Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0

[VelvetElvis]

Bob,

What a nice day.

-Helen

[starlooker]

Dear Bob,

Helen called it. It really was a nice day.

We went for a quick walk around the apartments in the damp, cool fall evening to top it off, and it smelled wonderful outside.

Somehow, Little Miss Saurus's birth makes my Little Bit seem a lot less theoretical. And I'm just grateful for a happy, healthy family across the pond.

Me

[Gravity Defier]

I meant to comment on this before but I got caught up in baby and baby mama drama of the happy kind, so a belated "That really sucks, brain but hopefully things will go as smoothly as possible given all this new crap."

[mr_thebrain]

Thanks everybody.

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,

Work is stupid and home is stupid; I don't know what that leaves me, other than pretty unhappy most of the time. It sucks.


Work:

For as long as I've been at this library, the women have done the majority of the work. Worthless Info Guy (WIG) is lazy and plays dumb, and the supervisor lets him get away with it. Example: Our LAII and I would do the register every morning before opening, we ran reports, we did crates, shelved, etc. We worked. WIG would be responsible for turning on the computers and writing the library's name on the newspapers. Then he would play on Ebay or read the paper or call his parents or his Realtor in NM. For an hour and a half. Supervisor and LAII contacted the business office, removed permission for me to do the money unless LAII, WIG, and supervisor are all gone, and gave that responsibility to WIG and if if LAII/WIG aren't in, the supervisor. WIG will take 50-90 minutes to do the register if LAII is present - not to get to it, to count $75 of various bills and coins. If supervisor is present, it miraculously takes him about 20 minutes (which is still too long but he won't play dumb for the supervisor the way he does for LAII).

WIG will also wait until he is scheduled on the Info desk (4-5 hours a day, since he doesn't have other duties like the rest of us) to start shelving. He will just pick up and leave his post, leaving whoever is on Circ completely alone to deal with patrons. He will also just randomly walk the entire building, while scheduled on Info, for 5-10 minutes at a time, usually when he notices Circ is going to temporarily leave him alone. Supervisor doesn't do anything about it. But hey, we're not supposed to worry about what he does, even though his actions directly affect us, because it will "make [us] sick."


Anyway. As I said, this has been the case since I first got here so while it's f****** annoying and getting harder and harder to put up with, I try really hard not to focus on it at work. It just makes me angry and doesn't do anyone any good. BUT. Here's the bad part, my two older female coworkers cannot, CANNOT, let it go. Just about every last word they say around me is badmouthing WIG or the supervisor and it gets to be too much. I know you all think I'm negative and pessimistic and that makes me sad, but whatever. I have got nothing on these two.

To make matters worse, they've started s***-talking my other female coworker and went to the supervisor with their complaints when they are far more guilty of the same, bogus offenses they are accusing her of. I told her (the accused) I wasn't surprised, given how badly and how often they're complaining about WIG. I also won't be surprised when they start in on me but let me just say, they will regret the f*** out of bitching about my work habits if they ever do.

So, I hate my job. It's not so bad dealing with the idiotic public (I think, on the whole, our patrons are much worse than the average) if you feel like your coworkers have your back but I feel like I'm one turn of the head away from a knife being lodged in mine. So what could be a manageable annoyance from the public becomes almost unbearable. I am so annoyed and angry, all the time, at work...well, unless I'm helping out the one sane coworker I have. We've taken to working the Circ desk in pairs when possible, even though we're only ever scheduled one at a time, because it's nice to feel like teamwork can exist, we like each other's company, and it just makes the work and dealing with the patrons easier. If she were to leave, I'd be depressed at work. I mean, really, really depressed.

Home:

My cousin moved in. My mom's boyfriend isn't happy with this arrangement. I like my cousin more than my mom's boyfriend. Her boyfriend is crazy, awful levels of angry over very little things (slams things, cusses up a storm, yells, blames things on my mom that she had no involvement in - "I f****** hate doing paperwork. This is your f****** fault, [mom's name].") and I do not, DO NOT, handle explosive anger well. Quiet anger is frightening in its own regards but explosive anger...that gets me almost shaking and I can definitely feel the adrenaline start pumping.



My best days are days spent completely alone while at home and with the one coworker at work. That just seems so...unfair. I'm messing with my boy-related happiness and that's my own sick mess but otherwise, I'm trying to be happy and it's just not working.

I just want to be out of here.

[Eaquae Legit]

Brain, I'm sorry. That sucks! Having my little one now makes me even more vehemently opposed to people who think they can use them as leverage or currency or whatever. Aside from the general dickishness, they're people, not bartering chips!

[Luet]

Dear bob,

I'm so sick of putting forth the effort to make new friends and then being terribly disappointed again and again. Is it really so hard to just be a good friend back? I mean, show up when you say you will, return phone calls, call to cancel if you won't be there, don't use me, etc. And that's not even mentioning the talking bad behind my back. I don't know for a fact that this has happened but I'm assuming so. If she talks bad about her other good friend to me, shouldn't I assume she does the same in reverse? I know she's young, so I shouldn't have expected much. And I really shouldn't have gotten my hopes up about the offer to be there for her baby's birth. And I probably really, really shouldn't have confided so much to her so soon. But it really wasn't that soon. We had been hanging out for a few months.

And damn it. I've kept up the walls for years. People kept telling me that I had to start trusting eventually. It was part of the healing process. But it seems that I'm still a horrible judge of character. I don't even know how to proceed from here. I don't want to alienate her because I feel like she has dirt on me. I like her and care about her. But I feel terrible about myself every time she ditches me or uses me or whatever. This friendship does not seem worth it. How do I get out of it at this point? This is exactly what I did not want.

[Gravity Defier]

Bob,

Today has been the worst day ever because:

*My dog just bit me in the face, hard enough to draw blood, and not because we were playing. It won't be big but I probably will scar. She has never bitten anyone before.

*It was probably because my nephews and niece have been bugging the s*** out of them, either directly or indirectly, with their shrieking, yelling, fighting, and playing. I'm close to having the same reaction (biting someone's head off) for this reason. Dogs are outside now until the kids go home but I won't for a second blame my dog for it.

*I've been sleeping on the couch for 4 nights now. In "bed" by midnight if I'm lucky -usually not- cousin walks in between 2-4AM and wakes me up. Mom's boyfriend walks out between 4-6AM and wakes me up.

*I have had NO quiet time, at all, and that has been since Thursday. I'm about 10 seconds away from bawling. Really. The tears are welling up.

*I had to sit through the Chargers game. Not had to, had to but wanted to because I was thinking we'd do better than we ultimately did.



I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this, I can't do this.

[Luet]

I'm so sorry, Alea. Can you talk tomorrow?

[Gravity Defier]

I'm sorry about your friend situation, too. I don't know what I'd do there. I would say, if she talks badly about her other friend, that it wouldn't take alienating her for her to use that "dirt" against you, if she will at all. That sucks so bad.


I should be able to talk tomorrow.

[Claire]

Dear Bob,

I woke up in the middle of the night with a sore throat and a stomachache. I ate a few pieces of chocolate to make myself feel better. Two hours later I can't fall back asleep. Somehow I think my decision making at 2:30 wasn't so rational... So sleepy!

Claire

[steph]

*Hugs for Nomi, Alea and Claire*

[3nder]

Dear Bob.

I really can't stop thinking about her, they said time would help me out but it's done nothing so far, I miss her more and more every day, the fact that she likes this new guy is like watching her eat my heart, this new guy likes her too but is not sure if he wants her, I want to punch him so hard because if he passes her up he'll have missed out on the best opportunity that will ever cross his path. I am now just a close friend of hers, others would argue with me that she is the town whore but that's bullshit because I know the other side of her that no body has ever seen, she said that she loved me more than anything, then 6 months later she said she can't spend too much time with one guy, she confessed her commitment issues to me before we broke up, she really thought I was going to be different. Dammit I know I can be different, once she gets over this mental boundary I'll be ever to tempted to make my move again (if she's single), I'm already on zero health so her rejection couldn't hurt me. I just want to scream "I love you" in her face but that wouldn't do me any good.

If she's never single again (which I think she will be seeing as we're both 18) then I'll just die..

I just really really miss her..

[mr_thebrain]

everyone cross their fingers please. my wife may have found a place to live, they're just waiting on a credit check. i could be rid of her soon!

[VelvetElvis]

Crossing everything! (except my eyes, 'cause that's hard)

[steph]

*crosses*

I hope you can get your life back soon, Joshy.

[Rei]

Dear Bob,

Moving day today! It's remarkable how most of the major stressors in my life are all resolving themselves pretty much at the same time. That said, I could do with my body ceasing its urge to have a panic attack this morning. Probably just due to the anticipation of moving without actually having yet started it.

Anyway, next time I'm around here we will be in our own place

Also, pweb is shiny!

~Rei

[VelvetElvis]

Big changes!!

[Petra456]

Bob, Pweb, Whoever,

I am stressing out about Pweb way too much over the last day. I love Pweb... I met Will because of Pweb, and now he's so UPSET over what's being said about him, what he's being accused of, that he won't even check the board anymore. He was contacted in the beginning and asked if he would like to help with upgrades and what not. He was excited, he really does care about this place. He never asked for Admin rights, he never ever wanted to do anything Mod related, he cleaned up bots... At this point he had stopped caring about the upgrade because he felt like he was being ignored (we argued about this, he's stubborn and let very PERSONAL reasons get in this way of cooperating with Wil). I have no problem with Wil, i'm very appreciative of what he's done for this place. Will felt like his input wasn't important.. He did disagree with things, but didn't felt like he was giving options so much as told, no, this is better. Once Will was done cleaning up, he asked to have his Mod powers taken away.

I'm stressed because Will's hurt. He won't come back to Pweb and I love it here. I can't take it when people I care about fight. I feel like i'm being defensive, which I HATE. We're going to argue about this, because he doesn't want me defending him. He cared in the beginning, things got personal, which they shouldn't have, but he doesn't feel like he needs to apologize to anyone. He would rather this be as if he was never asked to do anything in the first place.

I've never had Pweb make me cry so much as the past 24 hours.

[mr_thebrain]

that sucks. sorry about will

on a brighter note though. thanks for the finger crosses guys! they got the duplex. she's going to be moving out soon! YAY! probably october 1st. it'll be like an early birthday present. know for sure tomorrow i guess.

[steph]

*hugs for fred*

Yay for Josh!

[starlooker]

**more hugs for Fred**

[mr_thebrain]

well yesterday about 45 minutes before the end of my work day, the owner came out to talk to me. i've never talked to him before. it was a weird thing to begin with.
anyway, he comes up to me and is like "hi josh, would you please come talk to me before you leave tonight?" which kinda worried me for a couple seconds, until he added "i wanna talk to you about the electrical design position"

anyway, so i went in to talk to him and he offered me the position. soooo i was offered a job i never applied for... turns out my shop foreman recommended me for the position. i told him i had to think about it. so i have to decide and let them know on monday.

the position is this: i will be working with the electrical engineer (the owner's son) and using autoCad to draw electrical schematics for the shop to use. it's salaried, and while they haven't set an exact amount, they said they're shooting to make it as close to what i'm making now as possible. anyway, their goal is to have me spend part of my day in the shop doing what i do, and the rest of my time in the office learning my position and the program since i haven't actually used autoCad. then as i get more acquainted with the job, stop going in to work in the shop. and progressively (within a couple years) become the electrical engineer (another position that i don't have any training. lol )

anyway, apparently they like me there cuz i'm the only person they're considering. i'm actually kind of blown away that they offered it to me.

i'm leaning towards taking the position. because i like the company and there is more opportunity for advancement. not to mention becoming an engineer will earn me a hell of a lot more money than i could earn in the shop.

[VelvetElvis]

Congratulations!

[steph]

That's awesome! Let us know what you decide.

[Gravity Defier]

What a vote of confidence, brain. Good luck and definitely tell us what you do. :)

[Luet]

Awesome Brain, I hope it all works out for you.

[Syphon the Sun]

soooo i was offered a job i never applied for

This is the best!

[mr_thebrain]

thanks everyone.

as it stands, i'm going to take the position. i don't think it's really much of a choice. and i don't think i will change my mind by monday. i think the pros outweigh the cons. being that the cons are a little petty.

[CezeN]

Dear Bob/Diary,

I didn't think it was possible to have such a bipolar week. I like to take what life gives me in stride, but it's hard remain mellow after having such an awesome day on Tuesday, slightly tainted by the revelation at the end. Get rejected from the same damn job as last year on Wednesday. Then, become horribly sick or food poisoned on Thursday. Recover by Friday, both physically and emotionally. Gain that hope that my close friend who got a manager position there would be able to lobby for me and convince the boss that I can do a such a simple job as call alumnis on the phone and guilt them into giving our school money. Go out with Vietnamese Student Association that my friends are in charge of, meet new people, and try Vietnamese food. Have a surprisingly fun time karaoking for the first time. Come back on campus, and end the night playing video games. Check my email before going to sleep, and spot a reply from the potential employer telling me that after basically assuring me that I had the job, she didn't make a mistake, and she simply reviewed her notes and decided I don't have it. Wake up Saturday, today, just as stomach ill as I was on Thursday because apparently my stomach can't handle Vietnamese food. Missing the homecoming parade, will probably miss the concert, afraid to eat anything, and found out that despite my social capita - my friend couldn't land me this job that she keeps saying the most unqualified of people manage to get. s***** been a rollercoaster. I'm sure my day will get worse, and I'll lose some self-esteem points, when my friend finally reveals the "so stupid" reason that the company apparently despises me, that I'm screwed in terms of workstudy this semester - just like last year - despite now having job experience and leadership experience.

Well damn Bob. The Lupe Fiasco concert, my first real concert, the adventure and close calls we had getting to it, and all of which was time spent with her guaranteed that this would be a lifelong memory, from the very first night. Why did such potentially awesome future nostalgia have to be mucked up by s***** throughout the rest of the week? No wonder I'm so unphased by news that "f*** Niggers" has been painted in my friend's dorms elevator like three times over the past two weeks - pretty ballsy thing to do in Atlanta. Not too worried. Smart of them to install cameras now. Oh well, the Show Goes On. It's a good thing I can turn to Lupe, to music, to recover from all this bullshit.

[mr_thebrain]

i took the job. and i'm feeling pretty good about it. i'll have a desk set up by thursday.

also, this weekend, georgien gets to meet my family. she wanted to meet them before my cousin's wedding cuz i invited her and wants to know someone besides me because i will be performing during the ceremony.

you know (knocking wood here) even with the ridiculousness surrounding my crazy-ass wife, i'm feeling pretty damn good about my life.

[Syphon the Sun]

i took the job. and i'm feeling pretty good about it. i'll have a desk set up by thursday.

[VelvetElvis]

i took the job. and i'm feeling pretty good about it. i'll have a desk set up by thursday.

also, this weekend, georgien gets to meet my family. she wanted to meet them before my cousin's wedding cuz i invited her and wants to know someone besides me because i will be performing during the ceremony.

you know (knocking wood here) even with the ridiculousness surrounding my crazy-ass wife, i'm feeling pretty damn good about my life.

woo!

[Petra456]

Bob,

This has been one of the most tiring weeks ever. We've been short handed at work which means i've had to do a couple 11 hour days, plus tomorrow is my first day off in 7 days. On top of that i'm still not sleeping well, at all. I really need some good pillows, the ones I have now are so flat and mushed, it's ridiculous!

I'm so excited for a day off tomorrow, you don't even know.

- A VERY tired Fred.

[starlooker]

I'm tired, I left chat because I thought I was about to crash, I was yawning so often, and then I found I could not lay in bed without my thoughts going in a million different directions and tossing and turning, so I'm up again. I'm assuming it's the crazy emotional rollercoaster of the day. One minute, watching HIMYM, the next minute contemplating a possible miscarriage and my world crashing down, about an hour later, hearing my baby's heartbeat and the emotions ricocheting back to normal just as damn fast. I didn't really write about the emotional aspect of it in the other thread. I find I can't even really do it, here. I mean, I was trying, trying, trying SO hard to keep from totally melting down, and I even succeeded, other than a few minutes of bawling on my husband. But the thoughts that were there in my brain, threatening, my sense of what was beyond the dam I was building to hold it back until I knew what was happening -- I can't describe, exactly. Intense, frightening, oceanic and overwhelming. So, it was quite a ricochet.

And there's other stuff on my mind, too, that I don't want to go into, other than nagging feelings of guilt and fear.

I'm tired and I don't want to sleep. It's kind of like being hungry and not wanting to eat.