Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Talk about anything under the sun or stars - but keep it civil. This is where we really get to know each other. Everyone is welcome, and invited!
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starlooker
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Postby starlooker » Thu Jul 02, 2009 6:08 am

Dear Bob,

Been having seriously wacked out dreams for the past few weeks, but last night's and tonights I want to write down.

Last night I was on a plane over the water that was trying to land on the water, and at first I was terrified, but then it was kind of fun, watching the waves as we were kind of hovering over them. There were people in these tiny, tiny boats -- like canoes, one person to a boat. And then I was in a boat and there was no plane. And then I'm on the water in my own boat and see a lot of random people, including one guy I knew in elementary and high school who died when he was twenty from drowning. And it's like a party and I'm feeling kind of awkward but having fun. And Jesus is there, and I say hi to him, and he says hi back, but then he kind of ignores me the rest of the time and just talks to everyone else. So I was trying not to have my feelings hurt, but was really feeling sort of snubbed. I just kept pretending that paddling my boat was occupying me so that I wouldn't look like I was waiting for someone to talk to me.

Last night's was weirder.

I don't remember how it started. I'm not sure who I was. It was like I was reading a book or watching a movie about some person who was supposed to be me. So real-me, the me who was watching, knew all sorts of things dream-me was totally oblivious to. Anyhow, I'm supposed to go to my switch site for work, but we hear that it had been closed the prior day and there had been 76 deaths there from the illness. (Something, actually, about a conspiracy from the state to kill workers instead of laying them off to avoid paying unemployment.) But then this very old man who is supposedly a client of mine there shows up at my house all bedraggled and in a wheelchair and wants us to take him back to work. So, my father (played by Max Keenan, Brennan's father from Bones, who is a killer in the show) and my boyfriend (who is, in the dream, part Arabic and part Latino) and I go to the site.


Well, Max does not like my boyfriend. He suspected him of being part of the conspiracy causing the plague, and worried he might get me sick. So as we're walking away from a building, I see (like I'm at a movie) dream-me walking away and Max sticking the guy with some kind of knife or injection and him dying.

Dream me is not an idiot, and she very much suspects Max of killing him. She's grieving and blaming Max for the death, even if it wasn't murder. I'm in mourning, and I'm an artist, and I make a sculpture of this man I was very much in love with. And I'm supposed to enter it into an art show. But Max hits it with a car and runs it over and smeers the face all over away from the body. Well, actually, the face just kind of separates from the rest of it, but I'm horrified because it was like seeing that actually happen to a person. The art teacher says I can reenter it if I still have the original, which I do.

BUt then somehow I end up having to repaint the original, so I'm spending a lot of time at home. I'm staying in some kind of rundown old boarding house, and there's another man who lives there, who is a professor of some kind. Late fifties, white hair. And this is another weird thing, where the real-me felt like I'd read a book or something before, and knew I ended up sleeping with this guy and feeling like an idiot because he basically goads me into it. So, real-me is watching him manipulate dream-me with full awareness, and dream-me is oblivious. Dream-me is not 100% sure that Max killed my boyfriend and suspects this guy, who is very racist and was very much against us being together. He likes to come over and watch me paint my sculpture and make witty comments. One day, he makes sure Max is gone from the house and then sets up dinner and candlelight and all that. But, basically, before all the dinner and candlelight, he tells me he knows I'm a lesbian, which (because dream-me is an idiot) pisses me off and somehow eventually real-me knows I end up with him, but I woke up before that happened.

Lots of rain in the dream, and when I wake up, it is actually raining out.

Anyways. It was very, very strange and involved. Usually I don't remember that many details. So I thought I'd try to get it all down.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Postby powerfulcheese04 » Thu Jul 02, 2009 8:27 am

I've been having crazy dreams, too, Kirsten.


In my dream last night, I was sitting in my living room with my brother and my cats sorting laundry and the doorbell rang. Elli scampered away upstairs (which she does when she thinks it's a maintainence guy or something but not if it's a friend. I don't know how she knows.) Hodgins took the opportunity to attack a laundry pile.

I open the door and it's Bob Tuschman (of Next Food Network Star, who in my dream is Dr. Bob Tuschman for some reason) and he's there to tell me that the apartment complex is renegotiating the pet policy. I tell him I just signed a new lease a few months ago and they can't change it now. He asks to come in and talk about it. So we go into my apartment and he looks at the laundry piles with this weird look on his face and I say "What? I was doing laundry."

He then sits on my couch and tries to talk me into paying an extra $60 to keep my pets. I tell him that is well outside my budget and the complex can't do that because we have a contract. He tries to bully me into it. I tell him to leave. He leaves.

I go outside to see what's going on and all my neighbors who have pets are outside now and we're all arguing with Bob Tuschman about it. He says the extra money would require the complex to provide some kind of services. Like grooming and some minor veterinary care. I explain that I'm in school, living on loans and can do all that myself. And if my animal is sick enough to need major care, I take it to school where I get a 25% discount.

Then my alarm went off. I kind of want to see the end of the dream. I hope we beat out Bob.
-Kim

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Postby Jayelle » Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:22 am

Bob,

Well this week has been insane. To start, we moved to a new (bigger, better) apartment. It's right across the street from our current place, so- hurray- no moving truck required. However, that means that every single thing in our apartment had to be carried the 500 or so feet to our new place. We had friends to help, but I am still very, very sore. I am in bad shape. Work is also insanely busy with all the kids signing up for our awesome summer reading program. Except the kid who said "No, I don't read I'm a BOY" (I cried inside).

Also, my grandfather died. He was 95 and it was pretty expected - he had been praying to go soon. Both his first and second wife have passed away, so he was glad to be off this earth. I wasn't planning on going to the funeral because it's in Vancouver and I can't afford it, but my Dad offered to pay at the last minute, so I'm flying out West tonight. I'm going without Ginny, which will be my first time away from her. :(

Busy, Busy, Busy,
-JL
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Postby Wind Swept » Thu Jul 02, 2009 1:02 pm

Bob,

I should not be here. As the To Do thread will tell you, there is far too much to do, and far too little time to do it all in. I was just reminded of one of my favorite Douglas Adams quotes, and I thought I'd stop in and share it with you.
The world is a thing of utter inordinate complexity and richness and strangeness that is absolutely awesome. I mean the idea that such complexity can arise not only out of such simplicity, but probably absolutely out of nothing, is the most fabulous extraordinary idea. And once you get some kind of inkling of how that might have happened ' it's just wonderful. And . . . the opportunity to spend 70 or 80 years of your life in such a universe is time well spent as far as I am concerned.
"Roland was staring at Tiffany, so nonplussed he was nearly minused."

*Philoticweb.net = Phoebe

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Postby powerfulcheese04 » Thu Jul 02, 2009 7:52 pm

Dear Bob,

I just discovered taht Jonathan Rhys Meyers sings. Melt.
-Kim

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Postby Rei » Fri Jul 03, 2009 7:58 pm

Bob,

Why can't life be simple and easy?

*wanders off, humming Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered to herself*

~Rei
Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point.
~Blaise Pascal


私は。。。誰?

Dernhelm

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Postby Gravity Defier » Sun Jul 05, 2009 3:13 pm

I hurt.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.

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Postby Luet » Sun Jul 05, 2009 6:14 pm

Bob,

I'm drained. Just got back from the summer convention and while it was great in lots of ways, it was emotionally trying at the same time. She was gone but the other two were still there. I only see them a couple times a year and it is very upsetting each time. Part of me wants to run and hide and another part wants to walk up and spit in his face. Here's hoping that next year they'll have joined her and I'll finally be free of them all.
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa

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Postby locke » Mon Jul 06, 2009 9:32 am

Bob,

urgh I hate traveling

up at 3am cst to make a 3.5 hour drive to the airport
an hour in the airport for an hour and half flight
change planes and a 45 minute layover
two hour +ish flight
wait for shuttle to parking lot
find car, drive to work
work late as I'm coming in late
go home
sleep
go to work

:(

I slept HARD on the drive up though, to the point where I was almost disoriented and nauseous to be moving when we stepped out of the car for breakfast.

And I slept HARD on the flight from KC to Denver, to the point I continually thought that I must have been sleeping for much longer and missed the stopover when I needed to get out of the plane. I'm so nervous without my phone to tell me what time it is.

I just want to sleep, hopefully the sleep I get on the final plane will be enough for the day.
So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

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Postby Gravity Defier » Thu Jul 09, 2009 1:00 am

Bob,

Hopefully I get everything I need to get out out in the next 30 minutes because I need to get to sleep; I am physically drained and mentally not too far off.

My hearing, the one that got continued in June, is coming up on Monday. To say I'm scared is the understatement of the year. I guess I forgot to tell you I'm going ahead with trying, since the last time I mentioned it I said I might tell my lawyer to call it off. I don't know what to expect; some of the time I think they can't possibly hold me to this and some of the time I think they can't look past their own prejudices to see the facts of the case don't add up to what they're saying it does. I wonder if my dad will be there...I've ignored him since I texted him a 'happy birthday' two days after my hearing.

A mentor of mine, of sorts or at the very least a personal hero, has been emailing me on and off since she left earlier in the year. It's nice to have that interest and guidance, and from someone removed from it all.

Things at work, well, they're going. I have to email one of my two immediate bosses to inform him of the departmental drama we're in. You see, Bob, the Main library's Children's librarians all decided I don't need supplies and have been taking them, bit by bit. I just barely caught one taking something I needed for today's craft, something that would have left me screwed had I not caught the attempt. They have a greater need but they could easily clean me out in a week if they kept taking and I won't have the budget they get next year to restock. Honestly, I just want to tell them to run their show down there however they will and leave me alone to run mine the way I will.

But in good news, we get a new person tomorrow to work in Circ, which should mean I'm mostly done there and we get a new person in a week and a half or so for the YA dept., so maybe things will get less hectic during the rush hours. Also, I made two finger puppets today, got the (cold) laminator set up, moved most of my supplies -that haven't been taken- upstairs, eliminating the need to go into the basement every single time I want to do something crafty. I need to do some more rearranging and move one more small load of stuff up and then I'll be set. My stuff for storytime is mostly prepped. 3 books, aforementioned puppets, laminated pictures for a sing-along bit. The only thing left to do is come up with the non-laminate sing-along music. However, I was telling my mom that perhaps me working with the public is a bad idea. I've taken to getting somewhat frustrated when the lazy people shove looked at books into crevices in the farthest aisle instead of walking the short distance to the basket set up for books that have been looked at. Or when they think they can put things in numeric/alphabetic order when clearly they can't, because folks, "Rey" does not come before "Potter" and 599.24 does not go after 612.9...anyway.

I've been getting into a good schedule/routine. Eating breakfast again, taking salad in for lunch, drinking more water, getting clothes ironed the night before, staying active both at work and on Wednesdays and Thursdays for exercise class. I hate to jinx things but I've dropped some weight. If I can lose 2 lbs, I'll be in a different 10 lb range of weight (ya know, 100-109, 110-119, 120-129, 130-139, etc) and within 7 lbs of my all time low, from way back when I was 20, in ROTC. My pants are falling off meaning it's time to invest in a belt, methinks.

Lately, I've been experiencing a recurring deja-vu that I finally placed. It's the same feeling I had in my gut when I lived in Tucson and would stand outside this one building, waiting for someone, and would use that idle time to think of a relationship of mine.

And it's time to go to bed...the sixth hour of the morning comes too soon. Whatever was left over to say will get said somewhere, to someone else.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.

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Postby powerfulcheese04 » Thu Jul 09, 2009 1:04 pm

Dear Bob,

If I never pour another agar plate, it will be too soon.

Except that I'm about to pour 60-70 (in about a half hour or so, when the autoclave lady calls to tell me they're done.) Next Tuesday I'll pour another 30-35. Next Wednesday, I've got another 30-35. Wednesday after that I've got another 30-35. That Thursday I've got another 60-70.

TOO MANY, Bob, too many. And, that's only if none of them fail... If something fails then I have to go back and do more. (See, I'm growing bacteria on plates with increasing concentrations of antibiotics in order to generate resistance. I start at a concentration of 5 ug/mL and then double until I get to 100 ug/mL. If at any point a doubling is too much, I have to go back and make a new, middling dilution.)
-Kim

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Postby Dr. Mobius » Fri Jul 10, 2009 12:06 pm

Consider it training for when you take over the world. Your cyborg kitten army will need to be resistant to various forms of biological warfare, yes?
The enemy's fly is down.
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Postby locke » Fri Jul 10, 2009 2:05 pm

Bob,

ow ow ow I popped something (muscle? tendon? gnome?) in my leg while stretching last night before my workout and had to abandon my workout as a result. felt better by the end of the night and I went to sleep a good 90-180 minutes earlier than I usually go to bed (and was still tired when I woke up, which usually if I sleep more than 7 hours I'm super awake, and likely to not be tired for 20 hours or so). stiff today, and sore, but no pain, so I'll put off today's workout til tomorrow and hopefully tomorrow my leg will be feeling happier rather than vindictive.
So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

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Postby Jeesh_girl15 » Fri Jul 10, 2009 6:53 pm

Dear Bob,

First of all, I think I have been neglecting pweb for a while. or maybe not...

Second, I am so freaking tired from swim practice this morning. We swam 14 laps for a warm up, and 16 for a warm down. then, an hour and a half of pure torture by zach in between.

Next, I need to charge my phone...

And lastly, My ankle hurts, and about two weeks ago, I was swimming, and didn't see the wall, and i rammed my fingers into the wall. I jammed three of them. And they still hurt. I think I need to see a doctor
You musn't be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling.

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Postby Gravity Defier » Mon Jul 13, 2009 6:42 pm

*sigh* There's good news and there's bad news. Which one do you want to hear first, Bob? Good news? Okay.


I don't have to think about this again for two years. Now, that's not to say I won't...but nothing can be done until April 2011. According to the judge, same one that sentenced me, I was shown mercy a year ago and even if I paid for a psych exam of the highest, more revealing order and passed it with perfect mental health and if the prosecutor and elders (<--my way of trying to discreetly explain who, definitely not Mormons or the elderly) decided I was not, in fact, the devil's right hand woman or the devil herself, he still wouldn't say yes to releasing me. Because it'd put the law on my side should I be stupid enough to try contacting anyone from this ordeal. Not even touching the idea that I'd be so stupid, we sure can't have the law helping a hardened criminal like me. So I saved $500-1000 by switching to G...complete resignation. For two more years, that is. (Sidenote: that is somehow reminiscent of the Bush chant 'Four more years!' One could argue his terms were also a punishment but that's getting more political than I really want in a sidenote of all places.)

Why is that good news, you might ask?

I can't, in any way, shape or form, join the military until at least July 2011, so how do you like them apples Dad, J, prosecutor, etc.? All that running you had me doing last year at 5:30 AM really was for my health!

I can't drive myself anywhere, at any time, for any reason until April of 2011! Yay, the roads are automatically safer without me racing, doing donuts, and popping wheelies! (wait a minute...)




In all seriousness, at least the judge corrected the prosecutor every time he tried to twist the facts around. But he also had to warn my mom about her being kicked out if she made another noise or head shake when the worst/biggest lie came out of the prosecutor's mouth (she scoffed).



But the bad news? This has been the most dehumanizing, belittling experience of my life and it's not over. I can't really look forward until I shed this monkey from my back and I'm only 1/3 of the way there, living in the city where it happened, that is just small enough for it to be a potential issue.

"I'm sure everyone would be happy if she got out of town," says one court person to another. "Yes, especially her," says the voice in my head.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ETA: I was in the middle of a serious-ish conversation when one of the responses from the person I was talking to caused me to have this (third panel) Kathy reaction and he probably has no idea that he just earned buku brownie points, making it even better. Bob, sometimes boys do not suck. Sometimes boys say the right thing at exactly the right time and can make you feel better than you did.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.

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Postby powerfulcheese04 » Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:46 pm

Dear Bob,

Upon further reflection, I'm not sure that the best way to meet the boyfriend's parents is to spend 4 days in an RV with them. I mean, at least the activities we've planned should be fun. We're going to float the river (sort of a thing you do in Texas... though, 4-5 hours with them in a swimsuit should be... interesting.) We're going to go to Fiesta Texas (woohoo! 2 weekends 2 themeparks!) We're going to bum around in San Antonio (I assume this may include the Alamo. I'm also told we'll eat at least once at a fancyish restaurant.) And Monday we're going to Dallas for a Red Sox v. Rangers game.

I think I am overpacking based on nerves. I have at least 10 tops packed. And 3 varying-degrees-of-fancyness outfits packed. 3 pairs of shoes. 6 pairs of shorts. 2 bathing suits.

Yeah. Nervous.
-Kim

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Postby Rei » Sat Jul 18, 2009 4:54 pm

Dear Bob,

What should I do? What can I do? What can anyone do? Sometimes I wish life were simpler...

~Rei
Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point.
~Blaise Pascal


私は。。。誰?

Dernhelm

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Postby Gravity Defier » Mon Jul 20, 2009 12:10 am

Bob,

I'm bringing this in here to you because I need this to go untouched. I need the outlet coupled with the safety of judgment being withheld.

I do, in the bottom of my gut, think Pweb is dying and it bothers me, it bothers me a whole hell of a lot. It bothers me that people leave or go to lurk mode the same way it bothers me when a relationship of mine dies. I start wondering if Pweb (and me, by extension) ever meant anything to these people and how could they just up and leave or silently sit by and let things fall to pieces and how dare they do this and and and. That little voice inside of me tells me to relax, to let things be, it's the natural order and Pweb is the unnatural bit of all this, that Life always wins over these intangible relationships.

But they're not intangible, not entirely. I have this box that's filling up with letters and notes and my bookcase has small gifts and books from them and I've eaten things made by Pwebbers and flown to be with Pwebbers and held hands with Pwebbers and stayed up late crying with or being cried to and I've laughed with them and gone to movies with Pwebbers sitting right next to me and gone on road trips with them and hugged them and poked them in the belly and slept next to them and stayed up until the wee hours with them. And then I can't just sit back and comfort myself with the idea that this is how it goes and life will go on.

This talking about things is not easy for me, despite me being one of the worst offenders for abusing Bob. It's downright frightening to just say what I'm thinking and I cannot truthfully say that I don't still get the urge to go back through and erase all my posts.

I do wish Dan, Kirsten, Kelly, Jan, Jota, Ozzy, Rahl, Steve, Nicole, Cameron, Michael, Janelle, John, Steph, Dave, Tabitha, Josh, Will, Fred, Claire, Ed, all the Nicks, all the Chrises, all the Pauls, Ali, Brain, Elena, Ratey, Abbie, Kimmie, Papa, Helen, Kevin, David, Hannah, Teresa, Noah, Denny, KennEnder, Amanda, etc. would post or post more but all the wishing in the world and trying to think of schemes to get them to do so isn't going to do diddly squat.

I do love that some people are sticking it out and doing their best to keep me from taking over Milagre completely because I know I'm posting less so as not to have the whole page read "Gravity Defier."

ALL of that is not to say I don't like, appreciate, or want new members to come or stick around. I happen to like quite a few of the people who've started posting lately.

But it does suck feeling like you're on a sinking ship.

To anyone who would tell me to just post more, well, I've shot up to the top 3 and I sort of feel like I'll be talking to myself if I keep going with that pace.

I don't know. I'm not special in feeling or thinking any of that.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.

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Postby buckshot » Tue Jul 21, 2009 12:01 pm

`Hi Bob' Just a quick note to you regarding my feeling of " impending doom" looming over this years harvest. I can't put my finger on it exactly, all or about all the maintenance is done (combines ,trucks, tractors augers, bins, ect.)but I feel i'm missing something big. This should be a easy harvest as (I'll finally say it) I'm retired as of 7-20 owed to my stupid spine and I should mostly just have to organize everything, and direct what comes up at the feed mill and farm. My partners will be wearing the boots this year and I hope their both up to It . Bob, you know how I get when I run everything, and I do like it to run efficiently" my way", minimizing foolish waste and loss. My people are mobilizing to keep me busy and really think I would be kept in the farm office and not even driving the combine a little. WE WILL SEE! PS. I won't be tricked into going on any fish hunt or other diversion trips.
Thanks Bob , youre a big help and a good man , Your pal Buck
Buck Up Buttercup

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Postby steph » Tue Jul 21, 2009 3:56 pm

Bob, I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to survive the next month. Brian's going to be leaving on Saturday to work in DC for a month. I'm so grateful for the wonderful opportunity that it is, but being a single mom for a month might just kill me. The timing couldn't be worse for me with everything else I'm having to deal with right now. My patience with the kids is already short and the poor kids aren't going get any breaks from that if I'm not getting any breaks. I'm calling an emergency girl's night with my closest friends this week to fill them in on all that's happening. It's so hard for me to look at someone and tell them "this is what I need." I hope and pray that they are willing to help me. And not just say "call me when you need help!" but just stop by and take the kids or drop of dinner or something. Help me make it through this!!!!
"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum

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Postby Young Val » Thu Jul 23, 2009 8:30 am

David is moving back to Minnesota. He says it's not fair to ask me to uproot my life and go with him, so he refuses to do it.

Help me. Oh, god, help me. Please help me.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant

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Postby Luet » Thu Jul 23, 2009 9:27 am

Oh, Kelly, I'm so sorry. You two will make it through this. *hugs*
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa

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Postby Young Val » Fri Jul 24, 2009 8:01 am

I can't even begin to describe the hellish emotional roller coaster I've been on for the last three days.

But on October 1, 2009 I am driving to Minnesota in a uhaul with the love of my life. I feel crazy, but so, so, so lucky and in love. Joyful! I feel so joyful!
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant

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Postby Eddie Pinz » Fri Jul 24, 2009 9:44 am

Kel,

I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. But I truly hope that everything works out for you.

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Postby powerfulcheese04 » Fri Jul 24, 2009 9:48 am

Kelly,

Yikes! How exciting and scary! Good luck!
-Kim

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Postby Oliver Dale » Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:23 am

Exciting, Kelly.

Where in Minnesota? Is this a long term plan? Inquiring minds, dear!

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Postby Luet » Fri Jul 24, 2009 10:48 am

Kel, I love being right! Congrats! :)
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa

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Postby locke » Fri Jul 24, 2009 11:43 am

*does a happy dance* Image
So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

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Postby Young Val » Fri Jul 24, 2009 1:17 pm

Thanks guys! And Bob, of course. It's been awhile since I've needed his services.

The move is for the foreseeable future and we're thinking of it in semi-permanent terms. We're looking to move to one of the twin cities (Minneapolis over St. Paul if possible) but for the first month or so while we transition we'll be staying in either St. Croix, Wisconsin or North Branch, Minnesota with family.

It's my plan to stay in the publishing industry. There are a few small boutique agencies out there, but there are a TON of presses and publishing houses in Minnesota, so I might make the leap to the editorial side of things. I'm going to start working my connections next week and cold calling a few of the smaller boutiques.

We're going to spend the next two months paring down our possessions and saving as much money as we can before the move. We're also making a list of all the "New York" things we really want to do before we leave (for example, I've never walked across the Brooklyn Bridge in my four years of living here!).

His family knows; I'm calling mine today. It's been a whirlwind.

At first we attempted to break up, but neither of us could stand it. David's 24 year old sister, Annie, is autistic, and over the last year she's become increasingly depressed, and a week before we went to Minnesota for a vacation last month she made two nearly successful suicide attempts. She was hospitalized, and after she was released her meds were altered and she's now getting electroshock therapy three times a week, which does seem to be helping slightly. David really feels the desire and responsibility to be there for his family (he hasn't lived in the same state as his parents since he was 17!) and recently events just seemed to line up: his company is folding and his lease is up at the end of September. He needs to go home to his family, and we need to be together, so I'm going with him.

I'm a little bit nervous, and a whole lot crazed about the whole thing, but it feels right. Mostly I'm just so hopeful and overjoyed. This feels like the right step at the right time. I won't even be going into this totally without a social network. A few of my good friends from college live in the twin cities!

It's all happening so fast, it's as though we haven't had a moment to breathe. We had a really difficult conversation about the delicate and unglamorous aspects of the whole thing. What we need and expect from each other in terms of finances, emotional support, home decor (David: Nothing floral, ok? Kelly: Does my apartment look floral to you? David: I'm just saying!) with many more conversation scheduled in our future. We're trying to approach this rationally and seriously and just talk every last little thing through. It's daunting but so so exhilarating.

Undoubtedly I sound like a complete idiot, but I'm so full of love and possibility!
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant

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Postby Olhado_ » Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:21 pm

So begins my life without a car...
Not
Even
Remotely
Dorky

Professor Frink
-The Simpsions

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Postby Luet » Fri Jul 24, 2009 5:42 pm

(for example, I've never walked across the Brooklyn Bridge in my four years of living here!).
I actually *have* walked across the Brooklyn Bridge even though I've never been to the Statue of Liberty. :)
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa

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Postby Jayelle » Fri Jul 24, 2009 7:27 pm

Wow, Kelly. Good luck with the moving!

and Minnesota is close to us. I'm just sayin'.
One Duck to rule them all.
--------------------------------
It needs to be about 20% cooler.

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Postby Luet » Fri Jul 24, 2009 7:44 pm

Bob,

My family got a maltese dog named Rocky 18 years ago. My younger brother was 7 at the time and the dog has stayed with him ever since. He took Rocky with him when he moved out to get married. Today he had to make the decision to put Rocky to sleep. My older brother, my mother and I all joined him and his wife at the vets office. I have never seen my brother cry so hard.

The most troubling part of this is that my younger brother has been suffering from severe depression for a few years and has often stated that Rocky was his only reason for living. When asked if he was suicidal, he would answer that he wouldn't kill himself because he had to take care of Rocky. We have gotten him all the help he is willing to get...consisting of trying more medications than I can count (in many combinations) but none have worked. He isn't willing to get therapy. I don't know what else we can do for him but I am very scared.
Last edited by Luet on Sat Jul 25, 2009 12:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa

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Postby Eaquae Legit » Sat Jul 25, 2009 11:40 am

*hugs Nomi*

Bob, I'm stressed, I gotta say. Moving back to Canada has been tough, and so much is going on that I can't keep up. I'm almost through the woods, but I still don't have a job and that is bumming me out. I can't afford an entry-level job, but there's not a lot on offer for someone of my rather esoteric qualifications, unless I go back into care, but I can't do that. And even the school board hasn't asked for an interview, and that's a job I did for THREE YEARS, so I'm certainly qualified.

On the up side, the new apartment is nice enough. It's bigger than it felt initially, and the kitchen is good. Especially since the stove got a bit more level (hurrah for my father's box of random tools!) and I bought a shower curtain. Still need a shoe rack. Less a fan of the noise at night, but I guess that's what you get for living on a streetcar line.

I don't think I'll truly relax till I have a job. Gotta get working.
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII

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Postby starlooker » Sat Jul 25, 2009 3:29 pm

Wow, Kelly. Good luck with the moving!

and Minnesota is close to us. I'm just sayin'.
It FIGURES that you'd move semi-near Grand Forks after I had left!

The stars are never going to align for me to meet pwebbers. Grrr. I keep having near-misses.

Anyways, my petty self-interest aside, congratulations! I'm happy for you both! Speaking as someone who just went through the whole should we/shouldn't we/let's(!) move across the country and live together thing, I'm very excited for you. I hope it works out as well for you guys as it has for us.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter


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