Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

[locke]

Bob,

my entire life I've gone through waves of patience and impatience, often fluctuating violently within short spans of time. whether it's over career, school, relationships (ahh Genette, by rights Bob should have heard a LOT more about you, lol), exercise/weight loss, projects, ambitiions or dreams. I am often not in tune with what I need at the moment, whether it's to finish a script, focus on work, or dream about being a director. hilariously I think my, "I want it to happen now, in THIS way," attitude would be helpful as a director, but it's not tremendously helpful as an assistant editor, or with thoughts regarding a genette or a sara for example. I sort of need a recalibration to focus on what matters, continuing to take the steps to get to where I ultimately want to be. I occasionally lurch another step down that path, but often I am just idle in that respect, preferring to think about it rather than do something about it. I need to think less and do more. I sort of hope that I can do that.

[starlooker]

Dear Bob: I am writing from my phone in my bedroom, so please forgive formatting. Just got back from a surprise root canal. Many more dental appointments in the near future, if i can afford them. Much pain. Boyfriend is filling script for Lortab. I know lots of people get hooked on it so i'm really hopeful that it's good stuff. Much more to follow.

[Eaquae Legit]

*hugs Kirsten* Popsicles and jello for you!

[Hector.Victorious]

Bob,

I'm scared. My Dad is suffering from severe pain in his neck and the doctors say that it's just a stretched muscle. if it's just a muscle, why is he in so much pain? It's not fun to be in the same house with someone who walks around moaning all day. What do I do, just ignore it or beg him to see another doctor?

Em

[Eaquae Legit]

Dear Bob,

I need to write to you, because if I don't take a break from marking, I'm going to end up scrawling "CITATION, YOU STUPID f***" all over a student's paper, and I'm told that's unprofessional. Or maybe it would be "FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, A CAPITAL LETTER." This one's vying for the bottom of the pile, Bob. Dreadful.

[Young Val]

Dear Bob,

My best friend is in the hospital again. That's two times in under three months. She's been sick the entire time I've known her, but never this sick. I'm scared. And I miss her.

[LilBee91]

Today sucks, Bob.
My puppy is dying. Okay--he's not a puppy. He's over 11 years old. But I've been crying since I got home from school. I haven't spent all that much time with him recently, but he's still been around for over half my life. I don't know what's wrong with him, but he stopped eating and will hardly move any more. My dad got him to eat a bit of lunch meat this morning, but he threw it up. It's probably just old age, but I can't help but feel like I should have done something. Probably still could--it might just be some silly stomach bug or something. But I don't know. My parents don't seem to eager to rush him to a vet (they doubt it would help at this point). He doesn't seem to be in much pain. Maybe I should just let him go.
But I'm gonna miss him.


eta: We took him to the vet. They couldn't tell us what was wrong, and weren't even sure he'd make it through the night, he was so sick. We asked them to put him down, and I didn't stay to watch.

[elfprince13]

Today sucks, Bob.
My puppy is dying. Okay--he's not a puppy. He's over 11 years old. But I've been crying since I got home from school. I haven't spent all that much time with him recently, but he's still been around for over half my life. I don't know what's wrong with him, but he stopped eating and will hardly move any more. My dad got him to eat a bit of lunch meat this morning, but he threw it up. It's probably just old age, but I can't help but feel like I should have done something. Probably still could--it might just be some silly stomach bug or something. But I don't know. My parents don't seem to eager to rush him to a vet (they doubt it would help at this point). He doesn't seem to be in much pain. Maybe I should just let him go.
But I'm gonna miss him.

Our dog died yesterday

[Luet]

Why does everything seem so difficult?

[Jayelle]

*hugs* to LilBee and Elf

Sorry for your puppies.

[Gravity Defier]

Oh, Bob.

I feel terribly guilty for being so weak when it mattered most. I could have said no more forcefully and it would have been accepted.

My mom is temporarily the manager for her department at the library and is getting a temporary pay increase to match. Stressed from work and my siblings and me, she decided she deserved a laptop as a reward, as she's been wanting one for years. She put me in charge of looking for her, and I found one I thought she'd love. She did. Then she told me I'm getting one, too.

Mixed emotions there. I have never, not ever had a brand new computer. I've always bought the family computer off my mom or bought my brother's old ones off him so that they could put the money towards their new computers. Of course I wanted to get one.

But, I don't deserve it and I don't need it. And that money could be used for something way more important. Also, I just got done complaining to both my parents about my brother wasting money on a laptop when he owes money to everyone under the sun.

She bought it for me anyway. Told me happy early birthday. Expected me to be excited. Mostly, I feel like a big, spoiled brat...which I officially am, if I wasn't already one before.

*sigh* If she knows me at all, which I sometimes wonder at, she knows I'm just adding the cost to the tab and will be paying her back for it first chance I get. If she'd let me get rid of my cell, I could pay it off next week and put the rest of my money towards her car. But I mention letting that lapse when my contract is up and she starts to have a fit and says she'll pay for it if I even think of letting it lapse.

I'm seeing what my brother meant when he said she treats me differently.

[buckshot]

Dear Bob, Today I just wanted to cry to you about winter dragging on , and how Bad I want to take my boat out fishing , or how nice it would be to spend a sunny day at the gun club. But looking at this thread I see a lot of p-webbers are really having s***** days and I better just buck up! So Bob would you please ignore me today and look after the rest of these guys. Better luck next week

[Confessions]

Dear Bob,

I feel ill, right now. I think I know why, though... I am feeling alone and insecure. I think some part of me, every now and then, really really wants someone to protect me and keep me safe. And right now I don't have that. And I think that's part of why I find myself attracted to guys when I'm not around her... she makes me feel safe and gives me someone to protect in turns, but when I'm alone it's just me and there is neither someone to protect nor someone to protect me. I'm just me, and it's a scary thing. I get the feeling that I should talk to my counsellor about this, but I don't want to, because it means acknowledging to someone that I find boys attractive. And while I can acknowledge that to a few people, it's not that many and it's not often comfortable...

I just wish I weren't alone right now and wish she were here... Then we could keep each other safe

[Luet]

Bob,

Well, I get my first two wisdom teeth out today and I kind of wish they were just doing all four at once. The reason they said they usually do all at one time at oral surgeons is because of the use of general anesthesia, which carries enough risks to warrant using it as few times as possible. But since I'm just getting novocaine, they prefer to do it two at a time. But I'm worried it will be awful and then I'll have to dread the other two. Oh well, I'm just anxious and complaining.

[starlooker]

*hugs Nom*

I'm getting my second root canal tomorrow. We can be sore and hurty together, at least.

[Petra456]

Bob,

Well, I get my first two wisdom teeth out today and I kind of wish they were just doing all four at once. The reason they said they usually do all at one time at oral surgeons is because of the use of general anesthesia, which carries enough risks to warrant using it as few times as possible. But since I'm just getting novocaine, they prefer to do it two at a time. But I'm worried it will be awful and then I'll have to dread the other two. Oh well, I'm just anxious and complaining.

I love that they took all four of mine at once, because there was no way I would want to go though that a second time! It went pretty smooth though, and I was eating soup by the end of the day.

It was the best feeling in the world after they were gone and I was healed up.

*sends good wishes*

[Rei]

*hugs Nom*

I've had a lot of oral surgeries with just novocaine. It's not so bad, really, especially if you bring an ipod with the small headphones or something to distract you through the process.

[elfprince13]

*hugs Nom*

I've had a lot of oral surgeries with just novocaine. It's not so bad, really, especially if you bring an ipod with the small headphones or something to distract you through the process.

its more fun to watch all the thingies being poked into your mouth if you're a thingy-person.

[Luet]

Thanks for all the good wishes and hugs, guys. I had my eyes squeezed shut for most of it, so I didn't see all the thingies. The bottom right tooth had one root break off and he really had to work at getting it out (with a drill and all). That took about 20 minutes. The top one came out in like a minute. The bottom one ended up needing one stitch. The major bleeding didn't stop for about 2-3 hours. He gave me a script for Tylenol 3, which to my surprise is THREE times the strength of my regular codeine. Wow. So far, I'm taking my regular strength stuff and saving the Tylenol 3 for bedtime. I've eaten cottage cheese, rice pudding, chocolate pudding and lukewarm creamed soup.

The doctor was so nice and even called tonight around 6pm to check on me!

[Mich]

I've actually never heard of anyone getting them out in two goes, and all of my friends have had their wisdom teeth out. My dentist took mine out. It was really clean and easy, too, so I recovered in just a few days.

I hope yours home-time goes as well as mine did!

[Wil]

My father had just two out, and never went back to get the other two out because he developed dry socket.

I had mine out just about five weeks ago, all four at once, and they knocked me out for it. It's weird, the first few weeks, because food tends to get caught in the holes left in your gums. But, I'm totally glad I had them taken out.

[elfprince13]

Thanks for all the good wishes and hugs, guys. I had my eyes squeezed shut for most of it, so I didn't see all the thingies. The bottom right tooth had one root break off and he really had to work at getting it out (with a drill and all). That took about 20 minutes. The top one came out in like a minute. The bottom one ended up needing one stitch. The major bleeding didn't stop for about 2-3 hours. He gave me a script for Tylenol 3, which to my surprise is THREE times the strength of my regular codeine. Wow. So far, I'm taking my regular strength stuff and saving the Tylenol 3 for bedtime. I've eaten cottage cheese, rice pudding, chocolate pudding and lukewarm creamed soup.

The doctor was so nice and even called tonight around 6pm to check on me!

mine did too!!! also, load up on ice cream and jello....its a great excuse, and enjoy the sleepiness brought on by the super-strength stuff. They gave me hydrocodone, which is basically like small doses of morphine in a pill.

[starlooker]

Seriously?

Hydrocodone was awful! And I was so hopeful, because I know of so many people hooked on it/have it stolen from them/etc. I was like, "Yay! Good stuff!"

It did NOT knock me out -- two benedryl would have done better.

It did NOT even touch the pain!

It did, however, make me dizzy and nauseous.

That night, when I was starving, having only had some yogurt since breakfast, I went to eat some soup. I was SO hungry. And the second I started to eat it I got sick to my stomach, broke out into a cold sweat, and had to go lie down. That combination feeling, "I need to eat!" and "I can't eat or I'll die!" is not something I particularly care for.

Actually, I wonder if I might be allergic.

Hopefully he'll prescribe something today that actually works for me. We'll see.

[Luet]

Yes, you are most likely allergic to codeine. I would ask for some other type of pain medication. Yikes! It does make me slightly nauseated if I take it on an empty stomach but otherwise it's fine. I usually only take it one day a month for my endometriosis.

[elfprince13]

That night, when I was starving, having only had some yogurt since breakfast, I went to eat some soup. I was SO hungry. And the second I started to eat it I got sick to my stomach, broke out into a cold sweat, and had to go lie down. That combination feeling, "I need to eat!" and "I can't eat or I'll die!" is not something I particularly care for.

It made me throw up once, and it was only because I hadn't eaten enough before taking it, so when I did eat, I got really nauseous, but other than that, I didn't even take them as frequently as was allowed, because I didn't need to. Most days 1 pill would have me feeling fine for 6 or 7 hours, and feeling VERY sleepy for 2 or 3 of that.

[Young Val]

Dear Bob,

I'm reading LITTLE WOMEN again for the 8 millionth time.

This weekend I think I'm going to ask David to move in with me. To hell with everything else.

[Mich]

This weekend I think I'm going to ask David to move in with me. To hell with everything else.

Woo, good luck! That's the spirit!

[powerfulcheese04]

Seriously?

Hydrocodone was awful! And I was so hopeful, because I know of so many people hooked on it/have it stolen from them/etc. I was like, "Yay! Good stuff!"

Kirsten, I'd refuse to take the hydrocodone. I react weirdly to it, too, and I refuse it and anything derived from it. (Which can be hard.)

It makes me cry uncontrollably. It's... not good.

[BonitoDeMadrid]

Bob,

Holy **** on a **** sandwich with **** on top. I've received it and I'm **** terrified, for some reason. Maybe I'm in fear of growing up?

Also, why do I always mess around with my brain even though it's never gonna happen?

~Me

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,

It's strange, the things that pop into my head at night when I'm trying -quite desperately- to fall asleep. My latest f***-ups, my family, life, the past.

My brother and niece are leaving at 4am for Phoenix so he can spend some time with my older nieces before he checks himself into the hospital. He'll be there for a week, I think they said. As glad as I am that he's going and will be out of my hair, I'm happier that he's taking care of his arms. They are unnaturally black from the infection, so this procedure is much needed. The downside is, our newest roommate will still be here and she announced she will be sitting in front of the TV once my niece is gone. Great.

In other news...Isla should be here on Monday. That's something I could get excited about.

And my mom rented this movie for me that was so awful, I loved it to pieces. I felt like my 3 year old self watching Girls Just Want To Have Fun or my 8 year old self watching Teen Witch for the first time. It was just one of those stupid but endlessly fun movies that you shouldn't like but do anyway.

Really, Bob, I just had to tell you how foolish I've been feeling and acting. It's insane, the way my dissatisfaction and stress manifest themselves, and I'm left scratching my head wondering what and why I'm doing and saying the things I am.

[Young Val]

Dear Bob,

David bought me flours!!!!!!

[Mich]

Dear Bob,

David bought me flours!!!!!!

Without even clicking the link, I'm going to hazard that you linked to my favorite part of one of my favorite movies.

[Jayelle]

Dear Bob,

David bought me flours!!!!!!

I love your boyfriend. Way to have caught such a good one.

[Wil]

Hey Bob,

For the first time in such a long time I feel quite content. Not fake content, but... really just content. I have no plans, I have no real track. I've picked a direction and am just rolling with it. I am losing weight by being so active without really having to work out. I'm eating quite well without having to try. I'm focusing on school, but not so much that it feels like work. I find myself attracted to a woman who is a fair bit older than myself (read: 7 years, 1 month), and I doubt it will go anywhere, but I'm simply enjoying this feeling of liking someone and not thinking it over too much. I've been spending more time with my cousins and their family, and I've found that I'm quite good with kids. I've noticed myself become more comfortable just being myself, and not really thinking about trying to be what others want me to be or really caring what anyone else thinks.

I am as close to happy as I've been in a very long time.

With that said, I hate seeing other people being so sad and me being unable to help them through it. Sure, I can talk to them, help them take their mind off of things, and just in general be a distraction... but I really feel bad when others feel bad. I wish they could just be happy!

Be happy, everyone!

Wil

[daPyr0x]

Bob,

I'm starting to get depressed. I really have no reason to be. I have a pretty good life right now. Honestly, I don't really have anything to complain about here, but I'm going to anyways.

I'm living in stateside again. I don't know for how long, only that by May I will be back. The amount of work I've done since I got here last Monday is the equivalent of...4 hours worth? 3 of those hours were sitting in on interviews my boss was performing, purely because I wanted to. It's BORING. I barely leave my apartment, sleep however long I want, and spend my days playing video games and watching downloaded TV shows. That's why I'm getting depressed; but it's cold out, and I'm on call, so I need to be on the ready should any call come in during the day. Thankfully I do get paid for being here on call...

Things with Angela are going pretty well, despite the departure to Ohio. She's not everything I want, and I'm okay with that. In my experience, that may well be exactly what I need. Or not, but only time will really tell that. I'm getting really frustrated, though, by her past. Not because of things that she's done in her past, but because she won't tell me. I cannot count the number of times she's brought up some event in her life only to say that she'll tell me about it later. At one point she tells me that my mom had told Angela that she needs to tell me about some part of it, and that she'll tell me next time she sees me. Well, the next time she saw me was an inopportune time and it never came up, so the next opportunity that I thought would be appropriate I came out and asked her what it was she needed to tell me, and again got shut down. I try very hard to accept that, that traumatic experiences would be very difficult to vocalize; and I also try very hard to believe that whatever she hasn't yet told me wouldn't change anything between us. The longer this goes on, and the more times she mentions something else she can't (or won't [yet]) talk to me about...the more I second guess myself. The more I question what I'm doing with her, or whether letting my walls down with her is a good idea.

The other day we were texting each other and in a very backwards and safe way she admitted to me thinking about using the L bomb with me. I brought it on - again in a very backwards way in that I really didn't expect the conversation to go quite that way - but I recognize the signals that I sent to entice it. To be honest, I've thought it too. I can't, though; if only because of all these unanswered questions I have. In addition to the aforementioned secrecy, I've noticed quirky things that she does, and I've asked her about them only to be greeted by the same stonewall. She's very open with me about most things, but there's a big part of her that's safeguarded by a damn big castle, and I can't even get across the moat. I expect her to drop that L bomb, unprevoked, sometime in the near future, and I don't yet know how to handle it. I don't want to pressure her into something she's not ready for, but I can't start throwing that around when she keeps saying things that make me feel like I hardly know her. I know I'll tell her that I can't do that now; but I don't yet know how to express why not.

The whole situation keeps me up at night; which really isn't so bad considering that I don't have any work to get up for in the morning or anything yet, but when I spend my entire day doing practically nothing, every little thing grates on my sanity.

We shall see, I guess.

--Cam