Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

[BonitoDeMadrid]

Dear Bob,

Have you ever been in a situation when a friend, though not a close one, is connected to some very bad things done? 'Cause that's what I'm going through right now.

One of my friends-though I have not seen him in quite a while- is the son of the person behind one of the greatest scandals of the year here; a scandal that left thousands homeless- his real-estate company broke down, apparently because of really high debt to banks and other loaners (+ there is a possibility that he did drugs) and thousand of people have already paid for their apartments and homes. Now, with no money, the people just burst into the unfinished buildings, and much of the country supports them.

I just don't know who to support right now.

Oh, and btw, the way I'm burned, it looks like I've gotten a tattoo (as it is only on most of the right arm, across the shoulders, a little bit before my chest and a little bit on the back), only red-colored instead of black. Oh well, I hope it'll go away soon =_=

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,
The past few days have been filled with an aching that has only been touched by Chicago. I miss it. I miss a lot of things, but mostly I miss the feeling of being fully alive.

I was looking at my pictures from that trip...my heart felt like it was in someone's hands and they were wringing it out and getting ready to throw it out to dry.

I am so tired of what my life has become, has been. Most of the people. All of the boredom. All of the restlessness.




Oh, tomorrow is open house. I don't like parents. I like them less than I like my worst kids.

[Yebra]

Dear Bob,

I'm sitting in an office, waiting half an hour before I can go get my results.

I am absolutely terrified.

[Eaquae Legit]

Well Bob, I did it.

I'm sore from the waist down, but I did it.

Go me!

[Gravity Defier]

Triathlon?

[Eaquae Legit]

Yeppers!

It actually wasn't a triathlon, but a modified duathlon. It was supposed to be a triathlon, but last night the wind picked up and blew all the cold water from deeper in the lake to the surface. Yesterday the water was 74F, and today it was 56F. Unswimmable. So instead they made it a duathlon - run, bike, run.

This caused me great irritation, for a few reasons. First, I am a strong swimmer. Stronger swimmer than runner, for sure. Also, I was mentally prepped for a swim. Second, I was physically prepped for a swim. I had my goggles and suit and all, and had to lug them around. I had brought shoes specifically to make the transition from swim to bike fast, and they're not my best running shoes. I would have brought my best shoes, if I'd known. Third, it was harder on my knee, which is fickle at best.

Anyway, it was no one's fault, but it did get things off to a rough start. I was in the back of the pack right off, and it was rough. The bike part was a bit rough at first, me being tired from the run, but I picked up for a good stretch, and it only got really rough again at the end. Made the second transition fairly smoothly, and set off running, quite exhausted. I had to walk a short stretch, and the first km or so was more of a stagger than a run. Actually, there was a fair amount of stagger the whole run. I made it past the halfway mark, and was all set to drop into a walk again, when a girl running from behind me yelled "Hey! Keep going, you can do it!" So I kept on, and we ran together almost right to the end, when she found a bit of energy that I did not.

I placed 9th out of 23 in my category, with a time of 50:09. Almost exactly what I figured it would be. I probably would have saved 2-3 minutes if the swim had happened, due to me being less exhausted and generally having a faster swim time than run time. But maybe I would have lost the time in the more complicated transition, so who know?

I also learned a LOT. The mechanics of a triathlon are kind of arcane, until you actually do one. I also learned that triathletes are a great bunch. Friendly, easy to talk to, and WAY encouraging of each other. So many people cheered us on, it was amazing. Just random people, hanging out after their race, telling us we could do it, that we were doing great, almost there. It was incredible how much of a boost it was. I also had my own personal cheering section, comprised of the long-suffering friend who came with me to watch. She was at every transition, cheering for me specifically. She also took some pics, which may or may not make it online.

Afterwards, there was food for the athletes. A lot of food. I didn't feel very hungry after, but evidently I was, as I plowed through a popsicle, a banana and a half, two jumbo hot dogs, a can of tuna-and-rice, three slices of watermelon, a can of lemonade, and a bottle of water.

It was a great day. Lots of fun. And I have the t-shirt!

[Young Val]

congratulations!!

i am in serious awe.

[Eaquae Legit]

Sorry, I should have noted...

I only did the "give it a tri" race. 400m swim, 10km bike, 2.5 km run. Only it became 1.75km run, 10km bike, 2.5 km run. Definitely not a "real" triathlon. Just the newbie version.

[eriador]

Wow, I'm still impressed! Though the creativity of the organizers is disappointing. 'Give it a Tri'!? Yuk.

[Rei]

Congratulations, Ali! That's really awesome! I'm glad you had such a good time.

[Gravity Defier]

Congratulations, Ali. "Real" or not, you should be really proud.





Bob,
As I get closer every day to figuring things out for myself, things with my family continue to fall apart.

My niece had a bruise on one cheek and a scratch on the other. This is not the first time she's been noticeably bruised or scratched. She refused to look at me when I asked who did it, then she finally told me one was from her sister and the other from her mom.

My other niece, a whole three years old, is being taught such unnecessary and stupid things as gangster leans...all by her mom and the moron her mom calls her friend.

The above mentioned friend and some guy who I don't know anything about are now living in the same apartment as my nieces and driving my sister-in-law's car.

The apartment smells like pot at times.

Other times, when we show up unannounced -which is always, as they lost phone service to being unable to pay the bill- we can hear them running to hide things before letting us in.

Today was one of those days in which I turned up announced. My sister-in-law and her friend were both passed out - it was 5pm. My sister-in-law has also been noticeably bruised lately.

The weird guy was watching a horror movie as my 3 and 5 year old nieces basically watched themselves since their older sister was with me.





I have never wanted to just break down so strongly before. My nieces are living trashy, s*****, run-down lives and I feel helpless in stopping it. I want to call CPS more than words can say. I want them out and away from that apartment. I don't want them to hate me for standing by and doing nothing. I don't want them to hate me for taking them away from their mom. I don't know what to do and as usual, I hate that some people will never have to spend even a second in their lives with this worry and I already can't be one of them.

[daPyr0x]

Dear Bob,

I am not Jesus. Please pass this message on.

I am not anyone's jesus. I'm not your savior, and I don't want to be.

I don't want to be the reason you eat. I don't want to be the one holding your hand as you clutch your stomach after downing a bottle of pills. I don't want to put up with your bitchiness because you just decided to quit smoking. And I don't want to be the reason you can sleep for the first time in 4 years without a pill.

I'm not your savior.

And yet, this is what becomes of me when dealing with women.

I know why, because I like helping people, because I am good at it, and because I like feeling needed. Feeling needed is better than feeling desired, not that I get much of that.

I do want to feel needed. I want to feel needed, desired, loved, wanted, all of that. And I want to feel like I need, desire, love, want, them too. But they don't need to be my savior to feel that, and neither do I.

Perhaps my rejection to this is because I, myself, feel the need to have a savior; however that person is nowhere to be found.

But I'm not going to be yours, or hers, or hers. There is a reason that the bible tells the stories that it does, and whether it's cleverly masterminded fiction or a book of truth, just take a look at how "saviors" get treated. Perhaps on a much grander scale, as he actually was Jesus and I'm clearly not, but the underlying message remains true.

[zeroguy]

Dear Bob,

Last year I came to a university with 30k+ undergrads, and I knew exactly one person there before attending (and I saw that person a handful of times all year). Slightly scary in a lonely sort of way? Yep, but I think I got through that pretty well, and made some damn fun friends.

This year I know a dozen or so people fairly well, three of which I live near and will probably see nearly every day. Why do I feel no better than the year previous?

I'm pretty sure these newly-moved-in feelings will go away soon, but that doesn't make it any more enjoyable in the meantime.

-me

[v-girl]

Bob,

When I got here I thought I would love ALL my classes. But I am really not enjoying cell bio/histology at all. The microscope part is cool. I like looking at slides of skin and liver and epididymus and all sorts of interesting things. But having to know 10+ pages of information on each organelle is not fun. And there are lots of organelles.

My other classes are sweet though. Today we started practicing medical interviewing. In a couple months I'll be interviewing real patients!! It all seems kind of surreal.

Sometimes I still wonder if this is what I should do with my life though. I hope I still love it when I can actually practice.

[Rei]

Bob,

I hope that this is not the girl from work that's getting married, today.

~Rei

[Young Val]

bob,

why do i insist on doing things that MADDEN me? jesus christ, kelly, just STOP. it's not worth your sanity.

[starlooker]

Dear Bob,

In the past two weeks, I have discovered that I am the department's social butterfly. I am talking to EVERYONE. All the new students. I think I've had in depth-ish conversations with, like, half of them. At the department picnic, I was friendly and outgoing and had a good time and people came up to me to hug me.

As a life-long introvert, I do not know what to make of this new side of myself.

I feel at home here.

No wonder I'm having issues with leaving the nest.

[starlooker]

*double post*

My good mood/happy go lucky butterfly attitude of this morning is gone. All it takes is having half an hour's worth of class with the Pretty Pretty Princesses of our department and I feel like hell.

I f****** hate them.

I don't, really.

Yeah, I kind of do.

And I don't like myself much around them, either.

[starlooker]

*triple post*

Will someone else please post and save me from doing four in a row? That would be a record for me.

Anyways.

Al, the little triumphs. I thought I lost my jump drive. That would have been hell. On. Earth. But it was safe and found and now I feel happy and pleased with myself for not having lost it, rather than annoyed that it wasn't put in its proper place.

I have a new office in the department that I share with a friend of mine. This is as opposed to sharing the "PIT" with 13 of my closest friends. A great social atmosphere -- impossible to get work done. I love the Office (it needs a name) because it has TWO WINDOWS!!! So there's a nice breeze through. And it's on the third floor, and I love heights. I love looking out of windows from this height. It reminds me of one summer when I was at Rhodes. I was sharing a triple with two of my dear friends on the fourth floor, actually, now that I think of it -- well, third or fourth -- of Robb hall. The window ledges outside the window were deep enough to sit on Indian-style, so I did. Often. At times I would read the Velveteen Rabbit. My two friends, who were (and are) scared of heights would shake their heads and be half-worried and half-resigned.

I love peering at the world from up high.

Maybe that's why I love being tall, and why I wear heels, too.

[Eaquae Legit]

Dear Bob,

I have a ton of things to do today, but I woke up sick. Now I'm cranky. Hopefully I can track down the decongestants and gain back enough brain to fold some laundry. My days are booked up from now until the second week of September, and if I don't get things cleaned today my life will be thrown into chaos.

I really hate moving home from wherever I've currently been. A whole apartment's worth of stuff and one tiny 10x10 room to stuff the stuff into.

Plus, I'm running out of bookshelf again. Might be critical this time, since I've run out of new places to put books. At least the cataloguing is going well, and I'm making progress on the paperbacks. I can do that while sick... slog through a mountain of ISBNs and print dates.

Bob, why are books so frustrating when it comes to print dates? I know some of them are lying to me, the reprint paperbacks. No you weren't printed in 1991, your cover price is $7.99US/$12.99CDN. I know you're lying. And you make my life difficult, you bastard, because even though ISBNs are SUPPOSED to mark a unique book, I've got at least a couple books where entirely different covers have the same stinking ISBN.

Cataloguing Tolkien books is even MORE complicated, because the older copies don't even HAVE an ISBN. And an ISBN doesn't help me so much when I'm looking to complete a specific set, so I have to include details about cover art. And because the set has accumulated some small value, I need to note the condition of the books.

But what's really, really sad? I love doing it. I love the sorting and reorganising of my library.

If I get ambitious, I might even re-sort my non-fiction by LCC#. It's really the only way to keep them organised.

Well, that was a rather longer post than I intended, but I got carried away. Now I need to go hunt down my chicken and have lunch, and then at least do the laundry before my friend comes over for tea.

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,
I "stayed up" to watch the eclipse last night, meaning I set my alarm for four different times and woke up to note the difference between then and the last time I looked.

It was gorgeous and worth any lost sleep.

I had some pretty ridiculous thoughts while falling back asleep, though:

"Ha...it's Monday. Moon day. Eclipse. *giggle*" *sleep*

"September. Sept is seven. September is the ninth month. October. Oct is eight. It's the tenth month. November. Nov, like nueve, is nine. It's the eleventh month. December. Dec, like decade, is ten. It's the twelfth month. I should Google that...I bet it's a very simple explanation that I should already know." *sleep*

[Luet]

I really wanted to get up to watch it but I knew that I would only see the tail end here on the east coast and with my current insomnia, I knew that if I purposely woke up at 5:45am I would never fall back to sleep.

[wizzard]

Dear Bob,

I think I finally found my social group here.

Yay!

Hope all is well,

-Ethan

[neo-dragon]

"Ha...it's Monday. Moon day. Eclipse. *giggle*" *sleep*

"September. Sept is seven. September is the ninth month. October. Oct is eight. It's the tenth month. November. Nov, like nueve, is nine. It's the eleventh month. December. Dec, like decade, is ten. It's the twelfth month. I should Google that...I bet it's a very simple explanation that I should already know." *sleep*

Ha! I like the way your brain works.

[eriador]

It's because July and August were inserted into a ten month calendar by Julius and Augustus Caesar respectively.

[Luet]

I don't remember if there is a thread for listing things we accomplished during the day but I figured I would just put it here. I'm proud of myself:

- Four loads of laundry, folded and put away
- Cleaned out 4 kitchen drawers that a mouse had gotten into
- Did lots of dishes
- Took big bag of garbage down to the dumpster
- Got a fecal sample from my beardie for her first vet visit tomorrow
- Studied thoroughly for the meeting tonight
- Got a few groceries so I have some real food to eat at home
- Paid some bills

I still have tons to do but yay!

[zeroguy]

I don't remember if there is a thread for listing things we accomplished during the day but I figured I would just put it here.

I think the closest we have would be accomplishments that nobody understands, or accomplishments that you have something to learn from. So, if people understand it and you didn't learn anything, you're clearly in the right place.

And clearly it matters.

[Petra456]

Bob,

I'm going absolutely nuts here. I'm so up! I'm not even sure why, all I know is i've been in a absolutely good mood all day. It's going on 2:00am and I don't feel even close to sleeping.

*sigh* Where is everyone?

- Nicole

[Gravity Defier]

Sleeping, my dear.

[Petra456]

Well why on earth would you do that?

[eriador]

^- A fair question, I think -^

[Rei]

Well Bob, it's official. I've moved out and moved in.

I think I need to go out and get some comfort food.

~Rei

[Borommakot_15]

Hey, Bob...

Quick question...

Have you ever gotten so angry, that the center of your forehead started to hurt? Or, more specifically, feel like it was burning?

It has happened to me a few times, recently, and I was just wondering if it was normal-ish.

Lemme know, Bob.. You know I always value your insight.

-B_15

[daPyr0x]

Bob,

Is it bad that I'm 10 pounds short of being considered overweight?

Is it bad that I'm even aware of that fact?

Is it bad that that scares me? That I'm going to actively attempt to change my diet to remedy that?

The other day, for the first time in my life, someone made fun of me for looking chubby. I think she was referring to my very bloated beer belly from the evening prior, but that doesn't change the fact that to me it looked the exact same as it always does.

I'm supposed to be tall and skinny, not some 5'11 fat f******.

[starlooker]

Dear Bob,

I may be a reasonably good therapist, but the more I study for comps -- or, at least, try to convince myself to study for comps -- the more I become aware that I am going to be a piss-poor psychologist.

I know nothing. I don't even know the things that I am supposed to know. People will expect me to understand and interpret things, and I should know them, but I decided not to read for class for -- what reason? Too tired? To visit a friend? Whatever.

Bob, I am screwed. I have got to relearn study. I have to. Because people will eventually need me to have studied.