Bob,
I feel beyond stupid at the moment and that feeling will only get worse next week.
But then, I assert this is the good outcome, so I guess I feel a kind of relief, too.
Dear Diary/Journal/Bob 3.0
-
Gravity Defier
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
-
Claire
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 629
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 2:41 pm
- Title: World Traveler
- First Joined: 16 Dec 2002
Jayelle: *hugs*. Glad your grandmother's funeral was mostly good. We started going through my grandfather's things after he passed, and its been a real headache as well. Its given me a real lesson about letting go of things that I am never going to use again.
Dear Bob,
Not sure where to post this so Bob, you're getting it! First of all, thanks PWEB for the well wishes on my journey to Beijing. I made it safely.
Bob, Google+, Facebook and Twitter are all blocked here. I don't mind much, but it means you're probably going to have to hear the thoughts I put in my journal that I think are interesting/witty enough that I want other people to see them. You're my only outlet!
So, first thoughts about Beijing:
1) I have absolutely no idea how to shop here. I just realized the avocadoes I bought last week were about $5 each!! Oops, guess I'm going avocadoless for the next few months. Gotta savor the one I have left. I cannot find salt anywhere, though I know they eat a lot of it here. Also, I accidentally bought rib eye steak flavored potato chips. I know I said I would be lax about the vegetarian thing while I'm here, but the thought of those chips makes me queasy. I ate one about an hour ago before I noticed, and my stomach is still turning.
2) I have never known what its like to be in a place without humidity. I never realized it would feel so good. My hair is about 75% less frizzy, and dry skin and dry throats are a lot easier to deal with than frizzy hair.
I love my job and everybody I've met so far. Looking into extending my visa already.
Claire
PS: it takes me about 5 read throughs before I actually feel comfortable enough to post something. I have to work on that!
Dear Bob,
Not sure where to post this so Bob, you're getting it! First of all, thanks PWEB for the well wishes on my journey to Beijing. I made it safely.
Bob, Google+, Facebook and Twitter are all blocked here. I don't mind much, but it means you're probably going to have to hear the thoughts I put in my journal that I think are interesting/witty enough that I want other people to see them. You're my only outlet!
So, first thoughts about Beijing:
1) I have absolutely no idea how to shop here. I just realized the avocadoes I bought last week were about $5 each!! Oops, guess I'm going avocadoless for the next few months. Gotta savor the one I have left. I cannot find salt anywhere, though I know they eat a lot of it here. Also, I accidentally bought rib eye steak flavored potato chips. I know I said I would be lax about the vegetarian thing while I'm here, but the thought of those chips makes me queasy. I ate one about an hour ago before I noticed, and my stomach is still turning.
2) I have never known what its like to be in a place without humidity. I never realized it would feel so good. My hair is about 75% less frizzy, and dry skin and dry throats are a lot easier to deal with than frizzy hair.
I love my job and everybody I've met so far. Looking into extending my visa already.
Claire
PS: it takes me about 5 read throughs before I actually feel comfortable enough to post something. I have to work on that!
-
Gravity Defier
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
you're probably going to have to hear the thoughts I put in my journal that I think are interesting/witty enough that I want other people to see them.
Two comments:
1) I wonder if it's more or less dry there than here because I have crazy-bad frizz without the help of humidity. Whenever I travel outside of AZ, my hair poofs up in ways I don't know how to handle.
2) If I didn't want to keep work IT, or anyone I know in meatspace, away from here, I'd bring this up as a point for the filters being out of control. "Even CHINA can read Pweb without Google Translate and they can post, to boot."
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
-
zeroguy
- Commander
- Posts: 2741
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:29 pm
- Title: 01111010 01100111
- First Joined: 0- 8-2001
- Location: Where you least expect me.
- Contact:
http://bash.org/?520670How about the opposite problem; finding nice ways to reject women who contact you but you're not interested in?
Proud member of the Canadian Alliance.
dgf hhw
dgf hhw
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Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
Dear Bob,
Just wrote a huge, huge post to you and deleted it. I am struggling.
Just wrote a huge, huge post to you and deleted it. I am struggling.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
-
Gravity Defier
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
.-
Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
Dear Bob,
Lists. Lists are manageable.
-I am reeling and I know it. All the familiar patterns and coping mechanisms and warning signs are present. I'm exhausted already and I haven't even begun to deal.
-I love David. So, so, so much.
-I despise wedding planning. I really do. There has been nothing whatsoever joyous about it (except, maybe, making my book paper flowers, which I love doing, minus all the horrible hot glue gun burns). I feel like a terrible fiancee, a terrible bride-to-be, and a pretty terrible girl in general. It's not that I don't care about any of it, because I do, I care very much. It's just that the whole thing is so overwhelming and people are so judgmental and mean and so very, very far away.
-Wedding planning has also made me superbly homesick.
-I can't wait to be married.
-Lots and lots of nightmares lately. Wedding-related, and otherwise.
-I loathe my job. Words cannot express how much.
-OVERWHELMING fear of infertility lately, fueled by screwed up menstrual cycles over the last 3 months and my own rabid imagination. To the point where I want to drag myself and David to the doctor and make sure we can procreate unassisted. I know these fears are irrational, especially given that we won't be trying for another two years, most likely, but all-consuming, trembling fear abounds.
-Stopped exercising and started eating like crap again, out of laziness and self-pity. Furious with myself, but still struggling to get back into my better lifestyle habits.
-Have I mentioned how horrible planning my wedding is? How it makes me feel so vulnerable and crazy and alone? (David is included in the "alone" part, as in, he's alone WITH me, but as far as bonding with our community? Not happening)
-Also fighting strange duality with everything wedding-related. Feeling guilt for wanting pretty frivolous things that don't matter, knowing we can't afford them and that ultimately our money will be better spent elsewhere in the wedding budget. But the idea of having a non-aesthetically-pleasing wedding so deeply rankles my soul. As Amy March says, "I'm used to making the most of my poor things," and I know it will look beautiful in the end, and I'm the only one who will notice the tiny things that are missing, but still. Want. And feel terrible that I want. I am so clear on the purpose of the wedding, which is to get married to my dear love in the presence of our family and friends. I am also, though, a TOTAL hostess and inner-child-tea-party-fanatic and I really, really, really want to throw a beautiful and delightful party to accompany our wedding ceremony. I can't help it. That just matters to me, and I feel like a zombified commercially-duped moron for caring so much about it. I'm not going to break the bank to make it happen, but I can easily see breaking my back to make it happen instead. The apartment is already FULL of star garlands and book paper flowers and my steadily growing collection of glass bottles and mason jars. The debris from my wedding-crafting. Yes still I am afraid it won't be "good enough" and I sort of hate myself for caring.
-Money hell. Not just the wedding budget, either, which is terrifying in and of itself, but the other money. The rest of it. And all the long, hard, emotional conversations we are having about it these days. What are we going to do with the money? Are we going to combine it, and if so, how? And when? If not, why not? If not, how will our budget break down? Are we going to save money? If so, how much, and for what purpose? Can we afford the lifestyle we currently live? What if one of us gets laid off? What if one of us wants to stay home with the kids? Can we be a single-income family and make that work? Under what circumstances? What are our financial goals? Do we want to retire? To be self-employed? To own a house? The money stuff is hard, hard, hard but I am so grateful we are talking about it now instead of waiting to be married. Because no one wants to cry this much as a newlywed, I'm sure. Money conversations are hard, because you think that you are just talking about money, when really, you are talking about what money means to you. Things like Security, and Freedom, and Power.
David and I value money differently, which is not to say that we disagree about the actual value of the money (a dollar is worth a dollar, or it should be, anyway) but we prioritize it differently in our lives. And trying to line up these views and beliefs and taboos about money so that we have one uniting system and philosophy as a household is so so scary and hard. Yes, we are getting philosophical about money. Because money? Is surprisingly personal and intimate. I'd almost say that the conversations we are having now about money are the most intimate conversations we have ever had in our four years together. And the conversations are on-going, ever-evolving, never-finished. We will probably be having some version of this conversation all our lives. And that's ok. Because even though this is really, really, really hard, I am so very glad we are doing it. And even when we disagree about money, I feel so close to him even if our views are far apart. Because I've never been able to have these conversations with anyone before. And now I don't even have to worry about where we'll stand when the dust settles. Because I know we'll still be side by side. To hell with the money. (But the money still sucks).
There's more, but I'm tired and need to stop.
Lists. Lists are manageable.
-I am reeling and I know it. All the familiar patterns and coping mechanisms and warning signs are present. I'm exhausted already and I haven't even begun to deal.
-I love David. So, so, so much.
-I despise wedding planning. I really do. There has been nothing whatsoever joyous about it (except, maybe, making my book paper flowers, which I love doing, minus all the horrible hot glue gun burns). I feel like a terrible fiancee, a terrible bride-to-be, and a pretty terrible girl in general. It's not that I don't care about any of it, because I do, I care very much. It's just that the whole thing is so overwhelming and people are so judgmental and mean and so very, very far away.
-Wedding planning has also made me superbly homesick.
-I can't wait to be married.
-Lots and lots of nightmares lately. Wedding-related, and otherwise.
-I loathe my job. Words cannot express how much.
-OVERWHELMING fear of infertility lately, fueled by screwed up menstrual cycles over the last 3 months and my own rabid imagination. To the point where I want to drag myself and David to the doctor and make sure we can procreate unassisted. I know these fears are irrational, especially given that we won't be trying for another two years, most likely, but all-consuming, trembling fear abounds.
-Stopped exercising and started eating like crap again, out of laziness and self-pity. Furious with myself, but still struggling to get back into my better lifestyle habits.
-Have I mentioned how horrible planning my wedding is? How it makes me feel so vulnerable and crazy and alone? (David is included in the "alone" part, as in, he's alone WITH me, but as far as bonding with our community? Not happening)
-Also fighting strange duality with everything wedding-related. Feeling guilt for wanting pretty frivolous things that don't matter, knowing we can't afford them and that ultimately our money will be better spent elsewhere in the wedding budget. But the idea of having a non-aesthetically-pleasing wedding so deeply rankles my soul. As Amy March says, "I'm used to making the most of my poor things," and I know it will look beautiful in the end, and I'm the only one who will notice the tiny things that are missing, but still. Want. And feel terrible that I want. I am so clear on the purpose of the wedding, which is to get married to my dear love in the presence of our family and friends. I am also, though, a TOTAL hostess and inner-child-tea-party-fanatic and I really, really, really want to throw a beautiful and delightful party to accompany our wedding ceremony. I can't help it. That just matters to me, and I feel like a zombified commercially-duped moron for caring so much about it. I'm not going to break the bank to make it happen, but I can easily see breaking my back to make it happen instead. The apartment is already FULL of star garlands and book paper flowers and my steadily growing collection of glass bottles and mason jars. The debris from my wedding-crafting. Yes still I am afraid it won't be "good enough" and I sort of hate myself for caring.
-Money hell. Not just the wedding budget, either, which is terrifying in and of itself, but the other money. The rest of it. And all the long, hard, emotional conversations we are having about it these days. What are we going to do with the money? Are we going to combine it, and if so, how? And when? If not, why not? If not, how will our budget break down? Are we going to save money? If so, how much, and for what purpose? Can we afford the lifestyle we currently live? What if one of us gets laid off? What if one of us wants to stay home with the kids? Can we be a single-income family and make that work? Under what circumstances? What are our financial goals? Do we want to retire? To be self-employed? To own a house? The money stuff is hard, hard, hard but I am so grateful we are talking about it now instead of waiting to be married. Because no one wants to cry this much as a newlywed, I'm sure. Money conversations are hard, because you think that you are just talking about money, when really, you are talking about what money means to you. Things like Security, and Freedom, and Power.
David and I value money differently, which is not to say that we disagree about the actual value of the money (a dollar is worth a dollar, or it should be, anyway) but we prioritize it differently in our lives. And trying to line up these views and beliefs and taboos about money so that we have one uniting system and philosophy as a household is so so scary and hard. Yes, we are getting philosophical about money. Because money? Is surprisingly personal and intimate. I'd almost say that the conversations we are having now about money are the most intimate conversations we have ever had in our four years together. And the conversations are on-going, ever-evolving, never-finished. We will probably be having some version of this conversation all our lives. And that's ok. Because even though this is really, really, really hard, I am so very glad we are doing it. And even when we disagree about money, I feel so close to him even if our views are far apart. Because I've never been able to have these conversations with anyone before. And now I don't even have to worry about where we'll stand when the dust settles. Because I know we'll still be side by side. To hell with the money. (But the money still sucks).
There's more, but I'm tired and need to stop.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
-
Gravity Defier
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
-
powerfulcheese04
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 1392
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 2:49 pm
- Title: Momma Cat
Dear Bob,
14 hours at school today. And I still have paperwork to do. But I cannot brain anymore. I'm just staring at the unwritten discharge summary completely unable to remember anything specific about this dog. Thank God it's all written in the chart... which is at school.
I should go in around 5AM tomorrow. I can usually get in at 6 and finish the morning stuff on 3 patients by 7:30. But I have 5 patients. They're just going to have to deal with me needing a little more time.
5 more days!
14 hours at school today. And I still have paperwork to do. But I cannot brain anymore. I'm just staring at the unwritten discharge summary completely unable to remember anything specific about this dog. Thank God it's all written in the chart... which is at school.
I should go in around 5AM tomorrow. I can usually get in at 6 and finish the morning stuff on 3 patients by 7:30. But I have 5 patients. They're just going to have to deal with me needing a little more time.
5 more days!
-Kim
-
steph
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 2454
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 2:36 pm
- Title: Rocky Mountain Mama
- First Joined: 0- 8-2000
- Location: colorado, baby!
Kelly, first off, *hugs!*
Second, I don't think it would be crazy to go have some infertility checks done. IF there were to be a problem, you'd want to be able to start sooner than 2 years from now in the process, since it can take way longer than that. If it's something that is this stressful for you, go have someone check it out.
Also, my friends and I just did our Gone With the Wind Prom, complete with formal dinner for 40 people for around $500. (I'll share pictures as soon as I get them.) You can borrow, trade, make, etc and ABSOLUTELY have a gorgeous wedding for very little money. There is a charm to your style that is so distinctly you that SHOULD come through in your wedding. You can do this. You are amazing. It will be amazing. And anyone who criticizes it does not deserve your love and friendship, that's for sure.
It IS ok to splurge on some frivolous things. You want it to feel like your wedding.
Do you want the link to the place online where we ordered our linens from? It was very inexpensive and my friends were very happy with the quality. I can ask them for the link if you want. I wish I could come cater for you. That would save you a ton of money.
*Hugs*
Good luck, Kimmie!!!!! *hugs and some caffeine!*
Second, I don't think it would be crazy to go have some infertility checks done. IF there were to be a problem, you'd want to be able to start sooner than 2 years from now in the process, since it can take way longer than that. If it's something that is this stressful for you, go have someone check it out.
Also, my friends and I just did our Gone With the Wind Prom, complete with formal dinner for 40 people for around $500. (I'll share pictures as soon as I get them.) You can borrow, trade, make, etc and ABSOLUTELY have a gorgeous wedding for very little money. There is a charm to your style that is so distinctly you that SHOULD come through in your wedding. You can do this. You are amazing. It will be amazing. And anyone who criticizes it does not deserve your love and friendship, that's for sure.
It IS ok to splurge on some frivolous things. You want it to feel like your wedding.
Do you want the link to the place online where we ordered our linens from? It was very inexpensive and my friends were very happy with the quality. I can ask them for the link if you want. I wish I could come cater for you. That would save you a ton of money.
*Hugs*
Good luck, Kimmie!!!!! *hugs and some caffeine!*
"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
-
VelvetElvis
- Commander
- Posts: 2535
- Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2006 11:22 am
- Title: is real!
- First Joined: 0- 9-2004
-
Gravity Defier
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
Bob,
Before I get started, I'd like to request no responses be made to me here, via PM, IM, TM, or VM. Also, ABC, 123, Do Re Mi. Probably my closest female friend told me I could trust you and this place and since my belief in that was shaken, I couldn't talk to you without hearing that. So let's take you out for a spin.
First the good or neutral.
As my coworker was relieving me of Circ duty, she looked straight ahead while settling in, her eyes fell upon the giant tree of mine, and she smiled. She actually smiled just looking at it. She then turned to me and told me, again, how much she liked it. That was a happy moment. One of these years I'll create something original and if I'm lucky, someone will have that reaction.
On the neutral side, we talked at work of creating a crafting space for me, so I never have to drag my work home again. Throw a little paint around and people start taking you seriously. I told them it'd be nice, after they brought it up, but I'm not holding my breath on it becoming a reality. Nice thought, however.
Otherwise, today was the s***** s***** day from f****** hell. Notice me cussing more today? It's because of that. In fact, I almost called that one douchebag a cunt in the one thread but thought that wouldn't be nice so I...oh wait, oops? ED! Cuss for me, so I don't say any more awful things. Thanks!
Before you get potentially sympathetic, Bob, let me just warn you, the fact that today was awful was entirely my fault. Not as in, "Oh, I'm so narcissistic/vain, I think everything happens because of me."
No, it was more like, "Focus on your insecurities and tell yourself half-truths because this happiness you've felt recently? You can't trust that, it's for the wrong reasons, and you sure as hell can't give in to it."
So I spent the last bit before sleep last night getting myself upset. I did this last week, as well, but obviously not well enough. But hey, how could this brilliant plan backfire?!
Before you go thinking I'm a crazy bitch, Bob, hear me out. I don't know how much you get out but in the thread down the street, I kind of poured my heart out about this boy. (Oh, jeezum crow, I know.) And I meant every word I said, every last one, and I would shout that s*** from the rooftops and quote sappy movies and songs and and and...
And I still don't have the slightest idea what is going on in his head.
I don't want to be that pathetic person. Not anymore. Not again. Not still. How foolish, it seems to me, to allow myself to see him that way. I have no right, no reason to. And I've been burned, so so badly before. What if I ignore the fact that he might not reciprocate? If he doesn't, he gets to walk away, maybe feeling a little bad or guilty but not crushed like I've been and would be. Bob, I think stuff all the time about how this one is different, I can tell, this one won't be like the others, this one could be real. I hear a few specific judgmental people laughing at me when I think that but they're not who I'm worried about. I'm worried about me messing things up because I'm a coward and I'm worried about him coming to the same conclusion every last person ever has: Not. Worth. It.
If I was stronger or braver or otherwise better, I could just say f*** it, hit me with your best shot. Which, I guess in this situation, would mean continuing to be vocally, unabashedly twitterpated and unashamed by this, regardless of what he may or may not feel. I could be like, "Hey, I listen to the only bit of your voice I have sometimes and go to sleep with your IM open so "you" are the last thing I see before I fall asleep and the first thing I see when I wake up."
But...I'm not stronger or braver. I've put myself out there about as far as I can comfortably go without any sort of obvious reciprocation and so any happiness that stems from that feels wrong to indulge. So, I hurt myself to keep the happiness in check. Fine, maybe I'm a crazy bitch.
Before I get started, I'd like to request no responses be made to me here, via PM, IM, TM, or VM. Also, ABC, 123, Do Re Mi. Probably my closest female friend told me I could trust you and this place and since my belief in that was shaken, I couldn't talk to you without hearing that. So let's take you out for a spin.
First the good or neutral.
As my coworker was relieving me of Circ duty, she looked straight ahead while settling in, her eyes fell upon the giant tree of mine, and she smiled. She actually smiled just looking at it. She then turned to me and told me, again, how much she liked it. That was a happy moment. One of these years I'll create something original and if I'm lucky, someone will have that reaction.
On the neutral side, we talked at work of creating a crafting space for me, so I never have to drag my work home again. Throw a little paint around and people start taking you seriously. I told them it'd be nice, after they brought it up, but I'm not holding my breath on it becoming a reality. Nice thought, however.
Otherwise, today was the s***** s***** day from f****** hell. Notice me cussing more today? It's because of that. In fact, I almost called that one douchebag a cunt in the one thread but thought that wouldn't be nice so I...oh wait, oops? ED! Cuss for me, so I don't say any more awful things. Thanks!
Before you get potentially sympathetic, Bob, let me just warn you, the fact that today was awful was entirely my fault. Not as in, "Oh, I'm so narcissistic/vain, I think everything happens because of me."
No, it was more like, "Focus on your insecurities and tell yourself half-truths because this happiness you've felt recently? You can't trust that, it's for the wrong reasons, and you sure as hell can't give in to it."
So I spent the last bit before sleep last night getting myself upset. I did this last week, as well, but obviously not well enough. But hey, how could this brilliant plan backfire?!
Before you go thinking I'm a crazy bitch, Bob, hear me out. I don't know how much you get out but in the thread down the street, I kind of poured my heart out about this boy. (Oh, jeezum crow, I know.) And I meant every word I said, every last one, and I would shout that s*** from the rooftops and quote sappy movies and songs and and and...
And I still don't have the slightest idea what is going on in his head.
I don't want to be that pathetic person. Not anymore. Not again. Not still. How foolish, it seems to me, to allow myself to see him that way. I have no right, no reason to. And I've been burned, so so badly before. What if I ignore the fact that he might not reciprocate? If he doesn't, he gets to walk away, maybe feeling a little bad or guilty but not crushed like I've been and would be. Bob, I think stuff all the time about how this one is different, I can tell, this one won't be like the others, this one could be real. I hear a few specific judgmental people laughing at me when I think that but they're not who I'm worried about. I'm worried about me messing things up because I'm a coward and I'm worried about him coming to the same conclusion every last person ever has: Not. Worth. It.
If I was stronger or braver or otherwise better, I could just say f*** it, hit me with your best shot. Which, I guess in this situation, would mean continuing to be vocally, unabashedly twitterpated and unashamed by this, regardless of what he may or may not feel. I could be like, "Hey, I listen to the only bit of your voice I have sometimes and go to sleep with your IM open so "you" are the last thing I see before I fall asleep and the first thing I see when I wake up."
But...I'm not stronger or braver. I've put myself out there about as far as I can comfortably go without any sort of obvious reciprocation and so any happiness that stems from that feels wrong to indulge. So, I hurt myself to keep the happiness in check. Fine, maybe I'm a crazy bitch.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
-
Gravity Defier
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
-
mr_thebrain
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 1547
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:22 pm
- Title: The same thing we do every night...
- First Joined: 0- 7-2000
- Location: Wisconsin
- Contact:
well, the date was a success.
we had been talking online for a couple of weeks before hand so we already knew we liked each other. and then friday night, i happened to be in her town shopping and she invited me over. we hung out on her couch and cuddled while watching monsters vs. aliens.
it was completely natural and comfortable and just plain nice.
but tonight was our first real date.
we went bowling, and played some pool. had a couple drinks and dinner. and then tried to catch a movie. but lightning hit and knocked the projectors out. so we got a refund and a free movie. then we hung out some more.
all in all. a long date, but a good time.
now its time for her to watch some star wars
we had been talking online for a couple of weeks before hand so we already knew we liked each other. and then friday night, i happened to be in her town shopping and she invited me over. we hung out on her couch and cuddled while watching monsters vs. aliens.
it was completely natural and comfortable and just plain nice.
but tonight was our first real date.
we went bowling, and played some pool. had a couple drinks and dinner. and then tried to catch a movie. but lightning hit and knocked the projectors out. so we got a refund and a free movie. then we hung out some more.
all in all. a long date, but a good time.
now its time for her to watch some star wars
Ubernaustrum
Dear Bob.
Over the last 3 weeks i've been living on <=4 hours of sleep (4 hours being a good night)
If it has anything to do with that darn girl as much as she'll hate it i'll have to talk to her and see if there is anything that comes to mind about the relationship we had because at the moment I don't have anythin to stress about and I resolved my issues with that girl a while ago.
If it goes on for any longer than another week I promise myself i'll go to a doctor.
Over the last 3 weeks i've been living on <=4 hours of sleep (4 hours being a good night)
If it has anything to do with that darn girl as much as she'll hate it i'll have to talk to her and see if there is anything that comes to mind about the relationship we had because at the moment I don't have anythin to stress about and I resolved my issues with that girl a while ago.
If it goes on for any longer than another week I promise myself i'll go to a doctor.
Never go to bed angry....
Stay up and plot your revenge.
Stay up and plot your revenge.
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powerfulcheese04
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 1392
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 2:49 pm
- Title: Momma Cat
Dear Bob,
I am so frustrated. Here are the many things I am frustrated about:
1) The new medicine resident is SO disorganized. I feel like it takes me 3 times as long to get anything done on cases with him than with anyone else. It's SO ANNOYING.
2) One of my dogs from my last rotation managed to follow me to this rotation. She had neurosurgery on August 15 and recovered well... but ended up with a hospital acquired UTI susceptible to only amikacin, gentamycin and imipenem (super big gun, scary side effect antibiotics). Her owner's daugther is a vet who was going to treat her, but they (owner and daughter) are on vacation this week so the plan was to start her treatment here then transfer her to daughter's clinic. Owner has decided she wants to leave Molly here the whole treatment (probably 2-3 weeks). This is like the most boring case in the whole world... and involves gearing up to go into isolation. I don't mind doing it too much, but i hate to saddle the next rotation with it.
3) I have had a long battle with car trouble this week. It died in the grocery store parking lot Thursday night. Towed to repair place friday. Alternator replaced. Drove home... died in apartment office parking lot. Towed back on Saturday. Alternator replaced Tuesday. (They're closed on weekends and monday was labor day.) Get to car place and car won't start in their parking lot. Replace battery, drive home. Take back Wednesday. Replace alternator again, do safety inspection. Pick up at 2 and go back to school... it does appear at least to still be working.
4) The organist for my wedding backed out about 2 weeks ago. He found a replacement, which is fine. But she's charging double what he did... which is just annoying. I'm not going to quibble about it because I don't have time to find another one. I'm sure she'll be good, and she's much more highly trained than the first guy, but I feel a little cheated none-the-less.
5) The PASTOR for my wedding has also backed out as of today. I'm not mad at him (he has heart problems)... but his replacement pastor wants to change the order of things in my ceremony to line up with his preferred wedding ceremony. LEAVE ME THE #### ALONE DUDE, IT IS TOO CLOSE TO GO CHANGING #### AROUND AND THIS IS NOT YOUR WEDDING.
I am so frustrated. Here are the many things I am frustrated about:
1) The new medicine resident is SO disorganized. I feel like it takes me 3 times as long to get anything done on cases with him than with anyone else. It's SO ANNOYING.
2) One of my dogs from my last rotation managed to follow me to this rotation. She had neurosurgery on August 15 and recovered well... but ended up with a hospital acquired UTI susceptible to only amikacin, gentamycin and imipenem (super big gun, scary side effect antibiotics). Her owner's daugther is a vet who was going to treat her, but they (owner and daughter) are on vacation this week so the plan was to start her treatment here then transfer her to daughter's clinic. Owner has decided she wants to leave Molly here the whole treatment (probably 2-3 weeks). This is like the most boring case in the whole world... and involves gearing up to go into isolation. I don't mind doing it too much, but i hate to saddle the next rotation with it.
3) I have had a long battle with car trouble this week. It died in the grocery store parking lot Thursday night. Towed to repair place friday. Alternator replaced. Drove home... died in apartment office parking lot. Towed back on Saturday. Alternator replaced Tuesday. (They're closed on weekends and monday was labor day.) Get to car place and car won't start in their parking lot. Replace battery, drive home. Take back Wednesday. Replace alternator again, do safety inspection. Pick up at 2 and go back to school... it does appear at least to still be working.
4) The organist for my wedding backed out about 2 weeks ago. He found a replacement, which is fine. But she's charging double what he did... which is just annoying. I'm not going to quibble about it because I don't have time to find another one. I'm sure she'll be good, and she's much more highly trained than the first guy, but I feel a little cheated none-the-less.
5) The PASTOR for my wedding has also backed out as of today. I'm not mad at him (he has heart problems)... but his replacement pastor wants to change the order of things in my ceremony to line up with his preferred wedding ceremony. LEAVE ME THE #### ALONE DUDE, IT IS TOO CLOSE TO GO CHANGING #### AROUND AND THIS IS NOT YOUR WEDDING.
-Kim
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Gravity Defier
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
-
Gravity Defier
- Commander
- Posts: 8017
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:32 pm
- Title: Ewok in Tauntaun-land
Bob,
I'm going to make this short-ish here, since I need to be asleep ASAP.
Not on Pweb, just in general, I feel invisible and unimportant. To make matters worse, I feel like the times I have people's attention, I'm saying super silly, stupid s*** or coming across as arrogant.
I'm tired, of a lot of things.
I just want to turn to someone and ask them to take care of me for a bit and to let me, in turns, be dead quiet or over-talkative. I sometimes have things to say and no one to say it to.
That's all.
I'm going to make this short-ish here, since I need to be asleep ASAP.
Not on Pweb, just in general, I feel invisible and unimportant. To make matters worse, I feel like the times I have people's attention, I'm saying super silly, stupid s*** or coming across as arrogant.
I'm tired, of a lot of things.
I just want to turn to someone and ask them to take care of me for a bit and to let me, in turns, be dead quiet or over-talkative. I sometimes have things to say and no one to say it to.
That's all.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.
-
Young Val
- Commander
- Posts: 3166
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 7:00 pm
- Title: Papermaster
- First Joined: 12 Sep 2000
- Location: from New York City to St. Paul, MN (but I'm a Boston girl at heart).
- Contact:
Dear Bob,
I don't want to write this post because I really, really, really want to be ok, and I feel like writing this post is some sort of acknowledgement that I'm not ok, at least a little bit.
And I am back in the gym 6 days a week now, which really does help (not only for stress-management, but my mother is insisting we go dress shopping over thanksgiving even though I am NOT prepared for that yet mentally or physically). And I am changing up things in my daily routine: I am doing all the dishes immediately, I am making the bed every morning, I am keeping things neater in general, because I know that if I let the apartment slide into chaos then my mood will plummet with it. I am trying to keep my hands busy and my mind calm. And it is hard.
David started grad school and now in addition to working full time he's got a heavy courseload and when he isn't in classes at night, he'll be in the library studying, and the reality of the next two years of our lives is that I will probably only get real, extended quality time with him once a week. And we both knew that going in, and I know that the sacrifice now is going to benefit us later, and I am so, so proud of him and doing everything I can to support him and keep the house clean and have dinner hot and waiting (and yes, I sound like a 50s housewife, but the fact is that I only work part-time, and he works full-time and is now back in school nights, so yes, I do all of the cooking and the cleaning and almost all of the domestic stuff myself because I have the time to do it and he does not. I don't resent that. I even sometimes enjoy it. But yeah, it's a little bit Mad Men--minus the alcholism and adultery--around our house these days).
But I miss him. And will continue to miss him. Because he is still, after almost two years now, my one true anchor in this place. I am slow to put down roots and deeply suspicious of all new places. As my friend Heather once said of me, "She takes forever, and ever, and ever to decide to open up, but when she does--she POPS!" And I haven't popped in MN yet.
I am trying to do things for myself with all this newfound "free time" in David's absence. Hence, the cake decorating class. But still.
And I am also panicking now, full-on panicking about wedding stuff. Our appointment to visit the orchard for a tour and to discuss booking had to be rescheduled (on their part, not ours) during a weekday. Which, given everything I've just mentioned about is more or less impossible for us. David managed to rearrange some things and free up some time late on a Thursday afternoon at the very end of the month. We're still waiting to hear back from the Orchard to see if that works for them. Which also means we STILL don't have a venue and STILL cannot book a date until the very end of the month at the absolute earliest, and I am losing my s***.
Everything, everything, everything books up well before a year in advance. If we even manage to book the orchard as our venue, who's to say if any of the caterers we're looking at will still have open slots on the date we pick? There are only three local, organic caterers in all of Minnesota. I'm going to start emailing them today and ask for their availabilty next August/September, and explain our situation a bit. But still. Stressful.
When we got engaged, David and I swore we're set a date and book a venue and a caterer BEFORE SEPTEMBER so that we could get it done and over with before he started school! So this exact thing wouldn't end up happening!
I can feel myself getting resentful that it didn't happen that way, and I know that it's not his fault. I don't want to be upset about it, but I know that eventually he's not going to be able to contribute much at all and the whole entire thing is going to fall on my shoulders. And I'm mad about that.
And I haven't been able to sleep more than 2 hours a night for the last 9 days. Melatonin is not helping, and I'm going to have to step it up to Tylenol PM, even though I don't want to. Also, my OBGYN has not been helpful, and called me in a new prescription--STILL not for the pill we discussed.
I want to kick things. And then cry.
I don't want to write this post because I really, really, really want to be ok, and I feel like writing this post is some sort of acknowledgement that I'm not ok, at least a little bit.
And I am back in the gym 6 days a week now, which really does help (not only for stress-management, but my mother is insisting we go dress shopping over thanksgiving even though I am NOT prepared for that yet mentally or physically). And I am changing up things in my daily routine: I am doing all the dishes immediately, I am making the bed every morning, I am keeping things neater in general, because I know that if I let the apartment slide into chaos then my mood will plummet with it. I am trying to keep my hands busy and my mind calm. And it is hard.
David started grad school and now in addition to working full time he's got a heavy courseload and when he isn't in classes at night, he'll be in the library studying, and the reality of the next two years of our lives is that I will probably only get real, extended quality time with him once a week. And we both knew that going in, and I know that the sacrifice now is going to benefit us later, and I am so, so proud of him and doing everything I can to support him and keep the house clean and have dinner hot and waiting (and yes, I sound like a 50s housewife, but the fact is that I only work part-time, and he works full-time and is now back in school nights, so yes, I do all of the cooking and the cleaning and almost all of the domestic stuff myself because I have the time to do it and he does not. I don't resent that. I even sometimes enjoy it. But yeah, it's a little bit Mad Men--minus the alcholism and adultery--around our house these days).
But I miss him. And will continue to miss him. Because he is still, after almost two years now, my one true anchor in this place. I am slow to put down roots and deeply suspicious of all new places. As my friend Heather once said of me, "She takes forever, and ever, and ever to decide to open up, but when she does--she POPS!" And I haven't popped in MN yet.
I am trying to do things for myself with all this newfound "free time" in David's absence. Hence, the cake decorating class. But still.
And I am also panicking now, full-on panicking about wedding stuff. Our appointment to visit the orchard for a tour and to discuss booking had to be rescheduled (on their part, not ours) during a weekday. Which, given everything I've just mentioned about is more or less impossible for us. David managed to rearrange some things and free up some time late on a Thursday afternoon at the very end of the month. We're still waiting to hear back from the Orchard to see if that works for them. Which also means we STILL don't have a venue and STILL cannot book a date until the very end of the month at the absolute earliest, and I am losing my s***.
Everything, everything, everything books up well before a year in advance. If we even manage to book the orchard as our venue, who's to say if any of the caterers we're looking at will still have open slots on the date we pick? There are only three local, organic caterers in all of Minnesota. I'm going to start emailing them today and ask for their availabilty next August/September, and explain our situation a bit. But still. Stressful.
When we got engaged, David and I swore we're set a date and book a venue and a caterer BEFORE SEPTEMBER so that we could get it done and over with before he started school! So this exact thing wouldn't end up happening!
I can feel myself getting resentful that it didn't happen that way, and I know that it's not his fault. I don't want to be upset about it, but I know that eventually he's not going to be able to contribute much at all and the whole entire thing is going to fall on my shoulders. And I'm mad about that.
And I haven't been able to sleep more than 2 hours a night for the last 9 days. Melatonin is not helping, and I'm going to have to step it up to Tylenol PM, even though I don't want to. Also, my OBGYN has not been helpful, and called me in a new prescription--STILL not for the pill we discussed.
I want to kick things. And then cry.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant
-
starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
**hugs Kelly**
~~~~~~~~~
Woke up this morning and found that, during the night, my emotions had gone CRASH! BOOM! Anxiety that makes my teeth chatter. Wishes for death, to hurt myself, feelings of worthlessness, all that stuff. They aren't real. They aren't. I'm not in any danger or anything, I promise, Bob. Bawled into Donny's shirt for awhile. Took a Benedryl and went back to sleep. Feelings have receded since then. Still. Edginess all over.
I hate when misery decides to pounce like that. First thing in the morning, so there's not anything to be done to ward it off.
~~~~~~~~~
Woke up this morning and found that, during the night, my emotions had gone CRASH! BOOM! Anxiety that makes my teeth chatter. Wishes for death, to hurt myself, feelings of worthlessness, all that stuff. They aren't real. They aren't. I'm not in any danger or anything, I promise, Bob. Bawled into Donny's shirt for awhile. Took a Benedryl and went back to sleep. Feelings have receded since then. Still. Edginess all over.
I hate when misery decides to pounce like that. First thing in the morning, so there's not anything to be done to ward it off.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...
~~Mary Chapin Carpenter
-
Eaquae Legit
- Speaker for the Dead
- Posts: 5185
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 6:30 pm
- Title: Age quod agis
- First Joined: 04 Feb 2002
- Location: ^ Geez, read the sign.
-
steph
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 2454
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 2:36 pm
- Title: Rocky Mountain Mama
- First Joined: 0- 8-2000
- Location: colorado, baby!
I think we need a pweb girl's night out! All the girls around here are way too stressed!
Love all you guys!! *hugs*
*don't mind the typos that happen while taking care of 3 kids, eating lunch and pwebbing.*
Love all you guys!! *hugs*
*don't mind the typos that happen while taking care of 3 kids, eating lunch and pwebbing.*
Last edited by steph on Fri Sep 09, 2011 2:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum
-
thoughtreader
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 834
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 5:00 pm
- Title: will wrestle you to the ground
- First Joined: 13 Mar 2003
- Location: Portland OR
-
starlooker
- Commander
- Posts: 3823
- Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 4:19 pm
- Title: Dr. Mom
- First Joined: 28 Oct 2002
- Location: Home. With cats who have names.
-
mr_thebrain
- Toon Leader
- Posts: 1547
- Joined: Tue Sep 26, 2006 8:22 pm
- Title: The same thing we do every night...
- First Joined: 0- 7-2000
- Location: Wisconsin
- Contact:
hey bob,
completely off topic
i'm seeing georgien again this weekend. we're not going on a date this weekend though. there's no way for her to get a sitter this weekend. but i'm going to her place after her kids go to sleep. we did this a couple of times last weekend too. and it works nicely. we sit on the couch together and snuggle and watch tv and quietly talk. we've been talking every night on the phone and the internet, as well as texting during the day. all in all, it's progressing quickly, but it's comfortable and we haven't run out of things to talk about yet.
side note: my divorce will be final next week on thursday! i'm happy for this, but it's hard to be too excited about it cuz she isn't moving out yet
sooo unhappy.
we've been arguing about it. cuz she needs to get the hell out. as soon as it's finalized, i'm completely responsible for the payment and maintenance of the house, and she isn't, so i would like her out. but she's not trying very hard to find a place and it's driving me nuts. plus i'm just ready to move on. and having her here is just aggravating me. i don't even like being at home all that much because i know she's here. i want to come home and be able to relax.
anyway, i am so looking forward to seeing georgien tonight, and probably tomorrow night as well.
that's all i got.
completely off topic
i'm seeing georgien again this weekend. we're not going on a date this weekend though. there's no way for her to get a sitter this weekend. but i'm going to her place after her kids go to sleep. we did this a couple of times last weekend too. and it works nicely. we sit on the couch together and snuggle and watch tv and quietly talk. we've been talking every night on the phone and the internet, as well as texting during the day. all in all, it's progressing quickly, but it's comfortable and we haven't run out of things to talk about yet.
side note: my divorce will be final next week on thursday! i'm happy for this, but it's hard to be too excited about it cuz she isn't moving out yet
sooo unhappy.we've been arguing about it. cuz she needs to get the hell out. as soon as it's finalized, i'm completely responsible for the payment and maintenance of the house, and she isn't, so i would like her out. but she's not trying very hard to find a place and it's driving me nuts. plus i'm just ready to move on. and having her here is just aggravating me. i don't even like being at home all that much because i know she's here. i want to come home and be able to relax.
anyway, i am so looking forward to seeing georgien tonight, and probably tomorrow night as well.
that's all i got.
Ubernaustrum
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