Philotic Web

*bows* yeah, lovely scene

Bob,

I'm not sure which bothers me more, the fact that I know it's 6 hours till work starts and I've not slept a wink, or that my routine of losing my "high" after 2 hours is enough to bore me of lying in bed in favor of regaining it to try and help me sleep.

He came today, while I was at work, packed up his stuff, and left. Since my last email to him, suggesting he make alternative plans for September, the only contact he's given me was a note taped to my door asking for the return of his computer monitor (I had been borrowing it as he wasn't using it). I knew then that this is what the next step was going to be, though I didn't expect it to be quite so quick.

I feel like I'm pushing away my last connection to my Dad. Like I do with everyone I get close to. I've spent the last 2 years of my life focused on trying to fill in the gaps and care for him, make sure he can get through college. I refuse to continue to do so and be treated this way; and I know that this entire situation will prove as a valuable lesson to him...but it's hard on me.

I know how parents feel.

--Me

Bob,

AHHHHHHHHhhhhh! Welcome to the emotional rollarcoaster that is our life. After being rejected from every. other. school. Memorial university had sent nothing to us, so Paul emailed them to find out what was what. Turns out, they are still "in the decision making process". Oh holy hell, how long does it take! After emailing back and forth over transcripts and whatnot, one of the english department dudes sent a very encouraging email saying how impressed he was by Paul's stuff.
So... that sounds pretty promising and also all hopes-getting-up, but you never know, they could say no still.
BUT we could be moving to Newfoundland. Do you know how far away that is? St. John's is further east then anything in North America. It's so far to move, and on quite short notice - we'd pretty much have to sell everything we own and buy new stuff there.

This is insanity and they better let us know soon.

Going nuts,
JL

Bob,

My Boys got it right when they said:

"Boys like you are overrated, so save your breath."


I suppose having the word "Chicago" in the title didn't hurt, either.

Dear Bob,

They let us know.

Are you going to have to learn a funny accent now, Caspian?

Are you going to have to learn a funny accent now, Caspian?

That's right, Americans. Newfies are the only Canadians who have that funny accent that you seem to think that we all have.

Paul already has the stereotypical Canadian accent, so we know that's a lie.

Dear Bob,

They let us know.

So now you're going to do to us what they did to you and let us suffer?

I'm going to assume you're hunting for boxes and thus too busy to type out the entire message.

Tentative congratulations!

WE'RE MOVING TO NEWFOUNDLAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111

Congrats!!

I have a moving suggestion, if you want it. My parents moved from Ohio to southern California with a 2 year old and a 4 year old. My dad, grandpa and I drove with the stuff. My mom, grandma and brother flew and met us there. It can be a long drive for the drivers, but it may be better than selling/buying all your stuff

congrats JL ^^
edit: and paul too! (i didn't know what it was about at first lol)

I'm not sure that it's actually appropriate to congratulate someone for becoming a Newfie. It seems like condolences might be more appropriate.

I'm not sure that it's actually appropriate to congratulate someone for becoming a Newfie. It seems like condolences might be more appropriate.

This.

But HOLY MEGA SUPER CONGRATS for getting into your doctoral program, Paul!!!

Congratulations Paul and Jan!

Congratulations you two! How exciting!!!

Congratulations, and good luck!

Take away the tentative on my former congratulations.


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Bob,

This is what, my third talk with you in as many days? No Brat for practically a week does that; I don't know what to say, who I can say it to, or, honestly, why I should bother saying it. Is this really my life until someone who actually likes spending time with me comes around?

10 months, 24 days and 1 year, 9 months, 17 days. I.Can.Do.This. Movies, books: keep rolling in; you are good company.

I painted on my first canvas today; it's for my little brother. It's not what I would have chosen for my first time on a canvas were this any other time but...yeah. I can't break from my comfort, drawing, and it's pretty obvious. Lines are messy. Whatever.

It looks great! I'm actually jealous you can keep it that neat looking.

I know, I know, don't reply to Bob postings. I'm disobeying my own rule left and right...

Dear Bob,

I have an apartment in Portland picked out! It's only a few blocks away from where I will be working, is actually a rented condo, is one bedroom, and is amazing. A tiny shared lawn out front, a cool brick and cast iron fence out back, hardwood floors, stainless steel kitchen, and all for $675 a month. I'm actually typing this to you from an unsecured hotspot in a park right next to another, less-awesome apartment in Portland, before I drop off some stuff I brought down with a friend and make the looooooooong drive back to Moscow.

Anyway, I'm excited and anxious and figured I'd give you a write.

Jose says "hi,"
Jeff

Bob, I'm so happy that my successor is who it is. He's brilliant, and talented. He's amazingly nice to everyone, but kind of critical of himself. He's professional--he understands going through the motions. I asked him to write a sponsor letter for next year to send to the teachers, and he absolutely amazed me. Yes, it needed a few minor changes, but his attention to detail and professional diction just astounded me. I am so pleased with him, and I really feel like he'll take very good care of my clubs. Ah, it's just so nice! But, I just wanted to let you know that the clubs are in good hands. =]

human.

CONGRATS JAYELLE & MICH BTW.

Dear Bob,

Can't sleep. Have narrowed down the state I want to be in in two months. Only choosing between 3 cities. Have found jobs to apply to in the morning. Freak out can start to wind down. Maybe. I think at this point I will just stay up. I have been sleeping too much and spending too much time indoors, I just need to be out of here for a good portion of day by 6 hours from now. Maybe nap. Okay, nap sounds great.

Bob,

Its amazing how seeing someone that you didn't want and didn't expect to can throw your life into a mini tail spin. I think I am going to drink until I can't feel feelings anymore.

Bob, My partners wife died yesterday, it was a long time illness and no surprise ,but shocking and sad none the less. I totally suck in these times and never feel like I help as much as I can or should. I know it's wrong to worry about my own weakness when I need to focus on getting my bud through this bullshit .

*hugs*

Me again. Sorry, though you shouldn't be surprised.

I am dog, aching down to the bone, tired. Every facet of my life in which I could be frustrated, angry, or disappointed, I am frustrated, angry, or disappointed.

I say a lot of stuff I either don't mean, do mean but don't want to admit to meaning, or intend to mean at some future date.

I don't say a lot of stuff I should say, if only to force a confrontation between me and the truth.

She's avoiding me now. Color me a nice, bright shade of nobody is surprised by this. To steal from Big, "She can reach me but I can't ever get her."

I feel like screaming at her that I don't care about whatever it is that caused her to start avoiding me in the first place, just talk to me. I'm all these things I hate and there are so few people prepared to deal with that.

Because I need to cry. I'm perfectly capable of doing such alone but I want to cry where someone I trust can hear me, so I don't feel like the only thing I'm good at is alienating myself. So I can tell her things that make me an uglier person and still feel like despite all that, someone can still see some good in me and not the running list of awful things my brain is pouring over every second of every minute of every waking moment.




Ugh. I am disgusted by how over-the-top dramatic I am. Please shoot me.

I've decided where I'm moving in 6 weeks. Now to make it work. My future roommate and I have already plotted out what neighborhood we'll move to if we don't stay in his place. And where we'll go to dinner. One of our mutual friends is shocked we've never hooked up but yeah, its just not like that.

I am getting really depressed but so far hiding it fairly well. I feel like it's about to explode all over everything if I don't let it out on my own. I just don't trust my judgment of who is trustworthy anymore. I'm writing this in McD's while waiting for my next census worker to report.

Depression came back with a severe vengeance on Tuesday, was pretty much okay yesterday, until I tried to go to bed, and then got hammered by it for about two hours before finally falling asleep.

I want things to work out well. I feel like I've been in an uphill battle and that nothing is going smoothly except for things that are less than ideal, and just as I gain hope, something hits me from the side.

I just want to stop feeling like I have to justify everything I do and to stop feeling like I'm just a bother to everyone. Sometimes I think this move was a terrible one, even though it was the only real option at the time.

I can tell I'm stressed again because I'm suddenly super tired and just want to sleep.

Dear Bob,

This is why I love my advisor. Some background: I sent in my discussion chapter to her with the knowledge that it was really, really weak, but I just wanted to have her see that I was just about done in order to be allowed to defend this summer. A quote regarding my proposal from her email providing the comments on my dissertation draft: “It is very well-written, and I'm confident that you'll be able to get the Discussion to the same level.”

I am just so amused she phrased it that way as opposed to, “What the f*** was going on when you were writing your Discussion? You are seriously going to have to get that pulled together.”

It's a perfect example of why I love her. No matter how much I f****** up in grad school, I always felt better after talking to her. Always. Not in a fake, "I have no problems and this is not a big deal," sort of a way, but in a, "Okay, I can handle this, and I need to work on this, but I really am a decent person and student." kind of way.

It is official. Cancer IS back. Major surgery soon.
~Boro

Surgery done. Cancer gone. I live.

Surgery done. Cancer gone. I live.

Awesome! congratulations, man! Beating cancer is always the best of news.

It is official. Cancer IS back. Major surgery soon.
~Boro

Surgery done. Cancer gone. I live.

And the world is a better place for it. *hugs* Let's hope this is the end of it, once and for all.

It is official. Cancer IS back. Major surgery soon.
~Boro

Surgery done. Cancer gone. I live.

Hopefully this is the last time you have to say that. I agree with Alea, this place is better with you in it.

Surgery done. Cancer gone. I live.

Awesome! congratulations, man! Beating cancer is always the best of news.

Ditto. Let's hope it never returns again.