Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

[Petra456]

(I want a kitty too, i'm just waiting for the pregnent cat I live with to pop some out...)

Dear bob,

Why is it that on the one day I can actually stay in bed all day, I can't sleep or really even relax?

I thought I would go out and see some people today, but everyone is already gone or busy. I tried the whole shopping thing, but all I ended up getting is some food for Gerbil.

Gah, it needs to be summer. I need the warm weather back.

Also Bob, I burnt my tongue. It hurts.

Have a nice day.

[VelvetElvis]

Bob,

I am so thankful that the state lottery pays my college expenses.


-me

[Eaquae Legit]

Dear Diary,

It's a sign that it's time to change the element catcher when it catches fire for no apparent reason.

Also, who the hell is Edwin McCain, and why is he in my iTunes all of a sudden? Along with The Best of the Corrs, and a bunch of other stuff. I'm so confused!

[Virlomi]

Dear Ali's Diary,

Perhaps you're on a shared network, and your iTunes is picking up other libraries? I know mine goes nuts when I'm in my dorm. Just a thought.

-J

[Eaquae Legit]

I asked my roommate, and she's the only other one on our secured router. She has no clue.

[daPyr0x]

just because it's a secured router doesn't mean you can't see shared libraries within your building..

oh, and edwin mccain is the guy who sand "I'll Be, your cryin shoulder; I'll be, the greatest event of your life"...

[Eaquae Legit]

The fact that iTunes inexplicably decided it needed to reinstall itself probably has something to do with it. It's going to take forever for me to re-sort my music the way I want it.

[daPyr0x]

Dear Bob:

I long for a passion. I desire something to devote myself to. I need...something.

I watch movies like The Last Samurai and I am envious. They have a belief, a very strong belief, in their heritage. They have honour, a code, a way of life. They devote their entire selves to the ways of the samurai.

I want to believe in something like that.
Devote myself to something like that.

I want to fall asleep thinking about it.
I want to wake up and get up for it.
I want to push through my day to it.

Just like I used to...

[Confessions]

Dear Bob,

I hate myself. I'm so damn needy, and I'm scared that part of the reason I'm so needy is because I let myself be. I'm so needy, and I'm so angry at him for hurting me. And I'm angry at myself for needing comforting, and I'm angry at him for not answering his phone, and I just want to run away and hide and be with someone that doesn't have the history he and I have. Except I don't want that, because I love him too much, but there is so much I can't say to him that I need. I don't even know what some of it is. I just know that there's a hole inside and it isn't there because I don't love him. But what kind of person am I if I make him change to be with me? If one of us has to fundamentally change to be with the other, is it worth it? Is it real?

Will he ever stop resenting me for what he did?

I feel so lonely. I don't know how to comfort him. He deserves someone who can comfort him. I can't even comfort myself. I can't even cope by myself.

I just want to be full. I don't want a hole anymore.

[Mahatma]

The fact that iTunes inexplicably decided it needed to reinstall itself probably has something to do with it. It's going to take forever for me to re-sort my music the way I want it.

Perhaps it has something to do with iTunes being evil, because this weekend my iPod stopped responding for no apparent reason, and when I connected it to my computer, it said it was corrupt. Then yesterday it started working fine again, but the battery ran out, so I connected it again to charge it. iTunes said it was corrupt again, and even though I did NOT click 'restore', when I disconnected my iPod, it was completely empty. 2400 songs deleted... Luckily I have copies of them all; the only problem is where.

[Eaquae Legit]

Dear Bob,

My heat is gone. I want to kill my landlord. And all the sherpas who seem to live in my building and NOT NOTICE WHEN THE HEAT IS GONE. ^*^$#@!

[anonshadow]

Dear Bob,

I'm sad, and cold to the bone, and isolated.

Me

[Jayelle]

Dear Bob,

My heat is gone. I want to kill my landlord. And all the sherpas who seem to live in my building and NOT NOTICE WHEN THE HEAT IS GONE. ^*^$#@!

Threaten to call the tenent's board, then do if necessary. That's what we do.

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,
I had a dream that I lived in Chicago (and for some reason, Kelly lived down the hall of my apartment building and Janelle lived a floor up), only it was somehow supposed to be NYC, and I was completely miserable because I had quit my job to move there. I couldn't tell why quitting my job made me miserable, though. Was it because I really loved it, was good at it, and left to move...or because I wanted to be good at it, sucked at it, and moved so I'd have to leave it? From the dream, I'd have to pick the latter option, namely because I went back to look and could see my current real-life team leader teaching and the students were all doing so much better.


I'm stressed. This week we have formal observations that we've been building up to and practicing for all school year...and it's the morning after I have an evening class for three hours that will follow a full day at work Thursday. Grades are due by the 15th. Attendance is due by the 24th. Parent-teacher conferences are coming up and I just know I'm going to get my ass chewed because everyone wants to talk to the math teacher, and a lot of my students are getting a C or lower. I now have two homework assignments due for my class. Students stay after to make up their grades (yay for having the initiative but boo! for not doing it the first time around), or just hang out to hang out and so I've lost a good hour and a half of work time. My last class is still the class from hell (when it's time to decide next year's schedule, I will argue to the death over a 7th period elective class that isn't on subject...). If only people understood how hard it really is...and if only it made a difference knowing that some people do.


I'm feeling detached, isolated, lonely, whatever description you'd like to throw in. I am not a natural conversationalist, I'm not naturally outgoing, and people perceive my being shy and introverted as me being antisocial and unfriendly. It's always been the case, which really really sucks. A person I trust a lot, who probably knows me better than just about anyone in the world, told me I grow on people. I know how it was meant, and I found it funny at the time...still sort of do. But I also find it depressing. I grow on people. I do, I know that's true...but I wish it was a faster process, or a better one. Not only do I have very few real friends, I have the same amount of or fewer acquaintances. That means most people will never take the time to let me grow on them...they want to see good friend potential right off the bat. Even here. I feel like I'm always just skirting around people without ever quite fitting in.

So my natural reaction? Throw myself into work, movies, books, drawing, and take up a hobby (gardening and various other yard work...though it's arguable as to whether or not that's a real hobby). That way, I can pretend that I don't miss having people around.

I'm not sure why I shared all that. Nothing new. I'm just stressed, and I become moody and depressed with too much stress.

[neo-dragon]

*hugs Alea* (and I do believe that's only the second hug I've given in almost 4 years of posting!).

Teaching isn't an easy gig, but I don't have to tell you that. It's one of the only professions where you're expected to step in there as a rookie and handle all the same responsibilities as someone who's been doing it for decades, and those responsibilities are anything but trivial! But know these three things: 1) What you do makes a difference, and I mean that in a good way. 2) You are more than likely your own worst critic. 3) It gets easier with experience (or at least, that's what I've been led to believe).

Hang in there, and try not to beat yourself up.

[Rei]

Dear Bob,

I've got money! Yay!

~Rei

[Young Val]

Alea, if, for some reason, i am the Kelly in question i cannot believe that i was in your dream! is it weird to be flattered by that?


Bob,

i understand that i'm tipsy, if not out right intoxicated. but i spent five hours at the bar with chris and i'm going to miss him so damn much. and i'll never exactly make up my mind about him.

i'm all jumbled up and sad.

too much happens all at once.

and if what he says is true... it still doesn't make a difference in the real world.


oh, tomorrow is going to be such a day.

[Rei]

Bob,

I think this is the week of the iPod revolt.

[Gravity Defier]

Alea, if, for some reason, i am the Kelly in question i cannot believe that i was in your dream! is it weird to be flattered by that?

You would be the one; I'm not sure if I've ever known another Kelly in my entire time on this planet. In person, that is; there was always Kelly K. from Saved by the Bell.

edit: Not that I know you in person, per se. But I know Janelle in person, and she knows you...so I'm counting it.

[Hegemon]

Dear Bob,

Fluffette is a dog that my family has owned since she was born on September 4th, 1993. We owned both of her parents as well and she was named after her father, who she had a striking resemblence too.

She was born very fat and at one point it seemed like she would never be able to walk because her feet couldn't touch the ground. However, she eventually did learn how to walk and to our surprise ended up being a very thin dog.

Her personality has always been very happy and cheerful. She was a very playful dog and she loved everyone she came into contact with.

A few years ago, she developed a cough. It sounded like she was trying to cough up a furball, but she never actually managed to cough anything up. We took her to the vet and learnt that her heart was enlarged and it was pushing against her lungs, causing her to habitually cough. The vet was amazed by how vibrant and full of life she was. He said that normally a dog like that would be half dead, but our dog was as active and playful as a puppy.

She died this morning, sleeping in bed next to my mother.

[Rei]

*hugs for HA*

[Eaquae Legit]

*hugs*

[anonshadow]

...

[starlooker]

*many hugs*

[Jayelle]

*hugs John*

[VelvetElvis]

*brings tj some food*

[Hegemon]

Fluffette is the one in the front. Behind her is Curly, her sister.

[Miss Abbie]

aww Mr. John I'm so sorry.

*hugs*

[Claire]

Awww.

[hive_king]

aww, I'm sorry to hear that. *manly handshake*

[fawkes]

*hugs John*

[Eaquae Legit]

Dear Bob,

Today I went to a group meeting, got semi-complimented by a prof I am terrified of, went to class, did some sight-reading (hopefully made up for flubbing the lines I got called on earlier), did some comp., had dinner, did laundry (which also meant doing some cleaning), and read an article and a bit for class on Tuesday.

Yesterday I did a mountain of dishes.

Tomorrow I might finish putting my clothes away, do my handwashing, and even... clean my room? Wow.

Tonight I am going to finish tomorrow's Latin. And then sleep. Maybe read for a bit. I've earned it.

[Young Val]

dear bob,

• chris is gone on tour now.
  marianna is back from paris.
  had my first client meeting for Writers House. was a smashing success.
  found TWO new projects for Writers House that i am passionate about and am being allowed to pursue.
  i've been out drinking far too much, far too late two nights in a row and have thus woken up hung-over two mornings in a row.
  tonight i am being a good little girl and not drink and going to bed early.
  i can see the floor of my bedroom.
  ASL Sarah is coming to new york for a surprise visit on Sunday!!!
  i got caught up on my guilty pleasure tv-viewing today.

things have been pretty good. yes, there's been some bad bits in there. but mostly things are pretty good.









DIDIFORGETTOMENTIONTHATWRITERSHOUSEHIREDME?


oh. well, WRITERS HOUSE HIRED ME.

i am no longer super-intern.

i am full-fledged, full-time employee of Writers House LLC.
mon-fri. 9-6.
with benefits.
and vacation time.
AND HEALTHCARE.


and my own office.
AND MY OWN CLIENT LIST.





...all these years. and months. of hell.

working SEVEN DAYS A WEEK since JANUARY.

finally.

FINALLY.

something has gone RIGHT.








because, PS I AM A LITERARY AGENT.

[Eaquae Legit]

Congrats, Kelly!

[Rei]

Congratulations, Kelly!