Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

[Young Val]

Dear Bob,

Well, this past weekend I did ask David to move in with me now rather than later. And he said no.

I'm a little disappointed, of course I am. As Harry concludes his speech in the greatest romantic comedy of all time "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

We had a long, cozy, wonderful talk. And we revisited all of the reasons we originally were going to wait until 2010 to move in together anyway, and decided that those reasons were still valid, and it would all definitely be worth the wait.

It's hard. Even though he lives just a fifteen minute walk away, some times it feels much further. I've fallen into a way of joking about how I feel like the child of divorced parents all over again: all of my things are split up between two houses.

The talk helped immensely, though it didn't have the outcome that I wanted. I'm reassured that our future plans are more solid than ever. I feel closer to my boy for having confessed and confided in him and seeing him cherish those secret thoughts and wishes. I am more aware now than ever of how lucky I am. And I fall more in love each day.

I just finished my annual reread of LITTLE WOMEN and of course came upon a quote that helped me (though it IS about entirely the wrong romance!)

"Haf you patience to wait a long time, Jo? I must go away and do my work alone. I must help my boys first, because, even for you, I may not break my word to Minna. Can you forgive that, and be happy while we hope and wait?"

"Yes, I know I can, for we love one another, and that makes all the rest easy to bear. I have my duty, also, and my work. I couldn't enjoy myself if I neglected them even for you, so there's no need of hurry or impatience. You can do your part out West, I can do mine here, and both be happy hoping for the best."

No need of hurry and impatience; I can be happy while we hope and wait.

[Confessions]

Bob,

On Saturday it was the least of my problems, but right now it's kind of killing me. My mom, that is. She's so delusional with her wishful thinking. She's deluded herself into thinking I'm becoming more like her. She thinks I'm becoming a normal teenager. Ha.

To that I say: if she only knew.

[Young Val]

Dear Bob,

Should I be happy that for the first time in a year+ living together, my roommate bought toilet paper unprompted when she used the last of it, or should I be annoyed to the point of tearing my skin off that she has once again left a full trash bag next to the front door for over two days?


eta: she had the audacity to refer to herself as a "neat-freak" on her blog today.

[Yebra]

Dear Bob,

There's something cool about reading about the frontiers of 11th Century Europe whilst in the library between the Castle and the Cathedral. Nice to have some history to a place.

[locke]

Bob,

I paid off one my student loans today! the high interest one I took out my senior year to cover my car and the expected family contribution my parents couldn't pay and the extra discretionary income I needed to complete my photo minor.

And now, some $12,000 to $13,000-ish later that $9000 loan has been completely repaid and is gone. now all I have left is my federal stafford loans which have a comparatively low interest rate of 4.75 iirc.

[elfprince13]

Dear Bob,
Tonight was what we call a "mixed bag." 4 hours of super emotional drama (It's so cute when she's being stubborn....except when it isn't anymore, and I'm just hurt that she can't/won't understand), interspersed with the awesomeness of watching BSG and Lost with Adam and Vicky and a dash of Super Smash Bro's thrown in for good measure. Seeing them was a huge relief, and helped keep my spirits up, but obviously I was moping enough that they could tell something was up, but weren't nosey enough to ask about it.
~Thomas

[powerfulcheese04]

Dear Bob,

Sometimes it can be hard not to be neurotic.

I sort of want to say "Please don't break my heart when you go to Vegas without me," but, that would probably mean I'd have to explain it. And... I've done a good job of keeping past relationship neuroses out of this one.

(But, if he was looking to use up vacation before it disappears in May... we could have done something on my Spring Break...)

Also, I would appreciate it if I could stop having bad dreams. In general. I don't think I've had a night in the past week that I've not had a bad dream of some kind. It's getting old.

[Wil]

Bob,

Can you, or someone else, solve this?


I am completely unable to solve this beast. But, to be fair, I've come up with things! (Assuming x is the length between the two dotted lines)

Total Area = 2r * x + pi * r^2
Total Perimeter = 2x + 2 * pi * r
Rectangle Perimeter = 4r + 2x
OR
Rectangle Perimeter = 440 - 2 * pi * r
Rectangle Area = 2r * x

Known information:
2x + 2 * pi * r = 440

Some other things... I know the maximum area of a rectangle is in fact a square. So, I thought that perhaps I could replace x with 2r...

2(2r) + 2*pi*r = 440
Divide both sides by two...
2r + pi * r = 220
Take an r out...
r(2 + pi) = 220
Divide by (2+pi)...
r = 220/(2+pi)

And since x = 2r...

x = 2r = 440/(2+pi)

Which means the length and width are both: 440/(2+pi) since it is a square.

But, to do this, I KNOW he wants me to use the vertex formula: x = -b/(2(a))...

THIS PROBLEM SUCKS.

~ Wil

[elfprince13]

graph the perimeter and area equations and find where they intersect. (I'm using x as the length, y as the width (the portion that cuts across the semicircle).


440yds = 2x + (pi * y)

maximum rectangular area should be when x = y

so
440yds = 2x + (pi * y)
x = y
440yds = (2 * x) + (pi * x)
440yds = (2 + pi) * x
x = 440yds / (2 + pi)
x = y = 440yds / (2 + pi)


I checked it out on the OS X grapher and the lines x = y and y = (440 - 2x) / pi intersect at (440/(2+pi), 440/(2+pi))

[locke]

yeah, x=2r=440/(2+pi)

so maximum area would be (440/(2+pi))^2

[elfprince13]

yeah, x=2r=440/(2+pi)

so maximum area would be (440/(2+pi))^2

which is (193600 / (4 + 4 * pi + pi ^ 2)) sq. yds.

[Wil]

I am about 99% positive that this is the answer:

2x+2*pi*r = 440

Since 2r = y...
2x + y * pi = 440

Solve for y and you get...
y = (-2x+440)/pi

Area = xy

Area = x ((-2x+440)/pi))

Area = (-2x^2 + 440x)/pi

Vertex Formula:

x = -(440)/(2(-2)) = 440/4 = 110

Put that back in to my perimeter formula...

2(110) + y * pi = 440
220 + y * pi = 440
Subtract 220 from both sides...
y*pi = 220
Divide by pi
y = 220/pi

Meaning my length and width are 440 and 220/pi... meaning my max area is 96800/pi or aprox: 30812.4 sq. yards.

I think. It makes the most sense, it all works out, and it satisfies the fact that I have to use the vertex formula while also getting positive numbers. Yeah. *mind boggles*

[Young Val]

Dear Bob,

David and I had our first real fight. I was in the wrong. I hurt him. It is so terrifying how one, small, completely careless action can hurt someone so much. I cried buckets and felt so wicked and selfish for hurting the person I love most in the entire world.

We had a long talk; I don't think I've ever given a more sincere apology in my life. I am forgiven. It was a stupid little thing and, after the fight part, when it came to the apology part, he was wonderful. He didn't make me feel guilty, he didn't drag it out, he actually wound up comforting me (selfish, selfish!) because after I was forgiven I just kept crying, in relief.

I know that fights happen. And I know that people do stupid, careless things. I know that although this was our first big fight, it won't be our last. I hope that when the roles are reversed, I remember to be as patient and kind and forgiving as my wonderful, wonderful boy.

I am so lucky. And so in love.

[Syphon the Sun]

Wil, you can't have 440 as the length, as the entire perimeter is 440.


Keep in mind I haven't taken calculus in five years, but this is what I came up with.

A = x*2r
P = 2x + 2r*PI

440 = 2x + 2r*PI
440 = 2(x + rPI)
220 = x+rPI
220 - rPI = x

A = (220 - r*PI)2r
A = 440r - 2r^2*PI

0 = 440r - (2r^2*PI)
440r = 2r^2*PI
220 = 2r*PI
110 = r*PI
110/PI = r

440 = 2x + 2(110/PI)*PI
440 = 2x + 220
220 = 2x
110 = x

So:
x=110
r=110/PI

Double check:
P = 2x + 2r*PI
P = 2(110) + 2(110/PI)*PI
P = 220 + 2(110)
P = 220 + 220
P = 440
440 = 440

A = x * 2r
A = 110 * 2(110/PI)
A = 110 * 220/PI
A = 24200/PI
A = 7703.099 yards^2

Final answer: length = 110, width = 220/PI (because the width is the diameter, 2r)

ETA: Seriously, I haven't taken a math class in five years. So don't trust me.

[Wil]

I meant length is 110 and width is 220/pi.

Which means we got the same thing. So it must be right!

Thanks for zee halp!

ETA:

Bob,

You know what's weird? Okay well many things. But I have TWO things I want to talk about.

1) It is weird that being away from the person you find yourself inexplicably attracted to for three weeks tends to make said attraction go away. I distinctly remember feeling differently, but now it isn't quite there. Missing the pheromones or something.

2) Girl who sits three people to my left in math... fairly positive she's interested in me, but for other reasons than what I'm about to talk about. The other day she went to ask the teacher a question who was sitting at the desk in front of me and she leaned down, giving me a clear view right down her blouse. I was like o.O, and then quickly looked away. Either she wasn't aware, forgot to put her hand up like women typically do to prevent that sort of thing, or SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY, perhaps not even totally related to me. *coughteacherflirtingcough*

Yep. Two weird things.

Oh, also, I'm getting contacts.

Wil

[locke]

Bob,

I must be some piece of work. I wish I could get the f*** out of my own head sometimes and just let things be. but I can never seem to. so I'll just try and deal with this downswing. or not.

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,

The warehouse shipped the order to you in 2 separate shipments;
I just tracked the 2nd package in the warehouse, and the USPS has not
scanned it since it left the main USPS sorting facility in Greensboro, NC.
This may mean that the package has been lost in their system.

That explains, sort of, what happened to my book. I didn't bold the 'may' part because I think it most certainly was lost somewhere, it being over a month after I placed the order and it not being on my bookcase. We're going to try this again and this time, it will find my house.


Besides that, I had a great start to my morning and by that, I mean that my mom came barging through my door like a bat out of hell while I was in my 6th hour of sleep, yanked my external hard drive USB cord out of Isla, stormed off with her, obviously forgetting she is password protected, stomped back down the hall, muttered something about her computer not working and can I look at it later, and left after I typed in the password.

One look at her computer told me there was no way I could fix it with my level of knowledge, which is basically press a bunch of buttons, restart, and/or kick/shake- which, coincidentally, is how I plan on handling people problems from here on out- so I start looking at the company website and come to the conclusion that I need to call for help. I hate, hate, hate calling 99% of the Earth's population and Tech Support is not in the 1% I like.

An hour, Bob. It took an hour of being on hold, holding buttons, pressing this, inserting that, Next here, F12 there, and the Indian who was helping me gave me the most polite "No, idiot woman, you messed up" ever (to be clear, he only said I made an error in selection but I could hear the other part in his voice). I think I apologized a few times; if not, I wanted to for wasting his time with my need for assistance.

But it works again and that will make my mom happy, so I am happy. Hesitantly so.

Now I'm sleepy but awake.

But...still happy and that's something.

[elfprince13]

An hour, Bob. It took an hour of being on hold, holding buttons, pressing this, inserting that, Next here, F12 there, and the Indian who was helping me gave me the most polite "No, idiot woman, you messed up" ever (to be clear, he only said I made an error in selection but I could hear the other part in his voice). I think I apologized a few times; if not, I wanted to for wasting his time with my need for assistance.

If you ever want tech support that doesn't involve being treated like an idiot child, find me on AIM. I'm usually around.

[Gravity Defier]

If you ever want tech support that doesn't involve being treated like an idiot child, find me on AIM. I'm usually around.

Oh, but Thomas, you may not start out treating me like an idiot child but don't be so sure you wouldn't end up there.

Thanks for the offer.

[Young Val]

Dear Bob,

WH called me this afternoon because they are considering extending my roommate's internship there. And eventually hiring her. They want my recommendation. I don't want to give it.

I know that my own personal issues should not get in the way of someone else's career, but I just don't think I can be objective about this.

Is she capable? Yeah, she'll be fine. Do I believe she's there for the right reasons? Hell no. I think she has her own agenda and it has nothing to do with a passion for the publishing industry. So many of my friends who DO have that passion are jobless right now. It kills me that someone manipulative with ulterior motives will get an amazing job that someone else really deserves.

Not to mention that I can't live with her if she's hired there. I can't. I don't care how immature that makes me. That wound is still fresh and it's hard enough having her intern there. I can't bear it if she's hired. I can't.

But is that enough of a reason to refuse to give a rec?


f***.

[starlooker]

Good luck with that, Kelly. That'd be miserable.

Not relevant, but it reminded me of this story. My supervisor told me he once wrote the following recommendation for an employee that he had fired (who, stupidly, came back and asked for a rec and brushed aside all my supervisor's statements that he wouldn't be able to be positive):

Dear _____

I worked with XXX for three years. They were the longest three years of my life.

Sincerely,

YYY

(His point in telling me this was actually to stress how much more powerful concise writing can be than lengthy clinical write-ups.)

[locke]

Bob,

for whatever reason I can't really tell if she flirts with me because she likes me or she's trying to butter me up because she wants to learn as much as possible from me. It's flattering to get the attention, but somewhat uncomfortable. I would quite like to be in a relationship with her. I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone I work with right now. If I can keep any of these girls I date to just kissing I'll feel better about myself. as badly as I need sex right now, I'm paradoxically telling myself I don't want it on these terms of a quickie girlfriend for a month or two and then breakup when we realize it's not going to work long term. those are the only terms I've got in the last five years, and I would like something more substantial and meaningful. I don't need to meet the girl I'm going to marry, but I need to meet a girl I can be with for a year or more, a real relationship. The girl at work, as badly as about 60% of me wants to date her for physical reasons alone, she's not going to be what I'm looking for. Perhaps it's a bad idea to even date. but... if you're not fishing you're not going to catch anything, so I need to date just to keep myself from going insane. It's half the reason I left Idol, nights just make girlfriends practically impossible. I was so very mad at the girl who dumped me last week, but she probably did the right thing, and it's better than me being a jerk and not dumping someone until after things have progressed a lot further than making out. she at least broke the chain of quickie girlfriends for me, because the patterns were falling in place to repeat with her what happened with the girl from Colorado, the one from Connecticutt and the one from Boston. Last weekend was also from Boston. clearly it wasn't going to work out as I've already sampled from that city and it didn't work out, right? lol.

Que Sera, Sera

[daPyr0x]

Bob,

Today I gave Angela the dreaded relationship line. "We need to talk."

I feel so.... overexposed. I'm the type of person I'll give a straight up honest answer to any direct question. I used to be very scared, especially in a new relationship, of showing too much of me and getting hurt. Lately, though, I've just decided "f*** it, if she sticks around she'll see it anyways, might as well make sure I'm not keeping parts of me that are going to become a problem. Better to kill the relationship with who I am now than in 2 years when I'm attached." That's actually exactly what she tells me that she wants from me, so I give her that. I really don't have a problem with being open and honest and all; I just don't like it being one sided. She makes so many hints that she's not what she seems, and there are so many references to big parts her life that she keeps hidden from me, things she'll tell me about later and that. One evening she tells me my mom told her she needed to tell me about something, and that she'll talk to me about it when she sees me next. Well, the next time I saw her, and the time after, it never came up. So, I bring it up, ask her what it is she needed to tell me about, and she gives me the same line about it not being the right time and all that.

I understand her needing time and all that, I really do. It's just... always hearing her bring up things and then relate them to things that I can't know. When you tell me that I was stressing you out you know I'm going to want to know why (especially when there's no known reason as to why you might be stressed in that situation). She's said at least twice now, unprevoked, that she wants to see the real me, doesn't want me to put on a face for her, etc (relating to my mom, as that's exactly what I do around my mom). The last time she asked I asked the same of her, but she's still not doing so.

I'm not bothered by this specifically. The relationship is still young, she has every right to her secrecy. My issue is the fact that she asks me to be so open for her, and I am; and I'm starting to feel very overexposed. And if I don't say anything outwardly about it I'm just going to resort to my passive aggressive "I'm gonna change and hope she notices and can figure out why" stance, and that never works well.

Bob, I hope this conversation comes out right. It's not that I'm worried about a slap in the face and getting told to never talk to her again. I'm more worried about...I guess setting the relationship up properly. If I say something, and she gets "pushed" into going somewhere she doesn't want to, that's setting up the relationship to fail in a way that's going to make it a much more painful and explosive end.

Perhaps what I'm saying is I just don't want to get hurt.

--Cam

[elfprince13]

Bob,

Today I gave Angela the dreaded relationship line. "We need to talk."

I feel so.... overexposed. I'm the type of person I'll give a straight up honest answer to any direct question. I used to be very scared, especially in a new relationship, of showing too much of me and getting hurt. Lately, though, I've just decided "f*** it, if she sticks around she'll see it anyways, might as well make sure I'm not keeping parts of me that are going to become a problem. Better to kill the relationship with who I am now than in 2 years when I'm attached." That's actually exactly what she tells me that she wants from me, so I give her that. I really don't have a problem with being open and honest and all; I just don't like it being one sided. She makes so many hints that she's not what she seems, and there are so many references to big parts her life that she keeps hidden from me, things she'll tell me about later and that. One evening she tells me my mom told her she needed to tell me about something, and that she'll talk to me about it when she sees me next. Well, the next time I saw her, and the time after, it never came up. So, I bring it up, ask her what it is she needed to tell me about, and she gives me the same line about it not being the right time and all that.

I understand her needing time and all that, I really do. It's just... always hearing her bring up things and then relate them to things that I can't know. When you tell me that I was stressing you out you know I'm going to want to know why (especially when there's no known reason as to why you might be stressed in that situation). She's said at least twice now, unprevoked, that she wants to see the real me, doesn't want me to put on a face for her, etc (relating to my mom, as that's exactly what I do around my mom). The last time she asked I asked the same of her, but she's still not doing so.

I'm not bothered by this specifically. The relationship is still young, she has every right to her secrecy. My issue is the fact that she asks me to be so open for her, and I am; and I'm starting to feel very overexposed. And if I don't say anything outwardly about it I'm just going to resort to my passive aggressive "I'm gonna change and hope she notices and can figure out why" stance, and that never works well.

Know that you're not alone in dealing with situations very similar to this. And my relationship definitely isn't still young, so I'm working really hard to pry her out of her "nevermind, I'm not going to tell you now" habit.

[Wil]

Kind of related.

[elfprince13]

Kind of related.

yep, that's basically how it works. >_<

[Wil]

Bob,

I'm not sure...

My father went out for coffee this morning, apparently. He got a call just now. It was the lady owner of the diner he stopped in to get coffee. I met her, about a year ago, when we stopped in for breakfast one day. Apparently this morning they were talking about soaking in jacuzzi or something. My father claims she "invited herself" over to use ours. He's an experienced guy; I'm fairly positive this is an act. I'm not sure how I feel about this "date-like" thing, and I'm not sure what to make of his act of "innocence".

Wil


Bob,

Watched Fight Club last night. I was 11 when I last saw it, little by little, and not all the way through. Awesome movie. My favorite quote is: "Self-improvement is masturbation. Now self-destruction... ".

This is all.

Wil

[daPyr0x]

Bob,

I figure I owe you an update. I spoke to her tonight. I gave her a lot of what I wrote here, almost in the same words. She, in the way she always does, managed to push away my fears. I didn't ask all of my questions, but I didn't really need to.

She told me the big one, the big event she always refers to. It's pretty much exactly what I expected, which is good because my fears tend to throw my mind into some really weird places.

I guess, in my situation, the solution really is to just ask. That's pretty much exactly what she told me. She won't spill, but she will answer my questions. And I'm quite okay with that, I'm okay with not knowing everything now, or even soon. I just need to be able to ask and get a real answer.

I look more and more forward to this relationship. I still like my distance, I like my ability to duck and run should I need to; but I really like where this could go.

We shall see.

--Cam

[Wil]

It is kind of funny. I spent a little over an hour writing a response to locke in the Things I Hate thread. A response that explained the reasons I think it is sad that people are more open to complaining of the bad over praising the good. A response that lead in to the inanity of confessions; the stupidity of perceived anonymity; and the pity I feel for people whom feel so unable to to admit to something that they must use a second online identity to admit to anything; that people should quit worrying about what people think about them and just accept the things they have said, are thinking, and will do as being a part of what made them they person they are today. A response that eventually degraded in to some random thoughts about how I consider it ironic that it was easier for a certain someone to claim talking was preventing them from doing things they wished to do, and yet still seem to spend about the same amount of time around as they always have, as opposed to just saying they didn't want to talk...

Then I erased it all, realized that no matter how much I typed on these subjects people would still do these quite silly things, that it all really doesn't matter anyways, and went to bed. I think I made the right choice, and I'm sure you all quite agree. Nobody, not even me, wants to read all that.

[starlooker]

Dear Bob,

I am an IDIOT.

The cycle of avoidance strikes again.

Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

The only redemption in this is that if I can pull it together, my intern-buddy will look worse than me.

I HATE making people mad. I HATE looking like an unprofessional idiot. I HATE the part of me that will avoid any task that involves stepping outside my very tiny comfort zone.

I was going to say that I want to cry, but that isn't true, really. I don't want to cry. I want to make damn sure this does not happen again the rest of the time that I'm here.

[Young Val]

Dear Bob,

Like a loser I bailed on drinks with my boyfriend and his coworkers because I felt like crap and wanted to come home and rest and get to bed early.

So, here I am.

And my roommate has TRASHED the house and has a friend over. A friend who is JUST as obnoxious as she is. And having trashed the rest of the house, they are now sprawled in the kitchen. Covering every surface with their laptops and their books and journals and magazines and their STUFF. making it impossible for me to make any sort of actual dinner for myself. I AM HUNGRY AND TIRED AND CRANKY.

I feel like there should just be a thread called "complaining." It seems like that's all I ever do here anymore.

[Luet]

*hugs Kelly and Kirsten*

[locke]

Bob,

Fixing my car is going to be expensive! but I have to do it. grumble grumble.

my car passed smog last time after replacing the 02 sensors and TPS,

I can't reregister my car this year until it's smogged again. my registration expired in October.

I took it to get smogged in January. failed by a few points

I took it to the dealership they look at it and do nothing I take it back home 100 lighter

I bring it back the next morning, they have it all day, 600 later they say it's fixed and will pass smog. they do a throttle body adjustment and put in a new wiring package.

I take it to smog and it fails again, it gets a check engine light during the test and the results come back worse than before.

I take it back to the dealership the next day, they spend all day on it. they take it to a smog place it fails again, even worse than before, bad enough to be labeled a gross polluter now (they put in a new 02 sensor). they only charge me another 200. f******. they think it's a muffler thing and want several days with it to 'figure it out' RIIIIIIIIGHT. You've made my car worse every time you touch, no chance in hell I'm ever returning to you or buying a GM (Chevy) again in my life.

I figure f*** it. I'll deal with this later.

two weeks ago I go to USC on a sunday for a seminar. I see a parking space on the other side of the street. at the next intersection I hang a U-turn and head back to it. I pull into it. the parking space is behind a firehydrant redzone, so I use the red zone to pull in straight so I don't have to parallel park. I pull into the redzone and check my mirrors and start backing up.

I hear a beeping to my left, I look to the left wondering if there's an accident or about to be an accident while still backing up. beeping gets louder.

CRUNCH.

A little Honda had zipped into the space behind me and was trying to steal it. f******. we exchange numbers and agree to keep it off of insurance. probably a good thing as it's probably my fault for hitting him although he was really at fault for trying to steal the space in the first place. I have him send me a copy of the estimate for repairs along with a letter saying when he receives money for him all obligations are discharged.

Estimate is for 867. Goddammit. his bumper had a chip knocked off it and the drivers side light was f******, but it also did some internal damage. sigh.

So I'm thinking I'll get my car fixed sometime in May now.

then last friday I open the mail and have a letter from the DMV. since my registration is now six months over due if a cop finds it parked on a city street or private lot or public lot of any kind they can seize my car.

scared I take it in today to get it looked at. to the people that fixed it last time I got it smogged.

They're still looking at it.

I have a feeling it's going to be expensive.

I'm pissed because I just finished paying it off and I want two more years from it with no car payments

and then after paying all this BS repairs to get it smogged I have to pay for the smog test and I have to pay for registration and all the fees and the registration will only be good til october, rather than a year from today. anyways, the smogging and registration will be another 200.

Grrr! Arrgh!

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,

What the hell is wrong with me?

[locke]

Bob,

apparently there are all sorts of new and interesting sites that have my credits on them when you google me. Yay. oddly, the credits on those sites, while accurate are different from those on imdb. Imdb is such a fricking pain to update, especially for television, that I haven't bothered in a year or more, but I really should, lol. :p