Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,

I may have sprained a quad muscle...I want to cry and not only because it hurts.

[JayeIIe]

Bob,

I have a new nephew! He was born last night and is yet to be named.

Woo!

JL

[daPyr0x]

Yay!! Congratulations JL, JIIL, Caspian, and the yet-to-be-named bundle of joy!!

[locke]

Well in the roughly 308.5 months I've been alive I've been in a relationship 20.5 of those months or 6.645%

But that's not fair, since I didn't begin dating until I was 19 or so, so 20 months out of the 80 months since I was 19 is about 25% of the time.

or run the numbers again from the time I've wanted to date, 128 months, makes it only about 16% of the time that I've been in a relationship.

I'm perfectly happy being by myself. I"d have to be, I spend 75% of my time alone, so one has to figure out how to do it all. But life? eh. it's relatively meaningless, just sort of keeping score for yourself, like trying to beat your fastest ghost in Mario Kart. Sure it's fun to race against yourself, but games like that are much more fun playing with someone else.

Plus no relationship means no sex which is one of the worst things ever. :-p

But I get where you're coming from. I think I've got a pretty healthy outlook about living alone, I expect I will probably be alone from now on. Its voluntarily extolling the virtues of being alone that I don't understand when I hear it from girls. on the other hand, as I've said before, I did the same thing to a girlfriend she did to me when I was that age, but I didn't come up with a bunch of incomprehensible reasoning that doesn't make sense to those who know her. Or rather, it makes sense to them, but it only makes sense to them in the scenario that she wants to go bone other guys--which is rather unfair, but also realistic, I suppose.

I'm sort of attaching myself to this idea of my work hours having a bigger effect than I realized. It's the sort of thing I didn't pay much attention to but I think it bothered her in a big big way.

[starlooker]

Okay, this is kind of not the most relevant thing I could say, but, Adam, the first few sentences of your post made me feel like I was reading the narrative of an xkcd comic.

[daPyr0x]

Interesting how this has jumped across thread lines...

I totally thought XKCD too. That's okay though, 'cause I often relate far too well to it.

I guess it's time for the obligatory male answer - you don't need a relationship to have sex, man.

I think women see the process of getting in to a relationship differently from us guys, something that I think is magnified by their physical attractiveness. The truth is, if you've got a hot girlfriend, chances are she gets hit on multiple times a day. At any time, she can choose to pursue a relationship with one one. Yeah, most of em aren't worth her time, but it's easy to see other guys that are worthwhile presenting themselves to her in the future. Guys get to be the presenters. No matter how many times we present ourselves, at no point is there ever a guarantee that we'll even have the option of having sex with them. The ending of a relationship, for a guy, is "ah s***, I gotta start presenting again;" as opposed to "let's see who presents themselves next."

The overarching lesson here, based on what you've said, is never trust what a woman says when it comes to emotions. Half the time they don't know what it is they're feeling. Trust actions.

[locke]

I was so confused when I logged back in, why was my post not in the breakup thread like I thought it was, I remembered reading it through after posting it so I was mystified.

I think the monster at the end of that other thread is responsible. Silly fred.

[megxers]

Bob,

A. I give up on trying to be in the exact geographic location with him. I want to be near him, so we could entertain the idea of being together. But now he's 6-9 month contract job there and I don't want to really live where he is now. He called me when I was out shopping but phone didn't work (sometimes when i pick it up there's no audio from other end? idk), and he didn't tell me over text, which yea, tells me a bit.

B. So I was at the comic store getting my area comic con ticket + a few other things with my co-worker and her brother and we were the only ones in the shop besides the owner. There was banter, nerdy discussion, debate over the relative merits of Doctors 10, 4 and 9, and the owner was participating a bit but mainly just laughing along with us. It kind of felt like we had a laugh track and were on Big Bang Theory or something. I also scored the first Ender's Game from said brother.

C. I desperately need to clean my apartment and won't let anyone see it. However, said co-worker saw it. She was like, one day, we will get gloves, large trash bags and lysol and put on some Doctor Who and get this stuff done. EPIC.

[Petra456]

I think the monster at the end of that other thread is responsible. Silly fred.

I'm not a monster, honest! I'm not!

Unless i'm blacking out and doing monster things...

Rawr...

[Luet]

Bob,

I think I've put this off as long as I can. My younger brother had a really bad reaction to the last medication he was put on for depression. He ended up having his first manic episode ever and we had to put him into the hospital. He spent ten days in the psychiatric ward and got out Monday night. He has been diagnosed as bipolar for the first time, after being severely depressed for the last few years. He is on new medication for it and is slightly more stable but still not good and it feels like we are all holding our breath. We're pretty sure he needs a higher dose of the medication but that can't happen til his first appt with the doc next Friday. I just hope he can make it until then. It has been the craziest two weeks my family has been through and that is saying a lot.

ps - those of you who have pm'd me, thank you so much for your support

[Eddie Pinz]

Dear Bob,

Going on the Erin Express pub crawl. Last year I ended up seeing an ex girlfriend there which lead to some interesting but ultimately terrible results. This year I am actually picking up an ex and going with her. Hopefully with much better results. I'm not exactly sure why, but the exes cannot get enough of this guy. Probably not a good thing.

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,

I'm scared to go work on the yard. Not more than 20 minutes ago, the neighbor from last night was standing on the sidewalk near my bedroom window with some other people, saying how awful we are.

It's the build up of all the little things like this that almost make me wish that car had hit the accelerator. I'm trying very hard to do right by this world and it still sees fit to f*** with me at every opportunity.

Oh well.

Plaster on the smile. Keep looking for the happy moments.

[Jayelle]

Bob,

Just one rejection after another. UBC is out. Only four schools left, two in Canada. I hate this.

JL

[starlooker]

Dear Bob,

Argh. Frustrated. Can't talk about it. Argh. There is no there, there. I know get the meaning of that now. Yeesh. Grrr. Inadequacy. Feeling a great deal of it. And yet. Feeling kind of needed, too. This actually is a good challenge, you know? For a particular set of skills I lay claim to, that I flatter myself is somewhat unusual. I'm an artist. And nobody gets to see my best work. And if I don't find some kind of outlet, that feeling will probably increase as the years go by. And I'll be lonely in my office, and talk to myself or my computer screen whenever I'm not seeing someone. I need to socialize more. At work, and also outside of it.

[megxers]

Bob,

I don't usually remove people from Facebook, even spitefully (I am much too nosy, I must stay in their mix). I know I shouldn't remove him, because I've made what we were so much bigger in my mind as of late, because its hard not to, looking back and trying to explain it to new people--nearly 2 years, on and off, my bad habit. Everything he says now infuriates me, disproportionately. I shouldn't care. But I can't remove him because I may need his help for a research idea that's teasing me. And now I hate how I have to rely on him.

[Reticent]

Dear Bob,

There still isn't a club in the universe devoted to me. You have failed me for the last time.

With love and kisses,

Reticent.

PS Seeing the Canadian duck on Jayelles avatar again makes me smile.

[Jayelle]

Whoa. First Jani, now Reticent. It's crazy return of the oldbies.

[Reticent]

At first I read that as "It's the return of the Crazy Oldbies" to which I responded, "Why thank you."

And maybe it's just me, but I distinctly remember having more than 22 posts.

[Graff^]

Most likely the other threads you posted in got deleted.

Dear Bob,

Thank you for that magnificentness that you gave me.

From,
Graff^

[Jayelle]

Nah, it's actually probably because you posted more pre-2006. You haven't been around much on pweb 3.0.

Graff^, the ONLY threads that get deleted are in the games room. The majority of people post in Milagre and those never get deleted.

[Graff^]

I think you should keep the Games Threads.

Then would you explain how Reticent dropped in the number of Posts?
(KEEP THE GAMES THREADS)

[Reticent]

Correct me if I'm wrong ("You're wrong!") but I believe PWeb got an upgrade that got rid of a majority of posts? At least, that's the interpretation I got from her statement.

[Graff^]

Oh, oops I didn't really look at the first part. Sorry about that Jayelle. Reticent you sound right.

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,

In an effort to try to even out the angst, I present a list.

Happiness is:
*The desert in bloom -it was so green and yellow, purple and orange
*Tucson
*Little brother!!
*Black Jack's pizza and breadsticks
*Hug from Steven
*Cards with James (who is basically a real Sheldon from BBT)
*Bowling - 103 high score...which is awesome for me
*IHOP
*New polka-dot pillow case
*Street fair
*Driving shh! Don't tell on me, Bob


You know what I noticed being on campus and just in a college town in general, Bob? The majority of the girls there looked the same. They had the same hair style, the same fashions, the same bland look. If men like that, good riddance men.

Perhaps I'll have more to say later but I'm trying to bask in the happy; it'll fade all too fast here.

[Sonikku13]

Dear Bob,

I feel like I'm truly happy for the first time in a long time.

From Sonic.

[Wil]

Bob,

Sometimes I think it is easier to just not try, because at least when I don't try I don't feel bad when it doesn't work out. Really must be something wrong with me...

[daPyr0x]

You tried and failed. The lesson here, kids, is never try.

Motivation is my strong suit, can you tell? Truth be told, I suffer from very much the same issues.

Bob,

I'm a man raised by a woman to be a woman. The more I learn about the different sexes and how they operate in society, specifically in relationships, the more I realize this. Men: Find woman, woo woman, propagate species, repeat. Women: Choose best mate from suitors, ensure mate is of adequate quality, propagate. I know how to do the woman's side of things, I do that rather well. Don't show all your valuable traits immediately, not till he proves worth it. Don't approach men you're interested in, that makes you a slut. Those are the life lessons I know. I don't show my value to women, 'cause most of them aren't worth it (and more often than not they're more interested than I'd like long before my valuable traits have been exhausted). I don't approach women, because I have this expectation that it's wrong. That makes me a slut, or man-whore if you so prefer. What woman would want to be with a man-whore? If I approach them, I'm communicating to them that I'm something I'm not - easy.

How many men do you know who wrestle with that? How many men tend to prefer to avoid relationships all together than deal with the guilt associated with women's expectations of the relationship being higher than discussed? How many men, no matter how lonely, refuse to try and "pick up" at a bar because they've no interest in one-nighters?

I relate far too well to the gay community, and that bothers me somewhat. Not because I have anything against them, but more because it accentuates how little I have in common with the common man. Well, that, and I've been getting called all different variations of homosexual for my entire life and I'm downright tired of it. I've no interest in other men and that's not about to change.

Bob, I feel all turned around and conflicted inside. Who I am is not who I want to be, who I feel like doesn't jive either; and I'm not down with being wrong. I feel like everything I want to do is wrong, and if I'm caught I'll be ostracized. Life in a cult...

--Cam

[Gravity Defier]

It feels incredibly wrong replying to a Bob, but...

Don't approach men you're interested in, that makes you a slut.

Is that what I'm doing wrong? Here I am being a slut without even realizing it.

[daPyr0x]

Have you ever kissed a boy that wasn't your husband? Then yes! You're a slut!!

At least, that's the way I was raised. And you wonder why I have these lingering issues. All my life I've had to learn two separate "social norms." I knew how those who didn't conform were treated in the church, and I've spent the last many years trying to undo the programmed behavior I was always taught as being right. Separating yourself from your parents is incredibly difficult when half your social group is monitoring your "journey to God" and reporting "negatives." Not to mention, of course, being part of the encouragement team to put you back on track.

At least then I had people to turn to, people I could emulate; even if only in certain ways...

[Wil]

Hell, I'll join you.

Don't approach men you're interested in, that makes you a slut.

I don't agree with this, but I see where it comes from when placed with this:

I don't approach women, because I have this expectation that it's wrong. That makes me a slut, or man-whore if you so prefer.

I'm aware of this social norm that the guys should be the one who makes the first move, but I think it is a stupid social norm, and I don't think the slut thing is always true; I think it depends primarily on the locale.

Also, just to throw this out there, in my 21 years, six months, two weeks, one day of life.. I've been hit on by more men (half dozen) than women (0)... and I'm not at all, in any way, attracted to men.I'm either entirely blind to being hit on (even though I can see it when someone else gets hit on), or I'm just not putting out the right signals myself. Either way, I keep putting myself out there, and I keep getting shot down, and it f****** sucks. It's probably why I go long lengths of time between attempts with the whole attitude "f*** it, not worth the effort", because it ISN'T worth the effort. I feel better, and I do better in life, not even trying to meet women.

[Gravity Defier]

Have you ever kissed a boy that wasn't your husband? Then yes! You're a slut!!

I wasn't aware you were using religious filters, though I do wonder how much of society as a whole views it that exact way. After all, I've heard I shouldn't approach men I'm interested in from many sources.

I can count on one hand the number of men I've approached and those weren't exactly raging successes. Or moderate successes. In fact, they've all failed at various stages of woo-hood, mostly before they got anywhere at all. How slutty of me.


At any rate, I'm sorry for responding in here. This should be a place free of that.

[zeroguy]

You tried and failed. The lesson here, kids, is never try.

Motivation is my strong suit, can you tell? Truth be told, I suffer from very much the same issues.

"I dunno, Marge. Trying is the first step towards failure."

[megxers]

Bob-
So I haven't checked my mail in like a week or so. I may have got notification that I now have to go pick it up in person. Woops. It's not my fault I am kind of not into mail after one of my last jobs involved dealing with the mail--which included used tea bags. Germs Germs Germs Tea Party Germs.

[Jayelle]

Bob,

At what point to you yell at a friend's husband for being completely neglectful of her? Never? I'm going with never. That doesn't mean I don't WANT to yell. I don't know what to do. It's so hard seeing my friend in pain, seeing her sad because her husband goes from work to the computer to bed, barely communicating. He has depression and hasn't changed his meds since their kid was born - which he needs to.
She tells him she's thinks the marriage is having trouble and she wants to go to counselling, and he tells her he doesn't think so.
Gah! I don't mind being the one whose shoulder gets cried on. I don't mind listening to rants, but I wish I could do something.
Depression is sucky. It makes people selfish.

-JL


(PS. I realize that this could maybe sound like I'm using the "my friend" thing as a stand in for me, but I'm totally not, my husband is seriously communicative. He never shuts up)

[Game Room Wannabe]

I'm a noob...

Dear Bob,
I need to lose some weight, being underweight isn't good enough.
With a BMI of 17.8, I'm fat.

-GRW