Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

[Oliver Dale]

I also got netflix yesterday. I need to slow down.

This made me laugh. I say go for it. You deserve it.

[Eaquae Legit]

I have a feeling if it really helps me sleep, I will lose the guilt. But maybe not. $8 shower hooks make me feel guilty still. Old habits die hard. My parents came from the school of, "if it isn't strictly necessary, you shouldn't have it. And if it is strictly necessary, you should get the cheaper one. And that probably costs too much." College life and the need for a very strict budget reinforced that a lot. It is difficult to bypass one's upbringing.

Oh gosh do I ever understand that. I feel guilty spending more than 30$ on pants - and even that it stretching it.

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,

After all these years of faking it with plastic, nonprescription lenses and wondering why in the heck everyone in my family but me needed glasses, I think I finally do. It's getting harder for me to focus on a computer screen without my eyes "feeling" it. Now, this in and of itself is not a problem.

I've long wanted glasses (don't look at me that way...) and even think they're sorta sexy (on the opposite sex, mostly). But, you know, insurance would be sort of nice. I kind of hate going to Mexico for this sort of thing, possibly because they always seem to look at and question me as if I'm sneaking into the US.

Makes me want to sing "Born in East L.A." at the top of my lungs.


Also, don't want to jinx anything but I think my knee is starting to feel better overall. It doesn't hurt to walk on anymore, and although it doesn't feel good when I run, it doesn't feel quite as uncomfortable as it did.

Beyond all that, despite the actuality of my life, I've managed to maintain an overall good mood for almost two weeks now. It's kind of weird, really.

[Rei]

Dear Bob,

I finished that abstract and submitted it. It's done, now, hopefully. At least, until I should need to write the paper, if the abstract is accepted.

~Rei

[LilBee91]

Hey Bob,
I don't think I bond with people as much as I should. I've had the same group of friends all of high school, and even as seniors, I still don't feel that close to them. There is honestly no reason I should avoid attachment. I've never really been torn apart by a broken friendship, so it's not like there are bad memories involved. I guess it's mainly cowardice, which kind of bothers me. Or maybe they are as close to me as they are to anybody, and it's just paranoia that makes me think I'm the one being left out.

And yea--while it weirded me out like none other, I was rather happy when the lot of them randomly showed up at my house while I was out shopping. I love these kids; I'm just too paranoid/scared to tell any of them the things that really matter. Still, today ended surprisingly well (if a little earlier in the evening than I anticipated).

O, and Bob, my senior pictures are hot. Not to be conceited or anything... = ]

[Petra456]

Bob,

I've long wanted glasses (don't look at me that way...) and even think they're sorta sexy (on the opposite sex, mostly).

I knew there was a reason you're my Twinny (besides, ya know, all the other stuff)!

I'm the only person in my family who doesn't need them, but i've always really wanted them.

[locke]

glasses are fiendish villainous things. ugh.

[Eaquae Legit]

When I was about 6, my sisters got glasses. I did not. I was so upset that my mom bought me a pair of empty frames.

Of course, when I did end up needing glasses a couple years later, I absolutely hated wearing them.

[Gravity Defier]

I knew there was a reason you're my Twinny (besides, ya know, all the other stuff)!

*twinny <3* It's sort of ridiculous sometimes, isn't it?



Making a semi-long story massively shorter, I had to wear prescription glasses for about 4,5 months once about 7 years ago. 20/20 vision before that period and 20/15 after, but I definitely needed the glasses in the middle of that.

They really weren't all that bad. It took some adjusting when I realized I couldn't just point my eyes down, I'd have to move my whole head. I also had to get in the habit of not only wearing them (I'd sometimes forget they weren't for play) but also remembering where I put them when I took them off. But on the whole, I rather enjoyed them.

If it turns out I really do need them, I will never get contacts in place of them. I have this fear I'd poke my eye out and no amount of trying to convince me otherwise would work.

O, and Bob, my senior pictures are hot. Not to be conceited or anything... = ]

Share! Maybe?

[Dr. Mobius]

Hey Bob,

Girls are weird. Alea called me tonight, something about me not posting in awhile. Now she's mad and won't say anything and somehow it's my fault. Oh well, I've got a few thousand rollover minutes anyway so I guess I'll just wait the little dork out.

[Derwyddon]

Bob,

I seem to come back to pweb when I have nowhere else to go.

I hate divorce. I hate losing my family. My daughter is the only reason I don't just lay in bed most days. I never had any idea leaving someone who made you miserable and you hated would still feel this bad. It's been five months now. It still hurts everyday. I hate that he has a new girlfriend. I mean, what kind of man loses his family and has a new girlfriend five months later? Not the kind that ever gave a s*** about you.

I'm so miserable. I just don't know what to do.

[Gravity Defier]

*hugs Der* I'm sorry. I really am. I only know what it's like from your daughter's perspective, and even then, I was 11 so it's not quite the same. It's hard. I wish there was something I could do to help or reassure you that it gets better with time or something.

*tired sigh* Hey, Bob.

Lighter stuff first:
So, I got sleepy last night while on the computer, said my goodnights, went to bed in a fairly good mood, close my eyes and BAM! The douchebag from down the street drives his Hummer to the house directly across the street, turns the stereo on very loud and leaves the damn thing on for an hour. At 1am. And this idiot wants to be the sheriff. Not getting my vote if he can't respect his own neighbors. The annoyance/anger wakes me up from my sleepy state and my late night chat buddy signed off, so I call Josh.

And yep, I did get mad at him. Because he said he doesn't care about Pweb anymore. And that none of my friends do, I'm the only one left and I'll be the last one left of everyone in general, talking to myself. So he got the silent treatment for 52 minutes. I had to explain the minutes didn't matter that late at night, since it wasn't peak hours, so I could have held out just as long.

Poopface.

Not so fun stuff:

I slept in today, since I stayed up until 4 (stupid neighbor, don't you know how hard it is for me to fall asleep?!) and wake up to a call from my SIL, who is in hysterics. My brother is being an idiot. He may be cheating on her, but then again, he may not be. Either way, he's acting secretively suspiciously and even that much has been very clear to my family and me.

I do not want her, or him, alone with my babies if they're being idiots. Arguing, crying, yelling, whatever it is that they do, I don't want my nephews seeing too much of that. So guess what, Bob? I know, I'm so predictable...I'm going back to Phoenix for a week or so. I know I can't do anything. I know I can't fix or solve anything. But those are my babies up there, watching their parents fight and yell and cry.

And I know how that feels.


That happy stuff, man, that was nice while it lasted. Maybe I can tuck away what's left of it and bring it out again in a bit?

[Olhado_]

Bob,

You know what there are times, when I really wish I could stay single and not feel a pressure to meet anyone. I know that I should, good god Bob I really know that I should make an effort to meet people; but I also really like being on my own. I really enjoy just doing things on my time and not feeling like I have to do things with other people.

Does that make me a bad person Bob? Is this some how against nature that I would rather stay at home and get lost in a story or read about something new, then be out with others?

I don't know Bob, perhaps I am just scare; but thanks again.

-Chris

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,
I am drained. Being an introvert and getting alone time to recharge is pretty damn hard here. My nephews, aside from the depressing "Why is mommy sad?" and "Where's daddy?/Why's daddy mad?" questioning that I'm doing my best to answer, are keeping me mostly busy. They wake me up, we play and I try to clean some, I feed them, and when they finally go to bed (so far 1am and 10pm), I get to hear from my SIL all the details of her arguments with my brother as well as the failings of my parents, grandmother, and family in general. Or my parents call and question me about what's going on and get upset when I don't answer since either my brother or SIL are RIGHT THERE.

I'm glad I'm here for the wee ones, though. Their parents are being stupid and selfish. We'll see if I make it to Sunday, which is when I get to go home; sneaking online for a bit here and there helps loads.

[Rei]

Dear Bob,

I shouldn't be having anxiety attacks in only the second week of classes...

~rei

[daPyr0x]

Bob,

I'm half way through my cruise. I managed to make it this far without using a computer....but I guess that changed now :-p. I wake up every day just thinking "I can't believe this is my life." And I seriously can't. I'm on an absolutely massive ship with more things to do than most large towns, sailing through the Caribbean.... It's so unreal to me. I made it a goal for myself here to use this as an experience to make me start getting more social...and that hasn't worked at all. If there's anything that continues to make me depressed here it's that. I've tried so hard, going to all the "18-20's" events (which have all been complete busts, as in I was literally the only one there), hanging out in the "young people" bars and clubs at night, and talking to new people that I do meet. So far, I've met an arrogant rich kid who will hit on (and get shot down by) anyone; a group of girls from Mexico who have utterly no interest in anyone who doesn't speak spanish; a girl from Jersey who's so painfully shy (yet strikingly beautiful) that she's extremely difficult to talk to no matter how much I want to; oh, and the gay guy who thought I was gay (and wanted to pick me up) because I got nowhere with the aforementioned jersey girl [which was actually me walking away because I didn't want to sit there in awkward silence and she wouldn't give me anything to work with]. Woo! At least it's something...I guess....

I wrote a letter the other night that I never thought I would write. I had purposely cut off contact completely, and never had any intention of re-initiating it. I do hope it reaches it's intended recipient; it's been quite a while and I'm not sure the address is the same, or if it would get to them even if it was. But I hope they get it, and I hope they read it, and I hope they understand it. I plan to recount it on here when I get home, with some added details I didn't want to include in the actual letter for fear their intentions would be misinterpreted. I'm undecided if I want any sort of response from it, though. I've kind-of liked not having any contact, and I'm not sure what I'd do with the lines of communication open again. I purposely did not include a return address, and it will be postmarked from Puerto Rico, written on cruise letterhead. But I know I'd be reached if there was any desire to do so. I actually expect to hear back, knowing the recipient as well as I do; I just don't know if I want it.

Anyways, $0.55/minute is adding up, and I'm just relieving some stress right now (as I've just lost another $50 on the poker tables....damned suited AQ losing to AJ offsuit). You will hear much more from me when I return...

--Cam

[Wil]

Hey Bob,

Schools going good for me so far. Got a 97 on my first math test and am currently pulling an A+ in both my networking and my web design classes. History on the other hand is still being somewhat difficult. I'm not sure my level of writing is up to the standards of this teacher and I think he may mark me down because of it. May result in me losing in 4.0, which would be quite a shame. But, really, I think I could yank some extra credit from him if and when I need it. Even if I do get a B or something in this class I'll only drop to about a 3.8 or 3.9 GPA which isn't that awful. Ah well...

Hobby wise I'm spending all of my free time reading, sleeping, or working on combining an OpenGL 2d sprite engine that I put together with a game scripting language (GameMonkey) and a 2d physics engine (Box2d) in C++. Fun so far, and tonight and tomorrow after I study and do history notes and do homework I'm going to work on adding TTF font loading and GLSL shaders to my engine and see what kind of affects I can get. Television shows are starting to come back and this will soon enough give me other things to fill my boring-ass day with.

I'm still really disappointed in her. I've just given up putting so much emotion in to something that's long gone. Why should I bother - she's obviously happy with other people and doesn't wish to even think of me any longer, let alone speak to me and call me a friend. Lord knows I've tried. It does me no good to continue to think about it. I just can't seem to get past the fact that she wasn't even capable of saying happy birthday again. I'm holding back words here so as to not appear more like the bastard that I am, but she really is a childish bitch. All I ever wanted to do was for her to just feel like she could open up and talk to me, but apparently she moved right past me on to other people. I feel stupid for saying "It's not fair", but what does it matter now. Have a lovely life you emotional drain of a person. Oh, and Happy Birthday - at least I am mature enough to manage that... unlike you. And to think that I thought you weren't just another child... how foolish I was.

Well, after spending the day mowing the yard, trimming the trees and going grocery shopping, I am off to cook dinner for my family. God damn, Bob, I'm a freaking wizard. Except instead of learning to cast spells I learn to do the cooking, cleaning, yard work, still fit in time to nap, read, do school work, program things, and take care of my sick mother. I've grown up more in the last year than most people do in their entire life. Go me.

(Though, I still am a misogynist sonofabitch, and proud of it. I think that this point I'm just acting the part now. ; ))

[locke]

I'm still really disappointed in her. I've just given up putting so much emotion in to something that's long gone. Why should I bother - she's obviously happy with other people and doesn't wish to even think of me any longer, let alone speak to me and call me a friend. Lord knows I've tried. It does me no good to continue to think about it. I just can't seem to get past the fact that she wasn't even capable of saying happy birthday again. I'm holding back words here so as to not appear more like the bastard that I am, but she really is a childish bitch. All I ever wanted to do was for her to just feel like she could open up and talk to me, but apparently she moved right past me on to other people. I feel stupid for saying "It's not fair", but what does it matter now. Have a lovely life you emotional drain of a person. Oh, and Happy Birthday - at least I am mature enough to manage that... unlike you. And to think that I thought you weren't just another child... how foolish I was.

been there. it sucks. and it sounds like you're the more mature person.

[locke]

Bob,

in appaloosa, one of the women characters responds to the question of whether renee zellweger loves ed harris back despite her putting the moves on him, "It's mostly men that are worried about love out here. I don't know what she feels. most women are just trying to survive." Which later (reading the embarassing Smiles to Go) made me realize that I really do worry too much about love, and entanglments and what does this mean, is it worth getting into and I can't do that or make a move with her because she has a boyfriedn and that is untreadable ground etc etc. and I sort of realized this attitude of 'respecting women's boundaries and other relationships.' to the nth degree that I take it is pretty mysogynistic and demeaning. The attitude is rooted in the idea that I can't tread in another dog's territory, can't play with that other kids toy. can't break any rules because rules are good and I love rules. and arrgh my head is firing on twelve cylinders tonight and I'm practically hyper and boom bang boing. bah. I want to kiss everybody and don't want to kiss anyone again and everything I've ever done has been such a collossol screwup and wasted oppurtunity which doesn't make a f****** of sense because I'm kind of a success but I'm not nearly as successful as I want to be or what I really wannt to be doing and I wasted college but I got out of it exactly what I put into it. and I'm too shy and nervous and never really been drunk. and I don't have many friends and I've wasted some friends and I have tons of friends and wtf with the emo outpouring of grievances and why aren't I rwriting and what the hell was that awesome short story idea I had driving home but forgot to write down when I got into the house. and who the f*** am I to judge me and never forgive me, really?.

oy. I think I need to get laid. or make smaller and more frequent bob posts, so it doesn't all go boom at once.

[Rei]

Dear Bob,

I am far too brittle for this season.

[daPyr0x]

Bob,

I found out the other day that while I was gone, a number of events came to passing to show that my job here, the entire American branch of my company, is not doing near as well as I had believed. That's a lie, sort of. We do a great job. As a company, we've been making money, we've been good at our jobs, and management is quite pleased with everything we've been doing. However, we've been somewhat restricted in our customer base and it's come to be that our main customer has sabotaged our business for reasons that are completely outside of my, or anyone else at my company's, control. It is possible for me to be moving back to Canada much sooner than was planned for this reason.

I guess this kind of speaks more to my subconscious mind feeling differently than my conscious mind, but one of the first things I thought about is "...what do I do about Amanda?"

It has always been my plan, with anyone I've seen since I've come down here, that something would break us up long before the idea of me going back to Canada would be a stumbling block. I figured we wouldn't work out, that I would do something wrong, or - most likely (in my mind) - that she would do something wrong, or be something wrong. But that just isn't the case. There really isn't anything "wrong" with this girl. Her past is about as wrong as it gets, and really it isn't all that bad. (oh, and the suspicion from before when she spent the night, wasted off her ass, at a guy's house. but, benefit of the doubt I guess)

I know I can't move back to Canada and attempt to continue a relationship with her. I don't have it in me to travel like that for someone, nor to deal with the long periods of separation. I would rather be alone and find someone new. But I feel like such an ASS for even thinking that. "You're practically perfect, but I'm moving 7 hours away" is such a lame ass excuse for breaking up with someone. I just can't rationalize that in my mind, regardless of how true it might be. I retain my feeling that the romance, the spark, isn't there the way I would like it to be; but I also retain my feeling that that may well be - and probably is - me blocking it or expecting far too much more than anything else.

I've since been reassured that the company won't be pulling out of here (though no details on the idea of me moving have really been given - I'm told after next Monday I'll know more); but now it's weighing on my mind. I know I'm already in too deep with this girl; I knew that after the second time I met her. I just don't know how I'll pull out without a way to rationalize it in my mind. And I can't rationalize "I'm leaving, so we're over, see ya."

I don't really know what I'm going to do. Maybe by the time I leave she will screw up, and I will have justification to end it. Or, maybe I'll just be a big asswipe. Or, maybe I'll make a huge mistake by leaving a girl that really could love me; regardless of whether or not I will, or even can, love her. Time will tell, I guess.

Time will tell.

--Cam

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,

Before I start this particular post, I'm invoking the "no comment, no PM" Bob Post clause.

Also, I'm putting it in white because it's somewhat sexually charged, but hopefully tactful, and I don't want to offend. I normally tell this sort of thing to my friend (though more graphically), but she's not only asleep at the moment but busy until Friday. You, Bob, are the only other 'person' I can trust and be comfortable with.


In three words: I am frustrated. To the point that it's keeping me awake, even though I'm tired. It's been building up for the past few days at least because I'm having these dreams that I'm sure would be considered wet dreams were I male. Like Adam said, I need to get laid. Ha.

Problems with that, though. I don't do casual sex, not one night stands or friends with benefits or anything else of that nature. I have to be/think I'm in love and/or at least be in a serious relationship that I think could go that way. I'm just girly that way. Only, I'm not looking to be in a relationship any time soon. I just...don't want to be in one right now. As I said before, if something came along that was too good to pass up, I wouldn't say no but I'm not searching for or needing that. Just the sex. But, no casual. See the problem there?

I could, in theory, take care of the problem myself. But there's something about doing that at home that weirds me out (I sooo need my own place; that would make this a non-issue) despite there being a lock on my door. Shower is off limits because I share that with my brother and using a shared space weirds me out. Also, when it really comes down to it, there's that desire for a partner versus just me.

Surely there's some option I'm missing besides riding it out? Bah.

It'll make it worse but I think tomorrow I'm going to watch 300 or P.S. I Love You, or both, which are basically pr0n for me. Or what I prefer to pr0n.


Anyway. Besides that, I've been in a mostly happy mood since I got back this last time. Slight crankiness but even that was relatively mild.

[Gravity Defier]

(Hey, you know who...I saw your post before you deleted it. I wish you'd have left it, if for no other selfish reason than it means I'm not having to double post.)

Bob,

Today was my first real bad day in a few weeks. I mean, besides the brother-SIL drama in Phoenix but that was second-hand bad, not my own personal. I worried a bit last night, after reading the thread I started, when it looked like it was turning to weight but I guess I thought I could handle it. It doesn't always bother me; in fact, it rarely does if spoken about in a vague way. I'm not mad people started talking about what they did, or annoyed, or anything like that. Really.

But that thread coupled with my being unable to run and the stress I've been doing my best to keep at bay (not so good at fooling my own body, I skipped a period for the first time since I was 17)...I just, I don't know, lost it and fell into a lovely downward spiral of low confidence/self-esteem. I'm still there at the bottom, actually, but I was able to just turn loose on Josh (thanks, seriously), so it's not so bad as it could be.

I told him how, in organizing my hard drive on Sunday, I had seen old pictures of myself. They weren't good. They were downright awful. I told him how my appearance, my being new to my current town, my overall awkwardness, my parents' divorce, how it all resulted in a very unhappy me.

Daria Ms SSW: Either way, I've felt really ugly this week, on top of feeling like a short little cow.

Daria Ms SSW: It wasn't just me who thought it. [that I was an awkward, ugly little child]
Daria Ms SSW: I mean, kids are s***** sometimes but maybe only because they don't lie very well.
drmobius438: i lied all the time
Daria Ms SSW: And like I said, my dad isn't too much better. [about describing my appearance when I was younger]
Daria Ms SSW: And I don't blame him for that at all.
Daria Ms SSW: When you were picking on your classmates (assuming you did), you lied to them?
drmobius438: i did a little of that, but i was too busy trying to be cool (and failing) to pay much attention to whether there was any truth to why i/we we picking on whoever
drmobius438: second we should be were
Daria Ms SSW: I understood.
Daria Ms SSW: It was just brutal the way the other kids treated me when I moved here.
Daria Ms SSW: I was okay in CA.
Daria Ms SSW: I wasn't the most popular kid but I wasn't picked on, had a nice group of friends, hell, even some of the little boys there liked me...which was awkward, really.
Daria Ms SSW: I was happy.
drmobius438: when did you move?
Daria Ms SSW: 4th grade, 1992. I was 9, turning 10 later that year.
Daria Ms SSW: And the kids were kind of okay the first year, when I still mostly looked the way I did in CA.
Daria Ms SSW: 5th grade, the way the schedule worked out, I was literally the only kid from my 4th grade class in my 5th grade class, so I had to start over.
Daria Ms SSW: And that's when my parents started having very obvious problems.
Daria Ms SSW: Packed on a few lbs that year, though not too bad.
Daria Ms SSW: But my hair started falling out in clumps from stress.
drmobius438: ick
Daria Ms SSW: And then, by 6th grade, I was like 130lbs...which was easily 30-40 lbs more than I moved to [hometown] weighing and way too much weight to gain in one year.
Daria Ms SSW: Especially at my age and height.
Daria Ms SSW: Every single friend I made in 5th grade, which wasn't many, granted, stopped talking to me in 6th.
drmobius438:
Daria Ms SSW: They would literally point and laugh as I walked by.
Daria Ms SSW: Say really mean things.
Daria Ms SSW: I spent my lunch standing alone outside a small window that looked into the back of the cafeteria, because by that time, my mom had started working since she knew my dad was going to divorce her and she needed the money.
Daria Ms SSW: She was working at my school cafeteria, hence my standing there.
Daria Ms SSW: 7th and 8th grade, no one talked to me.
Daria Ms SSW: Which was actually much worse in some respects than being teased.
Daria Ms SSW: Then, I wasn't even worth that.
Daria Ms SSW: By high school, I was adopted into a small group that my cousin through marriage hung out with. They were nice enough, but I was only there because of the cousin.
Daria Ms SSW: So they still did everything outside of school without me.
Daria Ms SSW: One, in anger, told me he hoped I'd die.
Daria Ms SSW: And he was a "friend"
Daria Ms SSW: Others told me I was stupid, fat, ugly, disgusting, etc.
Daria Ms SSW: It was just like 6th grade, in high school.
Daria Ms SSW: Kids bumped into me in the halls.
Daria Ms SSW: Shoved me into lockers sometimes.
Daria Ms SSW: "Oh...didn't see you down there..."
Daria Ms SSW: People don't universally do that to other people who are okay looking.
Daria Ms SSW: Some of it, maybe a little.
Daria Ms SSW: But not all of it.
Daria Ms SSW: For years on end.
drmobius438: *hugs*
drmobius438: well *i'm* glad you didn't die
Daria Ms SSW: Thanks. I'm mostly glad, too.
Daria Ms SSW: It wasn't for lack of trying, though.
Daria Ms SSW: I was just too cowardly.
Daria Ms SSW: I would spend quite a few nights in my room, door locked, razor blade in hand and rest it against my wrist.
drmobius438: aww
Daria Ms SSW: I even knew to slash up and down, not sideways, if I worked up the courage.
Daria Ms SSW: I stopped that once my oldest niece was born.
Daria Ms SSW: I may have hated myself but I loved her to pieces and didn't want anyone to have to explain to her her aunt was too weak to handle other kids being ass holes.
drmobius438: when was that?
Daria Ms SSW: I was almost 16. It was December 16, 1998.

That's the sort of s*** that I think about some nights. Not a lot, anymore. But when I start to feel really bad. It doesn't help that I still consider myself to be an ugly duckling who is very awkward at that. Bah.

Bad flippin' night.

[daPyr0x]

Bob,

I told ya she'd call.

--Cam

[Wil]

Bob,

No matter what she says to you, you and I both know that not only me but doubtlessly many other people find her beautiful in thrice body, mind, and spirit.

[Yebra]

[blank]

[Rei]

Bob,

I went to her office hours again, today, masochist that I am. She basically said what I figured was the case and that she might say: that my brain was not wired for scientific thought and that she could see no way to help me pass this class. Depending on a meeting with the undergraduate co-ordinator on Thursday, my entire linguistics degree hinges on me passing a class that nobody sees any hope for me to even be capable of passing.

[Kaira]

bob,

ive missed this place alot... and as much as i love going through and reading fun and interesting stuff... i feel soo guilty.

i am only taking one class this semester. and i havent gone for the past 2 weeks. thats really really really bad. im soo far behind but everytime i think about getting to work and catching up i want to throw up... its not good at all. i need to get a handle on this situation and my life and i need to stop being such a baby about it...

funny thing is i know all this but im still sitting here talking to you bob. you should smack me.

[Luet]

Bob,

Semi-rough weekend having to encounter Them at an assembly. It makes it harder to not think about the past and all that. I just want so badly for them to move already.

On a positive note, my Kelly is coming tomorrow and staying for a week! And we're going to Toronto this weekend.

Also, I have lined up three long awaited appointments in the next two weeks that I am very excited about. One is a "tilt table test" done at the hospital by a cardiologist which checks for POTS or orthostatic hypotension; it's being done because I get very lightheaded (ie, everything goes black) upon standing on a regular basis. The second is with a new therapist who does EMDR and I hope will be able to help me finally heal from everything. And the third is with a new neurologist for BOTOX for my headaches!! I'm so freaking excited. He is really experienced in the use and has had great success in treating both migraines and tension headaches. At this point, mine aren't being controlled well even with the preventative medicine (still getting around 14/month).

[Derwyddon]

Bob,

Semi-rough weekend having to encounter Them at an assembly. It makes it harder to not think about the past and all that. I just want so badly for them to move already.

On a positive note, my Kelly is coming tomorrow and staying for a week! And we're going to Toronto this weekend.

Also, I have lined up three long awaited appointments in the next two weeks that I am very excited about. One is a "tilt table test" done at the hospital by a cardiologist which checks for POTS or orthostatic hypotension; it's being done because I get very lightheaded (ie, everything goes black) upon standing on a regular basis. The second is with a new therapist who does EMDR and I hope will be able to help me finally heal from everything. And the third is with a new neurologist for BOTOX for my headaches!! I'm so freaking excited. He is really experienced in the use and has had great success in treating both migraines and tension headaches. At this point, mine aren't being controlled well even with the preventative medicine (still getting around 14/month).

Luet, I had a friend who had migranes so bad he literally couldn't function, was getting addicted to pain killers, they were ruining his life.

Botox changed EVERYTHING for him. Good luck!

[Confessions]

Dear Bob,

It has been suggested to me by two different, completely separate, people that I trust that I go through the list of people that I regularly associate myself with, and remove some people from my life.

Specifically, the people that I am good and friendly to, but who don't return the favor. I try to be good to as many people as I can, but a fairly large percentage of them don't return the favor. Most people take, but don't give. I cannot really handle that, right now. I should never have tried to handle that.

Do you have an opinion on this matter, Robert? I would really like to hear it, if you do.

~Me

[lyons24000]

Bob,

Well, I erased it because I was too afraid of being judged. But I copied it just in case.

Me

[powerfulcheese04]

I read it before you erased it, lyons.

And all I can say is:

*hugs*

We're here for you. If you ever need to talk, PM me. Or IM me (kimmiecat11) or whatever.

[Confessions]

Bob,

Cocaine is a hell of a drug.

[zeroguy]

Dear Bob,

Tuesday is a presentation for a class that I hate and is stupid.
Wednesday is a paper I haven't started yet.
Thursday is math homework I haven't started yet.
Thursday is a math exam I haven't studied for yet.
Thursday is CS homework I haven't started yet.
Friday is CS homework I have half-finished, I think.

aaaaaaaaaaah. Whenever this happens I wonder how I'm going to do it all without staying up all night, but somehow I do. aaaaaaaaah.

Tuesday is also a class that starts in less than 9 hours that I'm going to for the second time ever (for exam review). aaaaaaah.

-me