funny and they annoy me all the time and they are too above their situation for me to be happy with their lot in life.

My sister-in-law stole me away for a little bit and we talked; there are plans to make this as permanent as possible and I told her it'd make more sense for my mom (my dad would have very little luck...he raised my big brother from 2 or 3 on but my mom didn't let my dad officially adopt him and obviously, no blood relation) but guess who gets in the way of that? They're not going to let three kids into a home where one of the adults has a "contributing to the delinquency" charge or two.

You know what made all that feel worse? I hate myself for this but I noticed Brat wasn't there. He hasn't been there, not really, for weeks now. It is best that it stays that way but if I stop and think about it, it hurts to the very core. Old him would have jumped all over the silence, asked me what was wrong because I wasn't being me if I wasn't going on about something.

You know what's even scarier? Someone else was there and there is still a part of me thinking this is bad, this is going to be the end of me, I'm going to do what I do and start needing them and best intentions aside, it's going to be the same thing. There will be a time one year, two years down the road (Brat lasted longest, clocking in at a week or two past two years) when my life will be falling apart and all I'll need and ask for is a little bit of attention and it won't come. Scares the s*** out of me.

But it was nice.

So I told them about two of the top 4 worst things to ever happen to me. How's that for facing your fears head on? God, help us both. I don't want to ruin another good person.

My brother got in late last night, we talked for a bit, he stole my sit-up bar, promised to take me to work today, and here we are.

It feels like my heart is lodged in the back of my throat. There's too much to be worried and scared and frustrated by for it to stay put down below.

So, Bob, please be open-minded if I continue to be crazy and up and down. I'm doing my best to keep all the pieces together; sometimes I can and sometimes a few slip out. I'd like to think, on the whole, I'm doing reasonably well, all things considered.

Posted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 9:59 am
by Eddie Pinz

I love you and all, but sometimes I wish you would fall to the second page. The reason for this is two fold.

1) You take everything in Bob. But a lot of what you get is s***** stories. I know this is what you are here for and I appreciate it. But if you are on the second page, maybe that means s***** things aren't happening to my friends and I. That would be a nice change of pace.

2) This would mean that this place is someone active, which is always an added bonus.

So I was secretly hoping that you would get to see the second page for once in your life. Please don't be mad at me because you know damn well that when the next terrible thing happens to me, I will be right back here talking to you.

Posted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 10:06 am
by Eddie Pinz
Holler at me Netherlands! Didn't get a chance to watch any of this, but I'm glad about the result. My final prediction is still alive. Man I wish I would have bet it. I refuse to reveal it though. Because God knows that the teams that root for love to kick me in the balls.

Posted: Fri Jul 02, 2010 7:01 pm
by daPyr0x

I am a horribly conflicted person. On the one hand, I really enjoy my single & loner life where I push everyone away so I don't feel guilty for living my selfish life. On the other, going out and exploring the world, making memories, with others just sounds so fun. Perhaps, though, that's just me being media-washed and wishing my life was a sitcom. That being said, if I ever move back towards my brothers there'll be 4 nerdy guys with 1 hot not-so-bright girl that slowly catches on...

I guess I'm just trying to figure out how going out is so fun to everyone. It rarely is for me. But, there's a key difference. Everyone else goes out with a bunch of friends. I don't. In fact, I rarely go out with more than one person. Not for any lack of trying, but I digress. I sit on my balcony, looking down on the world, and I see how everyone can have so much fun just being out amongst the city; couples building memories together, all that. I know I'm missing out on so much of life sitting in my apartment getting high and playing video games; I just don't know where it is. I'm happy...err, satisfied, with staying home and playing video games, don't get me wrong. It just doesn't fill me with any real sort of "zest" for life.

I try really hard to get myself out, exposed, to different groups to try and find myself a niche. I don't have one, though. I'm tired of being "wrong" and I so often am that it's rarely worthwhile. I am always the outsider, the slightly off or weird one, or just the one who's actually born in this country and can't understand the language of your home country. It's funny, too; because I'm always so successful socially, at least initially, that I find it so tough to find a place. Every once in a while I'll mention my social issues to someone new-ish and they'll exclaim how surprising such a report is to them.

I do a really good job of appearing like I belong, but I never feel it. In my "old age," though, I've come to terms with that and have learned to be, as I said, satisfied with only belonging at home.


Posted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 3:35 pm
by locke
a bit of a bob post of my own, but also replying a bit to GD

Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.
W.S.Merwin our new poet laureate

heard him read that on NPR on Thursday and it's been on my mind ever since. Such a beautiful and concise bit of thought that nails exactly how I've felt before in the past, and still feel at times for the women I have loved.

Posted: Sat Jul 03, 2010 3:45 pm
by starlooker
Dear Bob,

I am turning into a slug. I don't want to do anything these days when I'm home other than lay on the couch and watch TV or play solitaire on the computer. I don't really WANT to exercise or clean or work or write or wedding plan. I just want to watch TV until the benedryl kicks in and I go to sleep. And it's been going on long enough that I'm starting to get frustrated with myself for feeling like this.

I seriously need to develop an interest in my own life. Or work is going to burn me out within a few years. Particularly given the population I'm working with.

(Also, I need to tell my doctor to up my antidepressant or give me a different one, cuz it ain't working.)

Posted: Sun Jul 04, 2010 11:09 am
by Gravity Defier
a bit of a bob post of my own, but also replying a bit to GD

Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color.
W.S.Merwin our new poet laureate

heard him read that on NPR on Thursday and it's been on my mind ever since. Such a beautiful and concise bit of thought that nails exactly how I've felt before in the past, and still feel at times for the women I have loved.
Why, thank you, locke*, that really is sort of perfect and it definitely is beautiful.

I wrote him a letter, a year ago today, took a picture and posted it tiny in DY, and then sealed the envelope, so that the only person who could read it (assuming no one breaks the seal but him) would have to be him. He won't and wouldn't take the letter though. I'm pretty sure I took it down in October when I got back from Chicago and was depressed...and then he spent three days -three days, unheard of for him- doing his best to pay close attention to why I was upset.

I know it was a year ago today because it was such a happy, optimistic "I just know you're special and going to be around, and I'll learn to live with this post-June behavior because when you're in it for the long haul, what's a day or two of leaving me worried that you're dead or hurt and I have no way of knowing better?" And then he told me that night, as I was watching fireworks with my mom, oldest brother, and oldest niece, that maybe it was best we no longer talked. I had taken my dinner with me but when I read what he said, it sat on the dashboard and I never hated fireworks more than I did just then.

It took until that October moment, me deleting that image and telling him he was right back in July, maybe it was best, for things to be almost the way they were and it stayed that way until early January, sucked it up again until the weekend after my birthday, when, after refusing to wish me a happy birthday and telling me my behavior made him want to say it less than he already did want to say it (not at all), he started paying attention again. Until May. And here we are. Cyclical bullshit.

I still hate fireworks but I'm hoping someday that will change, because I used to love them and have high hopes of dragging a boy to Navy Pier to watch them with me, where I will insist he kiss me one nice little, acceptable public kiss.

The best part of going separate ways with someone is that magical day that you don't even realize is coming until it's there staring you in the face, when you wake up and know they no longer have the best of you.

The worst part is having all these stories, small and pointless, stupid or funny, big and important, and wanting that one person to know. "Don't you know you're supposed to know this? I can't catch you up, something is going to slip through the cracks; either you're here and know about it or you're not and don't."

Like, last night. My brother, niece and I went to see Eclipse. I wanted to see the movie but I also wanted to go home and sleep. As I was the passenger, I had no say, and since my theater was having repairs done, I had no say in us going to the chain I had successfully avoided for 3.5 years. When the movie was over, when my niece and I breathed a sigh of relief over not getting caught sneaking in Target-bought candy, we went to the parking lot and searched for 30 minutes for my brother's car, thinking it stolen at one point.

I had my phone signed into AIM, I had my phone in my hand, ready to tell him any and all of that. But I didn't. I just looked at his name there, wondered if he would try saying something to me, thinking I was at home. Of course he wouldn't. He just doesn't care.

And neither should I. I care less than I did a month ago but I still care.

A bit of a Bob post of my own, but also replying a bit to locke.

*Every time someone who is familiar with me in such a way as to render calling me G D beyond ridiculous, I'm going to make that mean God dammit in my head, even though it will make little sense 99% of the time.

Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 6:35 pm
by Eaquae Legit

I'm not sure if this is repetitive or not, so too bad if it is.

I'm back to caring, and I enjoy what I do. I love my seniors' house and how it's got great staff and the guys are sweet and shifts are generally pretty laid-back. I like N., too, and her need to be loved and kept safe tugs at my heart. When she asks "How am I doing?" or tells me something is stressing her out, I feel honoured to be trusted. I want to be her friend. Even though she exhausts me with her neediness, I understand it and I'm glad I can be there for her.

It's even good to be reminded where my muse is.

But if I had to settle into this for the rest of my life, I'd go nuts. It's something that I'm good at doing, but it's not my vocation. I feel a little guilty, like my guys deserve more of me. I'm not sure where else this is going. I think I just wanted to write it out somewhere. Thanks, Bob.

Posted: Mon Jul 05, 2010 6:37 pm
by Borommakot_15
Dear Bob,

That was the worst Day 1 that I've had, since I started acting on my diamond tendencies.. I had too much ML, and got slapped.. overdrunk before I even puttied.. got mimiced and blown up in the barrels.. was beaten up at least 5 times.. I stopped counting once I ran out of hot tub uses.. and, to top it off, I forgot to pull the carnivore.. so I would normally be running more ML..

Geez.. only an hour or two in and my run was hosed..

If I don't summon at least 3 LPUs tomorrow, I'm canning the run. So long as I get the skill. Best start planning the second contest run, then.. maybe SCO PM.. that's a soft board, and I have spare air..

Shoot me?


Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 6:37 pm
by Rei
Dear Bob,

I am in an awkward position. First off and most importantly, I have work. This is a very good thing and I feel I have no right to complain much about it, especially as it took me some three months to find just what I DO have. It's not glamorous, nor does it pay especially well (although certainly fair wages for the position itself), but it does not pay especially poorly, nor is the job itself particularly difficult, and as I mentioned before, it's paying work, which is seemingly hard to gain. That said, it IS quite dull and I get a very strong vibe of mistrust and fathoms of politics all around me (whenever someone else from the company is actually at my particular site), and that makes me feel very, VERY uncomfortable with nearly everybody from the company. I work alone, I make sure the machines are working, I help the customers on the few occasions they need help for one reason or another (some easily resolved, some less so, some their own issue, some our machines' issue). Most of the work is maintenance, or waiting for a customer to need help. When the machines are working, there can be a lot of waiting. And in those times, I am meant to wander circuits of the lot until either something goes wrong, or I need to help someone, or both. And yes, I've already gotten a minor reprimand for reading in the down time, so no more of that. And they do have cameras everywhere, which can be seen from head office, I believe. Plus, a manager or other superior could show up, and often enough does show up, at any time, unannounced, for no stated reason. I am not overly happy working there, but hopefully we'll only be here for another six months, and if I can hold on and endure, that will be good.

With all of that having been said (I do love a good ablative absolute), the other day a customer was very impressed with how adamant I was about making sure we did a good job to clean his vehicle and whatnot, and he gave me his phone number as well the website of the company where he works and said to take a look at it and if I liked it, I should call him. It's a far better career he said, and that someone "as hard working" as me should not be working where I am, but at a place more like where he is at. The catch is that training for the field is at least six months long (although usable not just in Canada, but in a few other countries as well). Also, and possibly more critically, the first few months of training would be school work and would not only cost money (probably not an issue due to an RESP) but would be time when I'd not be making money. And not making money for several months is a risky gamble at this point. The second portion of training is paid work and is paid better than I am currently making just for the training. An actual professional gets paid several times again more than that.

So tonight I'm meeting him at his workplace, an informal job shadow of sorts, at his suggestion, in order to see what the job is like and to confirm that it's the kind of thing that I would enjoy, and also to ask him questions and to get a better idea of what I need to do, what the interviews are like, the kinds of questions they ask, etc.

I very much would like to be in a more stimulating line of work, but I'm afraid of accidentally sacrificing all that we've already worked for and destroying those dreams. I'm also afraid of hoping that this could work out perfectly, because I've already been disappointed twice by very promising situations. I just want to be in the place where I'm meant to be, and I would like to be in a job better suited to my interests, abilities, and skills than where I am right now. It's a job that I can do, but it's not very well suited. But again, it might be better to stick it out these six months in security of achieving our goals (well, as much security as I can ever have when mistrust and politics are thick, which is not loads, but more than if I spring off to something that isn't paying yet).

I guess we'll have this meeting tonight and see, Bob. I'm just testing the door to see how easily it opens, and if it opens, then I'll peek in to see if what's behind it is actually something that will be good for us.

I kind of, on some fearful level, hope it is...


Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 7:20 pm
by Eddie Pinz
[Bob response]


Its a tough decision. I did it 2 years ago and it was training with out the promise of a job, that I had to pay for. I actually almost doubled my debt. It was 13 weeks of training. Then I couldn't find work for almost a month and a half, but it got my foot in the door. The first position that I got was an easy enough job. I was paid fairly, but it went no where. Near the end of my contract, I got a call from a company that I interviewed with before. They remembered me and had a job that fit my skill set perfectly. I am still at the position. And even with the bullshit currently going on with management, I still love it. I picked up so many new skills and would actually be in high demand on the job market. In fact I still get about a call every two months when someone stumbles on upon my 2 year old resume. Not to mention, that in a year and a half (from the job I had before my training), I doubled my salary. So, I certainly don't know the ins and outs of your situation, but if you think you would enjoy the work and it is monetarily viable, I would say take the gamble because it really can work out in the long run.

[/Bob response]

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 10:18 pm
by Confessions
Agh. My mind and my heart have diverged into complete opposites. It's been some 70 days since my ex dumped me. Yet, although I have loads of animosity towards her, I still think she's gosh darn hot. And since my aerobic exercise is, well, the hand, it is obvious that this is part of the problem. I've noticed my exercise is harder to complete and is emotionally draining. However, I use it to stay in shape. I'm in a catch 22 and stuck, and every moment that passes makes it worse.

Posted: Thu Jul 08, 2010 11:36 pm
by Rei

Thanks for the input. My meeting this evening went well and the job does seem pretty neat. I can see myself doing it for five to ten years, which is time enough to make up for my temporal and fiscal input to get the qualifications. So it's looking likely. Now I just need to decide when would be most advantageous to enter the process.

Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 8:34 am
by Gravity Defier

There are any number of things to be said, like "Oh, s***" or "Uh oh" or "You know better."

Two different four-lettered friends did not help with matters.

s***. s***, s***.

Posted: Fri Jul 09, 2010 7:34 pm
by starlooker



Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 12:20 am
by Rei
Dear Bob,

I'm waiting for the dawn at the end of this dark night of the soul.


Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 6:01 pm
by starlooker
Dear Bob,

In good news today, my aunts + future mother-in-law have been very busy with wedding planning. I probably have a place for the reception and have found out that the church is absolutely gorgeous. Also, all my bridesmaids finally sent in their sizes, the one I was scared was going to bail on me is not, and tuxedos are fairly easy to manage, turns out. Also, my aunts are going in with me on the cake, so that's one expense down. Thank God for family. Also, the reception place is already seasonally decorated, although I can bring in a couple of touches if I want. This is a tremendous relief, and almost worth the priciness of the place in my mind.

Holy s***, I'm getting married in three months. In a REAL, ACTUAL wedding! Like they do on TV! EEP!

In bad news, I'm getting married homecoming week, which means cops will be out, hotels scarce, the reception site they found was pretty well found by default, and I'm not sure how I'm going to find a stylist. All the same.

Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 8:11 pm
by daPyr0x
Dear Bob,

I'm participating in 2 group projects currently. I tend to be the person to do final summaries, editing, outline, etc. I'm the guy everyone else's work gets dumped on to who has to make it in to something cohesive. I just received the second (of 4) peoples' components and the only thing coming out of my mouth is "Oh dear god."

They were supposed to have half this stuff completed last Wednesday, but nobody did, so I pleaded with them to have it for this morning so I could have the day to work with it. Clearly, nobody did.

I wasn't expecting perfect English from the two members for whom it is not their primary language. I knew I'd have to massage their sentences slightly, maybe rewrite bits here and there. I did not expect, as an analysis, for an entire paragraph to be "A news article in this paper said, 'this.'"

I wish I could skip class Monday night to try and make some sense out of this, but there I have another report to hand in and presentation. This thing is due Wednesday... Guess who's pulling an all-nighter Tuesday night?? Eugh, I'm frustrated.

Thanks for listening, Bob.


Posted: Sun Jul 11, 2010 9:21 pm
by Gravity Defier
I have not and will not go to anyone this time around, even though it fucking hurts more than I can say.

f*** the phone, f*** IM, f*** PM, f*** FB, f*** hugs, f*** yelling, f*** crying.

I'm doing this one alone and if anyone thinks they're getting anywhere near that level of close to me ever again, they can have fun with the wall I've been rebuilding around myself.

I am so, so angry and hurt that he couldn't just understand what he meant to me because if he did, maybe things could have been different.

I am so full of s***.

Posted: Mon Jul 12, 2010 11:43 pm
by buckshot
Dear Bob'
I hate to bring this up with you but ever since I sold my Super Cub i've been missing flying more than ever . I know it hurts and worries Julie a ton , after all these years you would think she'd get used to some of these things . I suppose that sounds kinda mean and selfish , it is but I do feel that damn clock ticking and soon enough I won't feel like working on a new (old) plane project. With my ever growing list of meds no doubt I may not be able to fly much longer(legally) anyway.

Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 9:01 am
by Gravity Defier

Do you ever get that feeling that things would be easier and better, on everything and everyone, if you just weren't? Not "weren't around anymore" or "weren't this way or that way" but simply never existed to begin with?

I am a walking, talking over-dramatic mess of a person.

I wish I Weren't sometimes.

I'm also starving and don't want McDonalds but will likely get cranky if my coworker is eating it while I'm scarfing down my banana and/or yogurt.

Posted: Tue Jul 13, 2010 1:28 pm
by buckshot
Bob' I just can't get past the need to change things in this life . I don't know how or what , but I feel like i'm welding myself into a cage with no door. I can't imagine what's missing , I have the best wife, great kids and the greatest bunch of friends there ever was. I've nothing to bitch about other than my health, I suppose thats the 2000 lb bull in the room I see out of corner of my eye . I :? just feel that I'm missing the best party ever, and forgot about it or something. Maybe I should just go buy something only that high only lasts a short while. Thanks for listening

Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2010 1:42 pm
by Jayelle

I am so completely stressed and overwhelmed. We are leaving in 5 weeks and the TO DO list just keeps growing. And our bank account keeps shrinking.
I am raging on stupid pregnancy hormones and it's making me totally overwhelmed by everything. I need to sort all our stuff out, sell a bunch of it, have a garage sale in two weeks, get rid of everything we don't sell. I have to fit everything we're taking into five 50lb boxes (for the plane) and 2 20lb boxes (to mail).
I have to distract my child from the fact that her toys are disappearing and pray that she doesn't freak out over being moved to a new city, losing most of her stuff, changing from Dad being at home to Mom being at home and getting a brand new sibling.

Oh, and on top of all of that, there's the massive emotional roller coaster of saying goodbye to ALL of my friends, my church, my job (which I love), moving to a city that is in the middle of nowhere (and nowhere NEAR my family) and having no idea how I'm going to make new friends.

AND I am procrastinating from doing everything on my list by posting on pweb.



Posted: Wed Jul 14, 2010 9:31 pm
by Gravity Defier
Yeah, yeah, me again. That's the problem with losing a best friend type; you need to go somewhere, at least if you're me.

When I'm wrong about a person, I'm really and truly wrong.

Radio silence on all fronts!

(P.S. Tell Kelly I said happy birthday soon, please. :) )

Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2010 6:42 pm
by ValentineNicole
Hey Bob, it's been a while. How've you been? :P

I don't know who else to talk to, so here I am, briefly and egotistically. Yep, I don't show up to pweb for years (except sporadically), and still, here I am to bitch. Please, if you are planning to just get on my case about this post, don't read it. LOL.

Bob, I'm unhappy. Not deeply unhappy or anything. Just superficially unhappy for today. I'm feeling pretty crappy, for no real reason. I'm actually loving Minneapolis. I went out to a bar with some guys from work yesterday, am going to the movies w/ a guy from my MBA program tomorrow, am going to this other guy from work's party Saturday, and then Sunday, I'm going to a bar for Bastille day with the MBA guy again. I'm just one of those people that can feel alone while surrounded, I suppose...

These guys from work keep asking me out, but I don't like the kind of guys that ask me out, LOL. I like the shy, quiet type. The type I have to chase, a little. The type you'd call nerdy before hot, but also the type that have sweet personalities and good hearts. Unfortunately, when I like one of these guys, it's so much damned effort! It takes months before they finally admit they like me. I don't want to keep playing that game, LOL. But I'm so shy myself... Its a catch 22. They won't tell me; I won't tell them. And frankly, I'm 24. I feel really old to be single (SINGLE, not even dating anyone!) again. I want to start a life with someone. I just...don't want to start a life with any of the someones who seem into me. :P

And Bob, let's be retro for a minute. I. Feel. Fat. But for once, it's not a skinny girl saying that. I'm actually not looking my best, due to circumstantial things outside my control. If you thought I was a baby about my weight at 110-120, you should see me at where I am now (let's just say slightly more :p) I'm not huge by any means, but my clothes aren't exactly fitting well. I know that logically, exercise, diet, and a few less meals at work would do wonders. I could probably be back to normal this summer, if I was real healthy. But for now, I'm about ready to throw a hissy fit every time I look in the mirror. Especially post binge. But every time I think about men, I throw all thoughts of dieting out the window... They're so stressful!

And on top of that, I can't get over a certain ex. I don't know why. He just keeps popping into my head. No matter what I do, he's there. I want to call him, but at the same time, I don't. I...can't handle rejection. And my pessimistic mind is about 100% certain it'd be rejection. Actually, it may even be more a realistic mind than a pessimistic one...Sometimes I wish I could just tell him how I feel and see what he says... But I know that's stupid, and unfair, and it'd likely lead to me feeling even worse.

Bob, I don't know why I feel so weak today. I had a good day at work. Maybe it's because I made an entire bag of tostitos into my dinner... That seems a good enough reason as any to feel poorly about myself. Or maybe it's just the car accident. Or my sisters, who I try so hard to do everything nice for, who in turn spit in my face (figuratively). Or the break up, or the whole pregnancy thing, or the messy room and the loneliness of living alone and the scariness of moving on. Or maybe it's my cold.

But Bob, I need you. Because I don't know who I can call. Because I lean on boyfriends when I feel s*****, and I don't have one. Because most my girl friends are not the sort I feel I can cry to about some of this. Because I'm scared and sad and alone and nervous and whiney and missing people and sick, and I want to cry.

Posted: Thu Jul 15, 2010 8:33 pm
by Eddie Pinz
Bob oh Bob,

When it rains it pours. Why of all of the nights in all of time did she have to call me tonight? What a mind f***. Good lord do I need this weekend.

Posted: Fri Jul 16, 2010 3:01 pm
by ValentineNicole

Yay! I got a raise!! It was a great day! Now I just need to get ready to go out!!

Posted: Sat Jul 17, 2010 1:15 pm
by ValentineNicole

Parties are fun, right? So why do I not want to go? Why am I such a loner sometimes? I know I'll have fun once I'm there.

I suppose I'm just worried i won't know anyone..

Posted: Sun Jul 18, 2010 9:31 am
by ValentineNicole

Parties ARE fun. I didn't know anyone, but I met people. It really was pretty awesome, and now I have a few more cool people that want to do something with me - from a gym buddy to an arts buddy - and plenty of bar dates. I'm glad I actually got up and went. I spent like 6 hours there, LOL.

Then I went out to see Inception, which was AMAZING!!! Seriously, I LOVE seeing good movies, and it'd been a while. I feel kind of bad because my friend paid for *everything* - tickets, snack, sodas... I need to somehow trick him into letting me take him out soon to pay him back :P

I have another party in a few hours, and I'm SO tired, Bob! Lots of socializing this weekend, lol. I'm looking forward to it, but I may just call the guy I'm going with and ask if we can go late :P