Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

[Young Val]

thanks, nic.

um, so. posting yet again.


Dear Bob,

i know what the game plan is. the game plan is to bury myself in denial. just. go. numb.

i know this is the plan. it's a GOOD plan. it'll probably work ok. who cares if i break down on the 30th? not me. i just gotta make it through this one day. just the 29th. after that, no one could blame me. not even i could blame me.

so. stick to the plan.

don't talk about it. don't post about it. don't write about it. don't think about it.

ignore it. avoid it. deny it.

it's a good game plan. it really really is. it'll probably work. in fact, i know it'll work.

it's brilliant.

24 hours. that's all. think of all the things i've gone without doing in 24 hours.

i've gone 24 hours without sleep.
24 hours without food.
24 hours without sex.
24 hours without talking.
24 hours without a hug.
24 hours without crying.
24 hours without laughing, even.

i've gone without plenty of things for a measley 24 hour period.

all i have to do is make it through 24 lousy hours without acknowledging what day it is and what has happened on this day.

that's all.

it's a cinch. it's a snap.

it is f****** impossible because the 29th of november hasn't even HAPPENED yet and already i am a total and utter mess.

[powerfulcheese04]

Kelly, seriously, if you need anything, get in touch with me.

[zeroguy]

Dear Bob,

That was certainly very strange. The person I had been mostly talking to (and one of the only people whose name I knew), asking questions, etc. was essentially fired. That explains why I haven't seen or heard from him... But it was quite awkward when I found that out.

I suppose it's not really a big deal or anything, since I barely even know him, but I'm just annoyed that it seems my impression of him was just slightly off. I thought he was more than that. Oh well, I suppose.

-me

[Claire]

Bob,
I need someone to complain to, and my mom is not helping at all and my advisor is not around. I'm so disappointed about my schedule. The one class that I really wanted to take is full AND the waitlist is full as well. I guess its okay because it was kind of unrelated to anything I want to study, but then my second choice was full too- blah. And the one course I absolutely have to take next semester is full- that one I'm on the waitlist for, and I REALLY hope I can get in. So I'm only left with classes I'm half-psyched to take. Its kind of depressing.
-Claire

[v-girl]

bob,

i have the worst headache i've had in a long time, not counting migraines. i should lay down. but i would just feel guilty. finals aren't even here yet and i don't feel like doing anything.



on a good note, though, my letters of recommendation are coming together nicely.

[wizzard]

Dear Bob,

Is there really something wrong with me? Why am I so dependent on other people's opinions of me? I automatically assume that everyone thinks the worst of me unless they show very clearly that they don't. When I want to get to know someone, I feel like if I show any sign of it, they'll get scared off. Like I have to sneak up on them, and hope that a friendship forms before they know what's happening. And even then, I feel like the slightest offense will send them away for good.

Wow, I have issues. The worst part is, I know that when I step outside of myself, and actually make an effort to talk to people and be with them, that's when I have the most fun. But I still can't change. I'm still the quiet, sad, pathetic boy who's too scared of offending anyone to ever say anything real.

Alright, I think that's about all the whining I can handle for now. I'm sorry I use you for complaining so much, Bob. I'm really not depressed all the time. I just don't have a lot of people to unload on when I am.

Goodbye Bob, thanks for listening.

[fawkes]

Dear bob,

Let wizzard know that I feel exactly the same way, and (s?)he shouldn't be afraid to express him(her?)self, and that if someone doesn't like him(her?) because of their opinions, they're not friend material anyway.

[Miss Abbie]

Dear Bob,

I am realizing how much I don't mean to anyone

again.

Everyone here has a best friend--the special person to always laugh with and things, it seems. I have friends, I have some good friends, but I don't have a great one, really. Maybe it's childish to want a friend, I don't know. I just think that it would be nice to matter, after two years here.

It's an odd feeling. It's an empty feeling.

[eriador]

Dear Bob,

Why did Miss Abby's post ring a bell? I know that I've thought it before, but it's been shoved aside. Why do I do that?

-eriador

[VelvetElvis]

*offers Miss Abbie one of those necklaces that say best on one half and friends on the other*

[Luet]

bob,

i have the worst headache i've had in a long time, not counting migraines. i should lay down. but i would just feel guilty. finals aren't even here yet and i don't feel like doing anything.

That's why you need fioricet, missy!! hrmph.

[zeroguy]

Dear Bob,

Holy crepes, holy crepes! First, I find out a few days ago that Tailsteak is finally updating again (which is joyous enough in itself). And then, just now I discover that Altermeta is alive again! Although they don't seem to be updating yet (until... January, I think?), the old comics are still there. I am so very happy this still exists; I thought that comic was gone forever. I'd only been able to scavenge around half of the archives before, but now I have all of them again! I almost literally jumped for joy when I originally discovered this.

-me

[Miss Abbie]

Dear Bob,

Today I woke up. I woke up at nine and wasn't late for anything, but I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry. The big, sobbing cry, not the quiet tears cry. I hate... I hate everything. It is winter and I just want to hibernate for the next three months. I want to go home. I miss home and my bed and my dad and my sisters and I don't want to go to Florida with the mother who tied me up and left me in the living room all night to see the grandparents who won't acknowledge my existence. I don't believe that I couldn't just suck it up and play hockey, and that instead I opted to have a radio show where I'll have to talk and people will listen.

People can get waivers to get out of certain classes.

I want a waiver to get out of life. It is winter with the big, empty loneliness and I want to die.

[Gravity Defier]

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The requested post was not found.

[Young Val]

dear bob,

i have the worst hangover imaginable.

but i survived.

november 29th can kiss my ass until next year rolls around.

[ValentineNicole]

Bob,
I need help. Let me hold it together?

[v-girl]

bob, i don't know why he got mad at me. we never fight. i could always be myself around him, whether things were going well or not. i could vent to him about things that were going on. and all of the sudden, he doesn't want to hear it? of course everything is okay, i know it is, but it just sucks that he was mad at me. i burst into tears in front of my roommates and i'm pretty sure that's the first time i've cried in front of them.

but that's because everything is sort of crazy right now. i am getting sicker and i haven't been sleeping and i'm stressed.

[ValentineNicole]

Bob,
A friend of mine suspects. She saw me freak out after our cheesecake last night, though I don't know how. I thought I hid it. I tried to hide it! She followed me into the bathroom twice, and then fought me over letting me leave her house briefly to buy an energy drink. Eventually she gave in. I promptly used the excuse to get rid of the cheesecake, of course.
*SIGH*
But she knows. Or thinks she knows.
I'm screwed. I try to just vent that all here and keep it OUT of my real life.

[Petra456]

Bob,

They found another spot on my mom's lung. Everyone is telling me to calm down, but ya know, the last one was supposed to be "just a spot".

I'm scared again.

- me

[starlooker]

Dear Bob,

I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot, I'm an idiot, I am such a friggin idiot, if I were a flower, I would be a blooming idiot.

Well, maybe I'm not that bad.

Being melodramatic helps me keep things in perspective sometimes, though.

Let's just say... How idiotic could I be?

Pretty dumb, at that.

Sometimes I think I've moved from playing out one of my life's major events as it happened to playing out the major event as I wished it had happened. Can I move now to not playing it out anymore?

[Young Val]

dear bob,


i think i thought if i stopped talking about it incessantly, that it would just sort of...stop hurting.

instead, now everyone thinks i'm over it and have moved on or am ready to start moving on and no one is willing to listen anymore because it's old news and they'd rather set me up with their friends who are "SO PERFECT" for me. but these guys can't possibly be so perfect for me, because not a single one of them is him.

so now i'm like, triple-f******. because not only have i lost him, and not only am i still all f****** in the head about it, but now i no longer have anyone to talk to about it.

and, bob, you know that thing that i told you a LONG LONG LONG time ago that i'd never ever ever ever do again?

well. i did it. am doing it.

and will continue to do it.

i just can't be like this anymore. i refuse to be like this.

something has to change.

[Dr. Mobius]

*hugs Fred*

*is wondering why he didn't see that post until now...*

[powerfulcheese04]

Well, Bob,

I f****** that up. We'll have to see where it all goes from here.

Damn.

[Rei]

Bob,

Another exam today. Fortunately it's in the evening. Wish me luck on the studying front, though.

Rei

[Yebra]

Bob,

That did NOT go well.

At all. Huh-uh.

interviewee

[fawkes]

Dear Bob,

I think I just failed my philosophy final. Stupid teacher wouldn't let us use notes, then demanded a two page essay, each, on Categorical Imperative and Utilitarianism, plus a page on Ethics and what it is. I only got a few paragraphs for each because I could barely remember anything and couldn't think of anything to say.

For Crist's sake, if you're going to demand two page essays for something, let me use my goddamn notes! There's no way ANYONE did well on that test, and it's the f****** FINAL. He let us use notes on the midterm, why not now?

So now I'm probably going to get a bad grade in the class because the teacher is a stupid f***** and changed his mind a week before the test. GOD, I HATE THIS!

[starlooker]

Dear Bob,

I'm fidgetty.

I'm very fidgetty.

I don't like being this fidgetty.

I don't know how I made it through cognitive. I don't know how I'm going to make it through multivariate.

I can't decide if I love my life or hate my life.

I need to create something. I need to throw myself into something.

I need a vacation. Fortunately, that I can have in a week.

[Yebra]

Dear Bob,

If you need me I'll be over here screaming.

[hive_king]

Dear Bob,

I am now a toon leader- this is my 500th post.

Nick

[Claire]

Bob,

That did NOT go well.

At all. Huh-uh.

interviewee

I want to hear about it. I bet it wasn't that bad.

[Gravity Defier]

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The requested post was not found.

[Young Val]

And yet again, I feel like I just invested a large amount of my time, attention, and feelings into someone who bailed on me the moment it got challenging. Welcome to the pattern, my friend. Welcome to my f****** life.

if you don't mind my saying so, for what i'm sure are entirely different circumstances, i relate to the above statement ENTIRELY.



dear bob,

my headache won't go away. henry wants to see me friday night. i'm super stressed about this weekend. i really want to cuddle. and i really want a glass of wine. and i really want to not have to go to work tomorrow. and i really want to be thin and pretty again like i used to be.

things are not going as planned.

[Miss Abbie]

Dear Bob,

My best friend is being stupid and doing drugs on campus and not being sneaky about it and is probably going to get caught and thrown out and I feel like I should tell the parents of the other boy who is involved but I can't because that would get her into trouble and I hate school and these rules that just get good people into trouble but more I hate drugs. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I dont understand, what is the point? What is the point of doing drugs?

Can it possibly be worth $36,000 of tuition money?

[v-girl]

bob, my grandma would have been 78 years old today. it's funny, i never celebrated her birthday with her, but i always remember her today. no special memory of today. just that i miss her and i am so thankful that i got to help take care of her during those last few months.

my grandma died of lung cancer. every time i think of her i think of my mom, who has been a closet smoker (i supposedly don't know) for years. how could she possibly want to go through what my grandma went through? does she think of me when she smokes? does she think of my dad, my sister, my aunt? i remember the day i found out that my mom smoked. i don't know how i missed it before.

damn my non-talking non-confrontational family.

[Virlomi]

Dear Bob,

If on Wednesday morning my mother calls a Pwebber tearfully and they post to inform the board in general that I've met my maker, at least you'll be able to nod sagely and say "at least she died for art's sake". I've never been one to say this flippantly, but if I actually make it past Tuesday alive, I will be a little bit surprised.