Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

Talk about anything under the sun or stars - but keep it civil. This is where we really get to know each other. Everyone is welcome, and invited!
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Postby Gravity Defier » Thu Sep 02, 2010 11:27 pm

*hugs Nomi* Listen to Kim, please; I think that's pretty solid advice.
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Postby Luet » Fri Sep 03, 2010 7:25 am

Thanks guys. I left a message for the neuro today explaining what's going on and asking him to call me back. The reason I was hesitant to do so was because the drug isn't known to have any side effect on mood, (it's an Alzheimer's med, although I am taking double the normal dose) and so I felt like they wouldn't believe the causality. And it still might not be related but I'm desperate.
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Postby starlooker » Fri Sep 03, 2010 10:26 pm

My poor kitty cat (Reece) has another UTI. He looks SO miserable. Plus he's been trying to pee on any stray paper left around the apartment as well as spending a ton of time in the litter box. We took him to the vet and he's got medicine but he still looks pretty miserable tonight. We picked up all stray paper around and bought some puppy pads for him. It's really unlike him to try to go outside the litter box (unlike his sister) so we figure that he's doing it must mean he really doesn't feel like he can make it to the box. Poor guy. When he looks miserable, he looks REALLY miserable.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
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There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Postby Gravity Defier » Fri Sep 03, 2010 11:41 pm

Bob,

I know how it looks, me spamming FB all of a sudden, calling people while at work (on my lunch break, come on now) and basically acting like a nutcase after they blocked Pweb.

There's a whole long story behind this that I'll sum up as such: I was doing perfectly fine at work for at least the first year, small mistakes here and there but no big deal. Then Summer Reading came and we all got overwhelmed and it's slowed down some but not the way we were expecting it to. About the time SR was due to stop, a coworker started acting really passive aggressive with me and hasn't let up. I'm getting blamed by her and her old coworkers/friends at a different library for all sorts of s*** I haven't done and I'm getting hell for the little stuff I have done. Mixed messages are being sent and frustration levels are high. To make matters worse, the one person who knows me best and spends the most time with me as we go about our slightly different tasks is out on vacation, so I've felt really alone as all these stupid little things have been happening. I had a quick talk with my supervisor today after I got off Circ and he was really supportive, which was nice because losing Pweb access in the middle of this only added to my feeling isolated. It's one person being stupid but she's unrelenting and that's enough, unfortunately, when the patrons have always been stupid; I need to feel like my coworkers are on my side, not trying to put me down.

My mom, who's been with the district for 17 years, warned me that the Circ department is well known for being clique-ish and act like a bunch of a junior high kids but man, it's something else to be on the receiving end of their stupidity. I'm hoping things calm down soon because I really liked my job for the most part until recently.
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Postby Jayelle » Sat Sep 04, 2010 5:35 pm

Bob,

Well, s***. We've moved here, spending a ton (most) of our savings to get here, only to find that Paul is not going to get as much money as was promised (at least, not for awhile) and my mat leave pay doesn't actually start till October. We are living on practically nothing for the next month. We're used to living frugally, but I don't know if I can stretch this far. I really don't want to tell my family or his family. I hate admitting I need help. I thought we could do this... I thought we were going to be better off... we're not screwed yet, but it might be coming.
I'm looking into community centers and stuff that help out pregnant women/young moms, but I also feel stupid. There aren't listings for these kinds of things online, because I shouldn't be rich enough to have a computer/the internet if I can look them up, right?
If we still lived back in Winnipeg, I would know exactly where to go to get some help, but I just have no idea where places are around here.

Plus, we have relied entirely on public transportation for our entire marriage and it's worked out fine, but the buses here are terrible. I can't even bring a stroller on board without folding it up.
DAMN DAMN DAMN.

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Postby Eaquae Legit » Sun Sep 05, 2010 12:49 pm

Dear Bob,

I've been worried about where we're going to live when we move to England and how we're going to find housing there from all the way over here. Our chances of getting into a student residence are pretty slim, as married students' accommodation is snapped up quickly. But then I get an email from my friend there who I miss dearly, and maybe maybe maybe if things work out just right, we could share her house with her. It's in an ideal location and sounds charming and lovely and I'd really love to live together again. I really want it to work out, but there are a couple really big IFs. So we wait.

***

Jan, are either of you cyclists, or willing to give it a try? That is how Brent and I survived with dismal public transit, and it can save a lot of money in the long run. Once you're not so pregnant, anyway - I can see how it might be awkward right now. We managed with side baskets, since we grocery shopped once a week, and you could get one of those little trailers for Ginny and the new sprog. It's probably not practical all year in Newfoundland, but there's still a good number of months you could do it.

I'm sorry the situation is so crummy right now! *hugs!*
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII

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Postby Rei » Sun Sep 05, 2010 11:19 pm

Bicycles is how we still survive with the even more dismal transit that is here. And believe me, we know about hills ;) You get used to biking them eventually.
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Postby starlooker » Mon Sep 06, 2010 2:16 am

Dear Bob,

Insomnia. Can't sleep. Goal is to finish and send dissertation to committee by noon tomorrow. However, when it came time to write I couldn't concentrate and went to bed. Apparently I was crunching numbers in my head, woke up panicking about the wedding budget given the estimate the DJ gave us and how much over I went for the photographer. Crunching numbers made it worse. Eventually got up, did some more number crunching plus some stupid facebook gaming and sorted out the contents D brought up from my old/his new car. Now I'm kind of halfway between. It might be worth trying to sleep again.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Postby daPyr0x » Tue Sep 07, 2010 4:59 pm

Dear Bob,

Amidst my misogyny and loneliness I had all but forgotten why men chased women. I mean, I'm not an intercourse chaser, and without that I had just figured "why bother? Sure I want to raise a family and such someday, but I've got too much else to do before I commit my life to another." I just decided that being able to turn off (or *cough* self satisfy) my sex drive and romanticism, there was little else to draw me towards intimate relationships. It may not be the same, but companionship is definitely something I can get from platonic friends; without all that awful jealousy and commitment. Everybody wins! In an instant, I remembered why.

A couple of weeks ago, I met this girl. At some point she'd been adopted into "the group," the group being my older brother's closest friends. Living at a distance, I was only there every few weeks, and things would often change between visits. One day she just appeared in the group. It was very asexual, which was unusual for this group (hmm, I wonder why women often don't stay long? haha); but that's good, especially for me dealing with trying to socialize with someone new. Anyways, we were all playing a game of Monopoly, she went out to me purposely to try and strengthen me (by giivng me her properties) to take down the remaining Goliath of the game. Shortly thereafter, she walks past/behind me and out of nowhere places a kiss on my cheek and says "Good luck kiss!"

That's why. Parts of my mind I had forgotten about existing lit up like a neon aurora.

Instantly my mind was transported to images like this one. It was just so cute and innocent, yet impactful. There was nothing romantic or sexual in nature about it, yet the adorableness of the situation still made it unquantifiably awesome.

That's why. That's why I've gotten myself in such trouble in the past with my willingness. That's why to chase regardless of the turbulent future I expect. 'Cause it feels good to be accepted, liked even. Does that mean I will? No, probably not. I expect too much criticism. I don't live a "socially acceptable" life, at least that is how I have spent my entire life feeling. The fact that one of my most favoured hobbies can be prosecuted against and is generally looked down upon by the large portion of the populace that remains uneducated causes me great stress. The rest of my hobbies tend to just be unattractive to the opposite sex. Don't like me for what I am? That's fine, great even, 'cause at least you know. But don't treat me like a dead pixel on your top-of-the-line TV, bitching and moaning about the tiny and inobtrusive, though slightly distracting black spot on an otherwise beautiful display. That's the world that I live in, the kind of world where the dead pixels of the world distort your mind's eye.

--A dead pixel
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Postby fawkes » Tue Sep 07, 2010 10:15 pm

Dear Bob,

We had some folks from a Domestic Violence group come by the house tonight to ask about Toni. At one point mom asked me if I noticed anything about her drug use. I couldn't speak, I felt a weight on my shoulders and in my chest.

As far as mom and dad know, or think they know, she didn't start using drugs until she met James. I know for a fact she was doing pot in her sophmore year in high school, and got drunk nearly every weekend. I know I don't have to keep anything from them, but I just can't say anything. I hate Toni for telling me these things, because I think she knew I could never work up the courage to tell mom and dad the truth. I didn't keep it from them to hurt them, but I think knowing the truth could hurt them more.

I don't know if I can ever tell them how long she was doing drugs, what she did before she met him. They are still convinced that he's the one that coerced her into these things, when she's the one who probably wanted to do it on her own. I don't want to change how they see her, no matter how wrong that image is. They need that image. Even her friends, who knew when she started smoking, didn't tell them. I just can't do it.

~me
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Postby Mich » Thu Sep 09, 2010 4:09 pm

Well, Bob, I'm in a pickle.

I realized that I can't survive off of my current hours from the job that I moved to Portland for, so I started looking for another part-time job to fill in the gaps, though, as my search went on and I got less hours, I realized it would have to be more of a "do this job as your main one and the job you moved here for as a side project" deal. My boss is very sweet, though when I told her I had even posted my own ad telling people I would do freelance web design for them, she got extremely territorial. Like, super-duper territorial. So territorial that when I saw a job on Craigslist describing exactly what I do for her, only with 30-40 hours a week, I at first thought it was a trap to find out if I was "cheating" on her and looking for better, full-time jobs. It had been posted the day before, so I concluded it wasn't her.

I applied for it, but only to fill my quota for the day of "jobs applied for." There were some misgivings, but, hey, a ton of other jobs that I was way more qualified for hadn't returned my emails, so the chances of them getting back to me were slim.

You can see where this is going.

After having written them off and forgotten about them, I just got a call that turned into a phone interview. "Wow, they sound like they like me," I thought to myself. "That makes this a lot more difficult. Maybe I'm exaggerating, though. Maybe they'll make this easier and not move to a full interview."

"Well, I'll be available all next week, other than Wednesday. That is, if you decide to interview me."

"Oh, that's definitely not a question. I'll email you the day and time."

Which is great! Which is bad.

Signed,
Unsure About Ethics
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Postby Gravity Defier » Thu Sep 09, 2010 8:36 pm

I personally see nothing unethical about taking the job if they want to hire you; it may feel like a crappy thing to do but I don't think it is wrong in any sense of the word unless you are under a more official contract than "I work, you pay me" which states your talents can't be put to use elsewhere.


And *hugs* to Erica.
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Postby megxers » Fri Sep 10, 2010 12:00 am

Mich, I'd say you have to go for it. Though I just did end up turning down a job that I kind of had been committed to for awhile but wasn't going to start for a few weeks in favor of one with more hours...it just didn't make sense.

Bob,

I came home exhausted but now I have scared myself awake marathoning a television show. Goran Dragic is nice on the eyes but um, creepy things in the ocean.
So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about you constantly
So maybe I do, but that shouldn't affect
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Postby Gravity Defier » Sat Sep 11, 2010 11:46 pm

Bob,

I was sitting at the kitchen counter yesterday, hard at work with my latest project, headphones in, and my mom decided that was the time to have a chat. Fine, fine, I turned the music off to listen/talk while I kept working. Our conversation went something like this:

Mom: Why didn't you go to B&N with [old roommate]?
Me: I was just there last week, I don't have any money, and she's...I just saw her last week, too. (Unspoken: she's an old high school friend who makes me feel like I did in high school -like I can't be myself- and I don't want any part of that; I firmly believe friendship is one of those areas where the saying "Beggars can't be choosers" does not apply.)
Mom: You keep saying that you don't have money but I see your account twice a month (to pull rent money); I wish I had that kind of money.
Me: It may look like I have money but that's earmarked for something. I can't touch it.
[somewhat drawn out silence]
Me: One of these days, I'd like to be a big kid and move out.
[short pause]
Mom: You're going to move out?
Me: Not yet but eventually, yeah. You didn't think I was going to live here forever did you? *looking at drawing but laughing a considerable amount*
[silence]
Me: *looks up* Oh...you, you did think I was going to live here forever? *baffled and a little insulted*
Mom: I was hoping so. As soon as you move out, you know your dad is going to want to sell this place.
Me: He wouldn't do that. He promised me he wouldn't do that.
Mom: He would and he will.



Recent text message from grandmother:

"The supreme being loves u believe it or not. like me u bury things deep so they won't hurt u. I am not lecturing just stating what self realization has forced me 2 see if i want 2 keep my sanity. I love u my little weah"

No comment on the Supreme Being but I can't necessarily argue the second part. I just have no idea where that came from, why she felt the need to tell me that just then, or what she expects me to do about it.

What am I burying? Is she assuming that because I've always kept things from family I must be keeping it from everyone, including myself?


I feel very confused about many things and yet, I've found a shallow happiness in distractions. Why does my family, work, etc. insist on trying to draw me out? Let me have my happiness however I can get it, please. I guarantee, well before the year is over, I will be confronting all sorts of things I don't want to. Until then, until it's necessary, I just want to float through life. Is that too much to ask for? Is that me burying things so they won't hurt me? Probably. Oh well. I need a break from life and this is the only way to get it.



P.S. Jason says "hi".
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Postby fawkes » Sun Sep 12, 2010 9:03 pm

Thanks for hugs Alea, and hugs back.
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Postby Jayelle » Mon Sep 13, 2010 4:05 pm

Bob,

I am too embarrassed (proud?) to admit it anywhere else online or in real life, but we used a food bank today. There's one on campus especially for students. I don't want my parents to find out, because I know they would worry.
It was amazing. I expected Paul to come home with a little bag of canned food or something, instead he came home with six bags of food. Cereal, crackers, tons of canned food, bread, milk, eggs... I cried when I saw it. We really, really needed that to help get us through. Now we can spend our meager funds on other necessities without stressing about our food situation.
To anyone who has ever donated to a food bank: Thank you. I never thought I would be in this situation, but I am and it's amazing to be able to just go and get some free food for our family for the month.

JL
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Postby daPyr0x » Wed Sep 15, 2010 12:48 pm

Bob,

I'm doing it again. I've only been here 7 months and I'm torpedoing my job. I'm fucking sick of getting no support from the other employees here.

There's a sales guy who works here. He shouldn't. He only works here because his cousin got him the job (seriously - one sales guy up and quit, and before the job was posted this person started). A few weeks ago he had a customer who'd been bothering him 'cause his product wasn't functioning properly, so because he doesn't know anything about the products he managed to get my team leader to visit the site with him to repair the issue.

That customer called me today, said the issue had returned, and as I started to walk through some troubleshooting he cuts me off - obviously agitated - telling me he's done it all before and informing me of the aforementioned visit. This man understandably doesn't want to waste any more time getting this system up and running. I apologize, tell him I'll have to follow up with the reps that had been on his site previously and call him back. Unfortunately, both my team lead and my manager are away this week, so I emailed said sales guy and asked what the history on this customer was. His response? "I don't know why this keeps happening or what was done to fix it, maybe your team lead can fill you in. Can you call the customer back?" I'm supposed to call the customer back and say what, smartass? I sent a rather scathing email that I got in a little trouble for... Unfortunately my manager still has a blackberry to read these things while he's gone.

I'm one of 3 people in this company who actually speak to the end users of our products on a daily basis. Yes, 3. You'd think, being the only representative of the company that these customers will likely ever encounter, that they'd want me to be as informed, professional, and capable as possible. :oops:

Not so!
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Postby Gravity Defier » Thu Sep 16, 2010 9:42 am

Bob,

Do you ever have those moments in which you cry aloud (or in your head, same difference sometimes) "What was I thinking?!"/"What's wrong with you?!"



I just want to survive today.
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Postby Eaquae Legit » Thu Sep 16, 2010 1:12 pm

Bob,

Do you ever have those moments in which you cry aloud (or in your head, same difference sometimes) "What was I thinking?!"/"What's wrong with you?!"
At myself, or at other people? Not that it matters, because yes.



Hey Bob,

Can you make my back stop hurting? It's just baaarely possible to do my job like this, so I can't justify calling in sick, but it's really the pits, and if it's not better by Sunday, I will have to call in sick because I need my back that day. And it would suck, because the house needs me that day.

Thanks.
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII

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Postby Gravity Defier » Fri Sep 17, 2010 8:12 am

Bob,

I tried talking to you last night but my computer chose the moment before I hit submit to take a break due to heat. I hate it when it does that. If you didn't notice, I survived yesterday.


Unfortunately, I have an all too fresh recollection of the s*** going on in my head. Thoughts I struggled to ignore, override, rationalize away. I'm inadequate, lacking. I'm untalented. Boring. I'll never be able to compare to...(yeah, let's not go there), so why bother?

I have this whole simple hope of how things will be and this feeling in my gut, like I'm asking for the world, quit holding my breath, there are people who get what I want and those "people" will never include me.

I can't even imagine it, anymore. It seems so foreign and unrealistic, and the things I'm trying to resign myself to make me feel both sadness and relief.

But enough of that. I should peel myself out of bed already, get some cereal and officially start the day. And you know what, all that depressing bullshit aside, all the sleepiness aside, today is going to be a damn good day. I'm determined to see to it that it is. Because I know how things are going to continue to be and I'm just pathetic enough to take comfort in routine.
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Postby Eaquae Legit » Mon Sep 20, 2010 12:22 pm

Hey Bob,

I just don't feel great today. I want to go back to bed and just sleep.
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII

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Postby Jayelle » Mon Sep 20, 2010 12:35 pm

Hey Bob,

I just don't feel great today. I want to go back to bed and just sleep.
Wow. Ditto. I have no idea what you did, but I ended up napping for almost 2 hours. It did not make me feel better.
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Postby Eaquae Legit » Mon Sep 20, 2010 1:08 pm

I wish! But I have to go to work in an hour, so no nap for me.

Bah, probably wouldn't make me feel any better, either.
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII

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Postby Rei » Mon Sep 20, 2010 7:25 pm

I'm in a similar state here. The last few hours of the work day I was just ready to fall asleep. And now that I'm home, I'll probably try to stay awake so that I can sleep tonight. One more day until my weekend!
Le coeur a ses raisons que la raison ne connait point.
~Blaise Pascal


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Postby ValentineNicole » Tue Sep 21, 2010 3:28 pm

Bob,

I'm on a mission to get into great shape, and it's stressing me out. My trainer and I were discussing food yesterday (in terms of what I'm eating and when). Basically, the take away is that I'm eating roughly 3/4s of what I ought to be eating - and somedays even less - if I'm going to be continuing to workout the way I have been.

So he tells me my goal is 1588 calories. If I don't start eating more, I'm not going to be able to go much farther with my fitness goals. I eat between 1100-1200 most days.

The thing is, when I start counting calories, I still panic. So today, I'm tracking all my calories, trying to hit 1588, and I'm literally below 500. The minute I focus on food, I don't want it at all. Nothing sounds good, and I can't bring myself to eat a bite. Not only that, but now I'm a bundle of stress, and I've somehow got to squeeze 1000+ calories in 2 hours (you're supposed to stop 4 hours before bedtime). NOT gonna happen.

1588 calories. That's...insane, kind of. I don't want to seem pessimistic, but I only ever get that high on a total binge day - the kind where I go out to dinner and for drinks. I'm thinking about seeing a nutritionist and getting them to spell out what to eat for me, LOL. I don't think I'm food phobic at all anymore, but that calorie count seems f-ing insane. And kinda of expensive, LOL. At 1100-1200 calories, I'm already eating almost $10 a day, haha. I guess I like expensive foods.

Gah, Bob, I'm stressed. And not hungry. And totally not feeling like eating.

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Postby starlooker » Tue Sep 21, 2010 6:27 pm

Dear Bob,

Gloom, despair, and agony, oh me.
Deep dark depression, endless misery.
If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all. (Ooooh)
Gloom, despair, and agony oh me.

*points to whoever remembers that*

I'm so fucked. And it's so totally my own fault.

What's new?
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Postby Gravity Defier » Wed Sep 22, 2010 10:11 pm

Oh, Bob!

The unbridled joy that is loading an MP3 player with music is mine to be had. :mrgreen:
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.

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Postby Confessions » Thu Sep 23, 2010 11:29 am

Oh, man. I guess I really do deserve that. If you look at it from the flip side, it's rather unfair ("WHAT? Not AGAIN?!"). Mostly, though, I just feel amused. I'm enjoying those little things that are pegged as "typical." One by one, I am falling into the stereotype. You see, I knew that once I started having normal-person problems I'd be more amused than troubled. To be frank, I am so hoping for this trend to continue.
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Postby Confessions » Thu Sep 23, 2010 11:44 am

Dear Bob,

Tomorrow is my first day of counseling. I am nervous. I am very nervous.

I am mostly nervous because I haven't had a serious depressive episode in about two weeks. I made the appointment shortly after. I don't want to waste the counselor's time. It's easy for me to explain the depression away when it happens infrequently. Also I hate not knowing what to expect. I don't want to get there and have nothing to say. I am nervous.
The password is "guilty"

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Postby Satya » Thu Sep 23, 2010 3:03 pm

So he tells me my goal is 1588 calories. If I don't start eating more, I'm not going to be able to go much farther with my fitness goals. I eat between 1100-1200 most days.

The thing is, when I start counting calories, I still panic. So today, I'm tracking all my calories, trying to hit 1588, and I'm literally below 500. The minute I focus on food, I don't want it at all. Nothing sounds good, and I can't bring myself to eat a bite. Not only that, but now I'm a bundle of stress, and I've somehow got to squeeze 1000+ calories in 2 hours (you're supposed to stop 4 hours before bedtime). NOT gonna happen.
This is far more common than you might think. Your trainer is right about one thing - not getting adequate calories can actually inhibit progress once you reach a certain point. It's very complex, and not even a great mind like mine fully understands it yet, but it's not just about caloric intake, but about the ratio of that intake between fats, proteins and carbs. Have you and your trainer discussed what kind of ratio you should be consuming? I can't make the determination, because I haven't been working with you, but you should have a ballpark figure to work with.

Getting adequate carbohydrates is crucial, which is ironic given the current fad of low-carb and no-carb diets - without carbohydrates, your body can't metabolize it's fat stores into usable energy. You also need to continue to get adequate (though minimal) unsaturated fats to keep the "furnace" of your body's metabolism stoked, and of course, plenty of lean proteins for the repair and maintenance of your muscles and tissues that break down with each workout.

If you find that you keep having difficulty in reaching around 1,500 calories a day, even with eating 4-5 moderate meals, you should consider adding a protein supplement to your diet. Easy to mix and to consume, a single serving of a good quality protein can provide an additional 200-300 calories - and it's as easy as drinking a glass of water. In addition, the calories are low in fat and usually have an optimal mix of protein-to-carbs. You might think the idea is weird, drinking a protein shake if you're not a bodybuilder, but that stereotype is totally bogus. Most Americans who are on some kind of 'diet' are on it at the expense of adequate protein consumption - especially since exercise of any quality requires it. Add to this the fact that most protein supplements are also made with a high volume of helpful amino acids and it's a no-brainer if you find you still can't reach the caloric plateau you and your trainer have decided on.

So step one is to discuss what your protein-and-carb needs are for your current exercise routine, BMI and BMR, and step two is to see if a protein supplement is for you. Ideally, one that has 2-1 protein-to-carb ratio (but differing depending on your needs, and what you are more deficient in in your regular diet), and one that is low in fat. The best deals are online, of course, but even Wal-Mart stocks a decent couple of options.
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Postby Mich » Thu Sep 23, 2010 6:41 pm

Dear Diary,

I haven't been posting much because I've been pretty exhausted from my new, full-time, real, adult, job. I started looking for one when the job that I moved to Portland for started slowing down, and ended up landing a complete replacement job. My boss, luckily, was very sympathetic, and I think we'll stay on good terms, which is important, because I lent her my copy of House of Leaves.

The new job is awesome.

I can't really say that enough.

I was worried, when I started looking for a job in the web design field, that I would land one that required me to do a lot of, well, designing. Designing is not my strong point, not fully-formed, from my head. I have a really great eye for detail, though, and I understand styles and concepts really, really well, so I'm great at almost any part of the design process that isn't coming up with the concept. So, when this job turned out to be full-time, with a really successful company, I was worried that I would get there and realize it was out of my league.

One week later, I'm finding out that it's perfect for me. I'm mostly dealing with the code/style sheets/content management and everything but the designing. I get my own desk, and occasionally help clients with small troubleshooting bits, but mostly am building sites and templates from things the main designer sends me.

And the actual company! Man. It's awesome. I got a hint of it last Friday, when the Cool Russian Guy (his name is Vlad!) came around sharing shots with everyone when it was almost clocking out time. But then this week was peppered with funny meetings and conversations, I got to know everyone and realized how cool they are, and found out that the "drinking on Friday" thing normally isn't contained to a few shots, and we normally get to clock out early and all go to the pub.

And then today I found out that clients apparently send gifts when we're done with projects. I didn't have lunch; I ate from the chocolate-dipped fruit bouquet.

My job. Is the best.

Love, real-world Mich.
Shell the unshellable, crawl the uncrawlible.

Row--row.

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Postby Gravity Defier » Thu Sep 23, 2010 9:40 pm

Dear Bob,

Tomorrow is my first day of counseling. I am nervous. I am very nervous.

I am mostly nervous because I haven't had a serious depressive episode in about two weeks. I made the appointment shortly after. I don't want to waste the counselor's time. It's easy for me to explain the depression away when it happens infrequently. Also I hate not knowing what to expect. I don't want to get there and have nothing to say. I am nervous.
To each his own but I would go into the sessions with a list of things I needed to talk about -sometimes short, sometimes long, sometimes I didn't have the time to cover even one bullet point fully- otherwise I would chicken out of saying it. I told this to my therapist so that I was held accountable. I guess I'm telling you this in the hopes you'll have full disclosure with yours. Good luck.



I actually just found out today that I can see one again, at not-$240/session, starting in January. I'm in a place where, knowing I need the help, I'm more happy about this than nervous. I mention all this last bit to Bob, not you. It was just related and you are well within your rights to feel nervous or anything else.

Sorry if I crossed any lines posting this.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.

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Postby Eaquae Legit » Thu Sep 23, 2010 10:58 pm

Mich, I'm rather jealous of you.

P.S. Why is "House" in blue?
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII

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Postby Mich » Thu Sep 23, 2010 11:46 pm

P.S. Why is "House" in blue?
Because that's how you spell House of Leaves.
Shell the unshellable, crawl the uncrawlible.

Row--row.

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Postby locke » Fri Sep 24, 2010 2:43 am

Sorry, Mich, you're wrong. The correct answer was because he's a doctor.
So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.


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