Dear Bob,
My head really really hurts.
It's nice that there are people who try to fix it, though.
It is nice to feel loved.
Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
-
Miss Abbie
- Soldier
- Posts: 114
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 10:55 am
- Location: finding home
-
Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
dear bob,
henry walked out on me. he just grabbed his coat and the check, and said "i'm sorry i just can't do this" without looking at me, and he walked out. just left me sitting there. in the middle of the restaurant. by myself.
bob, don't ever ever say that you've hit rock bottom. the fates will pull out their power tools and start drilling.
i don't even have a word for how i feel right now.
henry walked out on me. he just grabbed his coat and the check, and said "i'm sorry i just can't do this" without looking at me, and he walked out. just left me sitting there. in the middle of the restaurant. by myself.
bob, don't ever ever say that you've hit rock bottom. the fates will pull out their power tools and start drilling.
i don't even have a word for how i feel right now.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
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Borommakot_15
- Soldier
- Posts: 126
- Joined: Sun Jan 21, 2007 5:09 pm
- Location: Near Cincinnati, Ohio
- Contact:
Dear Bob,
I finally made it back. It took me more than a year, but I finally made it back.
I didn't have a chance to warn you before I left... I don't think I did, anyway.
Either way.
I found out about a week after my birthday, 2005, that I had cancer. Testicular cancer, specifically. And it had spread to my lungs, pretty heavily. The day after I found out, the Air Force had me on a plane to the nearest decent surgeons that could start treatment. After about a week and a half of recovery, I got to go home to Ohio. After a quick stop for Christmas, I went to Wright Patterson Air Force Base to start chemotherapy. I went through that for 3 months. 4 hours a day, sometimes more. I had a pretty bad battle with keeping my white blood cell count up, and ended up in the hospital for it more than once. A simple cold or infection could have killed me, apparently. Who knew? And, I am really hard to get a proper IV into, so... I had to get poked 25 times in 4 days, while there. Anyway, after my chemo, I got another month and a half to heal and rest before my next surgery. This time, I was going to Indiana University. I was to be treated by the same team of Oncologists and Surgeons that treated Lance Armstrong. Second surgery removed a bunch of nasty stuff from my right lung. Normally, I would have had at least 2 months to heal up, but the Docs thought that I was doing so well that they scheduled my third surgery for only a month and a half after the second. Third surgery removed the cancer from my left lung. That was August 31, 2006. When I woke up, the Doc told me that I was cancer free. I go back for my first good check-up on February 2nd.
The Air Force got the bill for all of it.
Speaking of the Air Force, I have been medically retired. Medical, Dental, Life Insurance as well as pension and some other stuff.
So far as potentially terminal diseases go, this one could have been a lot worse.
I know that was long, and I apologize... but thanks for listening, Bob.
-Dan (B_15)
I finally made it back. It took me more than a year, but I finally made it back.
I didn't have a chance to warn you before I left... I don't think I did, anyway.
Either way.
I found out about a week after my birthday, 2005, that I had cancer. Testicular cancer, specifically. And it had spread to my lungs, pretty heavily. The day after I found out, the Air Force had me on a plane to the nearest decent surgeons that could start treatment. After about a week and a half of recovery, I got to go home to Ohio. After a quick stop for Christmas, I went to Wright Patterson Air Force Base to start chemotherapy. I went through that for 3 months. 4 hours a day, sometimes more. I had a pretty bad battle with keeping my white blood cell count up, and ended up in the hospital for it more than once. A simple cold or infection could have killed me, apparently. Who knew? And, I am really hard to get a proper IV into, so... I had to get poked 25 times in 4 days, while there. Anyway, after my chemo, I got another month and a half to heal and rest before my next surgery. This time, I was going to Indiana University. I was to be treated by the same team of Oncologists and Surgeons that treated Lance Armstrong. Second surgery removed a bunch of nasty stuff from my right lung. Normally, I would have had at least 2 months to heal up, but the Docs thought that I was doing so well that they scheduled my third surgery for only a month and a half after the second. Third surgery removed the cancer from my left lung. That was August 31, 2006. When I woke up, the Doc told me that I was cancer free. I go back for my first good check-up on February 2nd.
The Air Force got the bill for all of it.
Speaking of the Air Force, I have been medically retired. Medical, Dental, Life Insurance as well as pension and some other stuff.
So far as potentially terminal diseases go, this one could have been a lot worse.
I know that was long, and I apologize... but thanks for listening, Bob.
-Dan (B_15)
-
Dr. Mobius
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 2539
- Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 12:11 pm
- Title: Stayin' Alive
- First Joined: 17 Aug 2002
- Location: Evansville, IN
-
daPyr0x
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 820
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 5:28 pm
- Title: Firebug
- Location: Inside the blackhole that became of my heart
Dear Bob,
Why do I let her hurt me so?
Why, when I swear up and down that I'm cutting her out, all she has to do is send a single text message and I'm all caught up again? Why did I try to call?
Why would she ask me to call and then ignore the call?
Why am I so hung up on this?
But I said no more persuing, so no more. Responding to a request is one thing, still trying to make contact is another.
Anyways Bob...
I asked a friend of mine to involve me in his outings at the nearby college campus (he is sorta a student there), as a way to get out of the house and be....single...rather than a third wheel around all my coupled off friends. This past weekend was that.
Thursday night was just some random hanging out with people. We tried the clubs but they were dead so we ended up hanging out in a few places. We essentially ended up in a single res bedroom with what varied from 2 to 6 other people (one bedroom, 8 people, hell ya...). One of the people that came in was a girl that I had never met before, obviously highly intoxicated (as was the person who escorted her there and then left for bed). She was attractive, despite her level of intoxication, and was fun when she sobered up a number of hours later. Anyways, the reason I go into such detail is that on Friday night there was a special night at one of the clubs that we went to, and she was there...
See, this is the part that had me like "wha?" She sees us (3 of us, myself, dan and this girl that wants dan) and immediately calls out "Cameron!!!" all excited like. I mean, yes I was attracted to her, but we didn't really talk much (due to her intoxication and sleeping it off most of the evening) and it really...surprised me. In a good way, though. Made me feel....almost like I had a chance with someone attractive? Everyone that's had any interest since Nic has been....less than optimal in that sense. Not that that's such a big deal, but it's a nice feeling, you know? Even if it is me just...not being used to situations like that and overreading into everything.
Anyways, long lead up into my real point of any of this...
I've learned to be comfortable with people. I've learned to crawl out of my shell, to be moderately outgoing, and not be so scared. I can be friendly enough to people I meet, obviously so much so that they remember me the next day. I can't get any farther than that. I don't mean in a romantic way, I mean as a whole. I get along really well with the guys at work, and share a lot of common interests and such; and yet, rarely do I ever hear from them outside of work or get invited or whathaveyou. This is like, the story of my life. All through high school, same stuff. I would hang out with people daily, and not have their phone number or never hang out with them off school grounds. I just don't know how...or something.
This makes things increasingly difficult when you're hoping to get a phone number for a different reason, you know?
I just don't know how to learn that. I'm very much a people person; I don't know how to learn to get away from my original meeting medium with a person (as in, see someone from work outside of work, see someone I know through a friend outside of that friend, etc)....
Maybe I'm like that for a reason though...
--Cam
Why do I let her hurt me so?
Why, when I swear up and down that I'm cutting her out, all she has to do is send a single text message and I'm all caught up again? Why did I try to call?
Why would she ask me to call and then ignore the call?
Why am I so hung up on this?
But I said no more persuing, so no more. Responding to a request is one thing, still trying to make contact is another.
Anyways Bob...
I asked a friend of mine to involve me in his outings at the nearby college campus (he is sorta a student there), as a way to get out of the house and be....single...rather than a third wheel around all my coupled off friends. This past weekend was that.
Thursday night was just some random hanging out with people. We tried the clubs but they were dead so we ended up hanging out in a few places. We essentially ended up in a single res bedroom with what varied from 2 to 6 other people (one bedroom, 8 people, hell ya...). One of the people that came in was a girl that I had never met before, obviously highly intoxicated (as was the person who escorted her there and then left for bed). She was attractive, despite her level of intoxication, and was fun when she sobered up a number of hours later. Anyways, the reason I go into such detail is that on Friday night there was a special night at one of the clubs that we went to, and she was there...
See, this is the part that had me like "wha?" She sees us (3 of us, myself, dan and this girl that wants dan) and immediately calls out "Cameron!!!" all excited like. I mean, yes I was attracted to her, but we didn't really talk much (due to her intoxication and sleeping it off most of the evening) and it really...surprised me. In a good way, though. Made me feel....almost like I had a chance with someone attractive? Everyone that's had any interest since Nic has been....less than optimal in that sense. Not that that's such a big deal, but it's a nice feeling, you know? Even if it is me just...not being used to situations like that and overreading into everything.
Anyways, long lead up into my real point of any of this...
I've learned to be comfortable with people. I've learned to crawl out of my shell, to be moderately outgoing, and not be so scared. I can be friendly enough to people I meet, obviously so much so that they remember me the next day. I can't get any farther than that. I don't mean in a romantic way, I mean as a whole. I get along really well with the guys at work, and share a lot of common interests and such; and yet, rarely do I ever hear from them outside of work or get invited or whathaveyou. This is like, the story of my life. All through high school, same stuff. I would hang out with people daily, and not have their phone number or never hang out with them off school grounds. I just don't know how...or something.
This makes things increasingly difficult when you're hoping to get a phone number for a different reason, you know?
I just don't know how to learn that. I'm very much a people person; I don't know how to learn to get away from my original meeting medium with a person (as in, see someone from work outside of work, see someone I know through a friend outside of that friend, etc)....
Maybe I'm like that for a reason though...
--Cam
Stop trying to be perfect. Focus on being you; perfect will come.
"If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won"
"If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won"
-
Gravity Defier
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
Welcome back, Dan and you shouldn't apologize. I'm happy to get an update, even if it was to Bob, and I know I'm not the only one who was concerned.
Bob,
Where to start? I'm teaching Geography now (yay!). I'm also still teaching math (eh). I am up to three different classes that I have to plan for, versus the two tops that other teachers have to plan for. How exciting...my first year, I'm not stressed enough trying to learn the ropes and they switch my 7th period class on me and tell me to teach Geography.
Now, Geography is my passion, my love, my interest in life. People and the environment, and the push and pull of both on each other. Half of my bookshelf is covered in Geography books and Atlases, I just bought an awesome globe that has the political boundaries when the lights in a room are on and constellations when the lights are off, and I've recently purchased two beautiful, framed maps. I cannot put into words the love I have for Geography.
But the class they gave me to teach it to...is just awful. God-awful. It's like they picked the worst kids from each of my classes and threw them into the room. If only that were an exaggeration. One is currently in in-school-suspension for being on probation and having too many referrals (threats to teachers, lack of work, coloring in his gang-related tattoo with a pen, just to name a few). I just had a parent-teacher-V.P. conference with another because this student is insubordinate to the point where she threw a punch at me because I make her work in class (what an idea!), three others regularly have detention for not working or disrupting in math, another had a team meeting (myself as well as four of my coworkers) with his mom because he doesn't do any work or follow directions...It's like the class from hell.
And I found out this morning. With absolutely no time to prepare anything. BIG mistake with a group like this. HUGE mistake. I was shaking from adrenaline, anger, and frustration when class ended.
This is going to be a rough, rough quarter.
Bob,
Where to start? I'm teaching Geography now (yay!). I'm also still teaching math (eh). I am up to three different classes that I have to plan for, versus the two tops that other teachers have to plan for. How exciting...my first year, I'm not stressed enough trying to learn the ropes and they switch my 7th period class on me and tell me to teach Geography.
Now, Geography is my passion, my love, my interest in life. People and the environment, and the push and pull of both on each other. Half of my bookshelf is covered in Geography books and Atlases, I just bought an awesome globe that has the political boundaries when the lights in a room are on and constellations when the lights are off, and I've recently purchased two beautiful, framed maps. I cannot put into words the love I have for Geography.
But the class they gave me to teach it to...is just awful. God-awful. It's like they picked the worst kids from each of my classes and threw them into the room. If only that were an exaggeration. One is currently in in-school-suspension for being on probation and having too many referrals (threats to teachers, lack of work, coloring in his gang-related tattoo with a pen, just to name a few). I just had a parent-teacher-V.P. conference with another because this student is insubordinate to the point where she threw a punch at me because I make her work in class (what an idea!), three others regularly have detention for not working or disrupting in math, another had a team meeting (myself as well as four of my coworkers) with his mom because he doesn't do any work or follow directions...It's like the class from hell.
And I found out this morning. With absolutely no time to prepare anything. BIG mistake with a group like this. HUGE mistake. I was shaking from adrenaline, anger, and frustration when class ended.
This is going to be a rough, rough quarter.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
-
ValentineNicole
- Soldier
- Posts: 425
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:16 pm
- Title: Femme Fatale
Bob,
I made a guy drop his purchases in a store yesterday. It was a complete accident - I walked past just as he turned around from picking up some apple juice. My boyfriend made a big deal about it, though. He kept saying that I made the guy drop his things, did I see how he looked at me, etc. He kept telling me the whole night afterwards that I was so pretty and beautiful and whatnot. All I could think was, "Please shut up.."
Is that horrible? He was sweet about it, I guess. It just feels like maybe the only thing that gets him to appreciate me is seeing another guy fall over me or something. He even offered to get me something to drink - VERY rare for him, lol. Usually he asks me to pay, or we go halfway.
Am I only appreciated when I'm desired by someone else? I got drunk with one of my best friend's good guy friends and he hit on me like crazy. It got to the point where I was being taken advantage of, and so I called my boyfriend. He got into a fight with the guy - not a fist fight, but they exchanged words. Suddenly, for a few days later, he was all about taking care of me and getting me things and helping me.
I...I want to be appreciated for me. Not because some other guy wants me. Not because I get approached to try out for some stupid college Playboy thing. Not because I catch some other guys attention in a stupid store. Just...because my BOYFRIEND thinks I AM pretty.
I know he does. If he didn't think I was pretty, he wouldn't be with me. He's said many times that he only kisses hot girls (Yes, that's shallow.). He's also said I'm the most attractive person he's ever been with. I don't really think he's lying by any means...I just want to be appreciated for more than being worth fighting for.
I made a guy drop his purchases in a store yesterday. It was a complete accident - I walked past just as he turned around from picking up some apple juice. My boyfriend made a big deal about it, though. He kept saying that I made the guy drop his things, did I see how he looked at me, etc. He kept telling me the whole night afterwards that I was so pretty and beautiful and whatnot. All I could think was, "Please shut up.."
Is that horrible? He was sweet about it, I guess. It just feels like maybe the only thing that gets him to appreciate me is seeing another guy fall over me or something. He even offered to get me something to drink - VERY rare for him, lol. Usually he asks me to pay, or we go halfway.
Am I only appreciated when I'm desired by someone else? I got drunk with one of my best friend's good guy friends and he hit on me like crazy. It got to the point where I was being taken advantage of, and so I called my boyfriend. He got into a fight with the guy - not a fist fight, but they exchanged words. Suddenly, for a few days later, he was all about taking care of me and getting me things and helping me.
I...I want to be appreciated for me. Not because some other guy wants me. Not because I get approached to try out for some stupid college Playboy thing. Not because I catch some other guys attention in a stupid store. Just...because my BOYFRIEND thinks I AM pretty.
I know he does. If he didn't think I was pretty, he wouldn't be with me. He's said many times that he only kisses hot girls (Yes, that's shallow.). He's also said I'm the most attractive person he's ever been with. I don't really think he's lying by any means...I just want to be appreciated for more than being worth fighting for.
-
daPyr0x
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 820
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 5:28 pm
- Title: Firebug
- Location: Inside the blackhole that became of my heart
Dear Bob,
Why? Why do I bother? Why do I try?
What am I doing?
I don't know...
All I want is some friends....
All I want is some SINGLE friends; or at the very least, friends WITH single friends.
I want to meet new people.
I want to make new friends.
I want to be a new person.
I meet people. Thanks to Dan, I've met 10 of his friends or friends' friends or whatever. Anddddd....then I'm forgotten.
How do I make friends?
How the hell was she able to get a new boyfriend while she was ENGAGED....and yet I can't even make a new friend...just a f****** friend...
It's like...story of my life.
"Oh Cam, yeah he's cool."
but that's it.
Every once in a while I'll get the "hot" or "cute" bit, but realistically the only person who ever thought that of me was her.
Regardless....how do I make people LIKE me? Like...how do I make people want to seek ME out to spend time with me? And no, those who call me whenever they have a technical problem they want help with don't count.
How do I find a woman to show interest in me?
Why do I bother?
I'm through with it. I'm not going to leech off of Dan, or anyone else's life and friends anymore.
I'm just gonna live life. Go to work, drive home, get high, sleep, and repeat. No more of this f****** "lets force myself out of my comfort zone!" "hey it's not so bad, lets go party!" "I want to meet new people" s***. f*** that.
Just.....no...more...
Maybe...
Why? Why do I bother? Why do I try?
What am I doing?
I don't know...
All I want is some friends....
All I want is some SINGLE friends; or at the very least, friends WITH single friends.
I want to meet new people.
I want to make new friends.
I want to be a new person.
I meet people. Thanks to Dan, I've met 10 of his friends or friends' friends or whatever. Anddddd....then I'm forgotten.
How do I make friends?
How the hell was she able to get a new boyfriend while she was ENGAGED....and yet I can't even make a new friend...just a f****** friend...
It's like...story of my life.
"Oh Cam, yeah he's cool."
but that's it.
Every once in a while I'll get the "hot" or "cute" bit, but realistically the only person who ever thought that of me was her.
Regardless....how do I make people LIKE me? Like...how do I make people want to seek ME out to spend time with me? And no, those who call me whenever they have a technical problem they want help with don't count.
How do I find a woman to show interest in me?
Why do I bother?
I'm through with it. I'm not going to leech off of Dan, or anyone else's life and friends anymore.
I'm just gonna live life. Go to work, drive home, get high, sleep, and repeat. No more of this f****** "lets force myself out of my comfort zone!" "hey it's not so bad, lets go party!" "I want to meet new people" s***. f*** that.
Just.....no...more...
Maybe...
Stop trying to be perfect. Focus on being you; perfect will come.
"If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won"
"If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won"
-
Jayelle
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 4027
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 1:32 pm
- Title: Queen Ducky
- First Joined: 25 Feb 2002
- Location: The Far East (of Canada)
My advice, Cam, if you want it (and feel free to reject it) is that you make friends when you're doing something else. I've never made friends "at parties", it's when I'm doing something like volunteering or working that interacting with people is more natural.
That, and making the friendship a go from your side. People may not realize you want to be a friend unless you take a bit of effort on your side... just meeting people isn't enough. Be the person who seeks out other people who have trouble making friends.
That, and making the friendship a go from your side. People may not realize you want to be a friend unless you take a bit of effort on your side... just meeting people isn't enough. Be the person who seeks out other people who have trouble making friends.
One Duck to rule them all.
--------------------------------
It needs to be about 20% cooler.
--------------------------------
It needs to be about 20% cooler.
-
eriador
- KillEvilBanned
- Posts: 2512
- Joined: Sat Oct 21, 2006 4:02 pm
- Location: North Plains, OR (read Portland)
Cam, my advice would be very similar to JL's. Just let it happen. You don't make friends when you go out and try to meet people. You have to let it happen, but then you have to go after those people that you find. I guess it's a little bit like fishing. You've already got the bait, now you just have to get a bite and reel it in.
My heart goes out to you. Good Luck.
My heart goes out to you. Good Luck.
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anonshadow
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 1065
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:03 pm
-
Gravity Defier
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
-
Firegirl
- Soldier
- Posts: 167
- Joined: Mon Jan 08, 2007 12:24 am
- Location: somewhere in the Western U. S.
Dear Bob,
In three weeks, I have a debate tournament. I hope I can be ready in time. I have not been to one since the middle of last year, I want to go so badly.
Today I had to ask a close friend/mentor of mine what the meaning of "serious" was in terms of relationships. I felt so stupid for not knowing at the time. The funny thing is that one of my many aunts asked me if I was "getting serious with my bf". What a strange question, families are weird. I am only 20. I just hope they don't all start bombarding me with questions that I don't know how to answer.
Me
In three weeks, I have a debate tournament. I hope I can be ready in time. I have not been to one since the middle of last year, I want to go so badly.
Today I had to ask a close friend/mentor of mine what the meaning of "serious" was in terms of relationships. I felt so stupid for not knowing at the time. The funny thing is that one of my many aunts asked me if I was "getting serious with my bf". What a strange question, families are weird. I am only 20. I just hope they don't all start bombarding me with questions that I don't know how to answer.
Me
You feed the original flame that burns inside of you, because you know that is the only way you will get to live the life that is meant to be yours. Siv Cederling
"I've got sunspots where my heart used to be"
"I've got sunspots where my heart used to be"
-
anonshadow
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 1065
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 9:03 pm
-
starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
Dear Bob,
What if I were meant to be an artist or an editor or something and just stuck with counseling because I got the idea in my head when I was 13 and was too lazy or unimaginitive to explore other options?
One of those days.
What if I were meant to be an artist or an editor or something and just stuck with counseling because I got the idea in my head when I was 13 and was too lazy or unimaginitive to explore other options?
One of those days.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
-
Gravity Defier
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
Bob,
I was having a great day today. A fabulous day. I spent part of this morning talking about Disney movies and an hour after school making things for a Super Bowl party with a really fun co-worker, who happens to also be a guy that I have a small crush on.
I got to have a great ranting session with my team, in which I wasn't doing most of the ranting but that I also had some input in.
I got my worst class (my newest class since schedule changes) to actually behave and have fun.
I watched Mary Poppins, who is practically perfect in every way!
Someone told me I looked really good today (not meant in an insulting, "you look bad the rest of the time" way).
It was a good day.
And then I got online and saw some really irritating bullshit from someone who I thought things were going okay with. Granted, we have not talked in the past month almost but I thought that was a good thing...you know, space so we can be friends later. And it pisses me off that this person operates under such blatant double standards. Now I may be too riled up to fall asleep in a few minutes, which is going to have an effect on tomorrow.
AAAARRRGGGHHH.
I really should just stay offline from now on. SO many problems would be solved.
I was having a great day today. A fabulous day. I spent part of this morning talking about Disney movies and an hour after school making things for a Super Bowl party with a really fun co-worker, who happens to also be a guy that I have a small crush on.
I got to have a great ranting session with my team, in which I wasn't doing most of the ranting but that I also had some input in.
I got my worst class (my newest class since schedule changes) to actually behave and have fun.
I watched Mary Poppins, who is practically perfect in every way!
Someone told me I looked really good today (not meant in an insulting, "you look bad the rest of the time" way).
It was a good day.
And then I got online and saw some really irritating bullshit from someone who I thought things were going okay with. Granted, we have not talked in the past month almost but I thought that was a good thing...you know, space so we can be friends later. And it pisses me off that this person operates under such blatant double standards. Now I may be too riled up to fall asleep in a few minutes, which is going to have an effect on tomorrow.
AAAARRRGGGHHH.
I really should just stay offline from now on. SO many problems would be solved.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
-
daPyr0x
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 820
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 5:28 pm
- Title: Firebug
- Location: Inside the blackhole that became of my heart
Bob,
So I kinda broke my pact, to not do anything with any of these people and all that. But, at the same time, I didn't.
I was at work today and Dan (who I somewhat purposely hadn't talked to in a few days such that the topic wouldn't come up) texted me asking if I was going to come out; and then a few minutes later I got a phone call from me. He asked the same thing, and then tacked on that the girl I mentioned was asking about me/where I was/whatever (then I heard a "shutup dan!!!" in the background)
So, I went out there again tonight. Hung out with that same group of people. We went to a couple places and didn't get very far, outside of having a couple drinks, and then ended up at that same residence.
I so feel like I just....don't....fit.
Ever.
Bob, why am I so different from everyone else?
Why do I feel like I don't fit in with anybody?
I mean, that girl tried while trying not to show she was trying, which is always interesting (I'm not one to make it easy for her, if she can't try I'm not interested. I'll hint, so that she doesn't feel like it's one sided, but I'm not going to try. I don't know how to try, and I don't really care to). But really, it just....didn't....fit.
I just didn't fit.
The only person I ever feel that I fit with is the compulsive liar who makes everyone feel like they fit with him because he just lies about everything to blend in. How f****** sad is that?
My best friend growing up I don't fit with anymore. Dan I don't fit with anymore either. I feel like I can't...don't....have anyone that I can really fit with. I feel like I need like 3 or 4 different people to fit with different aspects of me.
And that's lonely.
I don't fit, and it makes me feel lonely.
Bob, why am I so lonely?
Even in a loud, fun group of people. Why do I feel so lonely?
So I kinda broke my pact, to not do anything with any of these people and all that. But, at the same time, I didn't.
I was at work today and Dan (who I somewhat purposely hadn't talked to in a few days such that the topic wouldn't come up) texted me asking if I was going to come out; and then a few minutes later I got a phone call from me. He asked the same thing, and then tacked on that the girl I mentioned was asking about me/where I was/whatever (then I heard a "shutup dan!!!" in the background)
So, I went out there again tonight. Hung out with that same group of people. We went to a couple places and didn't get very far, outside of having a couple drinks, and then ended up at that same residence.
I so feel like I just....don't....fit.
Ever.
Bob, why am I so different from everyone else?
Why do I feel like I don't fit in with anybody?
I mean, that girl tried while trying not to show she was trying, which is always interesting (I'm not one to make it easy for her, if she can't try I'm not interested. I'll hint, so that she doesn't feel like it's one sided, but I'm not going to try. I don't know how to try, and I don't really care to). But really, it just....didn't....fit.
I just didn't fit.
The only person I ever feel that I fit with is the compulsive liar who makes everyone feel like they fit with him because he just lies about everything to blend in. How f****** sad is that?
My best friend growing up I don't fit with anymore. Dan I don't fit with anymore either. I feel like I can't...don't....have anyone that I can really fit with. I feel like I need like 3 or 4 different people to fit with different aspects of me.
And that's lonely.
I don't fit, and it makes me feel lonely.
Bob, why am I so lonely?
Even in a loud, fun group of people. Why do I feel so lonely?
Stop trying to be perfect. Focus on being you; perfect will come.
"If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won"
"If only I had an enemy bigger than my apathy I could have won"
-
ValentineNicole
- Soldier
- Posts: 425
- Joined: Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:16 pm
- Title: Femme Fatale
Bob,
I want a nice guy - a decent guy. I want someone who will love me for who I am. Someone who will appreciate the little things I do for him - like bringing him burgers and his favorite Starbucks drink when he's in the emergency room all night. I'm a good kid, I promise. I'm cute - I may not be gorgeous, but I *am* cute. I want someone to see that and appreciate me - not try to change me.
I want a guy that doesn't own every single porn magazine from the past 7 years. I want to feel comfortable when I'm in his room - not like I'm surrounded by other girls looking at me everywhere. I want a guy who doesn't post nude pictures of me all over the internet when he gets mad. I want a guy who is willing to take care of me - because I need that support in my life.
I want someone to appreciate me, mostly. Someone who wakes up next to me and thinks, "You know what? I'm really lucky."
I'm a nice girl. I'm sweet and really caring. I'll do practically anything for you, if I care about you. I work hard to plan things to make people happy. I try my best. I don't look at other guys; I don't cheat. I'm cute enough. I'm smart enough. I have passion, drive, and a love for life. I'm not even sick anymore - sure, I have some freak out moments, but for the most part, I'm fine.
Brian's a nice guy. We have a lot in common, and he really is quite attractive. He has one of the nicer bodies I've ever seen, especially when he's been working out. He doesn't cheat, and he loves me.
But he has flaws.
Some of them that I'm starting to realize can't be worked through.
God, help me figure out what to do. I don't want to waste my time, but I don't want to dump the "right guy" and live to regret it..
I want a nice guy - a decent guy. I want someone who will love me for who I am. Someone who will appreciate the little things I do for him - like bringing him burgers and his favorite Starbucks drink when he's in the emergency room all night. I'm a good kid, I promise. I'm cute - I may not be gorgeous, but I *am* cute. I want someone to see that and appreciate me - not try to change me.
I want a guy that doesn't own every single porn magazine from the past 7 years. I want to feel comfortable when I'm in his room - not like I'm surrounded by other girls looking at me everywhere. I want a guy who doesn't post nude pictures of me all over the internet when he gets mad. I want a guy who is willing to take care of me - because I need that support in my life.
I want someone to appreciate me, mostly. Someone who wakes up next to me and thinks, "You know what? I'm really lucky."
I'm a nice girl. I'm sweet and really caring. I'll do practically anything for you, if I care about you. I work hard to plan things to make people happy. I try my best. I don't look at other guys; I don't cheat. I'm cute enough. I'm smart enough. I have passion, drive, and a love for life. I'm not even sick anymore - sure, I have some freak out moments, but for the most part, I'm fine.
Brian's a nice guy. We have a lot in common, and he really is quite attractive. He has one of the nicer bodies I've ever seen, especially when he's been working out. He doesn't cheat, and he loves me.
But he has flaws.
Some of them that I'm starting to realize can't be worked through.
God, help me figure out what to do. I don't want to waste my time, but I don't want to dump the "right guy" and live to regret it..
-
starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
I HATE GROUPS. I HATE MYSELF IN GROUPS. I HATE FACILLITATING GROUPS. SO HELP ME BOB, I WILL NEVER EVER EVER EVER RUN A GODDAMN GROUP ONCE I HAVE THE STUPID PH.D.
GODDAMN GROUPS.
GODDAMN GROUPS.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
-
Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
I GOT THE 1ST FLOOR!!!!! I GOT THE FIRST f****** FLOOR!!!!!!!! I GOT THE EDITORIAL POSITION!
150 people fighting for this fricken boot camp of an internship, and i get one of 5 slots, AND i get the coveted EDITORIAL POSITION!!!
SOMETHING IN MY LIFE HAS FINALLY PAID OFF!!!!!!!!!!
i'm not in SALES. i'm not in PR. i'm not in f****** FOREIGN RIGHTS.
where am i?
oh. that's right.
I'M THE f****** ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR. THAT'S WHERE I AM!
12 weeks as assistant to the editor and then i am GUARENTEED job placement. i EARNED this. i've been out here for over a YEAR now looking, no, BEGGING for a chance like this.
bob, this is the only good news i've had in months. i am so unbelievably thrilled.
150 people fighting for this fricken boot camp of an internship, and i get one of 5 slots, AND i get the coveted EDITORIAL POSITION!!!
SOMETHING IN MY LIFE HAS FINALLY PAID OFF!!!!!!!!!!
i'm not in SALES. i'm not in PR. i'm not in f****** FOREIGN RIGHTS.
where am i?
oh. that's right.
I'M THE f****** ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR. THAT'S WHERE I AM!
12 weeks as assistant to the editor and then i am GUARENTEED job placement. i EARNED this. i've been out here for over a YEAR now looking, no, BEGGING for a chance like this.
bob, this is the only good news i've had in months. i am so unbelievably thrilled.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
-
Eaquae Legit
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 5185
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:30 pm
- Title: Age quod agis
- First Joined: 04 Feb 2002
- Location: ^ Geez, read the sign.
-
VelvetElvis
- Commander
- Posts: 2535
- Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:22 am
- Title: is real!
- First Joined: 0- 9-2004
-
Dr. Mobius
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 2539
- Joined: Thu Sep 28, 2006 12:11 pm
- Title: Stayin' Alive
- First Joined: 17 Aug 2002
- Location: Evansville, IN
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